


A supernatural marvel

by AngelKurenai



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All headcannon, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Crossover, F/M, Love Triangles, Memory Loss, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Supernatural season 13, no actual spoilers for the movie, wonder woman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-07-28 16:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 97,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16245134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelKurenai/pseuds/AngelKurenai
Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all.





	1. Chapter 1

“This is a whole new of weird, that’s all I can say.”

“We’ll find something. There must be a connection.” the younger Winchester sighed.

“Still, doesn’t explain any of it, Sam. Demons after an orange glowing rock? For what reason to begin with?” the older Winchester scoffed, flipping through another page that he wasn’t really paying attention to but pretended to read for the heck of it.

“I don’t know Dean, honestly I don’t know. We’ve been through almost every book in the bunker. If there is a solution then it should be in one of these books at least.” he shrugged, motioning to the books around them and taking a large sip of his own coffee as Dean shook his head with a groan.

“Days like this I really start to miss Crowley.” he mumbled “How’s it going over there kid?” he asked, looking at Jack who just looked like he had all the energy in the world to go through all of the books in the bunker from the beginning.

“Great!” the nephilim perked up “I never knew just how many different realities can be out there, it’s amazing! And all the ways to accessing them, you could never believe that! There is this one, a man of letters has been there, and he wrote it all in his journal. It was back, during World War II. There he joined a group of scientists and he witnessed the discovery of-of the Tesseract. He described it as a cube of great power, **“** _ **Infinite power”**_ -” the Winchesters shared a look.

And Jack continued “Infinite power, so big that it could wipe out the planet, glowing with a power never seen by man before and he didn’t think it was from Earth either. He didn’t speak about other universes though so I am suspecting space? Something- something about it was familiar to uh gama radiation? I don’t know what that means, but he points out it emitted a low amount that they could barely trace. However, he mentionsthat it fell into the wrong hands, meant to be used as a weapon, an organization called-”

“Jack?” Dean raised a hand to stop the rambling boy “Look, that’s good and exciting and all, but we’re looking for something more important here, kid, so if you could focus on that it would be… nice?”

“Oh, oh… yes of course. I- I understand. I’m sorry, I just…” he trailed off, looking down at the page in front of him “Captain America did so many amazing and brave things in that time, it is very inspiring.” a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Captain who?” Sam frowned and the grin returned on the young boy’s face.

“Captain America.” he said with such pride it light up his entire face “He lived during World War II, when the Tesseract was first seen by the man of letters I spoke about. In fact, he had met Steve Rogers in person - that is his real name - during a fight in-”

“Alright, yeah I get it.” Dean cut him off gently “You got yourself a man-crush, that’s great but uh Jack how about you take a break huh buddy? Think all these books might have done a number on you. Go contact Cas in case he has any news?”

“I- I’ll- Yeah of course.” he seemed reluctant to let go of the journal he had been reading but did so inevitably and picked a phone to call the other angel.

With a sigh Dean picked up the journal, taking the look on the first page at th photo of the man that it belonged to, flipping through the pages and with a simple look at the drawing next to the text he rolled his eyes and closed it “Heros and shields with stars on them. These men of letters had more imagination than I thought.” and he put it back in pile with the rest of the books they’d read.

“Yeah, well to some people, monsters are just as much of fiction as those can be to us.” Sam mumbled, not looking up from his book.

“Yeah, wish these books really were just a nightmare right now and I’d wake up any minute.” Dean grumbled “I mean for all we know, it could not be our kind of thing in the first place.”

“Demons killing innocent people to get to a, I remind you Castiel’s words, unparalleled source of power. Yes, Dean of course it isn’t, how stupid of me to think something like that!” he gave his brother a bitch face that only earned another groan and soon a pout as Dean rested his chin on his hand. If there was one big thing he could gladly change about hunting was the researching part, especially when they had a whole bunker full of books to go through.

“Whatever, you know what I mean.” he muttered, both of them knowing he was just looking for an excuse out of all of it. And maybe he found it.

“Mornin’.” you mumbled with a small yawn, rubbing your eyes sleepily with an adorably beautiful smile – at least to him – as you walked in the map room.

“Morning, sweetheart.” he grinned, leaning back in his chair as he admired, for longer than appropriate, the way his slightly unbuttoned flannel fell over your shoulder “How did ya sleep?”

“Great” you breathed out with a cute smile, padding bare foot towards him “Think I might be actually addicted to you and your bed, D. I have never slept for this many hours before, or this good.” you gave him a shy smile but he only felt his cheeks hurt from how widely he was smiling.

“Can’t say it’s not nice to hear you say it, princess.” he winked.

“All good in Dean’s bed then?” Sam asked softly, grinning mostly because of the glare he got from the older Winchester.

Sure, it had been a relief to say at least to Sam how he felt for you when he’s been on the brink of losing you but now he really regretted it. Because, and he should have seen this coming, the younger Winchester did his best to push Dean into confessing the truth about his feeling for you  _to_ you. But that didn’t mean Dean was anywhere near ready, despite how easy Sam insisted it was. It wasn’t as if he forgot how to breathe whenever you looked at him with those big (y/e/c) eyes that made his heart skip a beat but… yeah he totally forgot how to breathe. He still remembered the first, and only, time he had tried to ask you out; because of how he had choked on thin air and rambled nonsense he still didn’t remember before practically running away from you. The only good thing coming out of that was your adorable giggle when you comforted him about it, although you didn’t understand it.

“No weird dreams or nightmares this time, it feels like it’s been forever.” you breathed out, bringing him back to reality “So hell yeah, it’s amazing. And all of that thanks to Dean.”

“’M glad to hear.” he breathed out, completely ignoring the raised eyebrow he got from his brother.

“Good to know, because you ain’t getting rid of me anytime soon. Especially with how much I love my new pillow.” you grinned, leaning down to kiss his cheek and he squeezed your hand that had sneaked on his chest.

“Your pillow is certainly not complaining.” he smirked, kissing your cheek almost in a reflex and without realizing it. It had become a habit anymore but as he let go of you and looked at his brother he realized it when he got that knowing smirk.

“But how could you possibly know that?” Jack’s voice was heard as he came back, a frown planted on his face and a tilt of his head there too “Pillows are… they do not speak, they’re objects, how could you know it is not complaining?”

“Yeah, how could she know that Dean?” Sam snickered as with a huff, Dean grabbed a light book at least and threw it at his brother, who effectively dodged it.

“You know what, Sam?” he glared at his brother, but your soft laugh managed to calm him down.

“I’m speaking metaphorically, Jack. Dean was my pillow last night, his chest to be more specific, that is all.” you explained to the young man.

“But… but why would you sleep together? I know so far that couples do that.” he blinked, approaching you to take his previous seat “Unless…” he trailed, eyes narrowing until he broke a grin when he looked at Sam “Did Dean finally admit how he feel-” he started but got cut off by Dean’s loud coughing, good timing with drinking his coffee, as Sam snickered and you raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

“No, uh Jack no-” Sam tried to clear his throat, glancing at his brother “Not… really.”

Your lips parted, ready to question him but decided against it and patted Dean on the back “You’ll live?” you asked softly and he gave you a forced smile.

“Oh yeah, I definitely will.” he cleared his throat, looking between his brother and the nephilim “Someone else might not, though. If he doesn’t keep his mouth shut.” he glared at them as Jack shifted nervously in his seat.

“Shut about what?” you asked with a small smirk and he blinked, looking up at you with a frown.

“Uh nothing to worry yourself about, sweetheart.” he said with the most casual smirk he could master and a wink just to distract you. And oh did it work.

You hummed, stealing his mug from his hand and taking a large sip “You’re so lucky I’m sleepy.”

You yawned, rubbing your eyes again before sitting on his lap. Dean didn’t blink, merely smiled to himself because of how much at home it felt for him to have you close to him and because this was a new habit for the two of you that others had not seen yet. He didn’t even miss a split second to open his arms and let you cuddle on his chest, helping you bring your legs up and rest your head on the crook of his neck and making sure to send a warning look to his brother before he had the chance to question it.

“Is that… something friends do too?” Jack leaned in closer to Sam to whisper but it wasn’t as low as he’d expect.

“Yes,  _yes_ they do.” Dean said in a rough voice, giving him a look that made him nod weakly and scoot back in his seat “Did you make that call?”

“I… yes, but he didn’t answer so I left a message.” he replied.

“Maybe we should try mom?” Sam suggested and Dean gave him a slow nod, although truth was that his mind was more focused on you sleepily drinking his coffee – he couldn’t bring himself to ask back for it – all cuddly and all around beautiful in his eyes with your messy hair and even more his flannel that he couldn’t bring himself to fix.

“What are ya guys up to?” you asked, a little more awake this time “And what are all these books for?”

“Uh yeah we didn’t inform you about it, but we got a lead on that case with the demons and we’re trying to find a connection now.” Sam said and you hummed, handing Dean his coffee back but he shook his head because – and as bad he needed it – he simply couldn’t take it when he saw how much you wanted it too.

“And who’s our lead?” you placed the mug on the table, a small giggle slipped past your lips when Dean held your sides for support, the moment you reached out for one of the books out of the pile. What none of you noticed was that it just happened to be the journal Jack was holding in his hands minutes ago.

“Ticklish much?” he smirked, raising an eyebrow and you hit his chest giving him a look.

“Don’t you even think about it.” you warned, although you knew very well he already had and would gladly use it to his advantage. And would you both love the hell out of it, even if you wouldn’t admit it.

“What.” Sam corrected, gaining your attention “Uh a stone, a gem of sorts. Orange, glowing, great power although we don’t know about what exactly. They used it to gather all those souls from heaven which Cas said went missing two days ago. My best guess is that it could be something similar to the Seal of Solomon that we have, but we’re jut looking.”

“Orange glowing stones huh? What’s next, men flying in suits of armor?” you scoffed, shaking your head with a smile as you skipped through the pages without reading a word, only paying attention to the drawings or designs here and there “So, what do we have so far? Anything on what it could be or at least where from?”

“Hard to tell.” Dean mumbled, practically forcing himself to focus on the book in his one hand and not the girl on his lap. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms completely around you and smother you with love… but that would probably earn a couple of looks from his brother for sure.

“Hm” you hummed, stopping for a moment when you took notice of a sketch. It probably shouldn’t have struck so much to you, because what was so special about a geometric cube in a journal of a scientist and all kinds of scientific data below? Yet there was something that made you stop. And despite the fact that it was only a couple lines, for a moment your eyes could see it in front of you, glowing an icy blue that made goosebumps form on your skin and for a moment you actually felt so cold as you traced your fingers over the lines of the cube floating in the air, not paying attention to the darkness enveloping everything else around you until-

“Sorry, sweetheart.” Dean said when you jumped at the loud sound the book he threw to the side made.

“’S ok.” you blinked, being brought back to reality and you rubbed your eyes tiredly “So-” you cleared your throat “Not even an idea, judging from what you’ve read,  _at least_?”

“Well, we were really thinking-” Sam started mumbling, eyes focused on the book in his hands.

“Space!” Jack cut him off before he could complete his sentence and all three of you looked up from your books at him.

“Space?” you asked with a giggle and the young man nodded his head eagerly.

“Yes, space, like the Tesseract! Like he described it to be!” he pointed at the journal you were holding “The Men of letters were very smart men, and he was one of the brightest scientists of his era. If he said that it was from space, then he’s probably right!”

“Alright, first-” Dean spoke up “He  _implied_ , not said. And he said it about a glowing cube, not our magical stone. And second; Jack, the Men of letters are always a fucked up situation. Most of them were smart but also pretty off their rockers. We can’t trust a- a diary of- of a dude that liked to draw rainbows anywhere he liked to.”

“You know him?” Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean took a look at the inside of the cover of the journal and nodded his head.

“Spotted a couple of his books around here, don’t know where I threw them away. Look, point is he had clearly lost it after that trip to the other universe, if that ever happened, so we need to trust facts and not-”

“You’re a man of letters, though.” you pointed out with a smirk, getting up from his lap.

“I’m-” he narrowed his eyes at you as you laughed with a shrug “And you’re a woman of letters, ok?” he retorted and Sam only rolled his eyes at your childish behavior.

“Yeah, but all the women of letters I’ve read about were badass as hell!” you shrugged, handing Jack the journal as he eagerly started flipping through the pages.

“Like Peggy Carter!” he said with a boyish grin and you nodded your head with a proud smile, hands on your hips.

“Exactly, like Peggy- Wait, who’s Peggy? I haven’t read about her.” you frowned.

“Oh she was in this other universe I was talking about. He met her there, she wasn’t really a woman of letters because I don’t think there was such an organization, but he refered to her as that many times. He gave her that title because of how brave she had been!” he said, looking between you and the journal in his hands and constantly flipping pages looking for something you didn’t know “And of course, for the way she too fought alongside Captain America.”

“…Who?” this time the words came breathlessly from your lips as you felt all air get knocked out of your lungs. Your heart made a painful leap to your throat and your heart twisted nervously. Your blood almost ran cold yet there was a familiar kind of warmth spreading through your chest, one you felt only with Dean, that confused you and made you more dizzy than you had been all these days whatsoever. But, even despite the shivers that ran down your spine, you felt more  **scared**  because you  _didn’t know why_  you felt all of these oddly familiar emotions at the mere mention of-

“Steve Rogers.” Dean spoke, making your eyes snap to him “Yeah, yeah we get it. But kid, we have no proof that he was real and even if he was, what kind of connection would a dead guy have to our story? Because he’d have to be a good over 90 now.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, Dean’s probably right.” Sam shrugged “The glowing,  _“Infinite”_ power thing could be a connection but we’re looking at things belonging in totally different universes here. And it’s all far too big even for us, or those demons. Why not stay more focused, yeah?”

“Exactly. Plus, the colors don’t match to begin with.” Dean said with a smirk.

“I’m-” your breathing had become shallow and heavy, as if your lungs actually struggled to breathe “I’ll…” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat “I better go change, in case we need to jump into action very soon.” you forced a smile that was barely visible before with shaky legs you left the boys frowning in worry as they watched you leave in a hurry for a couple seconds.

“Did she really… not have any nightmares this time?” Sam asked softly and Dean pursed his lips, sighing heavily.

“No, Sammy. No she didn’t. And I barely slept myself to make sure she didn’t. She hasn’t had any dreams for a couple days… at least that’s what she’s told me.”

“And… are you sure she has been honest?” Jack asked with a frown and Dean clenched his jaw, looking down at his hands.

“There was a time I would never doubt her honesty but now… I think there is something about these dreams that she doesn’t want to talk about. And I’m scared she doesn’t know why even herself.” he shook his head, pushing his chair back “I’ll be right back.”

He got a nod from his brother who, much like Jack looked down at his books in quiecy until… a grin spread on Jack’s lips when he finally found what he was looking for and breathed out “They do match.”

~*~

A soft knock on the door made you jump in your place, blink rapidly as if you were brought back from a hazy dream and look up from the small paper in your hands. Your heart leapt to your throat and you rushed to fold it and put it along with the rest of them inside your journal before hiding it underneath your clothes in a drawer. Before you even had the chance to speak up the door was slightly pushed open.

“Hey, it’s me.” Dean’s soft smile was the first thing you noticed but you only gave him a nervous one in response.

“H-hey” you breathed out, you tried to give him a smirk to not let him notice how nervous you were “I didn’t say you could come in though, did I? I could be naked for all you know.” you placed your hands on your hips, feeling successful when a chuckle left his lips.

“Yeah but you’re not. Shame, if you ask me, ‘cause I was kinda hopin’ I would be lucky today.” he winked at you, striding casually towards you and a soft laugh escaped your lips.

“Right, because the last time you nearly walked in on me wasn’t enough of a sneak peek for you, huh Winchester?” you raised an eyebrow.

“But I saw nothing! You threw a freaking book at me that was over a thousand pages big, and I had to dodge it in order toprotect my life!” he exclaimed and you laughed at the fond memory.

“And that is a reminder as to why you should never startle me, D!” you actually felt the weight that had been resting on your chest, lift and you to feel more at ease.

“Damn” he breathed out, biting his lower lip to keep himself from smiling but he just ended up giving you a boyish grin that made him look so much younger “I love it when you call me that.”

“Really?” you whispered, ignoring how your cheeks were burning “You never told me that.” your heart skipped a beat when he shrugged with a nervous chuckle.

“Didn’t get the chance to, before.” he started “Especially when you’re threatening my life with the stuff you read. But, speaking about chances-” he cleared his throat, getting a little more serious “We didn’t get the opportunity to talk about your dreams lately, especially last night.”

“There’s not really something to talk about there, Dean.” you shook your head, but avoided eye-contact.

“Are you sure about that? 'Cause, princess, I ain’t that convinced with the way you acted five minutes ago, you know.”

“That was just a blink, Dean. Nothing you should-” you turned around, ready to walk away from him but he took hold of your arm to stop you before you could avoid him. And turning your head to face him you felt yourself going weak.

“It just did something.” you confessed in a low voice, eyes casting down “The things Jack said, somehow, for some reason and in some way they- they did something to me that I can’t explain. I’ve been feeling things I couldn’t explain a-and it scares me because I just don’t know where they’re all coming from.”

“Feelings?” he moved to stand in front of you, eyes intense “But no more recent dreams?”

“I… No. No there haven’t been any, not that if I’d had any they would make any sense. Things have been getting very confusing lately.” you huffed, sitting down on your bed and he didn’t miss a beat to do the same while keeping a close proximity “Sometimes there are headaches when I wake up, strong ones.”

“You didn’t have headaches when they first started.” he noted with a deep frown and you nodded your head slowly.

“No, no I didn’t. I’ve had them ever since I could remember myself and- and I’ve always tried to justify them.” you shrugged softly “My dreams have never happened often, and they were confusing as most dreams are. I shouldn’t have a reason to worry, especially in this life. We deal with all tons of crap, it  _should_ make sense…”

“But they don’t. Not anymore huh?” he clenched his jaw, frowning in worry.

“Dean, last week I… I could remember some things the times I had a headache. Much more than usual.” you breathed out the small confession “Again, not that they made sense but I remember and… feel. It seems like a blur when I think aboutit sometimes, there was a fight. A  _big_  one but- but I couldn’t understand where. There was green, lots of it, somewhere a forest too that it looked like Earth but the weapons they used… it just doesn’t click. It felt like it was something out of science fiction and the enemy… or at least it seemed like it was the enemy, remember- remember that movie we saw two days ago? Aliens? Yeah, well, even worse. I- I can’t explain it but I get cold spots whenever I think about it and I just can’t-” you choked on a sob, your eyes fluttering shut as Dean’s arms instantly found you.

“Hey” his voice was rough yet very gentle as he let you rest your head on his shoulder “Don’t stress yourself out, okay? If-if it makes you feel uncomfortable or scared then that’s alright, it happens to everyone when they have nightmares, but even if it’s not like that then… know everything will be alright, know that I’m here for you anytime it happens again.”

“It just makes me feel so empty… so scared, in a way as if there’s something missing.” you whimpered softly, your breathing uneven “I don’t know what’s going on but I know they are not just dreams, D.”

“Then we’ll figure it out, sweetheart.  _Together._ ” he kissed the top of your head, squeezing your hand as he played with your fingers to calm you down, nearly lacing them with his.

“Together.” you whispered, without letting the truth slip from your lips once more.

_Without saying who was fighting against the monsters of your dreams and who **you**  were fighting alongside._

~*~

“Are you sure this is the right place, guys?” you asked softly, exiting the car and looking around nervously.

“That’s what mom’s text says.” Sam mumbled, looking around with a frown himself.

“And I ask again, are we sure this is our kind of thing?” Dean asked, gaining an eye-roll from his brother “Come on, man, since when do demons hang out in empty train stations?” he threw his arms in he air before getting his gun out.

“I don’t know but we’re about to figure it out.” Sam muttered.

“Even if there are no people around, this is a public place. Doesn’t seem like somewhere you’d find a bunch of demons playing around with a glowing stone and quite honestly I…” you trailed off, getting a concerned look from Dean that made you confess “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” you ended up whispering, wrapping your hands tightly around your gun.

“Stay close and stay behind.” Dean motioned, giving you a firm yet comforting look and you nodded weakly, standing next to Jack. You weren’t really in good shape these days, anyway.

“It’s going to be alright, don’t worry. I feel like everything will work out the way it should.” the younger man said with a hopeful smile “Captain America was one time on top of a train that was going miles per hour and on top of that, it was somewhere in the mountains, it was snowing so heavily and that alone could make things much harder. He was with his best friend, Bucky they called him, and they were after-”

“Hey you-” Dean turned around, pointing the flashlight you didn’t even realize he was holding straight in your faces “Fanboying time’s over. We’ve got work to do, focus. You can talk about Captain douchebag later, got it?”

“Oh right. Sorry.” Jack nodded his head softly.

“You know…” you started in a small whisper, glancing occasionally at Dean to make sure you didn’t have his attention again “When we’re over with this, maybe you could get to tell me more about… Captain America… everything you know about Steve Rogers.” the name felt strange coming from your lips, but not because it was the first time. It felt sweet and with a hint of pain, that came out without you even realizing it, without you even being able to control it. And it felt so strange because of the uneasiness you felt at how… familiar it felt, at how comforting it was and how it warmed your heart to say it. And that scared you even more. How could a stranger, a man from another universe and even more one you didn’t even know if he existed or not, make you feel this way? It spiked your curiosity, it made you nervous, but above all it made you want to know more. Not about your feelings. But about  _him._

“Sure, I could-” Jack started but he got cut off by a loud crushing sound followed by grunting, but they got on their feet as the demons appeared.

“Well, if it isn’t the Winchesters sticking their nose in our business. Color me fucking impressed.” one of them said with a roll of his eyes “What is it boys? You getting more involved with things from other realities lately, or something? Are you planning for Apocalypse take 3 this time? Sorry, someone already beat you at it.”

“Nah we’re just taking pleasure in kicking your asses and ruining your plans is all.” you said with an annoyed smirk, gaining his attention and making a bigger grin form on his lips.

“Ah yes, (Y/n). Of course you’d be here too, always finding your way back to it, don’t you? It’s truly amazing, such connection cannot be described by words it’s simply…  _beautiful!”_ he grinned but you could only frown at the scary feeling that rose up your chest.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean growled, taking a protective step to stand in front of you.

“Oh you’d like to know, wouldn’t you? Would you be able to take the whole truth is the important question here, though, Dean. You’re so used to fighting monsters like us you don’t see… how much worse there is out there, far away yet  _so_ close. You’ll get your answer soon, not in the good way and not from me of course.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Dean said with a smirk of his own, glancing at Jack and gave him a nod before the nephilimtook a step forward, his eyes glowing the familiar, and lately very comforting for you, yellow.It all was familiar. It all was almost a routine anymore.

It all seemed simple… Yet it wasn’t. You thought this would end like any other case and you’d end up killing the monster with Jack’s help, easy and fast.  _But this was nothing like any other case._

A gasp left your lips when you saw a sharp object, silver and weird-looking, appear right through his chest. And even if you knew it couldn’t hurt him you got scared when a small groan left his lips and he stumbled, his knees going weak; maybe affecting him more than he realized. He looked down in confusion, frowning as he got lifted off his feet slightly by the person holding the weapon.

“Jack!” you screamed as the young man got thrown to the side.

“What the… hell?” Dean breathed out with wide eyes as all three of you were frozen in your place. As much as you wanted to rush to Jack’s side you were stuck in your place in fear at what stood before you. A monster you had never seen before in all your time of hunting and research. It looked almost out of this world, towering above the three of you. Its features were something you could barely find the words to describe, but one thing was for sure: the way it looked at you, the way it snarled and growled at you made fear set deep inside within you… for more reasons than you could explain. It took a swing at you, making you all jump to dodge it. It walked towards you and despite you crawling back, you couldn’t get far away. When it lifted its weapon to stab you, your eyes widened and you braced yourself for the inevitable but it never came because Jack used his powers to throw him away from you, Dean and Sam quickly getting on their feet to fight that thing back as long as they had the advantage.

“Stay close to Jack!” you heard Dean yell as they passed by you; and despite everything feeling like it happened in a blur, you did as told but not for your own safety. Jack’s breathing had become heavier and you feared that it might have had a bigger impact on him than you initially expected. So as much as you wanted to be able to help Sam and Dean, you couldn’t… and not just because you were trying to help Jack.

“Now this time, I will be sure to not make the same mistakes.” was what sounded like a female voice but what came to stand before you was by no means human. You looked up at her with wide eyes, her as well brining no similarity to the monsters you’d faced and as much of an alien but with some human features two. She was different, with two horns standing out, and red eyes that made you hold your breath. You gripped an angel blade tighter in your hands and braced yourself with each step she took closer to you until… she didn’t anymore.

She paused, looking away from you with a frown setting on her features. You looked behind you, Jack doing the same, only seeing the blur of the train passing by and feeling the slight breeze until it left and… a shadow stood in the background, a shadow that wasn’t there before. She clenched her jaw, throwing her spear at her enemy who effectively caught it before it could get at them. You frowned for a second until the person decided to step out of the shadows and you felt your heart jump to your throat.

Broad shoulders, chest and big, firm arms. Tall figure, covered in what looked like a very worn out suit. Long hair, not very much so, longer than Dean’s but definitely shorter than Sam’s, a dirty blonde color and pushed back to leave his beautiful features at display, or at least most of them. Deep frown on his face and baby blue eyes that you were sure could make any woman’s heart skip a beat. A beard that covered most of his face, simply looking  _perfect_ on him, and full lips pursed as he glared in a deadly way at the female that had just threatened you. You squinted, trying to see more of him because the distance and dim lighting wasn’t helping; confusing even yourself when you couldn’t find some sort of excuse for this newfound curiosity and attraction especially in such a situation.

Before you could even realize it a fight went down, everything getting worse without you being able to do a thing… mostly because you weren’t needed to. It only felt like you saw a flash of blonde when you heard’s Dean groan loudly, soon followed by  _something_  that you could swear was a  _someone_ , flying surprisingly so. It was only when you heard his voice that you realized he was human “How many times do we have to kill these guys?!” before he kicked her away from you, sending her crashing into a shop’s window nearby, and following afterwards.

“Just make sure this is the last one!” then you heard his voice and if you weren’t feeling weird enough already, the emotions that rose up in your chest made you so much more confused. So despite everything around you looking like a warzone, despite all the fighting and things being broken your eyes were glued on the man that had taken your breath away. You tried to see as much of him as possible, including his skills.

It was only until the woman of the team got kicked hard and thrown across the room, laying only a few feet away from you that you tore your eyes away from the man and looked at her; taking your flannel to press it on Jack’s chest and whispering hastily to him “Keep the pressure on, I’ll be right back, ok?”

“Hey, hey easy. That angle on your leg doesn’t seem normal.” you could swear you said in a soft and as gentle as possible voice but she jumped in her place as if electricity had shot through her. She turned around faster than you could even comprehend and crawled backwards in utter cold shock. Her eyes widened and you could swear you saw them get glossy, but you didn’t have the time to question her when-

“Natasha watch out!” you heard a voice yell and you saw the female alien hovering over you for a second, raising her spear and making your heart stop, before an angel blade pierced through her head, making her freeze and inevitably fall down dead just like her friend who was laying dead a few feet away.

“Well, that’s just gross.” you breathed out with a small laugh of relief when you watched the blue blood drip from her head. But when you looked at the blonde woman, you were only met with red-rimmed eyes and a pale face as if she’d just seen a ghost, in a way that made you worry “H-Hey are you ok? I’m- I’m not with them, I promise, I just wanna help.” your eyes bore into hers but she just seemed frozen in place.

But she didn’t have the chance to speak up because the man who was flying before, landed next to her “Nat, what the hell happened?” he helped her up on her feet and she put most of her weight on him “How did you-” but he too stopped mid-sentence when he followed her line of sight and spotted you and you noticed a gasp left his lips before he whispered in denial a weak “No”

“Is everything alright?” you whispered with a frown, their behavior but above all your headache getting stronger in your head putting you more on edge.

“You are-”

“(Y/n)?” Dean’s frantic voice cut him off and the next thing you saw was his eyes directly in front of you, inspecting you for injuries, as his hands cradled your face in them. Sam rushed to Jack’s aid but the third man – the one that still remained a mystery to you – walked more slowly towards the rest of you.

“Should we do something?” Sam asked in a hoarse voice and Natasha glanced at you, even with a blurry vision, and shook her head.

“We don’t have time for that… He will have to face her. He  _will_  see her.”

“Nat, he- he can’t see her. He can’t- It’s gonna break him. It will crush him, worse than-” but he stopped himself, shaking his head as he looked back at you with Dean.

“I’m ok, I’m ok. Don’t worry.” you said softly, but the frown on your face did say otherwise. You could barely make out his features because of how blurry your vision was getting “Just my head… it’s hurting a little bit, that’s all.” you mumbled.

With a short nod he kissed your forehead and whispered “It’s alright, it’s alright now. You can rest.”

“You guys did great with them, it was- it was really astounding.” Sam breathed out, helping Jack back on his feet as they both came to stand next to you and Dean.

“We may have ganged countless monsters over the years but this was a whole new kind of crazy.” Dean looked at the aliens for a second, trying to swallow the lump in his throat over.

“Ye-yeah, no problem with that.” the man with the wings said in a somewhat hoarse voice,unable to take his eyes from you for a moment just like the woman next to him “I’m Sam, by the way, Sam Wilson and this is Natasha.”

“Natasha Romanoff.” she said, a soft subtle accent there too, her eyes watching you curiously – probably for some reaction – but as much as it intrigued you, you had someone else in mind.

“And… your friend there?” you asked softly, hesitation and curiosity slipping in your voice, as you watched merely a shadow of the other man as he inspected the aliens they had just fought before he decided to approach you all again.

“Oh that’s-” Sam started, clearing his throat “That’s actually…”

“Captain America.” it was Jack’s voice that completed Sam’s sentence, so much awe and admiration in both his voice and face as a wide grin slowly formed on his lips. Sam and Dean looked at him in confusion, giving him weird looks, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from said man who slowly stepped into the light, the close proximity this time allowing you to take in more of his features. Features that made your heart start beating faster inside your chest, in a way only Dean could make you feel, but you couldn’t describe exactly why. The man’s steps slowed down when he locked eyes with you and his frown was slowly replaced by a look of pure shock, eyebrows raising and lips falling apart. You couldn’t understand why but you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from him, watching as his eyes moved back and forth, trying to take in as much of you as possible.

“What are you talking about, Jack?” Dean asked the nephilim with a funny look.

“Look!” he pointed at the man “He even has the star, I mean… it’s ripped out but the star should be there!” he said all excited, and even if you didn’t look away you heard closely “It’s him, Captain America!  _Steve_   _Rogers_.”

The name actual ringed in your ears, like an echo, making the headache even worse. Your head was spinning, your vision was getting blurry but you still found yourself able to focus on him and take a step closer to him and away from Dean. You didn’t even know how your legs could still support you, but you sure heard him.

“(Y/n)?” he asked in a gruff voice and you felt shivers run down your spine and spread throughout your entire body, like small shots of electricity, before you spoke in a weak voice.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” you frowned, your eyes staying glued to his for a reason you couldn’t describe with words.

However your words weren’t the ones he wanted to hear, if anything it was probably the worst ones he could hear considering the circumstances. His lips formed a line as he clenched his jaw and straightened his back, his eyes still holding that glossy feature though. You knew that look very well, Dean had had that expression before himself, he was  _ **hurt**_ , undeniably so, but didn’t want anyone to know.

“No” his voice was more gruff than you’d expect “No, I’m sorry. I was the one mistaken. We’ll just-”

“No!” you breathed out so fast you surprised not only yourself, but certainly Dean and the man you were looking at “Wait, you’re… you’re right. I am (Y/n), (Y/n) (Y/l/n). Isn’t that what you meant?”

“I-” he blinked for a second, as if his guards were coming down, but he managed to regain his strength and shook his head with a deep frown “No, no I didn’t.” he said in an almost robotic and totally nowhere near convincing way “Thank you for your help but we need to leave now.” he addressed mostly the boys.

“What? No you can’t just-” you started but as you took a step closer to them your feet felt wobbly and trembled.

Before you could collapse, though, Dean was instantly by your side and holding you protectively to him “Are you ok?” he asked in a gruff voice and yet you still found yourself looking from his concerned face to Steve’s who had an identical one on.

“I will be.” you forced out, willing yourself to stand straight and pushing Dean slightly away and looked Steve straight in the eyes again “Once  _you_  tell me how you know me.”

His eyes hardened instantly and his blue eyes went from worried to cold and almost hostile, as if he wanted to protect himself from you “I don’t.” he said matter-of-factly before turning to leave.

But he only took two steps away before the woman of their group spoke up “How are you  **here**?”

Your eyes instantly fell on her, noticing her red eyes, but thankful because it made the blue-eyed man stop in his steps “Wh-what?” you blinked “What does that mean?”

“Natasha” he sighed heavily, not looking at her but he closed his eyes for a second.

She only pursed her lips stubbornly and yet angrily “Don’t you wanna know how this is even possible?”

“I know enough.” he turned to glare at her “She-” he pointed at you before turning to look at you and let his hand fall “Is not (Y/n). Not my…  _our_  (Y/n). And we don’t need to bother them anymore, we have a job to do and I’m sure so do they. We’re going,  _now._ ” his voice was commanding, making you wonder for a second what his place was.

“Well I’m not.” she countered back, making him clench his fists and lower his head with closed eyes. There was something at the action that made it look familiar.

“Nat” Sam gave her a warning look but she shook her head before her eyes focused back on you.

“What do you remember of us? Anything, doesn’t have to be names, even an image. A shape, scene or- or even a color. Something, a place maybe? What the last thing you remember? Do you… know about what is out there? As in universes. Is there something that could-” she seemed like a calm and collected woman, but when she spoke to you, you could see a desperation that made your heart ache. As if something terrible had happened.

“I’m- I don’t-” you blinked, your vision getting more blurry and your head aching even more as the time passed. Your hands started to shake and Dean instantly took notice of it. He knew that with your dreams you’ve been really on edge lately, and it was more than clear that these people – especially Steve – were making things much worse for you.

“Alright, enough.” Dean’s voice barked, rough enough to scare even the most dangerous monsters, so you wouldn’t be surprised if – especially with his height – he could seem rather intimidating “I’ve had enough of the questioning, and she’s certainly unable to take any more of it.” he stood in front of you protectively.

“We- we don’t want to cause any trouble.” Sam rushed to tell him, trying to calm him down, but unlike him Steve only seemed to take a challenging step forward, without even realizing it.

“We know, we know that.” your Sam stepped forward as well with a polite smile “What my brother- uh Dean, and I’m Sam and this Jack.” he introduced them to make things a little less tense “And you apparently know (Y/n)… somehow.” he cleared his throat “What Dean is trying to say is that, we don’t know what you’re talking about and we would like to help but as you see we are in no place to provide information right now.”

“And we certainly don’t want to.” Dean didn’t miss a second to say harshly, green eyes burning with a fire you had seen before, earning a look of exasperation from his brother.

“Look, we’re only trying to figure out what’s going on here. We only want to-” Sam started explaining but the older Winchester wouldn’t have any of it.

“So are we.” he growled “But you’re bombarding a girl with questions she can barely comprehend while throwing accusations right after we just saved your asses. Anyone would lose their temper and trust me, I ain’t in the best mood today. Frankly she doesn’t have to answer jack, so we’re doing you a favor by giving you any of these info. Be thankful we’re letting you go without any trouble, cause otherwise-”

“Otherwise what?” it was Steve’s turn to speak back defensively, taking a step forward even if Dean was taller “What will you do?” he asked “I’ll tell you. Not much.”

“And you think you will?” Dean raised an eyebrow as Steve didn’t say anything but only pursed his lips and shrugged.

“Bring it on, Captain.” the older Winchester said with a dangerous smirk.

“Oh I’m really starting to want you to make me.” he narrowed his eyes.

“Trust me, I sure-” Dean started but the younger Winchester stepped in before they could do anything.

“Alright, no. No! We’re taking it too far here, ok?” he pushed his brother back “We’re all on the same side here, there is no need for all this.”

“Doesn’t seem much like it.” Dean growled “But since you like questions, then why don’t you answer one instead.” he looked back at them “How the hell do you know (Y/n)?”

“We don’t.” Steve was fast to snap back, beating Natasha at whatever she was ready to say “We don’t know her. I told you I was wrong.”

“Well, ain’t that convincing.” Dean rolled his eyes, but you took hold of his hand to stop him before he took a dangerous step closer to him “Do you expect me to believe you? Buddy, I’ve been in heaven and hell, heck even Purgatory, I know how to get the answer out of you. Do you think there’s anything that can stop me?”

“I would like to see you try.” Steve said in a calm voice but with a hint of bitterness and pain behind it, as if he’d gone through it before.

Dean was ready to speak, the soft dark laugh that left his lips meaning that it wasn’t going to be something nice, but you stepped in before he could say a word “Alright, I think this is  _enough_.” you gave him a look, placing a hand on his chest “Stop it, I’m alright.”

“(Y/n)’s-” Sam, Wilson, started but paused for a moment as if saying your name was hard for him “She’s right. You have a wounded child here, that needs to be seen immediately or else it will be very dangerous.”

“Oh I’m- I’m alright. It’s for most part healed up.” Jack spoke up tentatively, no longer leaning on Sam for support, a nervous smile on his lips.

“This fast?” Sam’s eyebrows rose but a frown, almost suspicious, formed on Natasha’s face.

“He’s half angel. He can heal faster than normal.” you spoke up, and that was all it took for their eyes to widen in realization. Why, you couldn’t understand.

“Angel?” Sam blinked.

“Angels… exist here?” Natasha asked in a barely audible voice and you gave her a nod. That was all she needed to look at Steve, much like Sam, both with wide eyes but in understanding.

The blonde man instantly looked back at you with wide eyes, like the first time he saw you a couple minutes ago, but he soon masked it all by shaking his head. His eyes went cold again and he clenched his jaw before he said a rough “No.”

“But Steve-” Natasha started but he wouldn’t listen.

“We’re leaving.” he said over his shoulder, turning his back to you to leave. It seemed as if he was only forcing himself to believe this, what you couldn’t understand exactly, because he couldn’t let his hopes get up only for him to bedisappointed in the end. You could understand that very well, you’d done that many times before.

“Cap” this time Sam also defended her but he wouldn’t budge.

“I said now.” he ordered “Or else I’m leaving without.” he added but you could see that he wasn’t the kind of guy to leave his team behind, just as he wasn’t one to use authority this way. He was hurt, it was evident (at least to you), but as much as you wished you could stop this, you too needed answers.

“No” you said surprisingly firmly, despite how your entire body just seemed to want to shut down “No, you’re not leaving. Not before I get answers. You know me, you know things about me that I don’t even know, and we both know it. Stop denying it and tell me how. I have the right to know how.” but he wasn’t set on listening to you, more like avoiding you

“Steve!” you only managed to catch up with him when at the call of his name he froze in his place. You didn’t know if it was something in the way you said it, the way you called out to him, but it did the trick. You stood now only a couple inches away from him and thankfully he, although very slowly and hesitantly as if it pained him, turned to look at you. The moment your eyes locked, though, you couldn’t help but feel the words die in your lips and the air get knocked out of your lungs. You gaped at him as for a moment you got a flash of those eyes gazing warmly at you with a morning light cascading over them.

You shook your head, taking a deep breath and speaking more softly “Please, I need you to be honest with me.” you met his eyes again “Do I know you?”

This time he  _really_  hesitated, his lips parting but no words came out for a minute before he finally stilled himself and shook his head, uttering a rough “No. No you don’t.”

It seemed like he was struggling to say the words, because you both knew they weren’t true, and just as he turned to leave again you couldn’t help yourself. You instinctively reached out of him, but the second you took hold of his arm you both froze in your place and all words died out in your lips again. This time for good. His head snapped in your direction, the both of you feelings the shivers run down your spine at the skin contact. It was just in time to see your eyes glow a familiar blue that made his heart rate pick up before they fluttered closed and your hold on him loosened significantly. He was fast to react and catch you before your body hit the cold ground.

And as far as you were concerned, the only thing you registered was the sharp headache that made a scream rip through your lips and, before darkness enveloped you, a voice frantically calling out your name. Or was it two?

~*~

_The first thing you actually registered was the warm morning light shining through the curtains. You could actually feel the rays of the sun washing over your exposed skin and warming you to the core. An uncharacteristic sense of bliss had set deep within you and you didn’t even want to fight the smile off your lips. The image was blurry before you but you couldn’t mistake the white new bedsheets, or soft grey and earthy tones of the furniture around you or even more the soft cream color of the skin of a bare chest and arms of a man beside you, a color that stood out even more as it was beautifully bathed in the morning glow. Your fingers danced over the warm cream color, almost in feather-like touches but still enough for you to feel the smoothness and softness of it._

“ _What are you thinking?” the slightly husky voice and a soft squeeze on your arm caught your attention. As the man’s hand trailed up your bare arm, your eyes trailed up his body as well, until in between all the soft cream or pinkish colors you were able to detect **blue**. And oh it was the most beautiful blue you’d ever seen in your life._

_You blinked only a couple times and the view was much more clear this time. Instead of frowning, your smile only got bigger as you brought your hand up to cup his cheek that was free of the smallest hint of a scruff, much less beard. It was indeed **him** ,though, despite the differences and even more the calm and seemingly so young expression on his face. And he was gazing at you in such bliss, despite the hazy eyes, and such love it made your heart burst._

“ _Oh nothing in specific.” you licked your lips, looking up to meet his eyes and see a playfulness and sparkle of happiness in them that made your heart flutter inside your chest._

“ _Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow and a giggle escaped your lips. It was so effortless an so genuine, heartfelt and easy going as if everything was simply **perfect.**_

“ _Well, in fact-” you snuggled closer to his side “I actually had a dream. About you.” you rubbed your thumb over his cheek._

“ _Dream or vision?” there was a hint of concern in his voice but you reassured him with a small shake of your head._

“ _Dream. At least I think, I haven’t been getting any visions for months now.” you shrugged “Anyway, you wanna know what I saw?”_

“ _What?” he grinned sleepily._

“ _You with a beard and **damn**  you looked  **good** , Rogers!” you emphasized with a grin._

“ _I highly doubt that, darling.” he only laughed “A beard wouldn’t look anywhere near good on me.”_

“ _Why not? You haven’t tried it!” you whined softly “Come on, give it a go. And maybe-” you bit your lip, trailing your hand up to run your fingers through his hair “Let your hair grow too. You could keep it pushed back, no problem with that. I bet it would be so soft, great to run my fingers through to calm you down or to, you know-” you shrugged with a smirk “To pull at when you slam into me, hm?” you offered as innocently as you could, but your words were far from that._

“ _(Y/n)” he dragged your name, chuckling softly and almost in embarrassment, before burying his face in the crook of your neck._

“ _Just think about it.” you begged softly “Come on, for me? Please?”_

“ _It’s not practical and you know it.”_

“ _You say that cause we haven’t tried it yet. You knows, maybe you’ll just end up liking it… get a kink out of it, who knows?” you bit your lip but squeaked and giggled when his fingers skipped through your sides and he tickled you._

“ _You’re set on it, aren’t you?” you could feel the grin against your skin._

“ _Baby, I just saw you in a beard, looking gorgeous as all hell; pretty rough around the edges and gosh do I love it! Not to mention how bad I’d like to know how that would feel. So nope, I can’t forget it any easily and frankly I don’t want to, so if I have to I’m gonna hide every razor you have in here to make you grow a beard.”_

“ _Alright, I’ll tell you, one day maybe I will consider it. But only when I’m gonna be in dire need of it,and at the moment I’m not.” his tone was very soft and calm, but it still showed you that he had his mind made and wouldn’t budge. Not that you always didn’t love him sticking up for his opinion, but sometimes it could be frustrating._

“ _There will come a day, mark my words. And will I eagerly look forward to it.” you said before pulling slightly away to look into his eyes “But until then, I’m definitely going to take advantage of my sweetheart Steve.”_

“ _And what Steve will the other one be? The one with the beard.” he asked with a small smile._

“ _Hmh” you thought for a moment, before throwing a leg over his waist and pressed your naked body flush against his, making his pupils dilate and his eyes widen but a grin to spread on his lips nonetheless, before you said “He’d be daddy Steve. **Definitely**  daddy Steve.”_

_You smiled widely when you got a low moan from him and felt his one hand on your hip squeeze tightly as the other ran up your back, before he whispered in a gruff voice “Oh yeah?”_

“ _Yeah” you breathed out, before you closed the remaining space between the two of you – which only was a couple inchesanyway – by leaning down to capture his lips with yours._

However the feeling didn’t even record as everything around you got consumed by darkness and his body seemed to slip through your fingers like ashes. You caught yourself laying on your back, unable to see anything and with your eyelids feeling heavy. You didn’t know what would happen next, you didn’t know what your mind would throw at you after this. This was the first time a dream of yours had a whole conversation play out quite normally, instead of the usual blurry and messy images or words you got here and there, which all just mixed together.

But when you realized you were actually already awake you felt relief wash over you. You didn’t know if you could take another mess of dreams, especially now. Not that even that one dream wasn’t suspicious and worrying anyway. You took a deep breath in as you heard shuffling from next to you. No matter how heavy your eyelids felt, you forced yourself to open your eyes. There was too much going to just sleep through it.

“Hey” Dean’s rough yet gentle voice caught your attention when you first opened your eyes.

“Hey” you said sleepily, blinking several times until you realized you were in your room in the bunker.

“How you feelin’?” he asked as softly as he could and you smiled at his concern and care.

“I think fairly well. Certainly better than before.” and it was true, even though you had already forgotten a good half of the dream, as much as you tried to remember nothing came back and with each passing second you forgot more. It was as if your body was trying to heal a wound that kept reopening in different kind of ways. 

You decided to focus back on Dean only to see he was nowhere near happy or pleased “What’s up doc? You look worried.”

“Shouldn’t I be?” he clenched his jaw “You just passed out, and you were out for some time.” he pursed his lips, as he rested his elbows on his knees and you turned on your side so you could have a better look at him.

“Yes, but I mean-” you shrugged softly “It’s not such a big deal. I’ve faced worse.” you tried to reassure him, your own heart aching to see him so exhausted on that tiny and surely uncomfortable chair.

“No big deal? You’re saying this like you’ve passed out before-” he paused before his eyes hardened and a frown set on his face “You haven’t passed out before like this, have you (Y/n)?”

“No, Dean.” you sighed, well it was half the truth at least because there had not been such a strong headache “No I haven’t. Now come on, please, stop worrying so much about me.” you let a small sigh, although you could see he wasn’t convinced, you got up in a sitting position and patted the space next to you “Come here.”

You didn’t even have to try to persuade him, because with a sigh of defeat he got up from his chair and came to sit next to. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you snuggled on his side and rested your head on his shoulder, appreaciating his warmth and the comfort hebrought to you. You looked up at him shift his clenched jaw and sighed heavily.

“It’s not your fault, you know, and there isn’t really anything you could have done to prevent it.” you whispered softly, his eyes instantly falling on you.

“I know… or at least I try to.” he looked down at your hand as he took them in his “I just feel like there is something I should do but I can’t figure it out and I just-” he clicked his tongue on his teeth in disapproval “I keep failing you.”

“Don’t say that,  _please_.” you choked on a sob, closing your eyes shut tightly. Here he was, taking the blame for something he had no power of and wanting nothing more than to help you out, and you’d still kept so many secrets about it from him “It’s not your fault.” you tried to say as steadily and firmly as you could.

He still shook his head stubbornly “And with them-” he scoffed a laugh before saying in a gruff voice “Him, here and making accusations and questions- They are responsible for things getting so bad and Sam and Jack wanted to- son of a bitch.” he growled, earning a frown from you.

“What about Sam and Jack?”

“They’re here.” he said in a rough voice before explaining “Sam and Jack thought it would be a good thing to  _bring_ them here, all three of them, in the fucking bunker with us.”

“Wh-what?!” you gasped, your eyes going wide as you pulled away from to look into his eyes.

He turned to look at you, jaw clenched but also another feeling you couldn’t quite describe there, maybe more directed at the blue-eyed man though “They said they’d give answers. The woman, uh Natasha, at least said she would. The others weren’t much in for it, at least Captain douchebag wasn’t.” he grumbled “She wanted the most to be here, to figure out what was going on and Sam and Jack were with her on that.”

“Nat seemed like a really good woman, though.” you said softly with a small smile and he sighed.

“Yeah, I guess.” he rested his head on top of yours “I wouldn’t mind that much if it was only her, Sam maybe too. They asked questions but they weren’t like-” he stopped for a moment.

You couldn’t help but smirk and ask softly “Steve?” noticing the his eyes hardened again “You don’t like him, do you?”

“If it was up to me, that Star-spangled asshole wouldn’t come anywhere near you ever again.” he pursed his lips “He’s responsible for this, he’s-” he scoffed, shaking his head.

“Yet you let him in here.” you noted, playing with his fingers to calm him down, almost lacing yours with his. You smiled, knowing he did it because he was more concerned about finding a way to help you and he no wonder believed they were the key to it.

“Yes, well, I was outnumbered.” he defended himself and you grinned.

“Uh not really. You were 3 to 3.” you noted and he rolled his eyes but still managed to smile.

“I see you’re good enough to outsass me too. Sam, Wilson, was more with Nat’s side. It seemed like only Rogers and I didn’t wanna be under the same roof. Couldn’t avoid it, though.” he leaned in to kiss your forehead and let a sigh of relief “Good, that’s good.” he breathed out as you looked up at him with a frown, so he explained “You were burning, before. Your temperature was really high.”

“Was I maybe-” but before you could get the chance to complete your sentence, there was a knock on the door “Yes” you said and it opened to reveal the nephilim with a worried expression on his face “Hey Jack” you breathed out as he stepped in.

“Hello. I just wanted to come and see how you are.” he said with a soft smile and you returned it.

“Alright-” Dean cleared his throat “I’ll leave ya two kids alone and go check up on them. Not in the mood for any surprises.” he kissed the top of your head before letting go of you and getting up. He gave a small smile to Jack and a pat on the shoulder, as if to tell him to keep an eye out for you, before he left and closed the door behind you.

“Are you feeling better?” Jack asked gently, taking a seat on the chair closest to your bed.

You smiled, nodding your head “Yeah uh I’m- I’m better now.” you looked down at your hands, nervous for a second before you asked “H-hey Jack, uh do you remember back when you started talking ab-about Captain America and what you’d found out about him?”

“Steve Rogers, yes.” he nodded his head and you tried to swallow over the lump that formed in your throat at the mention of his name.

“Yes uh Steve.” you took a deep breath, looking at him “Do you think you could… tell me more about him now? Everything you’ve found out? I’d really like that.”

~*~

“So, hunters huh?” it was Sam’s, Wilson’s, voice that was the first thing you heard as you made your way to the map room “And you grew up into this?”

“Wasn’t easy but, yeah, that’s our life.” your Sam said calmly, trying to make a normal conversation as much as he could “From vampires, to werewolves and to demons. Pretty much anything that goes bump in the night.”

“And angels?” it was Natasha’s voice, an interest in it that you couldn’t understand.

“We don’t normally hunt those.” you spoke up in a soft voice, finally entering the room, gaining all of their attention “There are many left anyway, but when they stay out of our business we don’t go picking up a fight. We only hunt monsters that hurt people, you know, to save as many innocent lives as we can.”

“ _We_?” she raised an eyebrow and you shrugged softly, making her nod her head and look down with a frown “You’re a hunter too.” she muttered. Moments like this you really wanted to know what could be going through her head, but you were more interested in other things and people – namely one man – to question her.

“How’s your leg?” you asked gently, and she offered you a small albeit sad smile that was barely visible.

“All in place, thanks to Jack. Thank you.” she said and you gave her a nod, chewing nervously on your lower lip. You wanted so bad to just utter the question but you didn’t even know how to form the proper words so instead you looked around nervously and despite how subtle you tried to be, she picked up on it, and with a small nod of her head in his direction you were able to spot the blue-eyed man. Much to your dismay he was looking at the books and old weapons you had in the bunker and not paying any attention to you, so you only faced his broad back. Whether he was so taken by everything around him or he did it on purpose so that he wouldn’t have to face you, you didn’t know, but you knew very well it made your heart ache.

“And-” Sam Wilson cleared his throat when a very heavy silence set in the room and nobody dared utter a word. Dean was all-too-focused on his beer, Sam looked awkward but in deep thought, even Natasha had her eyes casted down and Steve… well, he was more of a statue than human “Does it always involve such paperwork or are you just big literature fans?”

“No uh it does, sometimes.” you decided to speak up, moving to sit between him and Dean “Research is not fun for sure. You can ask Dean all about it, he’ll surely tell you about how every bad hunt experience revolves around it.” you glanced at him to see his eyes had not left the drink but a small smirk tugged at his lips, and you welcomed his hand when it took hold of yours while missing how Sam noticed it with a deep frown “Anyway, uhm we didn’t gather all this, though. This place was built long long ago, it belongs to a secret organization. It was passed down to us from our ancestors, they also got involved with the supernatural and all. They were the Men of Letters.”

And those three last words were enough to make their interest peak once more. Natasha’s head snapped up and her eyes widened and a smile slowly started spreading on her lips as if it was some proof “Men of Letters?” she asked as you nodded with a frown and her head snapped in the soldier’s direction “Steve… Steve once met a Man of letters.”

Your eyes instantly fell on him, you noticed his body had gone rigid and you actually held your breath as you waited for him to either speak or turn, and he did both “Once” he walked towards a chair, resting his weight on it as his eyes stayed focused on the ground and his jaw was clenched “It was way back in the days, during World War II. Doesn’t mean anything.” he looked up, his eyes meeting yours but they were nowhere near warm or innocent as what you could remember from your dream.

“So that means what Jack found was correct.” Sam breathed out, his eyes going wide as a small laugh left his lips “A man of letters did travel to your universe and he- Wait, then how can you be here if you belong in a different dimension? You’re- Traveling between realities is not easy and it would require the grace of an Archangel to-”

“Alright, what’s the point of this?” it was Dean that snapped “We said we’d give answers, not chit chat like girlfriends in a freaking slumber party. And so far all I hear is stories of the past that I’m still not willing to believe.”

“What’s your problem anyway?” it was Steve that snapped back at him surprising everyone in the room because of how isolated he had previously been “You only demand answers but are nowhere near willing to listen. Do you think playing tough is going to intimidate us into just giving you what you want from us? Each one of us has seen more horror than you can ever imagine.”

“Oh you have no idea how much horror can really be out there, trust me, buddy. Besides, I wouldn’t have any problem or trouble getting it out of you.” the moment the older Winchester got up from his seat you jumped as well with wide eyes.

“Dean” you whispered but he was too busy glaring daggers at Steve.

“What do you wanna know so bad anyway? You can see we’re just as clueless as you on this!” he motioned to his friends.

“Doesn’t seem much like it to me and I got way better things to do.” Dean muttered “And I want to know why the hell did she pass out the freaking second she touched you! That’s what I want to know.”

“Dean, enough!” you said louder this time but still calmly, taking hold of his hand again and placing the other on his chest as you stood in front of him “Enough. Please… for  _me_.” he kept his eyes on Steve for only a few more second before they lowered to meet yours and he finally took a step back.

You missed the way Steve’s eyes widen or filled with pain but he was fast to cover it up, clearing his throat “We had better things to do, too. Millions of people’s lives depend on it, we’re not here just for fun. We were on a mission, we shouldn’t even be thinking of wasting time.”

“Then there’s the freakin’ door.” he glared at him one last time before looking away from him.

“Dean” Natasha spoke as calmly as she could “I assure you, we’re not here to waste yours or our time for that matter. Because we don’t have any to begin with. We’re only trying to figure out something that could possibly change our lives, that’s all. And-” she sighed softly before looking at Sam “Yes, I know it is hard to travel between realities. But things do become a little easier when you have an Infinity Stone in your hands that can take you wherever you want, the Space Stone.”

“Space stone?” the younger Winchester frowned, looking at you but before he could ask more, Jack came rushing in after the phone call you’d told him to make to and check up with Mary and Castiel.

“They found it, I just talked with Castiel!” he said, gaining your attention “Orangle glowing stone and an old abandoned airport that smells of sulfur. It’s demons for sure!”

“Orange glowing stone?” Wilson muttered as they all looked shared a look.

“Is that why were at the station?”

Natasha asked you at the same time Steve breathed out “The soul stone.” and made your eyes widen “We need to go get it,  _now!”_

“Wait- wait you were looking for it  **too**?” Sam blinked, making him pause in his steps.

“Too?” his eyes moved from Sam to you, with an expression you couldn’t read this time.

“Wait-” Jack spoke up, a grin slowly spreading on his lips as he couldn’t help but say, in excitement and with obviously a lot of optimism, something that only made every hint of relief vanish from Dean’s face and a heavy sigh leave his lips and mutter “Damn it.”

“Does that mean we are going to team up?”


	3. Chapter 3

“Does that mean we are going to team up?” the smile and hope was hard to miss from Jack’s face and your eyes instantly jumped to look at Steve, unable to hold back the spark of hope within you.

“The hell we will.” Dean scoffed a laugh.

“But-” Jack looked at you with pleading eyes “They’re just outside town. Wouldn’t it be more effective this way? It would be so much easier to win them and retrieve the stone, and then we will see what we will do with it togther.”

“Yeah, if we ever make it there before tearing each other’s throat apart.” Dean rolled his eyes and you sighed heavily, knowing how true this was.

“Maybe if you decided to play fair we could-” you started but got a look from the older Winchester which made you roll your eyes “If you insist to act like a five-year-old fine, fine.” you huffed, looking away.

“B-but we’re looking for the same thing, it would only make sense that we team up, right?” his eyes found yours again, hopeful but you had lost all hope when Captain wouldn’t even look you in the eyes much less acknowledge you anyway. As much you tried to make an effort to change it, he’d only avoid you, and you couldn’t afford to think about your feelings with such an important case ahead.

“Jack it’s final. We’re going our separate ways, and if they don’t wanna give answers then that’s  _fine,_ we’re not gonna look for them either.” he gave Steve a side look that made him clench his jaw, making a pause follow for a minute.

“He’s right.” much to your surprise it was Steve’s voice that spoke firmly yet calmly “There will be no teaming up, simply because this is our problem to deal with and  _our_  mission. You have no business with the Infinity Stones, and trust me you wouldn’t want to either.”

“No business?” Sam got on his feet, raising an eyebrow “I’m sorry to inform you Captain, but demons have been usingthat very stone to steal thousands of souls from heaven to turn them into demons in  _our_ world. Demons ready to cause even more chaos in our worlds. Demons ready to kill many more innocent people in our world. So, yes, it’s our problem as well.”

“I’m afraid I gotta agree, Sam.” it was Natasha that spoke up softly “This is way above your league, you don’t know what it’s really like messing with those stones.”

“Let me guess, Biblical? Huge? Cosmic?” Dean raised an eyebrow, shrugging his shoulders “Yeah, been there, done that. See, we didn’t have much problem dealing with God… or his sister for that matter. Heck, I killed death. Literally. I don’t think some fancy rocks are gonna do it for us now.”

“Fancy rocks?” Steve’s eyebrows raised “Well, those fancy rocks can certainly do so much worse than that… death could have ever imagined of doing, believe me. It’s best if you stay out of-”

“He’s right.” you breathed out with a frown, cutting him off.

And before he could control it his eyes were on you as you took a deep breath fully faced him, fists clenched but an unchracteristic sense of nervousness in your as well as you looked eyes with his and for the first time after the incident, directly speaking to him “This is our case too, you can’t just cut us off from it. Frankly, you don’t have the right to. You helped us, you saved us, yes, but we saved you as well, I’m sure you can at least give us that. We wouldn’t have made it out of that train station alive if it wasn’t for each other. We did it all  _together_.” you noticed how he pursed his lips as if the word held a great importance to him, but thankfully didn’t take his eyes off you, allowing you to search for some sort of emotion in him at least.

“And I’ll understand if you don’t want us to team up, fine. I think it’s for the best that we… stay as far away as possible from each other too.” you shrugged softly, noticing the way his fists clenched but he didn’t let any emotion show on his face – it wasn’t needed anyway “Once this is over, though, because this doesn’t mean we’re gonna stay out of it. You could avoid us all you want-” you breathed out a soft yet strained laugh that made him glance away for a second as if he’d been caught “We aren’t the easiest to work with, I’ll admit, but we will get involved, one way or another. Because this is  _our_ job, and we never back down from it.  _Whether you like it or not, you can’t avoid it forever._ ”

“Then…” he blinked, the words dying out in his lips for a moment. And in the few seconds that followed, he really looked into your eyes that he understood the real meaning behind your words and it wasn’t certainly just about the case, but more about the unfinished conversation you had even before the bunker.

“It’s worth trying.” he said it in that firm and somehow monotone voice, making you wince on the inside because you could see his struggle not just with you but with his own self over the issue. It didn’t make you feel any better but you needed the answers real bad. He tore his glistening eyes from you and tried to keep as much of a blank face as possible, and oh you knew that behavior so well. He was trying to keep everyone, even more so you, from seeing how much this was affecting him and, better yet, hurting him.

“Steve” Natasha started almost in a warning yet always friendly voice tone, but he had already put his leader face on, the one that made him look more like a man straight out of war acting like a robot than an actual man. He had already started walking away but Natasha and Sam were reluctant to follow, still confused and with doubts, stood in their place.

“We’re heading out,  _now_.” he started in a stern voice, making Sam and Dean share a look at his words “I’m sorry but this mission isn’t yours anymore, and it’s not up to you. Sam, contact Vision, if it’s just outside town then they will be able to pick the stone’s print, give the emphasis on the airports. Have as many agents as possible on stand-by just in case, the whole compound if possible. Oh and the quinjet, we’ll take the stone immediately back home. Nat, you talk with Wanda and tell her to track any traces of supernatural activity on a mile from there. Tell them both to wait there for us, we can’t waste any more time, we’ll…” he trailed off for a second, looking up to meet your eyes before he blinked and looked away “Be there soon.” he cleared his throat, stopping to face all four of you “I wish this could have happened under different circumstances.”

“Do you?” Dean asked in a rough and sarcastic voice, raising an eyebrow.

The only thing Steve did was cast his eyes down before nodding his head slowly “You’re right, but I suppose we’ll never be really sure. We are sorry for the trouble we caused, that… wasn’t out intention. Consider this only a mistake and believe me-” he held Dean’s gaze for the longest, as if he was trying to let him know something more than the differences between them would let him, before his eyes finally fell on you and you saw there was evident longing in them “It’s best if things stay this way. For everyone.” he nodded with a forced smile that wasn’t a smile at all “It was a pleasure.”

“ _Including yourself?”_  you wanted to ask so bad but couldn’t find yourself able to breathe, let alone speak. He couldn’t be ending things so fast and in this way.

“You too, Captain.” Jack said with a small smile, trying to make this as much light as possible, given how tense the atmosphere was around you.

Before he could leave, Steve turned to give him some sort of smile but finding himself unable too as he just shook his head softly “I’m not Captain America anymore, son. But it was good to meet you.”

And with those last words he was skipping his way up the stairs. So fast and without even turning his head once to glance over his shoulder, in a way that it verified your fears. He just wanted to be out of this place the fastest possible, to avoid you and even more to forget this ever even happened. And if you said, even to yourself, that it didn’t make your heart drop, you would be lying majorly.

You hoped your words, even indirect, would have made him change his mind because he had understood very well what you meant. But it seemed that it didn’t lead anywhere but heartbreak, this time for both him and you. You watched with almost wide eyes, a lump in your throat that prevented you from breathing and your lungs feeling as if on fire. You wished so bad you could say something more, anything, because it hurt so bad to see him leave… and it confused you at the same time when you couldn’t describe why. You knew it wasn’t just curiosity, it had to be something more.

“I-” Sam Wilson only sighed, shaking his head before, with a tight-lipped smile, he gave you a nod and rushed after his friend to catch up with him.

“I’ve got to-” Natasha held her own sigh but she was less willing to let go of this and just forget it all with a fight; so grabbing a pen you had on the table she scribbled down a number on one of the notebooks that lay there too “My number. It’s… in case you need anything, even answers.”

“I’ll have-” you started but stopped yourself, noticing how she was holding her breath, and gave her a small smile “Sure thing.”

“Alright.” it was so unsure and such a great contrast to the strong woman she appeared to be. She hesitated for a split second but in the end leaned in to give you an emotional, although quick hug, before she pulled away with a forced smile and followed after her friends. You caught yourself taking a step forward subconsciously before you could stop yourself, and you looked down at your feet with a frown.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Dean started with a small smirk, maybe a little relieved to and you knew all-too-well why although you couldn’t feel it yourself “We have a stone to get, before they do, let’s go!”

“And you’re cheerful again, what a shocker.” Sam laughed softly before you pulled away from both of them.

“Uh give me just one minute, yeah? I gotta get something first.” you said with a small frown, despite Dean’s worried look “I’ll come find you in Baby, it’s no big deal. I forgot my knife, that’s all.”

“Alright” he breathed out but with your current situation of dreams, and now passing out, he wouldn’t stop being on edge anytime soon. And neither were you, not with these headaches or crazy images jumping in your head and preventing you from telling reality from them.

~*~

“Son of a bitch!” Dean’s gruff voice cursing snapped you out of your trail of thoughts.

“ _Language.” it felt like everything around became silent and you could only hear… Steve? It sounded like Steve. The scene flashing before your eyes was blury but you could tell clearly that it was full of snow, anywhere you looked._

“ _Widow, you’ve got three coming for you, watch out!” this time it was your own voice, but you couldn’t feel your lips moving “Wait a second, did Steve just say-”_

“ _I know. It slipped!” he defended but you were already grinning. And for some odd reason you could feel that, along with the light feeling in your chest as if you were in some sort of trip and not… fighting? You were actually fighting someone. Who, you didn’t know though._

“ _Please, Stark tell me you got that recorded?” you asked with a small laugh._

“ _Already done, sweetheart.” it was a voice you didn’t recognize this time, but you could hear the smirk in it “And I’m adding it to the playlist right after AC/DC, for sure!” well, he could definitely be friends with Dean at least._

“ _You’re the best! Just add it to my file for blackmailing, yeah?”_

“ _Wait, you really have that for me?” Steve’s voice was laced with interest and fear at the same time._

“ _Baby, I have one for everyone! How do you think I got the entire team not to spill my feeling for you **to** you before I wanted to? But worry not, yours isn’t that large.”_

“ _Well, thank you then, honey.” there was a heavy sigh in it but also a lightness that made your heart flutter, both because of his warm chuckle and even more his next words “I love you too.”_

You blinked, not having even realized when you zoned off, pulling down down your jacket’s sleeves to cover your bracelets, and looked up just to see him tossing his phone on the side angrily. Taking in a shaky breath to calm down your wildly-beating and not let them realize anything, especially Dean. If things were bad before with your bizarre dreams and became worse with them starting to make sense, then this whole dreaming while with open eyes was the cherry on top. You rubbed your eyes, trying to shake the thought off as your pure imagination even if you knew it wasn’t.

You cleared your throat, looking at Dean “What’s wrong?”

“Text from Cas, they’re on the freaking move. Damn it.” he said with a low growl, making you all sigh heavily.

“But we’ve only been on the road for two hours, how is it possible?” Jack asked with a frown, looking up from the journal he didn’t seem to let go of the past couple hours. The one that belonged to the man of letters who met Steve.

“Well, the sun’s rising and they know we’re after them, so it wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t want to stay in one place for longer than one night or even 24 hours. If the stone is as powerful as… Steve said it was then-” you sighed, looking down at your hands and missing the way Dean looked at you when you hesitated to say the name “It makes sense that they can access heaven and extract all those souls from anywhere.”

“And until they settle down somewhere, what do we do?” Sam huffed, dragging a hand down his face.

“Well, for starters? A stop, the soonest we get the chance. I don’t know about you but I need the fuel for both Baby and I, we’re low. And after that, we’ll keep in contact with mom and Cas who are ont heir trail. Are you kids cool with that or are you sleepy?” he glanced back at you and Jack but you shook your heads.

“I’ve had my sleep and it was more than enough, but I wouldn’t say no to some good-morning donuts and warm coffee to be honest.” you said, smiling softly when you heard a chuckle leave Dean’s lips “And while we’re on it, no need to be all grumpy huh?” you leaned over the front seats and just put on some music, knowing he wouldn’t do anything to change it anymore. First; because he ended up liking every song you chose much to both of yours surprise and second; because you were already past the stage where he  _pretended_ to insist on the house rules with you. You knew that deep down he liked you picking the music, so in the end he just gave up and admitted you had equal rights as the driver no matter your seat.

You fell back in your seat with a grin, singing softly along with Dean as Sam only shook his head with a grin at the two of you. For a moment everything seemed normal, at least your kind of normal, until a flash of an image made your smile fall.

“ _I told you, I’m not a good dancer.” Steve protested with, easily, the most adorable smile you had ever seen on him. But then again, he was **actually fully** smiling and his eyes were shining brightly that it made him look like a young boy with his first love more than a man who had survived war after war._

“ _Come on, the song’s a classic. And I promise I will be patient with you.” you tugged at his arm and he tried to look like he was resist but in all honesty he was even failing at pretending, let alone resist you or anything you asked of him._

“ _Alright, you wanna hear it? I don’t know a single thing. Come on, (Y/n), I’m gonna step on you it will just be embarrassing.” he warned with a soft smile as he placed his hands on your hips and you wrapped yours around his shoulders._

“ _Will be worth it. For starters, I love how this blue shirt is already struggling on you, you should wear them more often.” you giggled as he grinned, resting your head on his shoulder “Besides, we’ve been together for years and I haven’t gotten you to dance not once before! Especially in Tony’s parties.”_

“ _I suppose you’re right on that.” he leaned in to kiss your cheek “After all, I better start practicing for a more special occasion huh?”_

You blinked, the scene once more fading away from your eyes. The music was the same once more but sounded more clear and the only image your mind could register was of the sun dusting over Dean’s freckles and eyes and taking your breath away in an instant. Despite the heavy weight of uncertainty about your past resting on your chest, you could still find yourself smiling when you looked at Dean and were sure of your future… or were you?

~*~

“Alright, I found some pie in there and I got nougat for… Jack.” you ended up mumbling when you looked up from the bag and found only the Impala and Dean leaning against it with a small smirk “Where’s Jack? A-And where’s Sam?” you blinked in confusion.

“Went for the coffee and donuts. There’s a small shop a couple meters down the road.” he shrugged, helping you with the bag by putting it inside the car.

“But… we could just fill up the car and drive down there. Why would they leave when- oh.  _Oh_.” your eyes widened as realization downed on you and a mere look from Dean only verified your thoughts “Right.” you muttered, looking down at your feet while you felt your cheeks heat up dangerously but missing the soft red color that crept up his neck.

“Yeah” he cleared his throat just as awkwardly as you came to stand next to him and rest your weight on Baby as well “Leave  _us_ alone.” he mumbled, nodding his head before biting his lip and looking away.

It only took you a few second of utter silence before you burst in laughter and he followed suit, shaking his head “Damn, I’m just gonna get ‘em both back for this.”

“Come on, don’t blame them.” you broke into a smile, wrapping your arms around him and he threw an arm around your shoulder and nuzzled his face in your hair.

“Oh I don’t. I blame this  _all_  on Sam!” he grinned, leaning in to kiss the top of your head “Jack is just following in his steps is all.”

“I agree, he’s the one pushing you to get it going with me the most. He hopes that by some miracle you’ll take this opportunity and ask me out.” you shrugged and said so casually you earned a wide-eyed look of utter shock from the Winchester which made you laugh “Relax, I’m just kidding. Unless-” he had barely let a sigh of relief before you looked up at him while chewing on your lip with those eyes he could swear could make him do anything you wanted “You’d really want to… maybe?”

The hesitation and uncertainty, but above all shyness and hope in your eyes earned a skip in Dean’s heartbeat. For a second he actually got lost staring into your eyes, oh how easy it always for him to forget his own name when gazing back at you, but he decided to focus back on reality. He gave your shoulder a squeeze but when you saw he actually hesitated, you shook your head feeling too embarrassed and almost scared to let the question hang in the air any longer.

“You know what? Nevermind. I’m just- That was stupid to ask.” you cleared your throat and regret washed over Dean when he noticed he got lost in your eyes – and his fear – for longer than he should “Gosh, why did I even say it out loud?” you buried your face in your hands for a second before forcing a laugh out “I think I really haven’t gotten enough sleep after all.”

“No, (Y/n).” his voice was rough and a little more urgent than he would have liked it but he couldn’t take it back, so he just sighed heavily and confessed in a gruff voice “You could find so much better, sweetheart.”

“Better?” you whispered “Better than who? …You?” you raised an eyebrow before shaking your head with a bitter laugh from what you could only see as a rejection “Like there is anyone better than you out there, to begin with.”

“I’m sure you can always find someone. Get that picture perfect house with a white picket fence, hell even a freaking dog if you want to. A normal and boring 9 to 5 job, the whole package.” he looked ahead of him, not daring to meet your eyes for fear that you could see how hard it was for him to say those words without including himself in the picture “Anytime you want to.”

“You say that as if I deserve it.” you whispered, your eyes casting down “Hell, Dean, I could barely be worthy of a man as incredible as you, what makes you think I could also get that kind of life if I wanted to?”

“Because-” he licked his lips, throwing an arm over your shoulders and bringing you close to him again, because even the few inches of distance were a torture for him “You deserve the fuckin’ world, princess.”

“But I don’t want the world.” you whispered, your face resting on his chest. You wanted to add so bad  _'I only want you.’_ but you couldn’t find the courage to say that.

“Well, you’re gonna get it one day, you’ll see.” he whispered, leaning in to kiss your forehead before clearing his throat “How’s your head by the way? Any headaches now?”

“Not really. Everything’s fine… or at least I know it will be, so long as I have you… and Sammy, Cas, Jack and Mary of course. You know, the whole squad.”

The way his heart leapt to his throat was undeniable but he tried not to let it show “That’s for sure, especially with the source of our headaches as far away as possible.”

You rolled your eyes but did smile at him “Steve didn’t give me any headaches, Dean. I don’t think so, to be honest, and I don’t think he wanted to anyway… He seemed really troubled himself, especially if he’s had to go through war. I think you know that better than anyone how that feels like.” you defended him

Much to your surprise he shrugged softly, deciding not to say something against him because in all honestly worry, doubt and even more – deep down – a hint of jealousy wasn’t clouding his judgment anymore “I don’t know what’s really going on with that guy, it was hard to figure out, but honestly? I really think he’s a good man. Infuriating-” he pointed out but nodded his head nonetheless “But still a good man. Hopefully everything will sort out for him.”

“Yeah, he is.” you whispered with a small smile, admiring the way he spoke about him and how honest he was “Just like you.” you added softly as he leaned in to kiss your temple with a soft grin.

“Anyway, things are better now. The way they should be.” you looked between the two of you “And I only have a small headache but only because of lack of sleep. Or better yet-” you put on a soft smile as you looked up at him “Lack of good sleep because I was missin’ my favorite pillow. I tell you, sleep isn’t gonna be the same for me without you anymore.”

You had shared a bed before a couple times before on hunts, but sleeping with him in his room in the bunker made it all feel so much more real and… domestic. The bunker was your home anymore, and spending a night in his room where everything smelled or spoke of Dean and every sie of his, made you feel more like a couple than any other motel room… although it sadly wasn’t true.

“You tell me.” his chest rumbled with a chuckle “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep for more than one hour without you, sweetheart.” he tucked a few strands out of your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek that was starting to warm up “So, now that I think about it, you’re pretty much stuck with me for life.”

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” you grinned, wrapping your arms around his arm as your one hand took gentle hold of his, before you whispered “Because I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Really?” he asked with a boyish grin, raising an eyebrow “And were you ever planning to let me know?”

“Hmh” you thought about it for a minute “No, not really. I’d probably just move all of my clothes into your closet, most of which are also your flannels so no problem there, we can share them!” the mere suggestion was enough to make his grin widen, because gosh did he love the way you looked in his clothes “And I’ll bring over my pillow and floral blankets which you won’t dare complain about, because you know they’re my fave, and just move into your room. And you won’t say a thing because, think about it, I’ll cook breakfast and bring it over to you in bed! Not to mention the warm cuddles you’ll have with me… and Princess!”

A groan instantly left his lips as he threw his head back, so over-dramatically e made you laugh “No, not your stuffed animals. Please not those! We barely have room in there for your books, how will we fit all of them in there?”

“Come on, D!” you giggled “You bought Princess for me anyway, in case you forgot that.” you smirked and he couldn’t fight his grin “Besides, how much space can they even take up? I got barely four of them anyway, from Cas or Jack, you don’t throw gifts away. And, it’s not like I’m gonna bring Kong in your room anyway, no, he’ll stay in mine.” you shrugged, mentioning the huge teddy bear  _you knew_ -mostly thanks to Sam who wouldn’t keep his mouth shut- he had gotten for you but never admitted. He had brushed it off by saying you had a secret admirer when you found the teddy bear in your motel room after a rough hunt and ever since you had not let go of it.

“My goodness.” he shook his head, but his cheeks were hurting from all the smiling and he didn’t even try to pretend to be grumpy or serious in protesting “You and your weird names for your stuffed animals.” he rolled his eyes with such a fond smile that you could swear would make your heart beat out of your chest before he got a little serious an “Then how are we gonna have room for the flowers huh?”

“What flowers?” your voice was so small but the the wide smile that you only seemed to reserve for him took his breath away and made the insatiable pull he felt towards you grow even bigger and he could barely hold his hands to himself. You couldn’t even comprehend if you were being serious or not at the moment, but you were sure you loved the idea more than anything and you wished one day it could come true.

“Well-” he licked his lips, giving you a boyish grin “Flowers, you know, like sunflowers, roses, lilies, daisies. Anything that I feel like and that you’d like. I mean-” he shrugged casually “I should find a way to thank you for the wonderful breakfast on bed, right? And the cuddles of course!”

“Of course.” you nodded your head with a breathless laugh, as your eyes casted down shyly, the both of you feeling that tug at your heart that made you subconsciously lean into each other “Then how will I ever thank you for everything else you’ve offered me hm?” you looked at him through your lashes, biting your lower lip.

“Well, we have time.” he shrugged with a casual and adorable pout “And for the record, I love the idea of good-morning kisses with that breakfast.”

“You do huh?” your eyebrows raised as you hesitated, but brought your hand to cup his cheek and lean in to kiss the other one, your lips lingering there for longer than they should as your eyes fluttered shut. His hand found your hip where he squeezed with a longing he didn’t even know he had in him.

“Close enough.” he whispered in a rough voice.

You didn’t pull away as you whispered the small question of “Figuratively or literally?” when you noticed that your lips had been only a couple inches away from his lips. You’d been dying for a sign from him, so if he said that he wanted you to kiss them you wouldn’t even blink before you savored those full lips, that stayed parted and so tempting for a moment, until-

Your phone rang. You both sighed heavily and pulled away from each other, letting your hands fall to your sides as you took out your phone “It’s Cas.” you mumbled with a frown “Why didn’t he call you?” you mumbled as he took his phone out, only to see it had no battery, before you answered in the end.

“Hey uh, did-” Sam started in a low voice, glancing at you a couple feet away talking on the phone and noticing your flushes cheeks and even more how flustered his brother was. But when he got a shake of Dean’s head in response, he sighed heavily and his smile fell.

“Really? Come on, Dean, how hard can it be?”

“Very freaking hard, ok?” Dean hissed, nervous and on edge because he hated acting like a teenager in front of you yet couldn’t avoid it and Sam couldn’t understand the struggle “Very. But… I’ll make it, I hope. One day.” he cleared his throat before grabbing a coffee and taking a large sip as Sam muttered a “Sure”

“On the road we go, ladies!” you said cheerfully, earning confused looks from them “Seems like we must have the monster magnet cause Cas just said they’re coming our way. If we jump in the car right now, we might be able to catch them in town right at nighttime.”

“It’s good enough for me!”

~*~

“Cas? Hey.” you breathed out, rushing out of the Impala and towards him, giving the angel a quick hug as he nodded to the three other men 'hello’. You took a look behind him to see an old factory, feeling an unusual pull towards the place. You took a step forward without realizing it, their words becoming muffled until you felt a hand take hold of your arm. You blinked and forced yourself to focus back on reality, realizing it was Jack. You took in a shaky breath, hoping the boys wouldn’t notice, and tried to focus on the job and not every cell of your body being so on alert.

“Cas, where’s mom?” Sam looked around with a frown.

“She took up a hunt. It was too important to ignore but she is alright, don’t worry.” he glanced behind him at the empty factory “They are in there, we need to hurry before they collect more souls and leave. The angels… they’re in alert but they can’t do much against the stone, the sirens went off last night after they got more souls.”

“Then we shouldn’t let them get more.” Sam said with a frown.

“Well, what are we waiting for anyway? Let’s go!” Dean urged, taking a step forward before Castiel stopped him, shaking his head.

“There is something else too.” he sighed “There’s someone in there, and it’s not just the demons. We’re, as it seems, not the only ones after the stone. However, I cannot tell if these people will stand in our way or-”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Dean cut him off with a groan, realization downing on all four of you “Just as I thought-damn it. How the heck did they even find it this fast?” he rolled his eyes in exasperation, making Castiel squint at him.

Your own eyes were wide and a smile had slowly started to form on your lips, unlike Dean who wasn’t all that pleased with the fact that you hadn’t seen the last of the group yet and seemingly another encounter awaited for you. You couldn’t blame him, their presence, and even more Steve’s, put another weight on his shoulders and he already had too much to worry about. Sadly, however, your feelings were the exact opposite and it felt like a big weight lifted off your chest, allowing your heart to beat normally again – even if it skipped a beat or two as you thought that after an entire day you were so close to the blue-eyed man again. There was something about his presence that, aside from the headaches, brought a sense of comfort and peace in you that you only were able to feel to a great extent with Dean lately.

But before Castiel could get to question you, a loud explosion caught your attention. Your eyes widened and your head snapped in the building’s direction, a shocked and worried yell leaving your lips only by instinct “Steve!”

And before you could even realize it you felt your feet carrying you towards the factory, Dean frantically yelling your name sounded very distant and it was as all of them tried to catch up with you sprinting towards danger. Not that you could think of that or anything else at the moment but the fact that you wanted to make sure Steve was alright and that there was a pull far too stong to ignore.

“No, (Y/n)!” Dean’s voice finally registered when it seemed to be too late. You had ran straight into the fight and not anywhere near gracefully at that. Your eyes instantly fell on Steve to see him pinned on the wall, just like Natasha and Sam, by the demons themselves.

“Well, if it isn’t Team Free Will 2.0! What’s up guys, you missed me already?” the demon you had faced no more than 24 hours earlier looked at you with a grin “I must say you lost some of your gracefulness there, ever since we last saw you. Worry not, it doesn’t make you any less appealing to kill.” he took a step forward, towards you.

“ _(Y/n), go!”_  it was Steve’s warning voice and looking at him you noticed his wide eyes, deep fear and urgency evident in his face “You all need to go!”

“Don’t worry, Cap, we’ve been fighting their kind for years now and we always kicked their asses. It’s like a piece of cake anymore.” Dean said with a smirk, drawing an angel blade “They’re just too damn stupid to come picking a fight anyway.”

“That’s true.” the leader hummed, glancing at Steve, Nat and Sam “No matter how good you’re at fighting, when it comes to the Winchesters and the supernatural… nothing can beat that. But don’t worry, this will be their last rodeo.”

And before any of you could even have the chance to blink a group of demons all charged at you. You didn’t hesitate to jump in action, each of you holding a fight of your own. Just like any other time you’d held a fight with a demon you kept an angel blade close to you and were able to defend yourself. However the demon fighting you managed to knock it out, having more strength than you could have ever estimated, before he knocked you down. You only watched with wide eyes, waiting for the impact of his own knife hovering over you. But it didn’t come because Dean stabbed him right before he could lunge at you again.

“Are you ok?” he asked breathlessly.

You barely had the time to give him a nod before he was thrown across the room and slammed on the wall. A scream of his name ripped through your lips as the leader of the demons held him back and walked towards him with a confident smile and Dean’s angel blade. It felt like everything slowed down around you, your legs carried you before your own brain could comprehend it as if it was an natural urge to protect him. However, the logical part of your brain wasn’t evenfunctioning and when you were finally standing between Dean and the demon you realized you hadn’t even taken your angel blade or any sort of weapon. With empty hands you only looked in shock at him. It seemed like you had no control of your body even at that moment. And as he charged at you with the blade you crossed your arms in an X motion in front of you, something that came naturally as if an instinct, and… felt no impact from the angel blade at all.

When you opened your eyes they widened you saw that everyone in front of you had been blasted away, you heard a couple groans but after a couple seconds you could hear laughter, actual laughter, coming from Sam Wilson as he said with a grin “Whoa you guys are so screwed now, Wonder Woman for the win!”

He, Natasha and Steve were the only ones not confused by what was happening. You pushed your sleeves up and noticed your bracelets, shining and extended to the point they reached near your elbow. A gasp left your lips and as you looked up you met Steve’s wide glossy eyes staring back at you in complete shock.

You could faintly hear Natasha say with a smile “I knew it. I knew it.” in relief.

But all you could focus on was the the choked word that left Steve’s lips, a kind of realization that didn’t just hurt him but actually crushed him “(Y/n)”

And it wasn’t a question anymore, because now he was  _sure_.


	4. Chapter 4

“(Y/n)” it was a statement and the solder seemed more hurt than you’d ever seen him, probably because for the first timehe couldn’t think about keeping his guards up and let his real feelings show.

“What the hell was that?” Dean breathed out and you turned to look at him with equally wide eyes, shaking your head in disbelief. Your lips were parted but no words could come out, only your uneven breathing.

“I have no idea.” you finally choked out, looking back down at your hands that couldn’t stop shaking. 

You didn’t feel pain but you could still feel an unparalleled power running through you and most of it concentrating around your hands and the bracelets. For a second as you looked at them, something flashed through your eyes.  _Your hands covered in dirt and some blood, the bracelets still there and more dirty, but all in a different setting. As your eyes trailed up they were metwith endless green grass, hills and trees and… monsters. You tried to find something that could remind you or the present, of hunting and of Dean, but came up with nothing. Only fire, explosions, some lighting you didn’t know where it came from before it all shifted around you in your own reality._ That of Steve, Natasha and Sam laying on the ground and other demons being knocked out.

“You guys don’t know what’s in store for you.” Wilson was still chuckling, a relief you had not seen in him before, was there. Even Natasha had hope in her eyes as she looked at you as they both got on their feet.

“Best pack it up and leave, cause there won’t be a happy ending for you here.” she said with a small smirk.

But the leader only gave her a glare “Well, what a pleasant surprise to have you back,  _ **princess**_. It surely is a pleasure-” he chuckled, getting back up on his feet, despite his injuries, limping closer towards you “To see your true colors show through, your majesty.” he said the last word as if mockingly but still with a smirk you couldn’t understand.

With a shaky breath you decided to straighten your back and push away every thought, especially at his choice of words, and blinked away every hint of a vision and pushed your sleeved back down as if to hide that side of you he seemingly spoke about.

“My true colors?” you chuckled darkly “It’s all plaid, I assure you. And believe me when I say… you haven’t seen what this  _hunter_  can really do to you.” you gave him a small smirk “So I suggest you just give up the stone before this turns out real bad for you, buddy. You’ve heard, I’m sure, and we certainly won’t hesitate.”

“Oh I would love to see Team Free Will in action, but…” he paused, grinning “I think I’ll prefer another seat this time, one with a better view.” his mere words made your smile flutter for a moment, dreading to even think of what he possibly had in mind.

So instead Dean said “Uh sorry, they’re all taken. Plus, you won’t have the time to. You’ll only hand the stone and we’ll dice your ass as per usual.” he shrugged.

“Will you? I’d bet to differ.” he said casually, making you already take your fighting places “See your anti-possession tattoos may be that effective but it doesn’t go the same with everyone in the room. It almost makes me wonder, can I really make you hesitate? And even more, how long will you last fighting someone… you can’t hurt?” his eyes fell on you, as if directing the question at you.

Your eyes barely had the time to widen and a scream of “ _ **No!**_ ” slipped through your lips before black smoke escaped through his mouth. Everybody else barely had the time to blink and you only took a step forward before it made it’s wayto its destination which, or more specifically who, wasn’t far away.

“No!” Jack said in utter horror, his eyes wide, taking a step forward as if to help but it was too late.

You could faintly hear Sam, Wilson, in the background asking “What the hell’s going on? What did he just do?”

There was a moment of silence and it confused you to see the struggle happen before your eyes, only confusing and scaring the unsuspected people in the room, but it ended fast.

“He fucking possessed him.” Dean’s own eyes were wide as he breathed out the words in a rough voice.

You could swear you heard Sam ask something but it sounded so distant and it got drowned out by your heart thudding in your ears as you held your breath… waiting for Steve to open his eyes and at the same time dreading it. And when it happened, as he slowly pushed himself off the ground on and stood on his feet, you felt your heart drop. You weren’t met with those beautiful baby blue eyes that you secretly hoped for, by some crazy chance maybe, but pitch-black eyes of the very thing you hunted and  _killed._ And now it was using Steve and you had to bring yourself to aim your gun at him when you could barely breathe.

He was right to chose Steve, because the mere thought of hurting him sent your body into a trembling feat, made your throat feel tight and your eyes sting with unshed tears. The reason? You couldn’t explain.

“Steve?” Sam asked in a slow and calculated voice but, when a dark smirk formed on his lips that was completely off for Steve, you knew your worst fears had come true.

“Sorry, Captain isn’t available at the moment.” his voice was deeper, a cold and dark look on his face as he took a step forward “This will be fun.”

“Shit” Natasha breathed out with wide eyes “Take a step back, (Y/n), Dean, all of you… you don’t know what he’s capable of!”

“Neither does he.” Dean spoke, glancing to his right at Jack who gave him a nod back in response before his eyes started glowing the familiar yellow. However he barely had the chance to lift his hand before Steve, or at least the demon using his skills, flipped a large piece of metal with his foot and kicked it at the nephilim; managing to knock him out. You screamed his name, even if you knew he’d be alright, before looking back at Steve with wide eyes. Dean took a step forward, standing protectively in front of you.

“Fighting a supersoldier, let me tell you, it will be the most stupid decision you make, Winchester.” he said with a straight back and tilted-up chin. He could be slightly shorter than Dean but with such broad shoulders and firm arms, you could easily imagine more strength hid underneath.

The moment he took a step forward though Natasha charged for him, wanting to get his attention off you. The woman was skilled, that much you had noticed ever since your first encounter, she could knock down even the biggest men with a single move of her body. But this case was entirely different because she barely made him flinch before he grabbed her by the arm and threw her across the room like she was a doll that barely weighted like a feather. And just like that it all went downhill.

The fight that ensued was one nobody could have prepared you for. Even if Sam, Wilson, told you they would handle the possessed soldier and the rest of you took the rest of the demons, you couldn’t help but be reluctant. You involuntarily caught yourself glancing in Steve’s direction, weirdly and guiltily enough, more concerned about his well-being than Nat’s or Sam’s. It was like you couldn’t control it, your heart skipping a beat every time they managed to knock him down., the same fear you felt whenever Dean got a hard blow from a monster.

Killing the demons wasn’t easy but it wasn’t impossible either. When you were left fighting the possessed Captain, though, you really understood what you were up against. Sam tried an exorcism but he was always cut off and when Dean tried to help, well, you realized what the demon meant by  _supersoldier._  Not only he would barely let out a small huff when Sam knocked him over a pillar - mind you, he made it crack - but he would easily get back up on his feet again. The man not only managed to rip a big log in half with his bare hands but also threw another at Sam and Dean and knocked them over. With Cas also knocked out and Nat and Sam having no strength to stand up, you were the only one doing your best to help the Winchesters push off the big log that was nearly crushing them, off them. But as much as you groaned and struggled, and despite your red and wounded hands, nothing happened. When you saw Dean’s eyes widen you looked over your shoulder to see Steve approach you and felt your breath get caught in your throat. You didn’t let go of the log, though, and kept the struggle up. You despite how much your hands were hurting that Sam and Dean were probably in more pain.

Dean tried to pry your hands off the log and push you away but you didn’t stop even when he said in a gruff and frantic voice “Go!”

“No” you shook your head with a small whimper “I’m not leaving you. I’ll- I need to help you!”

“Interesting, don’t you think?” his voice was calm but almost dangerously low “You believe you have it all figured out. That life goes only one way? Well, let me prove you just how wrong you are.”

“Go, (Y/n), you need to-” Dean growled, pushing you back but he couldn’t even get to complete his sentence before the demon easily took hold of your arm and yanked you back.

“No!” you heard Dean’s voice roar but you didn’t haven’t the chance to say a word when you immediately felt his other hand on your throat, pressing you against the wall “o! Let her go, you son of a bitch!”

“I might. But you better not try an exorcism cause it will take less than a second to snap her neck and you know I will.” he looked at Dean before his eyes fell back on you, empty and cold, making you feel the unpleasant shivers “After we have a small talk.”

“You’re gonna regret this.” you choked out, his grip on your throat taking away most of the air out of you. Your fingers duginto the skin of his arm, trying to fight back while ignoring the small ache in your head. Usually when you wore the bracelets, in the previous form at least, they would keep the ache away but not this time.

“He didn’t want to believe it, you know.” he breathed out, his firm tight but steady on your throat “Not really.” he shrugged with a smirk “I guess there is no questioning it anymore, but you know humans. Doing their best to protect themselves from certain pain. And there’s just so much fun in watching them get proved wrong as they inevitably end up emotionally hurt, almost beyond repair.” he kept his eyes steady on you, a dangerous calmness in them.

“Screw. You.” you choked out, despite how hard it was to breathe to begin with.

“Hmh yeah, I mean it must be the hardest for you to hear it. Seeing as you are responsible for this. It’s interesting though.” he nodded his head “Yeah, inside Steve Roger’s head, very much so. Because, you see, he tried to convince himself this isn’t the truth even when everything just led to it. Even when it all verified his worst fear and biggest wish, at the same time. He tried to make himself believe it’s not really you. He  **forced** himself to believe it, that you are not the same (Y/n) he knew… and lost. Because if he let himself accept it is you then it would  _break_ him, knowing that you were  _alive_  all this time and he did nothing to find you. Well, now I guess there is no denying the truth with those bracelets you’re sporting.”

“Wh-what?” you said hoarsely, a whimper leaving your lips, as your eyes widened as they filled with tears. As he air in your lungs lessened so did your grip on his arm.

“Oh didn’t you know?” he tilted his head to the side “You died, (Y/n). You  _ **died**_ , protecting him at that. Sacrificed yourself for him and the rest of the world. But he mostly blames himself for that, anyway. He’s always blamed himself for not protecting the one that mattered the world to him.” he got closer to you “ _You_ turned him into a shell of a man as you died in his arms.  _Your_ choice to sacrifice yourself saved billions upon billions but it took away one life,  _his. You_ decided to not listen to his pleas and did what you thought was best.  _You_ were the reckless one. Sure it was for the right reasons but not to him. He’s no longer the man he was, but I can’t blame him. It’s all on  _you.”_

“N-No” you actually sobbed, your heart hammering in your chest and your head spinning. Although you didn’t know if it was from the lack of air or because his words made images flash through your eyes, mixing with reality “No” you said more firmly, squeezing your eyes shut even if a tear rolled down your cheek “No, you’re lying. That’s what you all do. It’s not true.”

“Oh wouldn’t that be convenient to believe now, huh? Big bad demon, lying, because I wanna get in your head.” he scoffed, shaking his head “No, I’m only saying the truth and you know it deep down. It is, there, in the back of your mind. The battles, the fighting and the biggest of them all, the war to end all wars. Your biggest challenge and hopefully your last before you got to go home… with him. I wonder, do you remember all the wishes and dreams you’d had about your future together, if you won? Well, he certainly does and  _oh_ has it all become a living nightmare anymore.”

“Stop it! Stop!” you wanted to scream but it wasn’t as powerful as you wanted to, feeling the ache in your heart as you thought about what Steve had to go through more than you cared to think about what he was saying concerning you “Shut up.”

“And sure not everything makes sense, right? You have memories, of your childhood, of your parents, of being raised in the hunting life and all that but, it makes me wonder, how much can you trust your own head? I’ll tell you, not much. Especially with all those fake memories put inside your head by the very thing you created. Face it…” his eyes darkened “ **You don’t belong here, (Y/n).”** he breathed out so casually.

“You-” you squeezed your eyes, whimpering when he squeezed “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“But I do, more than you.” he said “You don’t belong in this universe. This… is not you, not really. You may thing you’re a hunter but honestly? You’re not even human.” he shrugged, making your eyes widen “And they know it. Steve, Natasha and Sam. You can ask them. I mean, they did recognize you immediately even if they are not from this universe and before you say it, there is no counterpart of yours. That’s what they’re hiding.”

“Oh (Y/n)” he breathed out, his eyes softening just like his words making you believe just for a second that it was Steve and not the monster “They  _know_ you. And you know them.”

Despite your head feeling dizzy with all the information, which sure sounded crazy but for an even more crazy reason you felt a sense of belonging in the places you imagined and saw when he spoke, you managed to look him square in the eyes and remember the fact that those beautiful blue eyes weren’t Steve’s anymore, before saying “Go. To. Hell.”

He chuckled, a dark laugh that was so unlike Steve “After you.” he took only a step closer, his hold on your throat instantlytightening and making your eyes widen “I think, they’d like to see how the battle in Wakanda really ended huh? Not that they will enjoy it though.” he glanced at your friends and your glossy eyes fell back on them as well, meeting Dean’s that were wide with absolute fear.  _More than you had ever seen in your life before._ “Must suck, having to stand by and watch helpless as the person you care so much about dies in front of you, doesn’t it Dean? Trust me, you’re not the only one going through it.”

He was standing so close to you now, both hands holding your throat that you realized your heart beating so fast and hard wasn’t just because of fear, and he spoke to you “He’s struggling in here, screaming and trying to fight back or gain some control over his body. But he can’t. All he can do is watch helpless, just like the previous time.”

You could hear Dean yelling your name desperately, but helplessly, the rest trying to tell you to hold on but a choked gasp only left your lips when his hold significantly tightened and you felt your eyes flutter shut as your body started feeling numb. Maybe that would be it after all, maybe you wouldn’t get the chance to tell Dean everything you really wanted to or live everything you wanted with him. Maybe you wouldn’t get the chance to figure out what the connection to Steve was and if the things that had been said were really true. But you had to accept it and you were ready to give in just when… all pressure was removed from your throat as your body crumbled down on the cold floor.

You heard crashing sound but all that you could focus on the moment was the air flooding through your lungs and the black spots slowly fading from your vision the more you blinked. Your eyes were casted on the ground, holding your throat when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“You will be alright, don’t worry now, you can b-” but the word got caught in the man’s lips when you looked up and met his eyes which only widened in utter shock “ _Impossible_.” but what caught your attention was the glowing yellow stone on his forehead.

“My friends, please.” you whispered shakily, looking back at them and although reluctant he gave you a nod and left your side to help them.

You wanted to make your way back to them, however when you heard another crashing sound you looked in the other direction and you spotted a woman fighting against Steve. Despite having seen your fair share of supernatural, seeing the red glow in her hands and eyes as she practically lifted him in the air threw him on the wall was still surprising. You saw the red glow travel from her hands on his body as held him down – telekinisis you figured – before she said “Not a chance.”

Even as you felt Dean’s arms wrap around you and hugged you, you couldn’t take your eyes off the scene in front of you. You couldn’t think about anything else, especially when Steve’s scream echoed through the entire place. You felt your heart tighten painfully inside your chest and Dean pulled away to see it for himself. You held your breath when you saw the obvious pain on Steve’s face as he gritted his teeth but he groaned and grunted before another agonizing scream ripped through his lips. You were ready to jump up and do something to stop it, for all you knew she could be killing him, but when you saw the black smoke leave through his mouth you understood. You saw the red glow from her hands run through the smoke before with a flip of her fingers it just vanished into thin air.

“Exorcising demons.” Natasha said in a low voice, noticing your perplexed expressions “We never had the chance practice it but were always prepared.”

“Huh” Dean raised an eyebrow, laughing softly “Then we’re lucky it wo-” but his words died off when you suddenly slipped from his grasp. He watched in confusion as you rushed towards the fallen soldier.

You knelt next to Steve, watching him with wide eyes, unsure of where you should hold him or if you should touch him at all. And you wanted to know so bad if he was alright and your entire body only wanted to cradle him in your arms as gently as possible, even if you knew you shouldn’t. You took gentle hold of his shoulder and squeezed it as you opted to wait for him to open his eyes and as that slowly happened, for a second you got a flash.

_The setting so much more different. It was a beach, beautiful sand beneath your bodies and the sound of waves very prominent. The sun shining and warming your skin as you looked down at the blue eyes of the man who was wet, wasn’t sporting a beard, had short hair and clothes that looked like out of the forties made for a soldier.The only similarity was the exact same position, you leaning over him to make sure he was alright, and the full bracelets in your hands._

“Steve” you whispered “A-are you alright?” you helped him slowly get up in a sitting position.

But all he did was look at you with parted lips, eyed red-rimmed and wid. He seemed ready to say something but decided against it before he said in alow voice “I need a moment.” before getting on his feet and hurrying away.

You didn’t even get the chance to call out of his name when you heard your own being called and looked at the redhead that had just exorcised the demon watching you with glistening eyes and shock. Sobbing she rushed to you and wrapped her arms around your body, surprising you by being the first one to not spend a second doubting you being, well, you. Even if…

_All you could think about was the tear that rolled down Steve’s cheek but he tried to hide. It was the proof that he finally believed it was really you and that scared you even more._

~*~

If you were alone in your own bed you would be tossing and turning all the time at the thoughts running through your mind. But sharing a motel bed with Dean, who had been more than exhausted, meant you couldn’t bring yourself even to breathe just to offer him a couple more minutes of sleep. You loved it when you could see him relax but this time your mind just kept drifting away from the man next to you.

To say the case had a happy ending would be a major lie because it simply wasn’t over. Between all the fighting and trying your best not to hurt Steve – not that you really could – there were demons that had managed to take the stone and leave, abandoning the rest of their books and ingredients which they had to use the stone on the top floor. And as that you had all found yourselves in an old motel, taking up rooms to sleep, if you really could, and spent the rest of the eventful night while Castiel was in heaven trying to see what the angels could do to help. But above all not saying another word about what had been uttered by the demon, as if it was an unspoken agreement when you shared a look with Natasha and Sam, but deep down you hoped that you would get the answers you needed  **soon**.

And maybe you weren’t the only one that needed those answers now this much “Can’t sleep?” you whispered.

Dean gave up, letting out a sigh through his nose before opening his eyes and turning his head to look at you “How’d you figure?”

You shrugged softly, your head resting on his shoulder “Your breathing is usually more even and there isn’t the tiniest hint of frown on your face, unlike this time.”

“Hmh” he hummed, licking his lips as he looked at the ceiling “Seems like you like studying me when I’m asleep, don’t ya? How much do you stare at me exactly?” there was a playfulness in his words and a classic Dean smirk but you saw he had other things in his mind at the moment as well. And his posture proved that as well. When he’d usually have both arms around you and be all cuddly, he now had only one arm on your back and kept some distance.

“More like gazing, and it was just once. Don’t get so full of yourself.” you mumbled, reaching out to wrap an arm around his middle and snuggle closer to him, resting your head on his chest “Plus, your heartbeat slows down into a soft, beautiful and steady sound. Unlike now.”

It took him a second, letting out a sigh through his nose before getting closer back to you and kissing the top of your head before nuzzling his face in your hair “Still… creepy.”

You could hear the smirk in his voice which just made you giggle “Shut up, you know what I mean.” you looked up to meet his eyes “Why?”

“And you?” he raised an eyebrow “I mean, you usually are fast asleep by this time. Unless it’s for…” he trailed off, giving your hip a squeeze.

You shook your head reassuringly “No, no nightmares or headaches. Believe me, you’ve worked your magic the second you started with those wonderful cuddles.” you smiled “Now I see why women can never get over you, Winchester.”

“You do huh?” he bit his lower lip to keep himself from smiling, glancing at his sleeping brother on the bed and sleeping nephilim on the couch “Is that what you’re thinking about? How irresistible you find me?”

“Oh you’d wish.” you caught yourself giggling, hitting his chest playfully “It’s the snuggling. Not to mention, I never knew you would be _such_ a softie, Dean, and I am very much pleasantly surprised. You even remembered the songs I listen to before I go to sleep. I- I mean I didn’t even know you knew!”

“Well, I mean if I did get you the wrong flavor of pie or ate your favorite candybar then you’d kick my ass to the moon, so a guy has to do what he can to keep himself safe. Take precautions and such.” his chest rumbled with a low chuckle that made you grin, a weight being lifted of your own chest “So yeah, I remember. And I remember everything that’s important to me, sweetheart, from what you love to what you hate. I’d hate to see my best girl anywhere near sad.” he kissed your temple.

Your heart did a great jump in your chest at the words, making your breath hitch in your throat as you bit your lower lip but ended up smiling nonetheless “I’d like to think this is not the Dean you let all those chicks see or what you told all of them because then I’d be very disappointed to know I’m not more important than a-”

“None of them has.” he whispered firmly “None, but you. ‘Sides-” he cleared his throat “I ain’t all that great with the whole feelings and talking thing.”

“That’s not a bad thing, D. No words are needed if two people are comfortable. Personally speaking, I prefer this. I would take this… you, without a doubt over anything and anyone else. Even the perfect normal house and life.” you reached out fo his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze you knew he needed “Plus-” you shrugged as innocently as you could, even if your cheeks were already burning red “I must admit… you got me very addicted to these goodnight kisses, no man could ever compete with you.”

You noticed how your words made his heartbeat sound weird, almost matching yours, and as he shifted to tangle his legs with yours and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You hesitated but couldn’t help yourself from bringing a hand up and running your fingers through his hair, a habit of yours that always made him calm down. You could feel the muscles of his back relax under the fingers of your other hand.  _Yeah,_ _ **this**_ _you called friendship._

“And you to everything you do.” he whispered, pulling away to rest his head back on his pillow and look at you for a couple minutes “How am I ever gonna be able to say no to you?

“That’s certainly not a bad thing.” you grinned “I guess it just means you’re gonna let me borrow all of your clothes anytime I want to! Especially that cute maroon flannel you’ve got.”

“Gosh” he groaned softly, closing his eyes and already picturing you in it “You will be the death of me woman.” he opened them, the intensity making your heart beat faster “What are you doing to me, sweetheart?”

“For one, it’s not on purpose.” you whispered, itching closer to him “And for another, I’ll try to make it as sweet as possible. Even though you have a long way ahead of you and-” although you were whispering, you still said firmly “You will. No bullshit with me, Winchester, you know it’s my personal goal.”

“You’re just too stubborn for my own good.” he licked his lower lip, giving you a soft grin.

“And there it is.” you whispered, seeing the smile you loved so much on him. He leaned in to kiss your forehead before he got slightly more serious “To answer your previous question, I just guess I-” he licked his lips “I can’t stop thinking.”

“About what?” you asked in a small voice, watching with big eyes as he tucked a few stray strands out of your face before, hesitating but, letting his finger trail softly over your cheek “Is it about what that demon said?” you asked more reluctantly, noticing the way his lips pursed for a second and his eyes hardened “You- you know you can tell me anything, right? But if you don’t feel like talking about it then I-”

“Yes” he whispered in the end, the seriousness and worry on his face making your heart ache “Yes, I was thinking about what he said.”

“And do you… think he was telling the truth?” you whispered, your own insecurities and worries over the matter, taking over. Maybe you couldn’t form an opinion of your own yet and needed Dean’s at the moment.

“I-” he clenched his jaw, shifting it and closing his for a second, sighing heavily before he finally admitted “No. No I don’t think it’s true… There’s barely any proof to begin with.” but it was very strained.

“Then… what is troubling you so much?” you frowned, noticing the way his eyes voided yours and the way his jaw clenched. It was a topic not easy for him to talk about, seeing from the way he gave you a squeeze but looked away, and one that hurt him so much it was obvious in his eyes. Your own heart beat painfully inside your chest when you once more saw the man who carried the weight of th world on his shoulders and not a free and happy man you were seeing while he was laughing seconds ago.

“Oh” you breathed out, feeling your heart drop in realization “My death.” and his eyes met yours, big and  _scared._

~*~

“ _You found a house in Brooklyn yet? (Y/n) told me you were looking for one the other day.” Sam took a sip of his beer, looking at the people enjoying Tony’s party._

“ _Yeah, I uh I’m still trying to, I guess. Not much time on my plate for that either. Work takes up a lot of time too.” Steve nodded his own head before shrugging softly, only to earn a smirk from his friend._

“ _ **Work** sure, if that’s what you wanna call it.” he rolled his eyes but chuckled, making the blonde man laugh as well, the both of them knowing that the time you two spent out of work was impossible to monitor but you brought such happiness into each other’s lives that nobody complained “But just so you know, you better go find that house because she’s ready to get that golden retriever the soonest possible.”_

“ _Gosh, she’s told you about it too?” Steve lowered his head and laughed to himself, his heart warming up nonetheless “Am I the only one that didn’t know about it until, like, yesterday?”_

“ _Probably, yes. Come on, man, she just wanted to surprise you. You didn’t bring any objections anyway, did you?” he raised an eyebrow, knowing the answer all too well. Everyone did, including you._

“ _No, not really. I mean, it’s not very practical in this life, but she gave me those puppy eyes and I- I was sold, yeah. How can I ever say no to her? It’s impossible.” he shook his head with a fond smile before taking a big sip of his own beer “But as for the house uh I’m not sure about it, yet. I don’t even think I can afford a place in Brooklyn.”_

_Sam paused for a second before saying “Yeah, but home is home, you know?”_

“ _Trust me… I know.” Steve’s blue eyes inevitably found you chatting with Natasha and seeing your laughed he caught himself smiling as well “And I’ve found mine, so that’s what matters.” he breathed out calmly before he looked back at his friend “I don’t care where we find a house, Sam. It could be Brooklyn, New York or even a farm somewhere in Austin, doesn’t matter as long as I am with her… I can go anywhere.”_

“ _Trust me, that we **all** know.” Sam laughed “You even found yourself in an island nobody practically knew it existed nearly 75 years ago  **for**   **her**. Even if it was technically an accident because of your plane crashing there.”_

“ _I can’t say you’re wrong on that.” the soldier hummed, taking a sip of his beer as his eyes moved around the guests but always somehow found their back on you._

“ _And uh what about the other… thing we were talking about, a couple days ago? Did you find the perfect one or…”_

“ _I think I did. I really think I did.” he breathed out, nodding his head as he looked at Sam “But that’s only one part out of things I need to do and I’m honestly both eager and scared to reach to the last one.”_

“ _Everything will go alright. You’re Captain America, you’ve got this.”_

“ _And **she**  is Wonder Woman, not to mention princess of Themyscira. Moreover, my first meeting with her mother or the rest of the amazons wasn’t the best one.” Steve countered, smiling anyway._

“ _Yes, but they love you now. Besides, that’s your fault for not wanting to hit a woman. But I’d say not to worry-” Sam shrugged, taking a sip “If you make her angry she’ll kick your ass very easily on her own without any backup.”_

“ _Yeah, she can.” and the smile of pride was impossible to miss from his face._

Steve dragged a hand down his face before he open his eyes again and they fell on the beer in his hand. Sometimes he wished  _so bad_ he could just drink away his problems like most people did, or at least get drunk to forget who he was for even a night –  _especially_ this night – but it was impossible. And as the memories kept plaguing his mind, they now mixed with facts and reality was impossible to forget.

He licked his lips that still felt dry, the frown ever present on his face. His eyes were stinging with unshed tears and his chest felt heavy. He had tried to let most of it out, crashing and smashing old cars upon old cars, lifting and throwing them to the point he’d wrecked more than he could count. When he said he needed a moment he had allowed himself to let the tears flow freely, breaking them and making the cars look worse than what they already did – which was bad already because they were already abandoned. Until he had just fallen on his knees and with slumped shoulders, Captain America, no longer had the strength to fight because the truth had broken him worse than any war ever had before. And just as he thought he was finally numb enough to not think about it-

A sound caught his attention and his head shot up before he turned to face the person, fully alert as a perk of the job. However, the moment his eyes fell on the only person that occupied his thoughts lately a soundless gasp left his lips but his shoulders didn’t relax any more. He could  _swear_ he forgot how to breathe at that moment and he surely felt his heart stop beating inside his chest.

“I- I’m sorry.” you whispered breathlessly, your eyes just as wide as his, your hands slightly raised in surrender. A lump formed in your throat as for a couple seconds your eyes just moved back and forth, ever-so-wide, uncertain and almost shy from your part but very tired yet longing from his.

He didn’t say anything, only looked at you as if it was the first time he had ever seen you, soaking every little detail in, so you just asked softly “Di-did I scare you?”

Your voice was small, your looks reminding him of so many lazy mornings spent in the bed that it made his heart twist painfully inside his chest, he shook his head and practically forced himself to look away “No. It’s fine.”

But it was far from fine and you could see it, you could hear it in his voice that came out rough and low and  _forced_. Yet, even as you knew you should leave him to his own to deal with the weight on his shoulders because  _nobody_ could help him with that problem, you felt that natural need to be as close as possible to comfort him, unable to take a step back and away from him. You couldn’t explain this pull – maybe there was an explanation in the demon’s words but you couldn’t think about it at the moment, only the man before you and how you took a step closer to him. And another. And another.

He noticed you approaching and stiffened up, raising his head slightly to look at you. You chewed on your lower lip, hesitating but sliding on top of Baby’s hood that was parked next to his motorbike that he was sitting on, whispering softly “I’m- I don’t want to bother you or even talk if you don’t want to, I promise. I only wanted some fresh air that’s all.”

You fidgeted with the chain of your necklace, a habit you had developed ever since you found out that, other than the bracelets, it calmed you down and soothed your headaches. The single object hanging from the chain being what you attributed it all to. You didn’t let anyone see it but for the moment you didn’t mind Steve knowing, for a reason you couldn’t explain.

You paused for a moment when you felt his eyes on you watching intensely. For a second you thought it was just your imagination – maybe even your wishful thinking – but when you sneaked a glance at him you did notice he was looking at you indeed and his eyes were wide and his lips parted.

You froze in your spot, frowning as you whispered “Is- Is everything alright?”

“Where did you get that?” his voice was barely audible and following his line of sight you realized what he meant. Your eyes focused on the beautiful ring with the single bright diamond on top, hanging from the chain around your neck as a necklace. 

_It was the perfect and classic engagement ring._


	5. Chapter 5

“Where did you get that?”

“I didn’t-” you stopped yourself, taking notice of how his beautiful eyes were red-rimmed, feeling your heart do a painful drop inside your chest “It’s not… an engagement ring, if that’s what you’re thinking. There’s too much danger in this job, too much death, too much- This life is not made for it or any of it actually. A perfect house, a loving husband or wife, kids… a dog probably.” you shrugged, smiling bitterly as you played with the ring but missed the way he knowingly nodded his head and looked down at his beer “I- I can’t remember exactly, to answer your question, who gave it to me per say. I always had this small box, ever since I could remember myself. It had a couple sketches, a journal, this ring… the bracelets.”

“Of course.” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly before taking another sip of his beer. What other verification did he even need to believe it was you, after all? Everything led to the same conclusion, including the ring.

He knew that ring, he  _remembered_  that ring. He had offered it to you while on one knee not many years ago, he could never forget as he had not forgotten you. How could one forget the love of his life?

You looked at him with a frown, chewing on your lower lip nervously. He was tense but also very tired and his posture reminded you so much of Dean’s all those nights you’d spotted him awake in the map room that the words left your lips before you stop them “Nightmares?”

He lifted his head slower this time, his eyes meeting yours for only a split second before he gave a weak nod “Sometimes… I don’t know what’s worse. Staying up awake all night or going to sleep knowing you are going to relive your worst fear again and  _again_.”

“I really don’t have an answer to that.” you whispered, trying to ignore the way your heart rate sped up because of him talking more to you “I’ve had plenty of both, I guess we all get it sooner or later, and it sucks. Uhm usually, when Dean can’t sleep I stay up with him and talk about things to get his mind off of it, sometimes it’s about the dreams too because it helps. Others we take Baby for a drive to help him relax so maybe you-  _shit_.” you clasped a hand over your mouth, your eyes going wide when you saw the way he clenched his fist and looked away “Shit, Steve I’m so- Damn it, what am I even saying? I’m here, looking like your dead girlfriend while you’re trying to forget and I’m bringing up- Steve, I’m so sorry. I- I should have kept my mouth shut. I’m-”

“No” he cut you off in a hoarse and strained voice “No, it’s fine. It’s really not your fault, (Y/n). You only want to help, you’re not doing anything on purpose. Besides, I- I don’t want to forget her. I never would, she’s-” it was so hard, almost physically painful, to not say  _you_ but he did “She’s everything to me.” he looked down at his hands with a bitter smile “There are other things I wish I could forget though.” but before you could get to ask, he made a question “You two are close huh?”

Your lips were parted for a second, confusion written all over your face until you realized it “We’re… friends.” it was totally unbelievable, and you both knew it “We’re very good friends. He stood by my side more times than I could count, during my worst and best moments and everything in between so… I- I guess. The boys took me in when I had nobody, hunting is all I knew but they gave me a family again.”

“Yeah I see.” he nodded his head slowly but how could he believe your words when you barely believed them yourself? It was very obvious because your interactions with Dean spoke louder than words “And you? Why are you not asleep? …Nightmares?”

You shook your head, bringing your knees to your chest and hugging them “I just couldn’t stop thinking after everything that happened. I thought I’d rather take a walk instead of tossing around in bed. I didn’t want to wake Dean up… and Sam and Jack of course.” you tried to add as fast as you possibly could, hoping and praying that he didn’t notice your slip-up or how you and Dean were sharing a bed.

You only wished for at least a couple hours of sleep but couldn’t get it. Despite the exhaustion, your mind was unable to stop thinking. And so just when you made sure Dean was fast asleep, you chose to leave the bed – as hard as it was to break free from his grasp, alright, more cute than anything – and just venture out in the parking lot. You needed the fresh air to clear your head and hopefully time would pass by faster than when staring at the ceiling of an old motel room. Why you were so eager for the morning to come and finally get to talk with Natasha about everything that happened, you couldn’t explain and you almost didn’t want to try to.

Just like you didn’t want to try to explain the way your eyes lingered on the door to Steve’s room as you passed by or the way your steps slowed down and stood in front of it for a good minute. Until you actually spotted him a few feet away.

“And then I saw you and thought…” you bit your lip, looking down “You’d probably want some company. Although I’m-I’m guessing I’m only bothering now.”

“You’re not.” his reply came faster than you’d ever expect and your eyes jumped up to meet his “You really are not bothering me, I- I don’t think I could take being alone a night like this.”

“Do you-” you bit your lower lip, fidgeting with the ring “Do you want to talk about it?” your words made his eyes widen softly so you hurried to add “If- if you feel like it. I mean, I totally understand that you don’t… you really don’t, of course. I’m annoying you with questions now.”

A small pause followed after your words, making the guilt eat you out on the inside before he eventually spoke “In my kind of job I had not always been able to sleep well, plenty of times. Nightmares were… a common thing.” he shrugged his eyes casted down “Staying awake at night as well. But it was always good to have someone there, a shoulder to lean on, a warm hug and a soft voice to remind you of reality or, even more, to tell me that the ones we saved were worth it and the ones we didn’t…”

“You can’t save everyone.” you whispered and he nodded his head with a clenched jaw.

“Yeah” he whispered hoarsely “She’d always say that.” he wasn’t looking at you “She’d always try to see the light in all the darkness around us. She’d always help me pull through, we did pull through  _together_. She was full of hope and love. So caring and gentle, despite the horror she’d seen in her life and she- she’d seen so much of it. Sometimes I didn’t even know how she could do it but she- she was always so strong. She-” the lump in his throat prevented him from speaking, and the unshed tears were making his eyes burn.

“You miss her, don’t you?” your voice was small, barely audible as you watched him run his fingers through his hair, your own eyes occasionally moving between him and the ring in your hand “You really loved her too, am I right? It must have been hard to go through this, I- I don’t even know how you can live with it. You’re… really strong, Steve, even if you don’t know it.”

“I-” he bit his lower lip “I held her body when she…” he looked at you and trailed off, the weight on his chest make it impossible to breathe “I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” he got up and your eyes widened.

“No, Steve.” you breathed out in a hurry, stumbling to get up on your feet to catch up with him “Please don’t!” you took hold of his arm before you could stop yourself “I’m- I’m sorry if I pressed on too much. I’m sorry if I brought up things you didn’t want to talk about, especially your girlfriend dying. I just- You need some air. You don’t have to leave, Steve…  _ **I**_ will.”

He looked down, his eyes as wide as yours, just as defeated and tired as you “I never wanted you to.”

His rough voice felt like a stab to your heart but you were also confused by his words “What?”

“I never wanted you to leave… but you did and it was beyond the us.” his eyes casted down “And…  _Fiance_. Not girlfriend. We were engaged.”

Your hands fell limp on your sides when he moved back to his previous place, taking his beer and drinking the rest of it in one go. Your eyes were still wide, your heart was hammering inside your chest and you were struggling to breathe as your eyes fell down on the ring on your necklace.  _Of course_.

“And you never let me brush it off until you made sure I had taken it off my chest, you were always very stubborn anyway.” he spoke mostly to himself and he realized that indeed saying _you_  took some of the weight off his chest “Always ready to take the weight on your own shoulders if you could… Dean’s really lucky after all.”

You slowly turned your head to look at him, your own eyes glistening with tears just like his “You gave it to me, didn’t you?” your fingers played with the ring.

He looked up to meet your eyes, but he looked to be in so much pain despite his smile “You looked  _so_  beautiful in that white dress, it seemed like it was almost a sign. Every fear or doubt I had over proposing just… vanished. My only wish was to see you like that walking down the aisle. I guess I just didn’t know how I’d never get to see you wear one  _ever_ again.”

“H-how-” your voice was raspy, not just because realization was setting down hard on you but also because the man in front of you was still  _suffering_  “How long?”

“One year.” he let out a heavy sigh “One year of endless nightmares and sleepless nights. One year of endless fights both to get back the stones but also and mostly to get my mind of reality. One year since the war after which we’d go home. One year… as of today.”

Your eyes widened, a tear rolling down your cheek when you realized what he meant, and it wasn’t only because of the weight of realization crushing you down “So the demon- what he said about me a-and who I am… he was saying the truth, wasn’t he?”

“Do you believe he was?” he only asked back, although his eyes spoke enough words to give you the verification you’ve been looking for ever since the fight took place. He couldn’t be lying about something like this, not something that was clearly killing him little by little on the inside every day.

You didn’t answer his question though for a moment though. You held his gaze ans took a few steps so that you were standing in front of him. Your close proximity feeling comfortable as you gazed into his eyes than you had felt the entire day away from him.

“I want to.” you whispered and no words had ever felt more true in your lips. A big weight was lifted off your shoulders as you admitted the truth you couldn’t tell Dean.

You hesitated before reaching out to wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in the crook of his neck. You held onto his shoulders, still unsure, frozen in your place and with some distance between you until Steve more sure- or more like, more  _desperate_  wrapped his arms around you as well. He had been hesitant and more shocked but as much as he tried to fight it off he needed really bad to hold you again, and he did.With your body now pressed flush against his, you squeezed his shoulder and held onto him maybe just as desperately. You literally held your breath, placing your hand onthe back of his neck as you shyly ran your fingers through his hair. He too buried his face in the crook of your neck, holding onto you as if clinging to air for dear life.

“I want to, not just because my head needs to find an explanation to all of these dreams I’ve had but also…” you squeezed him, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck and taking a deep breath of his scent that made all those familiar yet strange feelings set in “Because my heart wants to believe it.”

You bit hard on your lower lip to keep the tears from flowing, not just because of the physical pain in your head but also emotional when you heard him. You heard a broken sob leave his lips at your words and gave him a strong squeeze. It was only seconds later that you felt his body shake and the warm tears on the skin of your shoulder. You didn’t even question it, the man was crumbling in your hands and you were trying to hold his pieces together while he tried to hold yours together as well, even if you were trying your hardest not to show it.

And as that an image flashed through your eyes, a memory you now knew “You never let anyone see you cry.” you whispered “Not until my stubborn ass refused to leave your side after a nightmare. You were so adamant to look strong, to not drag me down, to not let me know of your fears just like with everyone else but… I just stayed, the whole night without a single question or word.”

“Until…” came a hoarse response as he cradled your body in his arms “I just let the tears out and admitted how scared I was of losing you because I loved you… because I love you.”

And his words, crystal clear and spoken right then and there, made your skip a beat.

~The Following Morning~

The first thing that registered as you were brought back from your peaceful, after a long time, sleep was the light shining right in your face. You turned to the other side, out of habit reaching out for Dean only to come up with nothing. A small huff and groan left your lips and, in disappointment, you buried your face deeper into the pillow.

With your eyes still closed, you let your mind drift to everything that happened the previous night. You could still feel your lips tingling from when you’d kissed his beard-covered cheek. It had come naturally to you, before you could even think about it, and you’d apologized a thousand times after that before nearly running away from him. He was conflicted, no wonder, but so were you. Yet, somehow, when you caught yourself crawling back to bed there was an odd sense of calmness in you despite what you had found out. Or maybe it was just  _because_ of what you had found out, who knows.

Taking in a deep breath you willed yourself to pull away from cuddling your pillow and open your eyes. Blinking several times, your vision adjusted to the light and you looked to Dean’s side to see that it was indeed empty and glancing at the bathroom door you didn’t hear any noise from there. You couldn’t help the slight disappointment until-

“Rise and shine, sweetheart.” you heard a rough voice that always warmed your heart. You shifted until you spotted Dean on the small table in the room, typing in his computer. You got up in a sitting position and rubbed your eyes with the back of your hands, missing the way Dean got carried away gazing with a fond smile for just a second.

You smiled sleepily, murmuring “Well, aren’t you cheerful this morning? You look good.”

He gave you a half smile that barely reached his eyes as he focused back on his computer “Mhm wouldn’t say so but uh… thanks I guess? If I’m lucky enough to score a night with the cute receptionist, great!”

You rolled your eyes, feeling that familiar feeling of jealousy bubble inside you, getting up to stretch “Keep dreaming, for now we’ve got a case and that’s all we’re gonna be focusing on.” you approached him, your jealousy fading into guilt because you noticed he had already opened up anything he could to help research for the case “Also…” a sigh left your lips “Good morning.”

He seemed to pause for a second as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders from behind, trying desperately not to melt under your touch as you played with the collar of his flannel, but ended up mumbling a gruff “G'Morning. Slept well?”

You tried to attribute his stiffness and monotone voice to lack of sleep, resting your chin on top of his head “Mhm it was only a couple hours but I might have really needed it after all.” you said, getting a hum from him and rubbed his chest warmly “It’s a little too early for you, though, how come you’re up? You always are extra cuddly at this time.” you giggled slightly, giving him a squeeze.

“Maybe I didn’t feel like it today.” he mumbled, despite how every cell in his body was protesting.

“Really?” you frowned, the rejection hitting home harder than you expected “I mean, it’s only the two of us now. I ain’t gonna complain for sure, you know me.” you rested your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and breathing in his scent “I just want… my best friend to relax a bit, can’t you?” he was so tense under your touch it was making you worry, especially after how he struggled to sleep the previous night.

A long moment of heavy silence set before he spoke in a gruff voice “Not at the moment.”

“Sure” you whispered, opening your eyes you looked around and spoke up again “Where’s Sam and Jack?”

“Went out with Wilson for breakfast.” his voice held no emotion as he kept focused on the task.

“And… everybody else?” you asked more hesitantly, feeling his muscles flex under your hands before he just replied with a simple shrug “I was thinking…” you started again “I know we’ve got a handful on our plate but I- I guess we could get to talk with them or at least Nat about, you know, what happened. I mean, she said she wanted to clear things out as well and I- I have a feeling… she’s not the only one.”

“You do huh?” he asked in a gruff voice, pausing mid-movement but not trying to look at you.

“I just think that… we should? Don’t you?” you asked softly but got no response, only a clenched jaw “I mean, doesn’t it trouble you at least a bit? I’ve barely gotten any sleep think about…” but you trailed off when your eyes fell on something that you really wished you had not seen. Your back straightened and you pulled your arms away from Dean.

“What’s that?” a frown instantly found its way on your face when you spotted not one, not two but three bottles of beer empty by his side.

“What does it look like?” he raised an eyebrow, not even looking up to meet your eyes as you moved to the side to pick them up.

“Are you seriously gonna pull that shit on me now? Dean you’re drinking at- at barely 11 in the morning and you mean to tell me that’s ok? We’ve- we’ve talked about this, I thought you were trying to do some changes!” your voice rose and he instantly rolled his eyes like a little kid being scolded “And now you’re rolling your eyes like some kid that’s too stubborn to understand what’s good for them and what’s not. I- I seriously can’t believe you. I understand that you can’t cut it out, and I never asked that, but I thought you were trying more to watch out for yourself! This- Can’t you even look at me?”

“(Y/n) it’s too early for this, come on.” he grumbled, but clenched his jaw as if to keep himself from saying something worse.

“But it’s not too early for drinking huh? For the love of, Dean. I’m only-” you sighed, your voice softening up “I’m just saying this because I care about you and you know it. I want you to be alright, nothing else matters more to me than you and your well-being. I just want you to see that-”

“Is that what you told him last night too?” he cut you off sharply, his eye finally meeting yours and the harshness made your heart drop “And before you ask- I saw you, (Y/n). Last night, when you couldn’t sleep and went out for a walk, I wasn’t sleeping.” he got up on his feet “You two are getting pretty cosy already, aren’t you?”

Your heart dropped, a pang in your chest that hurt just as bad as the previous night with Steve “This has nothing to do with it.” your voice was weak as you didn’t dare look him in the eyes “Steve and I were just… talking, that’s all. I did go out for some air but I- I just saw him and I couldn’t leave him alone like that. Dean he was broken, the nightmares have made it all worse, and he- he was mourning.”

“And you decided to just put the pieces of his poor and broken heart together with a warm hug and, of course, a kiss huh?” he crossed his arms over his chest, the ice-cold glare making you look away both in pain and guilt “I mean, what the hell (Y/n)? We barely know them to begin with, they could be lying for all we know! But no, they could even try to kill us if they wanted to and you’d still find yourself running into that asshat’s arms just because he gives you a freaking kicked-puppy look! What’s wrong with you?!” he nearly roared, making your eyes widen and you take a step back.

“Sure, I get it.” he sighed, his voice lowering mostly out of regret but also bitterness “You’re a free woman. I’m not you father or big brother or even more… your boyfriend, I don’t have the right to tell you who you should or should not sleep with. And I don’t have the right to complain about it, you can be with any man you want to- apart from  _him_! I seriously didn’t take you for one to fall over a pair of pretty eyes and slightly damaged around the edges looks when you know it’s all an act! That you’d be so- so easily manipulated. I thought you were more than, well,  _this_.”

To say that his words cut you deeper than ever before would be an understatement. You clenched your jaw, although it was mostly to fight the tears, and spoke in a weak voice “I didn’t kiss him on the lips, if that’s what you’re thinking. I only let him cry it out, let him mourn for the death of his significant other. And if you think that I could so easily do it then… I guess you don’t really know me.” you wrapped your arms around yourself, shaking your head, missing the way his shoulder slumped “But I don’t blame you. I’m realizing I barely know myself either and I- I just need answers, D.”

“So now you do huh?” his voice was gruff, his eyes hard but a hint of regret for the way he spoke up just because of his jealous getting the best of him “You believe what the demon said, don’t you?”

“I did after I saw a broken man barely holding himself together or his tears back as he spoke… about losing the woman he loves, about holding her bleeding body in his arms and watching the life fade out of her.  _You_  of all people know how it’s like to lose someone important, you-” you took in a shaky breath “You can’t fake that, you just  _can’t_. He’s really suffering a-and it’s all worse and also better as he looks at me. So if there is the slightest chance this will all be worth it, that this…  _I_ will make it better, I want those answers.”

“Then-” he blinked, his hands falling by his sides in slight defeat but his eyes still cold as he remained distant “Let’s get them.”

~*~

“Shouldn’t we wait for the guys to return?” Natasha raised an eyebrow, her serious expression matching Dean’s cold one as he had his arms crossed over his chest. You were trying your best to take your eyes away from the man standing by the window, how stiff his back looked, hands in his pockets and eyes not moving. You could see the reflection of his face and, as crazy as it sounded, you could swear he was looking at you through it. Or at least your heart hoped he did.

“We’re done waiting. It’s time for you to spill the truth.” he nearly growled, ignoring the look you gave him “And start by explaining how you recognized (Y/n), ‘cause I’m really startin’ to get pissed here.”

“You are skeptical, Dean.” Wanda spoke in a calmer voice, her eyes inspecting him as if she was reading him “You are worried and cautious, protective over the ones you care about. We understand. Having the life you did is not easy to handle. All the trauma and fighting and horror and-” her eyes got slightly wide and glossy, as if she saw something you couldn’t, and she subtly shook her head “Death… surrounding you, every man crumbles. You’re very strong to have gone through  _all_ this and still be able to keep fighting.” she blinked, looking away from him “But if we weren’t sure about who (Y/n) really is, then we would have not insisted or bothered you more. I-” she looked at you, a sad smile on her lips “I saw it from the first moment, yesterday. The memories are all there, some are slipping through here and there that’s how I know, but there seems to be a wall protecting the rest of them. I could-” she looked between you and Dean “Try to reach through to them if you’d want me to.”

“Wanda has…” Vision started speaking softly when he noticed the deep frown on Dean’s face “Some extraoridanry powers, I am sure you must have not encountered before, Dean. Telekinesis and the ability to read minds, to put it as simple as possible, I’m sure you  _can_  believe that.”

“After what I’ve seen, I really do.” his voice was gruff “What I can’t believe, though-” his eyes moved from Vision to Steve who was only staring outside the window with an emotionless expression “Is what that black-eyed asshole said while wearing your friend over there.”

“Why?” Natasha raised an eyebrow, her cold tone and stoic face not changing “Because it was a monster that said it? Well, then believe us when we say that everything he said was true. Unless, of course, you’re not ready to believe us either.”

“I would need a reason to, wouldn’t I?” he raised an eyebrow “ _ **We**_ ’ve got a life here. It’s nowhere near normal sure, but this is what we do and it’s  _our_ choice.” he looked at you, taking in an deep breath “Because we want this.” he added more softly with his eyes still on you before he looked back at them “And you come in waltzing into it and expect us to take it cool? Do you really think-”

“And she had a life before this one.” it was the voice of the only man who had not uttered a word all this time, making all eyes fall on him. He turned around to face you, jaw clenched and with the beard he had, it made him look even more intimidating. The fabric of his shirt was struggling against his arms and his chest was puffed out; much like Dean’s who straightened his back and looked at him directly in the eyes. You held your breath, looking back and forth between the two of them almost fearing what you’d hear next.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n).” Steve finally said after a long pause and a silent conversation between the two men, surprising you all by being the one to start giving answers “At least to friends and family. Wonder Woman for the rest of the world and mostly the ones she saved.” a heavy sigh left his lips “Princess of Themiscyra, lived and trained alongside the Amazons even if… you never were one yourself. Daughter of the Queen herself although not literally. My plane crashed on your island back in the days, it was during World War 2, and it was when I first met you. We didn’t see each other again until I woke up in the future, around 2012, though. It was during the Avenger’s assemble.”

“But if I’m not an Amazon-” you started reluctantly, glancing cautiously at Dean to see him already sulking at the use of second person instead of third “Which, shame by the way, cause I’m guessing that would have been badass, unlike the ones we have here… Then what would I be?”

“Something you’re more familiar with.” Natasha looked at you with a small smirk “An archangel.”

A scoff instantly left Dean’s lips at the same time a gasp escaped yours, your stomach tied in knots and your eyes widened as you looked amongst them for some sort of reaction or verification “A what?” you choked out, your ability to breathe and speak lessening as your heart drummed in your ears.

Dean laughed humorlessly and shook his head, shocked but doing his best at hiding it by being skeptical “Archangel? Wow, now you’re really stepping up your game, tryin’ to make us believe you more easily. Alright, fine, say that’s the case. Then how did she find herself there huh?”

“She chose it.” Steve explain, eyes hard on Dean “Because she couldn’t stand her family fighting anymore?Her brothers and sisters which I’m sure you know as angels.” he took a step closer to Dean “Because she wished her Father had not banished and locked her brother, despite him being the devil, in a  _cage_ for the rest of eternity?” and another “Because she wished her older brothers, Michael and Lucifer, weren’t meant to fight in a war that could destroy half of the world” and another “Because she couldn’t stand the fact that one of her first memories was fighting a  _war_ alongside her brothers and against her Father’s sister? You know… The Darkness? You’ve met her yourself you said.” they were standing so close that you were holding your breath, ready to jump from your seat any given second.

“Dean” your voice was small but it did make him look at you. He held your gaze for a second, his eyes moving back and forth, before he too a deep breath and took a step back but most importantly bit back the snarky remark he was ready to say.

“All she wanted was peace.” Steve breathed out, taking a step back as well and resting his back on the wall, eyes cased down “So she chose one of the many realities she had seen her Father create, the only one she actually helped in creating.”

“C-create? H-how- if I was only an archangel?” you whispered, your heart feeling tight inside your chest.

“He wasn’t supposed to have favorites, but you were just that. You were the strongest, your powers the most pure ones and far too big for an angel to manage. So vast… a stone was created to help you handle it. A stone you created with His help, a stone you’re linked to… a stone of infinite power.” Vision brought a hand up, tapping the yellow stone on his forehead with one finger “Much like this.”

“The soul stone.” your breathed out, your eyes widening as Dean took a step forward in alert “A stone of infinite power. The- the demon spoke about something I created. That’s it, isn’t it?”

The nods you got made you and Dean share a look before he asked in a gruff voice “The man of letters…” he mumbled to himself, his frown getting deep before he asked “But if the stone and, let’s say, your (Y/n)-”

“There is one (Y/n).” Natasha cut him off, voice firm “This one, whether you like it or not.”

He shifted his jaw, his fists clenching, not liking the sound of it mostly because he could feel himself believing it more and more and it was scaring him “How did they both end up back here again?”

“As a human, too.” you added in a soft voice, glancing at the green-eyed man to see him chewing on his lower lip “I mean, Dean’s right. That just doesn’t make sense, Natasha.”

“We don’t know  _how_ per say, and we don’t know if we can find out either. But maybe we could explain it, starting from how it all began.” her expression softened when she looked at you, like a sister would, before she looked back at Steve. When she didn’t get a reaction and his eyes remained glued on the floor she sighed and took it upon herself to explain “There was an idea… To bring together a group of remarkable people. To see if they could become something more. So when we needed them, they could fight the battles that we never could. At least that’s what Nick always said. He called it-”

“The Avengers initiative.” the words fell from your lips before you could control it. Your eyes widened and you clasped a hand over your mouth, looking at Dean whose eyebrows were raised and his lips had fallen apart. You dared sneak a glimpse at Steve to see his eyes were on you as well, full of hope.

“I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from.” you mumbled, your eyes casting down.

“I think we all do.” Natasha breathed out “But it’s fine. Yes, that’s what it was. And you were part of that initiative, one of the first recruits. One of the original seven: Wonder Woman, Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye and… Captain America.” at her words your eyes shyly made their way to Steve “(Y/n) was part of this, hence the bracelets; they were part of your suit.”

“What?” Dean’s voice was rough but more collected “Like a bunch of superheroes, like- like the Justice League or something?”

“You could say, yes. But the Avengers were real.” Wanda nodded “And sadly, so was the threat.”

“Sadly, every hero must face some great villain and we couldn’t be an exception. For years we had been able to keep things under control, fighting people that were in it for the power. Together.” you nodded slowly at her words, because your throat felt too tight for you to speak “But the worst comes when you’re at your lowest, I suppose. We were… divided at the time and we had to learn he hard way that the worst kind of monsters were still out there waiting for us, in space. I’m sure you remember just how fun fighting aliens is.” her words got a hum from him.

“His name is, or for better words  _was_ , Thanos. His goals was always one: whipe out half of life in the universe. By collecting all six of Infinity Stones he could do it with a snap of his fingers.” Vision explained “The Mind Stone. Soul Stone. Space. Time. Power. Reality. All of the Infinity Stones combined could give him the power to do anything he wanted and he almost succeeded.”

“We fought against him, risking our lives and the lives of the ones we love.” Wanda spoke in a hoarse voice, looking at Vision in a way you completely understood “A battle bigger than ever before. The war to end all wars and it took place in Wakanda. Despite our differences we were united once more for the greater good. He managed to get all of the stones, killing some of us in the process-” she choked on her words, Vision placing a hand on her shoulder “Until there was one left.”

“As the owner of the Soul Stone-” Natasha spoke up “You got hold of it before he could, but already having 5 stones in his hand made him the strongest being on the universe at the time. We couldn’t defeat him, no matter how much we tried, and with our defeat slowly approaching you… made a decision to save us all.”

“D-Decision?” you whispered, suddenly not needing her to keep going because you understood real well what had happened. Your eyes jumped to look at Steve, your heart doing a painful drop when you took in his worn-out expression and posture.

His jaw was set before he just said in a gruff voice, as if correcting Natasha “To sacrifice yourself.” and his words earned a sharp intake from Dean this time “Using your archangel blade you killed yourself while baring the stone, in a special place on your suit. By…  _stabbing_ yourself with the blade-” well, his hoarse words felt like a stab to your own heart “You pierced right through the stone and ended it all once and for all. At least, so we thought.”

You fought against every cell in your body at the moment while keeping yourself from bursting in tears or gathering him in your arms and not letting him go. You realized it, you probably saved billions of lives but destroyed one for good:  _his._

“Then-” Dean’s voice was low and deep, the gravity of the situation getting to him as his doubts started fading away much to his dismay “How the hell are we after it if it’s in pieces?”

“The soul stone holds a special place amongst the Infinity Stones.” Vision explained “Nobody expected it, but the moment it was destroyed it caused a chain reaction beyond comprehension, both for the best and worst. The rest of the stones behaved strangely, they reacted as if they had a mind of their own. Their power increased too much for Thanos to withhold and there were plenty of results such as time reversing and me being brought back to life with the stone still on my forehead, reality bending and portals opening. Even in other realities, it was impossible to get them under control again.”

“We believed the stone was gone for good and that (Y/n) was really… dead.” Natasha’s eyes were downcast “Steve  _held_ her dying body, we saw her bleed out, we held a funeral, saw her get buried - with the pieces of the stone, because it was still hers - we’d visit her grave every chance we-”

“Alright, that’s  _enough_.” Dean nearly barked, but you could see it was no easier for him to hear the last few sentences. He dragged a hand down his face, his jaw clenched and his eyes hard but glossy. The mere idea was making him sick and it was obvious from how he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“We don’t know how she’s alive, perhaps the stone could not be destroyed after all or perhaps the stones’ interaction did something to bring her back the way the aliens you fought were brought back. The soul stone must have created false memories to protect her too.” Wanda let a soft sigh “But we do know for sure it’s her, there is no doubt left anymore.”

“Or perhaps I’m losing my freakin’ mind here.” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes. He looked for a moment at Steve with a clenched jaw, although his eyes were significantly more soft than before, before he looked back at you once more “What do you think about this?”

“I don’t-” the lump in your throat prevented you from speaking. You were barely holding your tears back but in that moment you couldn’t face Dean, your heart just couldn’t feel for him, not as much as it did for Steve. And so your eyes inevitably moved to him, taking notice of every little detail that just broke your heart even more.

“Did you see it?” you whispered and he lifted his head to meet your eyes “Did you see me stab mys-” your throat felt tight and you choked, when you saw his chest rise with a deep breath. Your question probably didn’t seem all that relevant, especially as you ignored the one Dean made, but you just couldn’t hold yourself back from asking. You  _needed_ to know the answer.

“Yes” came the rough reply and this time he held your gaze “Yes, I did.”

You nodded your head bitterly while all Dean did was look back and forth between the two of you with a frown. Until his eyebrows shot up and realization hit him harder than a truck. He clenched his jaw and looked away, drawing his lip between his teeth and biting down so hard he could draw blood. He shook his head, trying desperately to convince himself otherwise of what he suspected… or more like feared.

“Alright-” he nodded his head bitterly, his heart hammering painfully inside his chest when he realized you weren’t going to answer but only gaze back at the Captain as if he was the only person in the room “When what do you want from her?” is protectiveness was impossible to hide, just like him being bothered.

Steve looked back at him as well, his body stiffening up as he raised an eyebrow in defence “Come again?”

Den’s lips parted but before he could get to speak up his phone buzzed. With a huff he took it out and answered. However he didn’t even get to say “Hello” because the person on the other side instantly started talking and it seemed to be nowhere near good when you saw Dean’s eyes widen and his entire body stiffen up causing worry to etch in your features as well when you heard the rough word leave his lips.

“What?!”


	6. Chapter 6

“What?!” Dean’s panicked voice made fear rise inside your chest “You’re kidding me now, right?!”

“What’s-” Wanda started but you shook your head at her, knowing fully well what seeing Dean in this state meant. You’d seen it plenty of times and you knew Dean like the back of your hand. Sam was in trouble.

“Son of a bitch!” he yelled, dragging a hand down his face, but it didn’t surprise anyone “And you let him?!”

“I- I don’t think that sounds good.” Vision said with a small frown and worry in his eyes.

“That’s cause it isn’t.” you breathed out, your eyes meeting Dean’s, and with a single sharp breath you got up from your seat, rushing from your bag of clothes to grab one gun to pretty much every corner of the room you kept one. Noticing the perplexed looks you got, you cleared your throat, biting your lower lip “It’s kind of… our thing. It’s how we work. He doesn’t have to say a lot of things to understand each other.”

You shrugged, considering it to be normal but the look Natasha and Steve shared said otherwise. You didn’t notice the way the captain pursed his lips and nodded his head bitterly. Just like you didn’t notice how he saw the closeness and intimacy between you that you always labeled as friendship. You kept your eyes down as you brushed past Steve to grab Dean’s gun, feeling his eyes on you but forcing yourself to look up even if you failed “Especially when trouble’s our way.”

You got some small nods from Wanda and Vision before you heard Dean “Well then stay there, Jack, we’re coming!” his voice loud and clear caused everyone to be on their feet “But forget what he told you. If Sam doesn’t come back safe in the next 10 minutes then call Wilson. And they better have some good fucking weapons to fight otherwise I’m kicking their asses right back to their magical-ass dimension and fancy superhero squad.” he growled, his eyes meeting Steve’s for just a moment.

You cleared your throat, gaining his attention just as he hang up, asking despite your throat feeling tight “I’m guessing we’re not having breakfast. What happened?”

“Sam just-” he shook his head “We need to get going, now!” he spoke to the newest additions of the team, if you could call it that, taking the gun you handed him “Sam, Jack and Wilson got jumped at by some demons, managed to fight off but- but somehow one managed to get away and Sammy followed him! Jack and Wilson barely had time to react or stop him.”

“Damn it, why must all Winchesters be stubborn assholes?” you grumbled, true fear creeping up inside your chest to think that the one you considered as a brother for years was in danger. You could understand Dean’s panic as you all rushed out of the motel room and to the parking lot.

“He went in the freaking warehouse alone! All alone, inside to check. Jack tried following him but he got lost, couldn’t find him. He didn’t know what to do because Wilson said he’d be back with more backup for them but he hasn’t shown up  _yet_! And I’m guessing-” Dean stopped in his steps, eyes burning and fists clenched as he glared at Steve “He has a good damn excuse for that huh?”

“Oh” left breathlessly your lips as your eyes widened “No, Dean. No.” you took a step forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry?” Steve frown, taking a challenging step forward “Wanna say that again?”

“I’m just saying, he said that he’d be back to  _help them_ but he pretty much vanished into thin air. Or more like, went back to a base we haven’t even seen for backup I highly doubt even exists!”

“Take that back.” the man could be a couple inches shorted but the full beard and hardened expression made him look equally intimidating.

“Are you going to give me a reason to? Cause I highly doubt you or any of your  _team_ will.” the venom was clear in his words. Dean was bubbling with fear but it all mixed with his anger, in a terrible way that made all of his emotions spiral out of control. You held onto his fisted hand with your other one, wishing he wouldn’t swing at him at such a moment.

“I said. Take that back.” Steve emphasized on each word, a growl leaving his lips as well.

“Am I wrong?” Dean glared harder at him “My own brother is risking his freaking life for that damn stone, we all have, because you couldn’t do your job right in the first place cause of- of some stupid disagreement while we’re putting all of our faith in you and-”

“All of your faith?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, raising an accusing eyebrow “Well, why am I not that convinced now?” he took a step forward, making your eyes widen and a shaky gasp of his name leave your lips that made his eyes meet your for a split second “Sam would never leave a person in need, he’d always help.  _Always._ Even if it costed him his life, he wouldn’t leave your brother and friend waiting. If he’s not there then it means something bad happened and we should look into it!” he shook his head in determination “Do you even forget what we’ve done for you so far?!”

“The hell.” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes and you gave his hand a squeeze as a warning “More like remember everything else you almost did. Such as kill (Y/n)…  _ **again**_.” he growled but his words made your heart drop.

Your eyes flew to meet Steve’s that were wide and filled with so much pain. Despite Dean finding it impossible to believe what you’d been told about your past, despite him and Steve not agreeing on a thing, despite all the differences they had there were some similarities you couldn’t ignore. And one was clear: Steve blamed himself for your death as Dean would in his place, and they too knew it. Steve’s jaw clenched as he tried to fight back the guilt mixing with grief, so Natasha spoke up instead.

“I know you find it hard to believe us Dean, to trust us, but do when I say that Steve is right. Falcon wouldn’t give up on Sam and Jack, no matter what. It doesn’t matter how we name it, hunters or superheros, we all do the same thing and that’s save people.”

“We can’t argue now, we don’t have time, Dean.  _Please_.” you tugged at his hand.

“She’s right, it is for the sake of the team we must stick together in this mission.” Vision tried to reason.

A loud scoff came from Dean’s lips “Team?” he raised an eyebrow “There is no team here. There never was because there never could be! It’s you. And it’s us. And I’m sure as hell not gonna make the mistake of mixing that up  _ever_  again!” he shook his head “And you-” he pointed at Natasha “You better be right about it, because if anything happens to my brother then I’ll-” but he stopped, his jaw clenching and his eyes closing for a moment “You better.”

“Dean” you whispered as he snatched his arm from your grip, striding toward the Impala.

“And don’t bother helping, you’ve done enough so far. We’ll deal with this on our own just like we always did.” he said in a gruff voice “(Y/n) come on.”

“You don’t have to.” Natasha spoke in a low voice “You always have us too. You two won’t make it, even with Jack’s help, not against who-knows-how-many demons. We’re here now.”

“Nat” you whispered, looking at Steve who held your gaze “He… They are my family.  _They_ are everything I’ve got. There is nothing and nobody I would chose before them, even my own life.” you gave them a small shrug and tight-lipped smile “I wish… this could be different. I’m sorry, but I-”

“You don’t have to be.” to your surprise it was Steve that spoke up, but his voice was flat nearly lacking emotion that it just made the pain in your heart get worse.

Your lips parted but no words came out, you had nothing to say, so you just nodded your head and rushed to get in the passenger’s seat next to Dean. The last thing you heard before you got in the car was Steve telling Vision and Wanda to go check on Falcon while he and Nat followed after you; one sentence getting stuck in your head and you prayed that your hearing had been correct.

“ _I’m not letting her go this time.”_

~*~

“I told you I had everything under control! You didn’t have to come busting in as if- as if I’m a child that can’t take care of himself!” Sam threw his arms in the air, walking next to Dean who only rolled his eyes.

“Don’t say that Sam, we got very worried. Wilson wouldn’t show, Jack couldn’t find you and on top of that you had turned off your phone! What where we supposed to do?!” you gave him a stern yet caring look.

“I knew what I was doing. I-” he gave you a bitch face at the raised eyebrow you gave him “Yes, I didn’t know it would be empty but I was taking a shot. And it proved to be right because at some point they had been here and you saw it too!”

“And is that we’ll keep doing, taking shots? Sammy, there could have been hundreds of demons in there that could kill you in seconds!” you pointed out, getting a nod of agreement from Dean who other than that wouldn’t even look in your direction, and Sam had noticed. At least he had calmed down.

“Will you stop pulling a Dean on me, now? I already know you’re far too much like him. And by the way-” he narrowed his eyes at you “What’s wrong with you two? Why are you so on edge all of a sudden?”

“Don’t you think you trying to-” Dean started before you could get to say a word but even his words were cut off as soon as he spotted the blue-eyes soldier “Damn it.” he growled, rolling his eyes as they approached one another “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You sound surprised for someone who drove way over the speed limit and used every shortcut or turn possible to make us lose you.” your eyebrows raised in surprise at Steve’s response, much like Sam, so the captain explained further “Sam is fine and he did go to get help  _but_  he was also met with a surprise when he reached the base as well, demons were waiting for him there, he had a fight of his own. In case you were worried.” the small smirk on his lips made you blink for a second in surprise but Dean only shifted his jaw, eyes rolling.

“B-but how did they find you?” you asked with a frown and he shrugged.

“We have no idea but they’re looking into it. Wanda and Vision helped get it under control but they will all stay there just to be sure, and they will help when we need to.” he glanced at the old warehouse before looking back at you “What about here? Is everyone ok? Sam? Jack?”

“We are really good, thank you! It wasn’t that hard to fight the demons back there anyway.” Jack was ever eager to reply to the man, an innocent smile on his lips that warmed your heart. Sam nodded as well with a small smile of his own.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that then.” Steve placed a hand on the boys shoulder, giving him a squeeze “I’m sure you did a great job.” he added, bringing more joy to his face that was in rare supply these days “And what about in there? We didn’t have the time to look into it.”

“There wasn’t much. All the demons were gone but the thing about was that-” Sam paused in thought “It didn’t look like they were in a rush to leave, you know? It seemed like they had already been prepared to leave and it had nothing to do with us being attacked or following after them. As if their job had been done here and they had to move somewhere else.”

“You think there is some bigger plan here?” Natasha asked and got a shrug from the younger Winchester “I’ll call Wilson to let him know, get a team to check the place in case they’ve left something here you didn’t take notice of.” she said, already getting her phone out.

“And what should we do then?” Jack asked with a small frown.

“Well, we didn’t know until recently that they were still in town, so the best option was for us to-” Steve started, his leadership skills kicking in before he could realize it.

“Whoa whoa hold up there, capsicle!”  _well that sounded familiar_ “Oh no I’m not getting any requests from you, especially in this case.” Dean was fast to cut him off, laughing humorlessly and taking a step forward “Or any requests. Nothing, nothing at all. Because this is not your case, heck it’s not even you fucking universe. It’s mine, so I make the rules and I set things straight. I, or Sam, or (Y/n) or anyone else but  _not_ you. So you-” he pointed at him “Can go play leader on your  _own_ team, cause we ain’t gonna follow you around like puppies.”

“Dean” you whispered softly but he didn’t even spare a glance in your direction, unlike Steve. He was still pissed off, obviously on edge after everything you’ve been told – you didn’t know how you’d been holding yourself together or maybe it was because you didn’t have time to think about it and let realization crush you . But most of had weared off. You realized it was because he was worried for Sam and hoped, now that everything was alright, he didn’t mean what he’d said before.

“Then if you don’t want me to be making the decisions here, let me hear this great plan of yours. I’m assuming you have one.” he crossed his arms over his chest, surprising you one more time in just a couple minutes.

“I don- well, I wouldn’t-” Dean blinked, having been caught off guard.

“Interrogate people.” Sam said sharply, having had enough of actually both of them and it was obvious from the irritation on his face “We’re gonna go interrogate people around the area for any weird sights or hearings. Someone must have seen something that will be useful.”

“Alright, might be helpful. They could be planning something in this very city as well.” Dean nodded his head, avoiding to look at the captain to not get any more exasperated.

“And that’s why it’s worth checking the local library and police files as well. Which means-” Sam continued giving Dean a look “We will split up into two groups but that  _doesn’t_ mean we’re going against each other. Because we are one team.  _One_  team.” he had quickly caught on “We are on the same side here which is why there will be no more arguing, ok?  _Ok?_ ” he emphasized, eyes on Dean who only had a clenched jaw.

~*~

Playing with the ring you leaned against Baby while practically counted down the seconds as you waited for Dean to emerge from the motel room. You were always the woman of the group and yet the boys seemed to take up three times the time you needed to get dressed up to play the FBI role. You didn’t know what you expected per say, seeing as Dean wouldn’t even look you in the eyes, not to mention utter a word. Whether he was just being sour and grumpy after Sam almost getting hurt or because of what you had found out, you didn’t know anymore. What you knew was that he wasn’t talking to you and that actually hurt you more than any knife or gun had had before.

Your eyes trailed from the ring to Steve’s motorbike, making you realize that you were in the exact same position as the previous night. Steve’s words came rushing back to you and as you took in every little detail of the vehicle, everything shifted around you.

“ _You know it’s not healthy, right?” it was your voice, even though you didn’t feel your lips moving. It was dark, the only dim lighting coming from the moon and through the window. You were in a bed facing a broad back, shoulders slumped in defeat and you didn’t have to guess to know who they belonged to._

“ _No it’s not.” came his hoarse reply “But it’s the only way I know I can deal with it.” followed a weak shrug “You don’t have to be here to witness it, though. I’ve pulled through before, on my own, and I’ll do it again.”_

“ _But that’s what you don’t understand.” you shifted so that you were sitting in front of him, cupping his cheek and making his glossy blue eyes meet yours “And I- I don’t mean the tears. You’re not on your own. I am here, Steve, just look at me and see that I am here for you. Come heaven, or hell or the Accords… we’ll do this together. But we’ll do it only if we’re really one, Steve. Only if you let me see your most vulnerable side.”_

“ _(Y/n), you know that’s not-” he stopped, shaking his head and looking away for you to not see how hard it was to keep his tears back._

“ _We all have bad days and we all have nightmares, especially in this kind of job. And I- I’m not asking you to tell me, I never would pressure you, I’m only asking to not shut me out. And it doesn’t have to be now, I’m not- I’m by no means asking you to let me in now. It’ll only be when and if you feel comfortable enough with me.”_

“ _I am comfortable with you, believe me when I say that you’re my home (Y/n).” he placed hand over yours on his cheek, kissing your palm._

“ _I understand it’s hard, which is why I’m only insisted for the nightmares now, but-” you sighed softly “You can let me see you cry when you’re ready and I promise I will only hold you… with both my arms and my wings and I’ll let you see them so that you won’t be alone in all of it. Their real form.” you leaned in to kiss the corner of his lips while his eyebrows raised in surprise._

“ _Your wings?” he blinked “You haven’t showed anyone your… You said they’re the most vulnerable side of an angel, if showing me means what I really understand, and I thought you’d…” he frowned “Why me?”_

“ _I thought you’d know by now. Steve Rogers, it’s because I love you more than words can describe.” you rested your forehead against his “And it’s because you’re more important to me than any language on all of Earth or Heaven could describe.”_

_And, making your heart skip a beat inside your chest, a small yet very much visible adorable smile formed on his lips as he whispered “You know I love you too, right?”_

_You nodded your head, kissing him fully on the lips “I do. Now get that pretty ass up, I’ve got an idea, seeing as neither of us is going to sleep tonight.”_

“We used to just take it and drive anywhere… more often than not in the middle of the night.” a soft voice said from next to you and you nearly jumped in your place, your head snapping in the person’s direction and hand flying to your gun until you realized who it was.

“Sorry” left his lips as he raised his hands in surrender “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I- It’s ok. I was just in deep though.” you cleared your throat, blinking you hid the ring underneath your white blouse not from Steve’s sight but from anyone else who could notice “I was…” you trailed off, getting distracted by the way the white button-up shirt struggled against his chest and the brown leather jacket fit over his shoulders, paired with some faded blue jeans. He had changed clothes to look more like a cop, not the FBI in a suit kind, but definitely a very attractive NYC cop. Well, you had a type at least.

You cleared your throat, looking away and saying softly “Middle of the night you said? Why do I feel like that was somehow my idea hmm. Even for an angel, I think I’ve ruined other’s innocence quite a lot.”

It took you by great surprise when you heard a chuckle leave his lips. It was low, it wasn’t as carefree as you hoped he could be but it was genuine and heartfelt, making the surprise impossible to hide when you looked up at him. It made your heart skip a beat from how more open he looked and even more how less stiff, withdrawn and broken from when you’d first met him.

He approached you with a half smile “Well, it was for the best reason possible. It helped me deal with nightmares on more occasions than I could count… You helped me. We-” he let a soft sigh, getting you carried away to see him so relaxed especially next to you “We always searched for new places that others didn’t know of and new places where we could see more stars. Clearings into the forest, the new compounds had one nearby. The uh the soft rumble of the engine, a warm summer night and maybe even some wet grass under our hands and above all  _you_ and I- I forgot about it all. All of my problems, all of the nightmares that haunted me. It all just vanished and I could sleep better than I had in my whole life… That was effect you had on me.” another chuckle, although more shy and timid.

You didn’t even realize when tears formed in your eyes until you saw that your image of Steve got blurry, so you had to look down and force them away “It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah” he breathed out, hands in his pockets “Yeah it really was.” he nodded his head, taking a deep breath and letting silence fall between the two of you for just a couple seconds “You haven’t told him, have you?”

You took notice of how his voice was lower and more rough but you felt terrible as it was anyway “I don’t know if I ever can. And the craziest is that I don’t know why I can’t do this. It just seems like the hardest thing of all.” you let out a shaky breath “I- I know that he suspects that we were close, I mean even Jack probably suspects it and he has no clue about these things. But Dean is…”

“Dean” he said in a gruff voice, looking ahead of him with a stiff nod.

This time you looked at him, realizing how close you were your fingers shifted nervously as you ached to reached out to him. You took in a small breath, nodding your head “It’s different with Dean.” you missed how he shifted his jaw “He understands things differently. And all this- He doesn’t even want to believe it in the first place, no surprise there. You two are ready to tear each other apart and I- I’m not blaming you, he can be pretty infuriating sometimes. I just know Dean, I know him like the back of my hand, he may not say it but I know what he feels. I can see it, we’re just very-”

“Close. Yeah, I got that.” his tone was sharp, making your eyebrows raise and when he noticed, he cleared his throat as if he’d shocked himself as well “Sorry.”

“Don’t need to be. As he said, we had a thing going here.” he made a sound at your words which you later realized could have a double meaning “This job, this life, it’s crazy but we work in it we’ve found a home here. And finding out something like this is… it affects him, more than he cares to admit. Maybe for my sake, who knows, that he will not let me know of in any way.”

“You don’t have to tell him. It’s not like it’s…” but he trailed off, the lump in his throat preventing him from speaking.

“Important?” you frowned, eyes back on him “No, gosh. No, Steve, I- I would never think of this as any less of it than it actually is. And it  _ **is**_ important to me.” you tried to emphasize as much as you could, thankful to see his shoulders relax a bit “Dean needs to- He will know. I’ll make sure of it, I am going to tell him, but I’m just taking some time to think through this. With everything that’s been going on, it won’t be easy for him to-”

“Are you scared of what he’ll think… or what he’ll feel?” this time he turned his head his head to look at you, his eyes sincere and tired, sweet and broken.

“…Both.” you whispered, no need in lying about it. You both knew what the word meant though. It was the unspoken truth that you and Dean were more to each other than just friends. It was the truth that anyone could see, including Steve.

He pursed his lips, nodding his head bitterly before before asking in a gruff voice again “And what about you? What do you think… what do you feel about everything you’ve heard?”

“I-” you took a deep breath, pushing away from the Impala and standing in front of him, letting the small genuine smile rest on your lips “I feel like I finally belong somewhere-” you reached out to place a hand on top of his free one “And with someone.” you met his eyes again and you could swear it felt like one of your memories had come to life and was standing in front of you, younger, innocent and less hurt “And I’m not saying any of it to lessen the pain or sugar-coat things. I’ve- I’ve always struggled with these dreams you know, visions sometimes I thought they were, and they-”

“Visions?” he blinked. He took a step forward, worry and concern in his voice and face. The moment he placed a hand on your shoulder out of pure instinct, your heart fluttered inside your chest.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds, really.” you offered a smile, although shy because you felt your face heat up “At least it doesn’t feel like it anymore. It was like dreams plenty of times, they didn’t make sense. Flashes and images, of places I haven’t been in before and people I haven’t met before. All foreign, mixing and confusing me. They’d sometimes cause a headache but you know, when I couldn’t sleep well that is, like with most dreams. I couldn’t tell things apart in the past, I couldn’t understand them, and I always… I always woke up with a feeling of emptiness inside my chest. Cold, as if there was something missing, you know?” you blinked, your vision getting blurry from the tears again “And I hated it so much. It was why I got into the job too, I thought it could make me feel complete to feel like I belonged. But I never fully got it.”

“And the dreams were about…”

“You” you took a small step closer without realizing it “Most of the time, although I could barely remember afterwards. Like a wound healing as fast as possible to prevent any more aching, you know? Well, some flashes are still there and it was you, I think the team too, the stones, even the battle in uhm Wakanda. Of course I didn’t know it back then but after meeting you and after everything you told me… It all makes sense. I feel like  _ **I**_  make sense for once in my life.” the sigh of relief that left your lips was hard to miss for him “And the dreams, they’re more clear now. The headaches are nearly goneand I’m… I feel like I can breathe, Steve. Thanks to you. And it’s so good.”

A nearly choked breath left his lips, his hand squeezing your shoulder and as if in a blur you saw him move before you felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders. The air got knocked out of your lunges and it took you a moment to realized he was actually hugging you. It still felt as if it was the first time, as if you had not comforted him the same way the previous night. But it wasn’t only the contact but also him taking the initiative that made your heart swell, resting yourhead on his chest.

You slowly wrapped your arms around his waist as well, a smile tugging at your lips as you whispered “They don’t know it. Dean doesn’t know it. He doesn’t know about the dreams, that the memories that have been making sense. I don’t remember most of it anyway but I- I haven’t told anyone.” you could swear you heard his heart rate pick up “You’re the only one that knows.”

His lips parted, ready to speak, but the words died out in his lips when someone cleared his throat. You both pulled away, you looking more awkward than Steve, and looked at Natasha that was doing her hardest to fight off her smirk “Am I interrupting something?”

“No” you said flustered “No we were just… talking.”

“I saw that yeah.” she nodded her head “Well, uh Jack wanted to ask you some questions about your time as a Captain America while the guys get ready. You’ve got quiet the fan there.”

“Yeah uh I suppose I should.” he cleared his throat, glancing at you as you gave him a small nod, hesitating before he just did as told. Leaving you and Natasha in silence for a couple seconds until she broke it.

“It’s nice.” you raised an eyebrow at her words and she couldn’t fight the smile this time “You and him, I mean you always were, but it’s nice to see you close again. Reminds of when it all first started.” her words made your eyes cast down “Oh no, (Y/n) I don’t mean just-” she grinned a little more at your blush “I really dont mean romantically. I mean… this. Just you two close, comforting each other, being each other’s rock.”

“Were we? Cause I really feel like some things have changed this time around.” you said with a sad sigh.

Her smile turned into a sad one as well “And you’re not far from wrong. He’s… no longer the man you once knew, (Y/n). Your death changed us all, but him the most.” she crossed her arms over her chest “He gave up on everything he knew, everything that reminded him of his old life with you at least. He didn’t feel like he deserve even the memories, you know? He gave up the shield and his suit, prefered the old ripped one, because he no longer felt like the hero you always saw him as. The moment he lost you, he stopped being Captain America. You were the one that had convinced him to take it up during the fight with Thanos, after the Accords, but when you were gone there was no reason for him to hold the shield anymore. Even if Tony gave it back to him.”

“Star or not… You’re always my hero.” you mumbled, blinking when you realized the words left without your realizing it as the scene flashed before your eyes “That’s what I- That’s what I told him when I first saw him in that suit, wasn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know, but it does sound like you.” she shrugged softly “I lost a sister, you were always that to me, but he- so much more.”

You felt your throat tighten but just as you parted your lips to speak, someone else was heard clearing their throat. You looked to your left to see the older Winchester all ready in his suit that every time took your breath away, especially when he had that casual smirk “Shall we ladies?”

“Why do I get the feeling that you say that often?” Natasha asked and he grinned a little smugly, but you could see more that she could. Or anybody else could.  _He didn’t mean it._ He was masking all of his real feelings, all of the pain – for what yet you didn’t know, with a casual smile.

“What can I say? Chicks dig me. You’d be surprised Miss Romanoff.” he shrugged, opening the driver’s door.

“Maybe not so much, at least I have one person in mind who’d say that in just the same way as you. You two would be great friends.” she uttered as you got inside. But soon all interest was lost - not that there was any to begin with, the second his hand touched yours when you handed him his fake ID. His eyes met yours for a very short moment before he pulled and looked away as if your hand was fire.

“I bet you do.” he only ended up muttering, his jaw shifting, before he pressed on the petal.

~Tree hours Later~

“You know, none of that was necessary.” you muttered, your eyes not meeting his as you entered the motel room. You didn’t really expect an answer that was why.

“Hmh kinda think it was.” he said with a smug grin, taking off his coat. He made his way to the mini fridge, grabbing a beer and not waiting a second to pop it open, he took a big sip, licking his lips.

“Ah so it speaks.” you breathed out, a smile on your lips though it was just as empty as his had been a couple hours ago. Looking from the corner of your eyes, his eyes fell on you as he raised an eyebrow.

“What?” he asked in a gruff voice.

“Wow, I’m amazed.” your blank and tired expression said otherwise “That’s like the third or fourth time you speak to me in the past couple hours, quite the achievement there. Congratulations.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” his eyes hardened, his frown getting deeper.

“Don’t you know?” you asked more softly this time, any hint of hostility gone because truthfully you weren’t as mad at him for being a jerk to you more than he was to you for whatever reason it was this time. You sighed, taking off your own coat and taking a seat on your shared bed. You took off your heels and massaged your feet, silence falling between the two off you until you finally looked up to meet his eyes “What did I do, D?”

Your small, weak voice made his harshness flutter a bit and his eyes trail down. Until of course he just clenched his jaw and took a sip of his beer. He loosened his tie, leaning against the table “Nothing.”

“Right.” you nodded your head with a humorless laugh “Do you mean avoiding me worse than the plague is normal, right? Our kind of normal.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he shook his head, looking away from you.

“And there goes being honest about everything to each other, too.” you laughed and this time it was pained. You got up and padded your way to him “Will you not even tell me what I did? Was it even something I said to you? Was it- We swore we’d tell everything each other and you can’t even  _look_ me in the eyes, you won’t even come closer to me, you won’t… even touch me.” it was such a low whisper you didn’t think he heard it, mainly because you were scared to say it too “How is any of this our thing? We never were like this, Dean, we had something more, we never had so many-”

“What?” he snapped, almost a growl leaving his lips “Secrets? Well why don’t you ask yourself that.” he pushed off his seat, walking by you before stopping in his steps “It doesn’t matter, (Y/n). I told you it was nothing. Now drop it.”

“Drop it?” your voice was low before you furiously turned around to face him “ _Drop it?!_ My life has literally come upside down, I’m barely hanging by a thread here and I try to be as calm as possible about it, because we have a case that needs dealing with and you- You are being an asshole about who-the-hell-knows-what! I thought we were over what happened last night, or what you thought happened but no.” you threw your arms in the air, your anger mixing with pain “You’re avoiding me, not looking at me, not talking to me and when you do you’re snapping or being grumpy! Not to mention you won’t even listen to what I have to say about the case or anything else. And we- this is not us, it’s not how we work. We have something… beyond words and we both know it. We are something more.” you took a step closer to him, just as he turned to face you “We are something else.”

“I really thought we were… Until you turned out to be someone entirely different. Someone I don’t know at all.” the anger seemed to have vanished, the emotional pain taking over but for a second you caught yourself wishing he was only angry.

“Why?” you felt a painful pang in your chest “Because of everything they said? Because of everything we both found out about my old life? How does that change ny of the things I’ve said or done, Dean?… How does that change how I feel and have always felt about… everything- everyone, you included? I’m the same person!” you shook your head “I- I seriously can’t believe you’ve shut me out like this just because of what Steve said about my past or-”

You stopped when a loud scoff came from his lips, and looking at him you noticed the same fire of anger ignite within him “Steve, of course.” he laughed bitterly “Hey-” he took a step forward, look hurt and angry “I got an idea. If I’m suddenly being such an asshole to you that you can’t stand me anymore why do you go to your sweetheart for comfort huh? I bet he’s all ready and willing to give you a third hug.”

“A third…?” you trailed off with a frown until it dawned on you that he’d seen you this very morning as well “Oh” you breathed out, your heart dropping when you realized it was all your fault. Dean being angry or jealous was one thing, but you actually hurting him by letting him think you were putting someone else before him, you could never take. “It’s not like that.” you said in a weak voice.

“Oh isn’t it?” his eyebrows shot up “Cause if you ask me it sure as hell looked like it. Hell-” he laughed darkly but without emotion “You really looked like you’re getting very comfortable around each other.”

“We’ve had this conversation.” your eyes were casted down “You know that me and Steve are- It’s complicated, and it’s different, but I can assure you-”

“Oh and that’s supposed to mean something, right?!” his nearly roared, snapping at you and making your eyes widen “We’ve known each other for years, you can barely remember you even knew the guy. We’re facing one of the hardest cases of our lives, we’re risking it all for something way beyond us  _again. N_ ow even more so than ever because I want to help  _you_ feel comfortable again, you are all I could think about. Whatever we had to face we let each other know, we stood by each other, you said it. We’ve gone through hell together and stood by each other and despite everything you try to find comfort in him? Him? You know I- I-” he looked away, lips parted as he scoffed a laugh “Whatever. Just talk this out with your boyfriend, bet he understands you better than the guy that-” he shook his head.

“It’s not like that.” you still caught yourself whispering, despite the heavy silence that set between you “I care for him. But not in that way. It- it comes naturally, I can’t stop it, but it’s nothing like you and I. You differ. He’s not my boyf-” you stopped when he just walked past you with a shake of his head “He’s my fiance.”

Your words made him freeze in his spot “We were engaged.” you whispered, unclasping the necklace and looking at it in your palm before placing it with the ring on the table.

“What?” he said hoarsely, you met his eyes to see they were wide and shrugged numbly before you finally said.

_“Steve and I are engaged and you are the one I love.”_


	7. Chapter 7

~Two hours earlier~

“So you’re saying you haven’t noticed anything out of the ordinary in the area?” Dean narrowed his eyes, the suspicious look on his face was impossible to miss but for an entirely different reason than the one you thought.

All the interogating and persisting had worn you all out, but this last one seemed to get under Dean’s skin the most. He had had to repeat the same thing more than plenty of times and you still weren’t getting the answers you were looking for.

“Well, other than the most gorgeous woman on Earth finally walking into town  _and_ my own house-” the man shrugged, a casual smirk on his face “No, nothing out of the ordinary.”

You raised an eyebrow when you looked up to notice his eyes were set on you, and not Nat as you thought, which of course made Dean clear his throat rather loudly “I bet you haven’t. And you’ve been living here long enough?”

“If you consider five years long enough, then yes.” despite Dean being the one talking to him, the man wouldn’t take his eyes off you “But as I said, nothing out of the ordinary by the old warehouse you’re asking for. Not more so than usual, so I don’t see why the FBI would-”

“And the usual is?” Natasha was the one to ask, fast enough before he could continue; she had already proved with most of the previous interrogations that she was great at getting answers out of someone before they could even realize it. She had been pacing around the room, checking out for any objects in case she could pick out on something he’d want to hide. “You said no more so than usual, so something does happen in that warehouse other than stray cats looking for food, am I right?”

“I uh well, I don’t think that you’d be really interested in-” he started but Dean was faster to speak up.

“That’s up to us to decide.” Dean said sharply, his eyes glaring daggers “I would suggest not concealing the truth if you don’t want to be in some serious trouble with the law.”

“Oh” his eyebrows raised and a smile formed on his lips, one that only made you shift in your seat uncomfortably because his eyes were on you and quiet shamelessly undressed you “I think I wouldn’t mind if Agent Evans here used her handcuffs on me.”

“You know we also have  _guns_.” Dean said in a gruff voice “And trust me when I say that mine is really itching me to use it… with your face as a target.” the way the man’s smile fluttered and an utter look of horror crossed his face was far too amusing and pleasing for you to fight a smile.

“Anyway-” you cleared your throat “You were saying something does happen in that place, weren’t you?”

“Well, it’s how it goes in this town, you know?” he tried to look less nervous but it was impossible with how Dean has a clenched jaw and looked ready to shoot him any given moment “We’ve got plenty of abandoned places around the town, you know, like an old school a couple miles away from here. Teens and young kids always love to hang around in case they can find a ghost or something. Sometimes it’s even adults, which is why I wasn’t surprised to see those guys walk inside last night.”

“Walk in, but you didn’t see them walk out this morning right?” Natasha asked and he glanced at her, shaking his head.

“Wasn’t my business so I didn’t get to ask questions.”

“And you were completely fine with a couple of strangers, that could be cold-blooded killers, walk into the warehouse not far away from your own home, ready to do who-knows-what?” your eyebrows raised an he shrugged, gaining some of his previous cockiness.

“But they weren’t strangers, at least not per say. I’ve seen them in town before, more often the past couple days too.” he replied, an easy smirk forming on his lips “Besides, from myexperience, strangers can turn out to be really  _good_  friends at some point. All it takes is a chance, sweetheart.”

You gave him a perplexed look but unlike you, Dean fully understood the meaning behind every word “It’s Agent Evans.” the Winchester all-but-hissed “And from  _my_ experience it is surely not going to be anything more to you. And now, why don’t you do something useful in your pitiful life and go get the footage of the front camera you’ve installed in your house, yeah?” he almost ended up growling at the man, the look in Dean’s eyes making him look like he could kill him within a blink of an eye.

So of course the man only had the chance to give him a weak nod before rushing away. He left you in silence for a moment until you heard Dean scoff and say “Douche”

“It’s not a first, you know. It’s fine.” you said softly, trying to calm him down but he was obviously not having any of it. He was tapping his foot impatiently, or mostly to distract him from jumping at the man, his fists were clenched, his shoulders and almost all of his body was tense and he shifted his jaw as he pursed his lips.

“The hell it is.” he growled “When was the last time he saw a real woman to begin with? Let alone get any ass. The asshole was practically drooling over you.”

“Dean” you said softly, reaching your hand to place over his thigh. His muscles were already firm and he almost jumped at the contact, you could feel his muscles tensen up slightly and twitch. His eyes widened and you heard him take in a sharp breath, his head flying to your direction and your eyes locking. He swallowed thickly, feeling stiff for a moment but in the end he relaxed under your touch.

You almost forgot Nat was in the same room as well. Because you were so close with Dean it didn’t matter you calling this a friendship, everyone was used to the close proximity or touching for longer than necessary. At least everyone that had been around you two long enough. But Nat wasn’t one of them so she wasn’t going to call this a friendship. Because she could see it crystal clear that is was  _not_  that, just by observing you at the moment.

“Believe me when I say it doesn’t matter now, there is no reason to be-” you said in a soft voice.

But unfortunately, unlike any other time he didn’t lean more in your touch and the moment you were talking, he pulled sharply away. He pursed his lips and tore his eyes from you as if for a moment he had forgotten he was not talking to you. “Alright, I get it.”

You let out a sad sigh, pulling your hand away and glancing at Natasha who gave you a tight-lipped sympathetic smile but you just looked down at your hands immediately.

~*~

“Alright, thank you for your co-operation. Here’s a card with-” you started speaking only to be cut off by him.

“Your number?” he asked with a sly smirk and you all-but-huffed.

“Yeah. If you see anything suspicious please call us.”

“Oh I will be sure to do so sweetheart.” he had the nerve to wink at you and with a roll of your eyes you left, making your way to the Impala next to Nat. You had too many problems on your plate as it was, more like too many men.

“You know what- maybe I’ll take that.” Dean took the card right from his hand with two fingers and gave him a tight smile “Don’t think you’d be of any help anyway, would be pretty much impossible with a girl like her buddy. Don’t want you to have a heart attack or something.” he patted him on the shoulder.

“Is he always this grumpy in the mornings or is it only when guys try to get in your pants?” she asked with a small smirk but you could somehow feel she didn’t mean it, not entirely, just like she didn’t have to ask because she already knew the answer.

“He’s always grumpy when he wakes up. He usually gets over it after a couple hours so I guess it must be today that-” but you paused when she raised an eyebrow at you. For some reason she didn’t have to say a word and you instantly knew what she meant so you shook your head, laughing humorlessly “He doesn’t care about that, Nat, not now at least. Dean’s not jeal- He can’t be.”

“You know him better than anyone, so I won’t question you, but let me just point out that-” she glanced at him “No man that cares about you the way Dean Winchester does, acts the way he just did, without actually being jealous. Please, don’t tell me you just didn’t notice or that you are that oblivious.”

“I don’t-” you paused, frowning while you looked at him talk with the man “Dean and I are friends, Nat. That’s how it’s always been and that’s just not- not jealousy, he’s just being overprotective the way he’s always been for the people he cares about. Me being a girl just means he’ll react differently, that’s all.” denial was the only defense mechanism you had at the moment. You couldn’t afford to let your hopes get up, not now.

“So overprotectiveness is what you’re going to call it ok.” she nodded her head, her eyes studying you like an open book “But we both know that you can’t keep trying to find excuses to his behavior. Wether you call it overprotectiveness or grumpiness, fine, but we both know it’s clear jealousy and signs of being hurt that make him not want to talk to you. Keep calling it friendship if you want to, anyone can see right through it.”

“We’re family, alright? I’m not trying to-” you rubbed your temple “I have too much on my plate as it is, Nat. I can’t afford to think of that now. Besides, I thought you’d be more like a team Steve kind of chick, why give me advice on how to handle things with another guy?”

“You’re right, I am.” she gave you a small smirk “But even more than Steve’s heart, I care about how yours is. And I know you too well to say that it’s not in one piece as it should be, either. So maybe figuring things out with  _this_ other guy will help you find everything you’re looking for… including some feelings for the other one.” she added with a small shrug and you found yourself finally being able to smile.

“Well, that I can definitely tell you won’t be that hard.” you whispered, chewing on your lower lip.

She raised an eyebrow at you but didn’t get the chance to ask when Dean approached you “Alright, that was the last one for today. We’re heading back and catching up with Sam to see what they’ve figured out.”

~*~

“He’s my fiance.” your words made him freeze in his spot, his body went rigid and for a second your breath got caught in your throat.

“We were engaged.” you whispered, unclasping the necklace and taking it in your hand. Looking at it in your palm before placing it with the ring on the table. He turned around, his eyes wide and his chest puffed out as he held his breath.

“What?” he said hoarsely but it was barely audible.

You met his eyes and shrugged numbly before you took in a shaky breath, taking in all the courage you master, and finally said “Steve and I are engaged and you are the one I love.”

His eyebrows raised and you heard him take in a sharp breath, despite how hard it was with your heart hammering inside your chest “I’m- You’re-  _What?”_

This time his voice came out deeper, more rough and certainly more loud. He blinked, pursing his lips as you took a step closer to him, your eyes not leaving his though. Maybe it was your own deep need to see some sort of reaction from him, to see any kind of emotion on his face that could mean how he felt about all of this; but it was ever the same. Utter shock.

The words had slipped from your lips so effortlessly, it didn’t even properly record. So smoothly as if you were always meant to say them to Dean every day, as if you had actually been saying them to him every day indeed. You had never been able to say the L word before, not as far as you could remember, so it was no surprise it made Dean struggle to breathe when you actually said them. In fact, as realization set down, your own heart made some even more crazy jumps in your chest and you tried to keep your eyes from widening.

“I- I-” you had to take a deep breath to calm down yourself, but there was no stopping your hands from shaking that much you knew. You took in a shaky breath.

“I don’t hide anything from you, I never did at least, and if I’ve now ended up keeping things to myself is because it’s too difficult for me to control everything that’s going on. I’m- I’m a mess, I’m nearly losing my mind but you, Dean-” you licked your lips, feeling your mouth go dry “You’ve always been by my side, you’ve always been  _the most_ important person in my life. Nobody mattered more than you and I’m not scared to admit. I don’t want us to end up saying there are  _secrets_ between us, that’s why I’m telling you the truth. I want-”

“(Y/n)” he cut you off, his voice lower “Stop” his eyes moving back and forth as you paused and looked at him with slightly wide eyes, that didn’t help in letting him focus on his thoughts “Just-” he licked his lips “What did you just say?”

“I’m-” you blinked, your eyes slowly trailing away from Dean as you wrapped your arms around yourself “I’m engaged to Steve. That ring is- he offered it to me when he proposed, in the other world where I lived in. And I know you could just as simply not believe this right now but he’s-”

“(Y/n).” this time he cut you off more firmly, and your eyes shot up to meet his “I don’t give a flyin’ fuck about Steve right now. I really don’t. I just-” he had a small frown on his face, his expression was hard to read but as he cleared his throat you could begin to see some of his emotions slipping through. He was nervous, anxious, impatient even more, didn’t know how to deal with it and could hardly hold himself back. “What did you  _just_ say?”

You smiled, albeit shyly, before you took another step closer to him. You took hold of his hand, your fingers almost locking. He subconsciously rubbed small circles with his thumb and your head fell forward so that it rested on his shoulder. “I- I-” you took in a deep breath, your eyes closing for a second.

“I love you.” you whispered, looking up through your lashes to see his eyes were already on you “And I’ve realized there is nothing wrong with saying it out loud. Because I just do fee it.” you slowly, and even more hesitantly from his side, let go of each other’s hand. You brought your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest, you hugged him as tightly as you possibly could. You could feel his body was tense at first but despite how much he tried to fight it off, Dean was never one to speak about his feelings, he relaxed in your arms and brough his around you as well. You could hear his heart beating fast and hard inside his chest, so much

“You mean so much to me and no other man can ever change it… not even Steve.” you whispered, pulling slightly away, your eyes lifting to meet his “Yes, I know he’s my fiance. I know that I must have really loved him. I know and I- I feel it. I can’t hide that there is something in me that feels it, Dean. But it can’t just erase all this, not even getting my memories back will change what we have. I love you, I- I always have, D.”

“Sweetheart” his voice was thick, his lower lip trembling as he took in a shaky breath. He brought a hand to your cheek, cupping it softly as you nuzzled your face in his palm.

“I do. And thinking about it, talking with Nat, it made me realize that there are things that I should tell you more often. That there are things I should let you know, especially about my feelings, especially about this and not to take you knowing it for granted.”

“Trust me-” he tried to swallow the lump in his throat over but failed, giving you a half smile “I certainly didn’t take you…” he struggled to put the words of you loving him in one sentence “Take this for granted. Like  _never_.”

“Dean” you breathed out, your shoulders relaxing more “This is what I want to see. You, calm, relaxed and smiling even the slightest bit. I always tried my damn hardest to take the burden off your shoulders, take away even a bit of the weight of the world you always took upon yourself. I could never  _hate_ myself more than to know I’m putting just another weight on your shoulders, Dean. You just wouldn’t deserve it.”

“You didn’t-” he started protesting, his voice much softer than a couple minutes ago.

“I know I did.” you cut him off, placing a hand on top of his on your cheek “It’s obvious, you were so tense just a couple minutes ago. You were on edge, you had a constant frown, even the whole not talking and grumbling thing proved that, Dean. And it’s all my fault.”

“It’s not because of who you are. Your past doesn’t change the way I see you, none of the things you’ve lived there do. I don’t care about your past, only your future and making sure you’ll have one to live.” he rested his forehead against yours.

“Except for everything concerning Steve.” you pointed out with a small smile and his fell for a second and he rolled his eyes.

“Well…” he shrugged, making a face which only made your smile get bigger. If he was in the mood for jokes then everything was much better already.

“Dean, I know you better than the back of my hand. Even things you can’t admit, I can see right through you, I can see the signs and I just-” you took a deep breath “I  _need_ you to know that whatever is going on with Steve doesn’t change this. What you saw, the hugs and all, they were all… friendly. There is nothing going on between him and I, I’m only trying to get to know him more and to know myself better through him. The person I was at least. That’s it.” you didn’t know if you were trying convince yourself for him at that point.

“But I need you to believe me that-” you cleared your throat “Steve is Steve, and he is my fiance. He is the man I wanted to spend my life with.” you noticed and felt under your hands how he stiffened up “I can’t erase that or try to ignore it. There is and will always be a reminder of it that I carry with me, because I know I did say yes for a reason. But that can’t take away what I feel for you, always remember that. I love you Dean.”

“Do-” he felt his stomach tighten in knots all over again, his throat felt tight and mouth went dry when he heard those four words leave your lips while you gazed into his eyes with.It didn’t matter you having to say those last words because all jealousy, concern and even fear had vanished under your warm touch and look. “Do you really?”

“Of course.” you breathed out with a smile that was so contagious, you leaned in and kissed his cheek, your chest feeling much lighter when you saw the small smile on his lips “You’re my family.”

And it fluttered. “What?” he blinked, his blood running cold.

“I said, of course I love you.” you wished you could say those words alone and not add the rest but you forced yourself to “Just like I love Sammy, Cas, Jack and Mary. You are all my family, nobody will ever change that or take it away from you. You are everything to me, you- you understand that right?”

It felt like a physical struggle, actually painful for you to turn this into a family love when it really wasn’t, and you couldn’t lie about it to yourself. The words had been so easy to say, despite what you feared and maybe that was why they had slipped, but you knew you couldn’t say them out loud in that way. Not yet at least. He needed to believe it, you needed to. At least this kind of love you was easier to explain, to justify and you had more courage to admit for now.

“So what?” is voice was strained and gruff, the smile no longer feeling natural on his lips just because it was  _forced_  “Am I like your older brother or something?”

“Well-” you still smiled but it wasn’t as heartfelt when you saw that some of the light had left his eyes “Not to brotherzone you or anything, but you can be really as annoying as an older brother can be.”

“What?” he huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes “Sam is totally much worse, though.”

“I don’t know.” you wrapped your arms around his waist again “Remember-” you started in a soft voice and small smile “That time when you had to save me from that nest of vamps? I had been hunting with you guys for about six months but gosh were you a stubborn ass from the first time we met. You pissed me off so bad, I have no idea how I held back from punching the living heaven out of you.”

“Look who’s talking.” he scoffed, a fond smile on his lips anyway “You never agreed to anything I said, even if you knew I was right. You always said the exact opposite just to piss me off, we both know it.” he rested his cheek on top of your head. The warmth in his voice managing to keep you calm and less worried.

“Piss  _you_ off? Excuse me, you were the one that was so freaking set on having things his way from the start. You refused to let me do anything on my own, you refused to listen and were always set on having it your way. Sometimes, I will confess, you were asking for it. But you gotta admit it, you loved butting heads with me more than you cared about being right.”

“Guilty pleasure, I guess.” you could hear the smirk in his voice “You were so set on getting those vamps you just wouldn’t listen to my warnings. And when you saw that I wasn’t giving in, like any other time, you took Baby to get at me in the worst way possible.”

“I took off in the middle of the night, wasn’t really thinking straight but when it proved to be a whole freaking nest I gotta admit I said for the first time in my life that I should have listened to you.” you sighed “I was so relieved when you burst in and saved me. Even though it lasted for a second, because I soon realized I had still stolen your precious car and I was probably more screwed with you there.” you giggled and his smile turned into a grin.

“ _Damn_ , I swear I saw red when I couldn’t find it. But walking into that filthy place to see you tied and hurt, I just-” he pursed his lips “I forgot all about it. I didn’t give a damn what you’d done or had happened. In that moment I didn’t care how much you usually got on my nerves or how we’d disagree, or hell you taking Baby. None of it mattered. No, I only wanted to make sure you were safe.” he buried his face in your hair “I have never…  _ever_ felt that kind of fear in my life before, (Y/n). Never.”

“Well, in all honesty… I wasn’t.” you tried to calm him down, the memories not being entirely pleasant “Because the moment I saw you there, I knew you’d do everything in your power to help. In a way I felt safe, I don’t how or why, but I instantly felt like I was already fine. So I guess-” you pulled slightly away and looked in his eyes “It’s not you annoying me at first but actually you caring this much. It’s you looking after me, kinda like an older brother but… you’re more.”

“That… I’m glad to hear.” he admitted, the honesty in his features both making your heart skip a beat and also worry and guilt to fill your chest.

“I uh I should probably go get a shower, I feel like I need one.” you bit your lower lip nervously, before slowly asking, still unsure “So this means we’re good, right?”

“Yeah, kiddo, we’re good. You don’t have to worry about anything, I understand. And I’ll always be here for you.” he gave you a nod and you sighed in relief, smiling when he kissed your forehead tenderly.

“Great” you whispered “Because I’m always going to be here for you two, no matter what. You ain’t getting rid of me that easily.” you winked and a chuckle escaped his lips “Besides, hey, I’m technically much older than you by like billions of years, aren’t I?”

“Hmh don’t know what you’re talking about.” he shrugged, letting you slip from his arms as you laughed. He wouldn’t let go of the nickname or any other one no matter what. You pecked his cheek quickly before taking some clothes and making your way to the bathroom.

The second the door closed behind you, though, his smile fluttered. He tore his eyes away from the door, his lips parting but no words came out, the lump in his throat feeling painful in the end. His eyes landed on the beer and, as much as he’d promised you he’d tone it down a bit, he guiltily reached out for it and downed it all. His eyes trailed down and a choked sound came his lips, as he nodded his head bitterly before closing them in  _pain_.

~*~

“Gosh, I really needed that.” you breathed out, exiting the bathroom and your eyes instantly focused on Dean sitting in his chair on the table already “But you keep letting me borrow your flannels and one day you’re gonna have to go shopping for new ones cause I’ll have stolen all of ‘em.”

The green-eyed man looked up, a smile instantly tugging at the corners of his lips when he saw you in his green plaid flannel before he narrowed his eyes playfully at you “I don’t remember letting you borrow that one exactly.”

“Nah but you’ve let me borrow others before. And you’re equally responsible for this one, Winchester.” you padded your way to him “You shouldn’t have let it lying around in the bathroom like that.”

“So you just took it and wore it instead?” he laughed softly, eyebrow raised.

“Well-” you hugged the fabric close to yourself, enjoying the feeling and smell of Dean’s scent on you “I just couldn’t help it. It was there, all alone and sad. It just wanted to be worn and you’re always chosing other flannels instead, so I gave it a chance.” you shrugged with an easy smile.

He chuckled “Was it, now? Hm.” he licked his lips “Well, since you have such a special bond with it, then you can keep it.”

“Wait, really?” you breathed out, your eyebrows raising in surprise as he nodded his head.

He dragged his lower lip between his teeth, sucking softly, as his eyes roamed your figure before he breathed out with a small smile “Yeah. 'Sides, you look much better in it than me.”

“Well, you know what you’d look really good in? It’s that-” but you didn’t get to complete your sentence when you heard someone clear their throat, just as you turned your head to meet more than one person’s eyes. “Oh” you blinked, tugging slightly at the flannel “You- you guys are back already?”

“Not that I’m not used to feeling invisible in a room with you two guys in it, but-” Sam chuckled, walking towards you “Not everybdy else has to deal with it.”

Your eyes followed him until you met those sweet and broken beautiful baby blue eyes. They flashed with pain before he looked away, jaw clenched, while your own smile fell. You cleared your throat, focusing back on the Winchesters and taking a seat on the chair next to Dean.

“So any news on the case? What did you guys come up with?” you asked.

“The locals didn’t have many things to say other than those demons looking familiar. They said they’ve seen some of them in town multiple times. And while that doesn’t really make sense for demons on the run from, well, all of us-” Sam took hold of his father’s journal “I found something very interesting in dad’s journal about this place.”

“Please, tell me it’s about rainbows and unicorns, I don’t think I can handle anything more.” you groaned but Sam only sighed, shaking his head.

“Am afraid, not. The place is home to its very own Gate of Heaven. And before you question it, yeah apparently there seems to be more than one way upstairs, more like a backdoor. And they want to open it.” he closed the journal shut “The entire town to be more specific, if they access key locations around this place they could use the stone open the gates and possibly take all the souls that are in heaven at the moment. So far they’ve been finding small cracks and stealing souls here and there but this is bigger.”

“Is that even possible?” your eyes widened.

“Castiel said it is. At the moment the angels are doing everything in their power to protect them but it will be hard if they can create a link between all of the key locations.” Jack said, looking up from his own computer “Which is why they’ve been lingering here, they come and go to different towns but they’ve always been returning.”

“How could you-”

“Police.” Steve spoke, making your eyes fall back on him as much as you wanted to avoid that at the moment; the guilt was making your stomach feel heavier “They said some of them have been held responsible for vandalising, robbing and… others are also wanted for human sacrifices. My best guess is they need them to activate the stone each time since, well, since all the victims have been loved ones of the currently possessed ones. Whether it was adults or even… little kids, they just went ahead with it.” he sighed, putting his hands in his pockets as he looked out of the window “That’s the price that needs to be paid and they did pay it every single time.”

“But that’s-” you felt a lump in your throat “That’s horrible, why would the stone demand something so- Even children?” you placed a hand over your mouth, your eyes casting down, wide and with horror in them.

“It was made that way, so that no other being could use it’s power for the wrong cause, to deem the person worthy or not, but-” Natasha shrugged “Monsters always find a way, don’t they? Anyway, as Steve said, it demands a sacrifice and that’s also why it’s so special amongst all the stones.”

Only a small pause followed after that. You all watched Dean try to figure something out in the footage the last witness had given you, but unlike them your own mind was racing with thoughts. Until a very scary one crossed your mind and it made your heart stop beating for a few seconds. You felt your blood run cold but despite the lump in your throat you decided you need to ask the question because that was also something you needed to know. If you could take it like the rest, you didn’t know.

“A-and wh- what about… me?” your voice was small and as you looked up, Steve was the only one you wanted to look at and as if he could feel it too, he turned his head to look at you. You tried to be calm, to not think too much of it but your heart was hammering inside your chest at the thought and your eyes were wide and glossy.

“What?” he asked with a small frown, concern etching on his features.

You took in a deep breath that came in shaky. You wrapped your arms around your middle before daring to say “I- I had the stone, I used it, you said it yourselves. What- which loved one did I have to sacrifice?”

But the question wasn’t as vague as it sounded and you hoped that Steve could see you did have a particular someone in mind. He frowned for a little while, looking at you in confusion as your eyes moved back and forth; desperately needing an answer, but you knew you couldn’t exactly put it all into words. He looked at you from head to toe and it took him only another second before realization dawned on him. His eyes widened and he shook his head fast and almost frantically.

“No” he breathed out in a hurry, as if the thought scared him as well, his voice was very gentle and caring though to calm you down “No, there was never a- You didn’t have to sacrifice anyone. You owned that stone, so you got it without having to give up the one you loved the most.” and even more than his words, you searched in his eyes for the reassurance that you needed, no words could be able to mask any feelings if what you thought had really happened.

Thankfully, as hurt as he was over everything else like losing you, he wasn’t as broken over losing a child. If he had lost one, if you had sacrificed it to get the stone – gosh the thought scared you too – he wouldn’t have been able to hide it, there was no way possible, no matter what he said. So you felt a huge weight lift off your chest and it felt like you could finally breathe, your entire body relaxing when you realized it was the truth.

“Good” you whispered, nodding your head but not taking your eyes off him “That’s good.”

“Then just wait, cause it’s about to get worse.” Dean’s rough voice made you look in his direction, all this time he was too focused on figuring something else out to pay attention to you and Steve. He dragged a hand down his face “Guess who’s decided to join the freakin’ party.”

You leaned over his shoulder, your hand resting there as you took a better look at the screen. Your eyes widened “You gotta be kidding me.”

“You know him?” Natasha asked, both her and Steve get closer to take a better look. Sam and Jack too.

“Hell yeah we do.” you pursed your lips “Guys, meet the devil. This is Lucifer himself, or should I say my sweet brother?”

“He’s not your brother.” Dean’s voice was deep “We are your family.”

A small smile formed on your lips as you gave his shoulder a squeeze, nodding your head. You didn’t need to share words to understand each other. You both decided to focus on your problem, and you spoke “If he’s here then things are automatically 10 times worse. We need to do something to stop it all now.”

“But we don’t even know where to find them to begin with? What should we even start looking for?”

“I think… I might have an idea of where.” you looked at Dean who didn’t waste a second to think the same.

~*~

Breaking into the abandoned high school wasn’t that hard on its own. Staying together as a group and figuring a plan a plan of attack out was probably one of the hardest things in your life as a hunter too. With two leader figures such as Dean and Steve who were ready to get at each other for the slightest thing it was impossible to do anything. They wouldn’t agree and while they both were right from their point of view, they refused to give in.

But maybe, as you looked back at it, that was the smallest of your problems. You could still remember the demon telling you that you were always drawn to the stone but actually feeling it was a completely different story. It felt as if you no longer had control of your own body, your head was spinning and your heart was hammering inside your chest as you froze in your place. You wanted to reach out for the necklace with the ring to calm you down but remembered you left it back at the motel.

That would have scared you to no end if it wasn’t for the uncharacteristic warmth spreading through your body, almost like a sweet soft veil, and it made you realize it was only because it was another you. The one you had forgotten all about and parts of whom still were alive within the stone, like your grace and memories. This wasn’t cold like a possession or someone controlling you. It was your body having a mind of its own, your instincts.

Nobody noticed, of course, you were far in the back, seemingly the only thing Steve and Dean could agree on was keeping you safe by pushing you back protectively. Despite your better judgement you managed to slip away and head towards the warmth and one of the darkest rooms. No sound, not even Dean talking, had managed to break you free from this trance, certainly not as they got further away. And as you stood alone in the old classroom, the door closing on its own behind you didn’t register. Not until-

“Amazing.” the voice made you blink, bring you back for just a second “Simply amazing. And to think I didn’t even do a thing, it’s all the stone calling out to you and you’re here, just where it is. It’s like you know-” he snickered “Like you remember!”

“You don’t even need to take hold of it, it’s reaching out to you on its own.” an orange glow illuminated the figure and slowly the entire room as the glow literally seemed to reach out towards you. “But you surely already know this, don’t you? I’m sure, just in its presence you’ll be able to remember more interesting things.”

“Wh-what-” you couldn’t speak, let alone take your eyes off the stone and the glow that now seemed to include images. You had to blink to make sure you weren’t seeing things, although you were already in a trance. “What do you want from me?”

“What? Can’t we have a casual talk? It’s been a while.” a shrug “Don’t worry, I’ll start the conversation in case you can’t, oh let’s say, think straight.” a chuckle “You’ve started remembering things, haven’t you?” but a glare was your only response “Alright, let me rephrase…” a step closer to you.

“How’s your soulmate doing these days? You’ve remembered that one right?”


	8. Chapter 8

“How’s your soulmate doing these days? You’ve remembered that one right?”

His words had an impact. And only when you saw that familiar face through the glow, it felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on you. You gasped, blinking furiously and shaking your head, taking a couple steps back. Your eyes shot up to meet his and you clenched your jaw, trying to ignore the stone.

“Wh-what?” you frowned, your head starting to hurt but you were thankful you had more control of your own self.

“Hmm I’m taking that you haven’t remembered that yet, have you? Well, I don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble. It’s gonna be much more enjoyable if you remember it all bit by bit.” he grinned, leaning against the wall. The light of the moon casting through the window illuminating his face more. “So much drama is coming and oh I look forward to it! Should I maybe bring my popcorn?” he asked with a smirk and you shook your head.

“You’re-” you took a deep breath, clearing your head and deciding he was only toying with you and trying to distract you. There was no other explanation anyway, he was the devil, that’s what he did. “You know what? I don’t give a fuck what you’re saying. Why should I? You’re always lying about everything.”

“Oh I really think you should, see I wouldn’t lie about- oh, and we’re going there now!” his eyebrows raised as you took your gun out and pointed it at him.

“I asked you something before: What the hell do you want from me?”

“Ouch” he placed a hand over his chest, a playfully hurt expression on his face “That actually hurts my poor little heart, (Y/n/n). Can’t a big brother want to spend some quality time with his little sister? Hello to you too, by the way, it’s great to see you.”

“Can’t say the same. Last time you and I spent some  _quality time_ you nearly stabbed me to death, Lucifer.” you snapped back, lowering your gun because it would be no use and trying to look for a way out of where the stone had led you. On one hand, you hoped that they would notice you were gone soon enough, but on the other a part of you wanted to see where this conversation would go. This was the first time you talked with him and he already called you a sister. “How do you know?”

“That you’re my little sister? Why, the pranks you pulled on us with Gabe will forever be remembered by each and everyangel, including me.” he shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets “Ah always trying to impress your favorite big bro, kinda hurt my feel-”

“Lucifer.” you growled, cutting him off “How do you know that I’ve found out about me having been an archangel?”

“I haven’t been stalking you, in case you were wondering. It’s always far too dangerous with Sammy-boy and your macho boyfriend hanging around. And I know-” he raised a finger with a smirk “I know he’s technically not eh boyfriend yet, but allow your big bro to be a little bit overprotective yeah?” he ignored the way you scoffed and rolled your eyes at him “Anyway, the stone and you are connected. What you saw I could as well, just by using it. Simple as that.”

“So you heard Steve talk to me about my past and are suddenly so eager to speak with brotherly love to me all of a sudden huh? Only by keeping me here against my will, though, cause I don’t think you’re letting me go anytime soon through the front door.”

“I’ll admit, I haven’t been much of a family guy in, like, hm the past couple million years. But I’ve done my thinking and I decided, hey it’s never too late!” he shrugged with an easy smile “So here I am, with you, asking if there is any boy drama in your life you need me to take care of!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, right?”

“No, no on the contrary. I’m serious.” he nodded his head, taking a small breath “That uh Steve guy, Steve Rogers, yes Captain, looks kinda dreamy if you ask me. Total sweetheart and definitely your type with that beard he’s sporting. He’s got some muscle let me tell you, wouldn’t want to get on his bad side.” he made a face at which you just rolled your eyes.

“No you really wouldn’t. Which is why I don’t think he’ll be very happy to find me here.”

“He’s rather charming too, from every aspect. I mean, even my own son is looking up to him as if he’s his superhero. I can totally falling for him at some point… unless you’re already starting to?” he raised an eyebrow but you avoided looking him in the eyes “Come on, I promise to keep it a secret. It only makes me wonder, how’s Dean taking to all this? He doesn’t look like a big fan if you ask me. I mean I wouldn’t be, considering you’re flat out chosing a man you barely know over a guy nearly up his life for you when-”

“Alright,  _enough._ ” your voice raised, your blood boiling but maybe mostly out of guilt.

“Really? But I got so much to talk about. Come on, I’m open-minded. Talk to your big bro, who do you have the hots for?” he smirked “The supersoldier or the hunter? If you ask me, I’m rooting for the former, too many unpleasant memories with the latter. He’s tried killing me more times than I can count to be honest. Too much bad blood.”

“Shut up.”

“I mean, that would really break him but you were engaged to the other guy. And Dean-o never made a move, I’m just so tired of this slow burn. And this-” he snickered “This comes from the devil himself. Don’t you think that if he really did love you as more than family, he’d do something about it?”

“I said  _stop!”_ yousnapped“You know, I now see why Jack is much more eager to get to know Steve than you. He too chose a man he’d only read about. He already admired him to no end because he’s got morals, he’s got will and so much  _good_  in him unlike you. He prefers the hero and not the devil, does make sense.”

“And you think this right now hurts my feelings huh?” he still kept the coy smile on “Sorry, I’m kinda used to family doing this ever since like forever.”

“I’m not your family.” you hissed “I’m nothing to you and you are certainly no family to me. Not after everything you’ve done to the people I care about or even me.” this did make his smile disappear.

“Then who is?” he took a step closer, his face hard “Sam and Dean, who can barely understand the things you’re capable of. Or Steve boy, who knows only half of the things you’ve lived. They don’t know you, they can’t know or understand you because you are more than the woman they now see. You lived and you created as an archangel,  _that_ is who you are and they can’t see it.”

“But you did. And that somehow changes everything?” you walked closer to him “You know, I remember in all the time I know you, ever since you got out of the cage, I once caught myself thinking that maybe there is good in you. Everyone needs to have some of it. Even a tiny bit.” you shrugged “I thought you were misunderstood, that if you got the right love or- or family that you’d show you’re far more than just the devil. I now guess it might have been because I once got to know that side, before the mark changed you.”

“You were my favorite little sis, I can’t deny that.” he had a small, almost soft smile on his lips “I think almost everyone had a soft spot for you, even Dad. You were his favorite. Michael always had a stick up his ass but once in a while you did bring out the good in him, and of course Gabe was your favorite big bro; you looked up to him. Still, though, you made no discriminations. You cared for all of us, no matter what, you listened to me and tried to defend me when you knew Dad was wrong. You believed I could be good, that I didn’t deserve such a severe punishment. You tried to stand by my side as much as possible.”

“So all I’m asking-” his features were surprisingly soft as he came closer to you, placing a hand over his chest “Is to do that again, sister. I’m not trying to raise a new hell here. You always believed I had a good purpose and you always tried to let others see it too.”

“Really huh? Well, sounds something like the younger me would do.” but your smile faded as you glared at him “Younger and foolish me. Because the mark didn’t do anything more or less but bring your true colors out. You can’t change, Lucifer, and we both know it. And if you’re now trying to sell the whole damaged but loving family thing is because you want something  _more_ , from me.”

He chuckled, although it was forced as if you’d hit a nerve, nodding his head “And now you’ve started thinking as a Winchester, well I don’t blame you. I don’t. You need to remember, though, that they are not your kind and they never will be. You don’t belong with them. This-” he showed you the stone “Is what you are. Powerful, strong, an archangel capable of using the stone for however long you want. Don’t you wish to know more about that life? I’m the only one who can tell you and teach you.”

“Teach me?” you frowned, all of his words finally registering and starting to make sense “You can’t even open the portal on your own, can you?” you finally scoffed a laugh “That’s why you need me, no amount of sacrifices will be enough to open the gates of heaven.”

“I- well.” he shrugged, giving a small laugh as if to seem innocent “Details. This- this is not about it, (Y/n). There is so much more to it… like your soulmate, that you need to figure out. And I can help you.”

“You know what?” you held the gun tighter in your hand “Soulmate or not, I’d rather figure it out alongside someone who knows what I really am. And that’s a hunter with a badass superhero title.”

Before he even had the chance to react you were firing at him. It wasn’t going to do a thing but it managed to slow him down as you backed away. You tried opening the door but had no luck and when you realized he was close, you darted for the window right opposite from the door. Before you had the chance to get there, though, he took hold of your arm.

“Still a Winchester. Alright, if you wanna do it the hard way-” you turned to glare at him as his eyes started glowing red “Be my guest.”

“With pleasure.” was your only response as you punched him square in the jaw. You were both surprised by your strength because it actually made him let go and stumble. His eyes widened in shock, but just as he went for you, you managed to catch his arm in heartbeat. It felt for a moment like he moved in slower motion that regular. You raised an eyebrow, perhaps there was more to your powers than you thought. You paused. It was in that moment that in your head everything else registered, and even more the fact that someone was trying to break the door. You could hear the grunting and Steve’s and Dean’s voices calling out for you, so you decided to stall for as long as possible, give them some extra time.

You twisted his arm and went for another punch. You elbowed him and kicked him the hardest you could but it was impossible for him to give up. He managed to get a few blows on you, though, and they didn’t hurt any less than they normally would. Just as you got him on his knees you took hold of a chair and hit him hard with it.

He groaned when you punched him one more time and sent him falling back on the ground. The moment the stone rolled from his pocket the small pressure in your head appeared again. Your eyes could only focus on it thought only one thing. You rushed towards it and took hold of it without a second thought.

The moment you took it in your palm, though, a gasp left your lips. Nothing could describe the way that felt. Your eyes widened, a tear rolled down your cheek at the immense pain in your head and soon a scream ripped through your lips before… darkness enveloped your world.

~*~

“ _Just one thing-” Bucky started, his eyes falling on as you lifted the cars off Tony with your bare hands as if they were toys and helped him up “Date her. **Now**.”_

_A small chuckle escaped Steve’s lips, his eyes meeting yours but he spoke to his friend “Yeah, I think I’ll just marry her.”_

“ _Huh?” Bucky’s eyebrows raised “Well, about time. It only took you 70 plus years, thought I’d have to wait longer to see this day come.”_

“ _Yeah uh we’ve been dating for quiet some time now, just keeping it low.” the blonde shrugged “Keep going on here, I’ll handle her.” he had to keep himself from grinning at the smirk and raised eyebrow Bucky was giving him._

“ _I like the sound of that.” you said as he approached you “Will like to see you try even more.” you smirked and raised an eyebrow at his shield. He nodded his head with an adorable smile, putting his shield on his back and raising his hands in surrender._

“ _I would never fight you, not even try to” he approached you._

_You gave him a small sad smile “I’m not picking a side, I want you to know that. And I’m not here to fight either, there will be none of that for me. I only want to make sure everyone’s safe in the end of this, that’s why I’m here. I’ve seen plenty of families get torn apart. I can’t stand to lose another one or… worse.” you looked around you with glossy eyes “But this is so much worse already.”_

_He clenched his jaw, looking around him at the airport to see his friends and family as well fight against each other “You know I never wanted this.”_

“ _I know, which is just why I’m not calling off the wedding.” you breathed out a chuckle that came out a little choked before you sighed “But Father only knows where this will lead to, Steve. I won’t try to stop you, I know you’re right from your point of view, but what comes after this is something none of us can stop. I only want you to think about this again. It might change **everything.** ” it was hard to explain it to him and even if you did find the words, he wouldn’t be able to understand all the visions and dreams you’ve been having. But if they were to predict the future, then Steve probably  **shouldn’t** know about them._

“ _Tony convinced you to try and talk me out of this?” there was a hint of betrayal in his eyes, making your heart ache. But you shook your head and tried to reassure him the best you could._

“ _Tony convinced me of nothing. This is only me, trying to keep us from falling apart. And the Accords were not to blame for that, **this** is. You always had a hard time seeing eye to eye but never took it this far and we can’t afford it. There is a great threat coming, Steve, but if you- if you can’t do it for the sake of humanity then-” you took hold of his hand “Do it for me. When you proposed, you said I was your world.”_

“ _And you are. I would do anything for you, (Y/n). Anything.” he squeezed your hand “Rip this star out, give up my shield, take you and run away from this life for good. Despite how used to it I can be, I’d still do it all.”_

“ _Except for this.” you whispered, nodding your head “Well, we all make our choices.” you placed a hand over the star on his chest “I guess we must deal with the consequences, for better or for worse.”_

“ _Will you… still be here?” he asked in a low voice, fear creeping in his chest. You leaned in to press your lips to his in a slow kiss. You pulled away and parted your lips to say-_

You woke up with a startle, drawing a big breath. Your eyes were wide and your chest was heaving. You jumped when you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, a yelp leaving yours lips as you tried to wiggle out of his grasp in fear.

“No, hey. Hey it’s me. It’s me!” Dean gave your shoulders a small shake, trying to make you focus on him. A shaky smaller gasp left your lips, soon followed by a sob before you just crashed into his arms. Dean brought his arms around you, hugging you as tightly and comfortingly as he could. A weak whisper of his name left your lips but he didn’t hear it as your face buried in his chest.

He rubbed your back soothingly and held you comfortingly as he tried to calm you down from shaking. When he realized you weren’t clinging to him desperately or struggling to breathe, he pulled slightly away and looked into your eyes “Everything’s gonna be alright, ‘k? Try to take a deep breath, I’m here.”

In that moment you took a small breath and didn’t say a thing. Your heart was hammering in your chest but you were calm and as that, took the time to look at him. To really look at him. It felt as if this was the first time you actually did this. It felt like it was the first time you took a good look in his eyes, which at th moment they were big and pleading. Before you could even realize it, you brought your hand up and cupped his cheek and whispered “Dean”

His frown got deeper and his concern grew “(Y/n)” your name came out as gruff from his lips “Wh-what’s wrong? What did you see, sweetheart? Was it a nightmare or- or a vision?”

“Was it the stone?” it was Sam’s worried voice that made you glance at him. He and Jack were too on the edge of their seats, ready to help you any way they could if they could.

“I’m-” you choked on your words, closing your eyes and letting your head fall on his shoulder “I’m alright, we’ll- we’ll talk about it later.” you placed your other hand on his, giving it a squeeze before pulling away. “It’s not important, not at the moment.” His jaw set and a look of disapproval was on his face but he slowly nodded his head.

You looked around you for a second, trying to remember what happened but couldn’t really “Wh-what happened?” you choked out, looking back at Dean and then the boys with red-rimmed eyes.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Sam asked in a soft voice and you frowned, looking down at your hands with Dean’s.

“I don’t know exactly. I- I spoke with Lucifer. More like he spoke about some things.” you gave Dean a small shake at how he tilted his head in worry “He didn’t brainwash me, you don’t have to worry about that. I know where I stand and what I want. He just- He told me about my past, some things of being an archangel and-” your throat felt tight and the words didn’t come out yours lips when you thought about your soulmate. Not just what he told you about him but also what you saw through the stone, and you saw him.

“And?” Jack asked in a more quiet tone.

“He just wanted to use me.” you sighed, falling back in Dean’s arms as he wrapped one around your shoulders “They can’t use the stone to open the gates on their own, the sacrifice would be too big and they obviously don’t have the means to make it anymore. So they wanted the owner to help them out.”

“Sounds like him.” Sam scoffed a laugh, dragging a hand down his face “And what about after that? We heard a scream, when we got in you were unconscious.”

“I uh I took hold of the stone but the moment I had it in my hands-” you rubbed your temple “My head hurt so bad I just passed out. I don’t remember anything after that. Did we- did we get it?” you looked up at Dean with hope but he shook his head.

“No” was his rough reply, pulling slightly away to bring you a glass of water before you could even ask for it “Theere were too many demons, we could only hold them back before Lucifer escaped with the rest and the stone. We had the chanceto but we lost it, shocker huh? Now, who knows when we’ll get one again.”

“A chance? Steve would bleed to death if we didn’t hurry to save him.” Jack said with a frown and his words made your eyes widen as you nearly choked.

“I wasn’t gonna let him bleed to death, kid.” he rolled his eyes “It wasn’t that bad. Besides, you heard him, he’s got worse.”

“Wh-what?” you exclaimed, looking frantically at them “Wh- How?! Is he alright now?”

He gave you a perplexed look, for a second getting carried away looking at how you stumbled to get off the bed “Whoa, he’s fine. Jack healed him for most part, he’s in their room. We were gonna- What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna-” you rubbed your eyes, the room spinning for a moment “I need to make sure he’s ok. I’ll be back soon.”

“(Y/n)” he took hold of your arm just as you opened the door “What- I just told you he’s fine, you were worse minutes ago. You need rest and something to eat, Instead you’re just- What’s all this about?”

“It’s- it’s just complicated. I really can’t explain now, I’m sorry.” you shook your head, slowly pushing off his arm “I’ll just go… talk with him, there are a few things I need to let him know. And then we- we can go get some food, ok? I will let you know too, I just can’t now. You won’t be able to understand. ”

“I-” but before he could get the chance to protest, not that he had the will to, you slipped out of the door and left him to nod his head bitterly, muttering “Of course.” and trying his best to ignore the look Sam gave him at the moment.

~*~

“I’m sorry. Am I- am I interrupting something?” you asked softly once you pushed the door open.

“Not at all.” Natasha said with a small smile to you, giving a knowing smirk to Steve though who looked away “Maybe you can beat some sense into him once more. He refuses to listen to me.”

“Yeah, I do remember that.” you nodded your head softly, arms wrapped around yourself as you walked into the room. It didn’t take Steve much out of surprise, though it made him look in your direction.

It did stun the blonde woman tough who paused mid-movement “You… what?”

“I-” you fidgeted with your fingers, shrugging softly “It’s a bit complicated. It was the stone-” you looked up “Touching it, brought back some memories I’d say. Small scenes here and there, two or three, but yeah I do remember it now. They are in here for good, apparently.” you tapped your temple and looked at her before you smirked slightly “Just like you and Banner still beating around the bush.”

“Alright” she chuckled, looking away for the first time almost shyly, surprising you “That was a low blow, but I’ll take it.” she put her jacket on “I’m gonna talk with Wanda about the stone and your memories, maybe Vision knows too… maybe that’ll be the solution to all of our problems after all. For now, I’ll leave you two alone.” and with a small nod from you, she was out of the room.

“You didn’t tell her.” Steve’s voice was the one that broke the silence that had set in the room for a good few minutes “About the dreams or memories you’ve gotten before, I mean. I thought-”

“I’ve told you.” you cut him off gently “And so far it feels right that you should be the only one to know. I haven’t told anyone else nor am I going to.” you admitted, taking a seat in Natasha’s bed and with a sigh added “The boys told me you got hurt, real bad.”

He paused for a second, looking at you with sad eyes and perhaps guilt too “I’ve taken worse, it’s ok. Jack healed me after all.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” you raised an eyebrow “Because it doesn’t. Steve I- I don’t know what I would have done if I woke up and found you-” you could dare utter it, not to mention think about it. You didn’t even know how he kept doing that for an entire year without flipping. You rubbed your glossy eyes, looking away from him and missing the way he nodded his head understandingly.

“I’m fine, I can assure you. Nothing’s hurting either.” he comforted you and you nodded your head.

“Let me take a look at the wounds Jack didn’t heal, at least. Please. I- I need to be sure that’s all.”

“You always did.” he admitted, a soft sigh leaving his lips before he got up on his feet, a fond smile formed though “We had the most advanced technological devices you could find yet you always were the one to heal me. And if there were any small wounds, you patched me up. Ever so stubborn.”

Your lips parted but the second he took off his shirt, all the words died out in your lips. Guiltily, you could admit your eyes didn’t focus on the small bruises here and there, or the gauze on his shoulder but rather the rest of it, and gosh was it a sight for sore eyes. But at least he was for most part in one piece so it did calm you down. “Sounds like me.” you mumbled.

“Yes you were.” he smiled to himself for a second “Maybe you can help me change the gauze on my shoulder if you want to?” his eyes finally met yours.

You stared at him with raised eyebrows, gaping for a second before you blinked. You cleared your throat “Alright, I’m back.” you muttered, him frowning because he didn’t hear but you shook your head “I would love to… just like the good ol’ times.”

“I suppose.” but he and you both knew it was nothing like then. He sat next to you and you practically held your breath. You hesitated for a couple seconds before you actually brought a hand up. The moment your fingers brushed over his skin you felt shivers run down your spine, but ignoring it you decided to tend to his wound instead.

“I feel like-” you whispered “There was an ulterior motive as to why I’d insist so much.”

A beautiful smile, although a little shy, yet very bright and adorable, formed on his lips. A chuckle that made you feel warm on the inside was heard from him soon afterwards before he confessed “Well, truth be told, we really had to lock the room every time you uh-” he cleared his throat “Cleaned my wounds.”

“Again… really sounds like me.” you whispered. Biting your lip you continued rub away some of the blood with a cloth from his wound. Your hand rested on his bare shoulder and for a second your heart skipped a beat at the feeling of skin to skin contact. Your mind could probably not remember but your body did, and as that the butterflies were going crazy in your stomach.

“You know it’s good.” you admitted after a couple minutes, making him tilt his head and look at you “To see you smile. It’s actually very beautiful.”

His eyes widened before he looked away “It almost feels strange to.” he admitted and your smile fell.

You nodded your head, going on with your task until you were done. “I think this one is all done, it will hopefully heal soon. If you’d let me look at-”

“The rest is fine.” he hurried to add, though, and he wore his shirt back just as fast only as a weak “But-” left your lips.

“I assure you, (Y/n), there rest is fine.” he said gently “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Well, that’s the thing.” you said in slight defeat “I do, Steve, naturally so. I do and I can’t help it. That’s the normal reaction when you care for someone and they get hurt.” your throat felt tight, the thought of something worse happening to him scaring you too much to admit “And if it’s not clear enough, yet, then- I do care about you Steve, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I-” but he paused, his baby blue eyes wide and eagerly searching in your eyes for some sort of verification to your words which he needed badly. And he did, which took some of the emotional pain. He closed his eyes, his head lowering as he rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry. I know that you worry, I just would never forgive myself if anything happened to you and I- I already went through this once, (Y/n).”

Your heart twisted painfully inside your chest. You didn’t even try to keep yourself back from reaching out and placing a hand over his, making his eyes meet yours. “I know I’ve made mistakes, we all have, whether we had the right reason to or not. But this is different, I don’t plan on leaving you this time, Steve. Come heaven or hell, I won’t do this to you again.”

“There are things we often can’t control, though.” he shrugged numbly, his hand squeezing yours “Bringing you back was not in my power. But keeping you from trading your life for ours, letting you know how important you were to me and possibly keep you alive was the thing I could only do a-and I failed. I failed at it and, even worse, I failed you. I won’t make the same mistakes again.”

“They weren’t mistakes, Steve. Especially not yours. If there is someone that should take the blame for it then it’s me.” you rubbed your thumb over his palm “For all of it, including what you became. Nat told me about you refusing to be an Avenger again after my death, you didn’t feel like you could be Captain America again. And I see it for myself, you’re no longer the same man. It’s all on me for how things turned out, for what now stands before me. And for that-” you took a small breath, cupping his cheek with one hand “I am deeply sorry, Steve. You will never understand just how much.”

“I never blamed you, not for any of it.” he confessed “Giving up my title and the shield wasn’t just because of your death. I had to adjust to the new order of things. Being Captain wasn’t the only thing I knew the best. Loving you was.” his own glossy eyes met yours “I did, ever since I met you, nearly 80 years ago. But you just weren’t there anymore for me to do that. So I had to get used to loving a ghost.”

“I no longer am. By whatever fate and for whatever reason, I am here. In front of you. And I promise, I  _promise,_ **I won’t leave your side again.”** you actually locked your fingers with his, making his eyebrows raise “I won’t let you go through that pain. I’ll be damned if I do, Steve. Believe me.”

“But we can’t exactly take off right where we left, can we?” he said in a gruff voice and you closed your eyes, letting your forehead rest against his.

“Nothing can undo what has happened, especially what I did. And I won’t lie to you by saying that things are still the same because you can clearly see they’re not. But I’m-” your eyes opened “Steve, I’m willing make up for what has been lost, time or chances. I want to remember, I want to get my memories back.”

His eyes widened “Even if it changes everything you have here?”

“What I have is-”

“Or what you want to have… with him?” it was obvious it pained him so much to say it, but it felt like a stab to your heart. It wasn’t something you could change willingly, but you didn’t want to hurt Steve like this.

“That’s not entirely it.” you took in a shaky breath “Everything changed from the moment that stone came into view. And it just went from there to the very moment I saw you again. I didn’t even need to hear you tell me about my past life, I could feel it all. I could feel all these emotions… for you.”

“That moment.” he nodded his head “Yeah, I thought that was finally it. I thought I was finally free.” he was so tired he let his head fall on your shoulder “I thought I was dead.”

You held back a sob, as much as it hurt you “Wh-why would you think that?”

“Because I wanted it. For so long.” his eyes fluttered shut, making your heart twist painfully in your chest “When I came back from the ice I thought I had nobody, that I was alone and lost. And then I found out I had you and everything seemed great again, probably not perfect but still. I thought I got another chance with you. When I lost you, I lost another part of me, another part of my soul. I just couldn’t live, I didn’t feel like I was living in the first place.”

“Don’t say that, please. Nobody’s worth that, not even me. Your life matters more than anything… it’s to save your life that I did it all for. Perhaps the rest of the world was important too but Steve-” you looked down to meet his eyes “I ultimately did it all for you, I did it to make sure you would be safe. And that’s something I  _clearly_ remember.”

He slowly lifted his head, shock written all over his face as his eyes roamed your face “You remembered that?”

“I didn’t get many memories back, as I said, but I did see a few things crystal clear and they are  _still_ in my head. I did it to save you first and foremost, and for that I won’t be sorry.” you shook your head “But there are still things that I- I’m sorry for. I do apologize for how things turned out, I couldn’t stop that… nor how I feel for him. For that, yes, I will apologize. Because my choice made you and is still making you suffer.”

“I’m not-” he tried to look away but you held his face firmly in both your hands and made him look at you.

“It’s ok to be, I totally understand it. I know I would feel the same if I was in your place. Part of me wishes I could take it back, change things so that neither you… nor Dean would have to go through this. I care. I care for both of you a lot and I can’t lie to you about it, despite how hard this is for you.” you leaned in and kissed his cheek “I wish so bad I could take the pain away but I’m afraid it will only get worse for all of us.”

“Why?” he frowned deeply, worry etching on his features but it was obviously not for him, but you.

“When I touched the stone I remembered certain things that I- I could have never imagined.” you let out a shaky sigh, curling on his side as he took hold of your hands “I don’t know how to say this, I wish it couldn’t change things but it is a fact I- I can’t ignore. You’re the first one that will know about it.”

“(Y/n)… what happened?”

~*~

“Why not some music?” you asked in a low voice, looking away from the window at Dean, when it finally registered. He didn’t answer, though, even if he glanced at you; a frown set on your face. “Dean, you ok?”

Once more not a word came out of his lips, his eyes focused on the road. He reached out put some music on for you but you could see it wasn’t because this was your usual routine but rather a way to avoid you prying. But that didn’t mean you’d stop trying to read through him. Scooting closer to his side you rested your head on his shoulder and placed a hand over his free one. Thankfully he didn’t flinch nor pull away.

You let just a minute pass. “We need to talk.”

“Can’t. Am driving.” he mumbled.

You laughed softly, earning a raised eyebrow. “Said Dean Winchester  _never_.” you sassed back “I’m serious. We need to talk about something important. Well, more specifically, I need to tell you something.”

“Thought you’d had plenty of talking with Steve.” he muttered.

“Come on, don’t do this to me now. Please.” you said in defeat “You know it’s completely different from this. If you’re mad at me for caring for his well-being, though, then I don’t know what to say.”

For a moment he kept his eyes fixed on the road, his jaw clenched just like his grip on the wheel. “It’s not that.” he finally muttered, parking the car in front of the small coffee-restaurant.

“Then what? Dean, I- I specifically asked to come with you because I  _wanted_ to. I wanted you to be the one to know before Sam or Cas or anyone else. I talked with Steve, yes, about this, yes, but I didn’t tell him everything that I want to tell you.” you pulled away so that you could look him in the eyes “Let’s talk, please.”

“Aren’t we?” he asked and like that you felt all hope die inside you. You whispered his name weakly but he shook his head, kissing your forehead “Don’t worry, just kiddin’ sweetheart.” when he pulled away you saw the actual smirk on his face.

A breathless laugh escaped your lips as you hit his chest playfully “You know what Winchester?”

“In fact I do.” he gave your hand a squeeze “Come on, we’ll eat here. Have some time to ourselves and you can tell me anything that’s troubling you, I’ll listen.”

“It’s not really.” you admitted, following right after him, sliding across the seat and got out of the car from his side only because neither of you wanted to let go of each other’s hand. For two best friends you were incredibly clingy sometimes, or more like most of the time. You wrapped your other arm around his as he rubbed his thumb over your palm. “More like something… I never saw coming, but sorta not bad? It’s very complicated. I- I don’t even know myself.”

“Well, I could use some good news right now.” he admitted, pushing the door open for you. The both of you made your way to a table. “Complicated or not.”

“Yeah, about that.” you cleared your throat, finally having to let go of his hand but hating the lack of contact because it somehow comforted you. “See I uh talked with Lucifer about it and at first I thought I shouldn’t believe him but when I touched the stone it all became clear.” you took in a deep breath.

“Dean, I have a soulmate and I now know who he is. And you know him too.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Dean, I have a soulmate and I now know who he is. And you know him too.”

You breathed out so fast you didn’t even have the time to blink, let alone for Dean to properly comprehend it. So naturally a pause followed where he frowned and stared at you gaping. “Wh-what?”

“Lucifer spoke to me about him and you know me, how can I believe anything he says. He’s the devil and it was obvious from the beginning how he wanted to get under my skin by- by mentioning you and by bringing up Steve and all that’s technically going on at the moment. But when I got to touch the stone I- I saw him, Dean, I really did see him! And the things I remembered couldn’t have been fake because I thought, hey, you know maybe Lucifer tempered with it but it’s an infinity stone and that’s impo-”

“Whoa! Whoa just-” he raised his hands in front of him, his eyes wide “Take a deep breath first and calm down. Cause this- this is crazy.” he said in a gruff voice and you did as told, nodding your head softly but watching him curiously with slightly wide eyes for some sort of reaction. He stared back at you before dragging a hand down his face.

“A soulmate?” he repeated and you gave him a slow nod “You… have a soulmate.” it wasn’t a question this time as he nodded his head. He scoffed a laugh, although it sounded and looked bitter, as he looked away. “That’s… of course you do.” he fell tiredly back in his seat.

“ _Well, now even the universe is playing a sick game on me.”_  was all he could think, biting his lip and looking out of the window.

“I- yes. I never expected this of all the things I could find out b-but it’s good, you know? He’s a great guy, he’s funny and he’s-” but you stopped when he raised a hand and stopped you, making your small smile vanish as worry started to creep up his chest.

“Hold up. Just hold up… please.” there was an exhaustion in his voice that made you want to take it all back. He looked at you for a full minute but didn’t say a word; in the end he just cleared his throat. “This is just… too much info. And I-I-” he straightened his back, nodding his head “I really think I’m gonna need a beer now, before you keep going.”

“I-” you started but ended up nodding, feeling your heart drop a bit “I guess we could order first.” you said almost in defeat, noticing he was hurt but not understanding why.

“Y-yeah good idea.” his voice was deep and gruff, and maybe a bit too eager as if he was looking for an excuse out of the topic which, admittedly, hurt you. He nearly avoided looking at you as he called for the waitress and ordered your food, already knowing your choice by heart. But you tried to keep yourself from feeling let down.

Neither of you spoke for some time, both of you in pretty deep thought, but you mostly trying to guess what was going through his mind. It was impossible to keep yourself from fidgeting with your hands or tapping your foot impatiently. You were almost startled when the food came but whispered a soft “Thank you.” as Dean replied with a mere nod and half smile.

“Seems like sometimes you know me better than I know my own self.” you said with a small smile, when you realized he wasn’t going to speak anytime soon. You were both looking down at your food while you were playing more nervously with it. “I don’t always go for the same order and yet you always know… you always notice.” you looked up to meet his eyes before laughing softly “We’ve been out like this so many times, I wonder how we haven’t called it a date yet.”

But the moment you realized what left your lips, you looked up with wide eyes and burning cheek. “I- I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I- I just- I said that out loud, didn’t I? Shit, Dean I’m so- I should just shut up.”

Dean parted his lips, ready to make you take it back because it was one of the most beautiful slip ups he’d heard, but decided against it because of the heavy weight that was sitting on his chest. He shook his head, taking a big sip of his beer. “’S ok, maybe if we get the chance to sometime… I know I’d love to.”

He looked at you through his lashes, the soft smirk on his lips making your eyebrows shot up in surprise and your eyes widen. However he cleared his throat and got a bit more serious “So… soulmate huh?”

“I-” your smiled got slightly bigger “Yeah, a soulmate. I mean of all the crazy things that could happen to me that’s… certainly the most beautiful one.” you breathed out, your body relaxing in the seat at the thought of the man. You missed the way even the hint of a smile fluttered from his lips.

“I guess.” he clenched his jaw for a moment “But I mean, how? How did any of these happened? How is it even… possible that you have one?”

You looked up with a frown, meeting his wary eyes “I am, or at least was, an archangel once Dean. Remember how when we once met that cupid during a case? I was curious, I asked him a couple things and then I did some research and, well-” you shrugged with a small smile “Turns out just like some humans, most angels have one. Soulmates are meant by heaven to be together, some of them even by Chuck himself. Although for us it’s more… intense. It’s- it’s not necessarily another angel, no, it can be any being. But the whole destined to fall in love and be together is the real deal and it’s… amazing, D.”

He paused for a second, his lips parted and gave you a slow nod. “Then how can you be so sure you have one? You said most angels, doesn’t mean all and it doesn’t mean-”

“Lucifer told me.” you breathed out, leaning forward in your seat “He- he was joking at first, or at least it certainly seemed like that. It seemed like he was teasing or- or mocking me and I was too shocked to react properly. He asked me if I remember my soulmate and how he’s doing these days and I- I was just frozen because it took me by surprise how casual he was about it. As if I was supposed to know him all along.”

“A-and what if he was lying? What if he was really doing it all to confuse you or- or to get you to join his side? You said it yourself, you’re the only one he can now use to open the gates or-”

“No!” you breathed out too fast, cutting off Dean but mostly making his shoulders fall in defeat “No, no I’m sure Dean. That’s the thing, I told you. If it was just his words I- I’d have my doubts but when I touched that stone some memories came back and they are  _still_ in here. He is.” the smile on your face was, to say the least, heartbreaking to the man before you.

“The… stone did that?” he blinked.

“Yes, it- it seems like it contains my memories. Or so Nat thinks b-but that’s not the main issue here.” you shook your head “I remembered him, crystal clear. I remembered talking with- with Father, Chuck I mean, about him. I remember all the eagerness to meet him, m-my soulmate I mean, to get to know him as a person… to have a life with him. And I-” you caught yourself smiling more widely than you ever had these days “I saw his soul, I remember it, and it’s… gosh, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my entire life.”

“Your… soulmate.” he said in a gruff voice.

“Yeah, my soulmate.” you let a soft breath, smiling to yourself as you still couldn’t help but fidget a bit with your flannel “Isn’t that great? I- I mean, if you ask me, I always thought that my fate’s like fifty shades of fucked up and that I- I didn’t deserve something good but he’s just… yeah. Everything I need right now.”

He bit his lower lip and nodded his head, taking a large sip of his beer before asking rather bitterly “So, what? Will we start looking for him now, or something?”

“We?” you whispered with a frown before shaking your head “No, no. Dean I’ve- I’ve already found him and I-” you looked down almost shyly before reaching out to place a hand on top of his, a clearly surprised look showing on his face “And I wanted to share it with you. I wanted you to be the first one to know about him.”

“Right. Because I know him?” he asked, repeating the words you had first told him. He pursed his lips slightly but you shook your head.

“Because, soulmate or not, you’re Dean Winchester. And despite my past life, you are so important to me. You mean just  _so much_ to me, I never want you to forget that.” you tried to emphasize on every word, hoping he’d realize the things you wanted to say but really couldn’t. Not yet at least.

His lips parted, there was certainly a hint of sadness on his face, but despite how broken it looked he did give you a smile “Then this soulmate of yours better watch out. Cause if he hurts you, I’m not gonna hesitate from giving him hell, you better warn him about it.”

You noticed how he slipped his hand away from yours, and how disappointed you felt by it, but didn’t think much of it. Just like him, you decided to eat a bit. “Trust me,  _that_ he definitely knows.”

He paused for a split second and you barely noticed it, his heart sinking and him barely holding a heavy sigh back. But he faked it all by putting a small smirk on his lips. “Good, because he better damn know he’s a lucky guy to have a soulmatelike you.”

“I’m the lucky one, believe me. He’s amazing, sweet and caring, loyal and generous. The selflessness is so annoying sometimes but I wouldn’t change that stubborn ass for anything in the world. He’s… all I ever wanted and I’m truly blessed.” you said breathlessly, looking him straight in the eyes, probably too happy to notice how he was struggling to keep his smile up “I’m just-” you continued with a nervous chuckle, your eyes casting down as you nervously played with your food “I hadn’t admitted that out loud yet and it feels so… strange now. It actually scares me, D. I’m scared that I- I just won’t be enough for him, that I’m not enough already. I mean, yes, we’re soulmates but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll be together, you know? He’s so much more than I thought I could ever deserve, if he’ll ever want me that is.”

“The hell.” he scoffed, and you looked at him chewing on your lower lip “Any guy would be a lucky bastard to get even a look from you, much less be your soulmate. If Steve is so stupid as to let you go after something so big then he’s a bigger idiot than I thought.”

Your lips parted but no words came out at what you heard. You frowned whispering “Steve?”

But unfortunately you didn’t get the chance to ask another question as a scream ripped through the silence. Both you and Dean looked towards the kitchen’s direction, your eyes wide as you watched two waitresses and a couple cooks burst through the kitchen’s doors. “He’s dead!” was the first thing you heard one of them scream and you didn’t need any more time to jump in action.

“Out! Out!” Dean motioned for the workers and the few customers “Everybody out! FBI, we’ve got this covered! Leave now!” and in panic and fear they did run away without waiting a second.

“Ten bucks it’s our guys.” you muttered as you both slowly approached the kitchen, angel blade and gun drawn out. The second you pushed the door slightly open, the smell of sulfur hit you like a truck. But before you got the chance to take a step in, both you and Dean got jumped at by the very things you were after.

You didn’t have time to think, only followed your instincts and years of experience on the field. What came as a pleasant surprise this was how much stronger your body was, again perks of being superhero as it seemed, and you managed to punch and kick before killing every other demon that came at you. Your smile however vanished soon.

“(Y/n)!” you heard Dean’s roar, the desperation clear when as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t help because of all the demons coming at him. A groan left your lips when you got thrown against a table, so hard it even broke a chair or two. You held onto your side that would have a good big bruise very soon and looked up as the demon approached you with a smirk.

“Lucifer doesn’t want you dead, wouldn’t be much use with the stone, but he didn’t say anything almost-dead.” he shrugged “Maybe your precious stone should have thought better than locking up that archangel side of yours in the back of your head, after all. You’d probably have a chance at saving yourself… and pretty eyes over there.”

You glanced at Dean and your eyes widened in fear. You turned to glare at the demon before you, growling “Stay away from him.” and despite your body protesting, you got up on your feet just enough to dodge him when he charged at you. Using one of the legs of the broken chair you stabbed him in the stomach, slowing him down. You fell back down on your knees before you saw your blade and tried to crawl to it . Taking hold of it, you turned and stabbed him in the chest just as he took hold of your leg and dragged you to him.

You heard a choked gasp and your head snapped in Dean’s direction to see him thrown over the counter and struggling to keep back the last demon left from stabbing him in the chest. Your heart leapt to your throat when you heard Dean scream. The knife pierced slightly through his skin, his injured arm losing the fight. You got on your despite how much it hurt and gripped the blade tight in your hand.

“I said-!” you limbed towards them “Hands off my soulmate.” you growled before you stabbed him.

The demon screamed before he went limp and Dean with a groaned pushed him off of him to the floor. He groaned as he slowly slid down, his legs unable to support himself. Even if you were in a terrible position yourself, you rushed to him and wrapped your arms around him, to try and let him sit down as smoothly as possible, even through he grunted and struggled.

“A-are you ok? He didn’t hurt you too much did he? How much are you bleeding? Keep pressure on the wound, I’ll-” you started rambling in fear, your hand pressed on his chest to keep him from bleeding out, although there wasn’t too much you couldn’t notice in your panic.

“(Y/n). No. I’m- (Y/n)!” he cut you off, making your eyes meet his equally wide ones. You stopped, holding your breath as you watched his chest heavy; before he finally asked in a deep voice “What did you just call me?”

Embarrassment instantly washed over you, suddenly more aware of your close proximity when in the silence you felt his breath on your cheek which was already burning dangerously so. You looked down, almost scared of his reaction, whispering “I- I didn’t want you to find out like this. I wanted to say it to you in a- a different way. I wanted to explain some things. I wanted… I guess it just doesn’t matter now.”

“(Y/n)” he licked his lips, bring a hand up to cup your cheek and make you at him again “Am I your…?”

“Soulmate?” you asked softly, tears filling your eyes as you managed a small nod of your head “It’s not Steve. I-it’s not anybody else either. It’s you Dean. You are my soulmate… and I am yours.”

His lips fell apart, his eyes ever wide looked back and forth at you and you felt as if your heart would beat right out of your chest waiting for his response. His chest was puffed out as he held his breath, shock, surprise and so many other feelings flashing through those beautiful eyes of his. You parted your lips, ready to speak and tell him to think nothing of it when you saw he didn’t react the way you wished, but he beat you at speaking.

“A soulmate huh? Turns out I’m the bastard after all.” he breathed out in an emotional voice, a small smile slowly tugging at his lips, his thumb rubbing your cheek, and a small giggle escaping yours.

“The lucky one?” you bit on your lower lip, admiring the bright grin that he ended up giving you as he nodded his head “You know, if we really do accept this whole- oh I don’t know, love story heaven has decided to throw us in, you’re not really gonna get rid of me right? Like  _never_.” you added almost shyly.

“Don’t tempt me any more, sweetheart. Deal’s already too freaking sweet.” he winked at you and your heart did a flip inside your chest “Besides, who even said I ever wanna get rid of you?”

The way his voice softened didn’t help in calming down the butterflies in your stomach. You hesitated but did ask “So… you’re not mad about, you know, all this? Not even doubt it a bit?”

“Mad? No, not at all. You’re literally the only woman who’s put up with me for this long anyway.” he chuckled softly, but groaned a bit “Confused, yeah, I gotta admit that. I’m- I don’t even know how this whole thing works but doubt it? No, never. If you really remembered this then I believe it’s real.”

“Great” you caught yourself whispering before you could stop yourself, maybe a bit too happy which earned a chuckle from him. You cleared your throat, looking away sheepishly “I- I just wanted you to be the first one to find out but not to force you to- to feel tied to me or something. I- I just felt like it was important but that I-” you looked down to meet his eyes “I wouldn’t ruin what we have at the same time.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, trust me, princess.” the sincerity in his voice calmed you down. For a few seconds no words came out of your lips as you only gazed back at each other. You got so lost in his eyes, you didn’t realize it when you both started leaning in. However when Dean winced in pain, you both were pulled back to reality. “I- I guess we can talk about this another time? Maybe when I’m not bleeding out for you.”

You chuckled “Sap” you helped him throw an arm over your shoulders “Don’t think I’m gonna let you slip away just as I found out about our connection.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, trust me.” he whispered.

With a smile you leaned in and pressed a kiss on his cheek, your lips lingering there for a bit longer than needed but at least you were soulmates, right? If this ended in a relationship or not, you didn’t know, but at least you had a excuse for now.

“Come on, let’s get back to the motel. I don’t want to have to face any more of them.” you helped him up.

“Sounds good to me.” he nodded his head, slowly both of you walking towards the exit “So-” he glanced at you “All you ever wanted huh?” he asked with a smirk and you groaned, rolling your eyes.

“I should have just kept my mouth shut.” you mumbled and he chuckled.

“Too late now.” but the grin on his face, which you had missed so much, was simply contagious.

~*~

“Thanks, Jack, but the rest is bruises and sore muscles. I’ll leave with it. Don’t waste your powers.” you placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a soft smile.

“Are you sure?” he asked and you nodded your head. You were trying to comfort both him and probably Steve too because he wouldn’t stop looking at you with a deep frown and full of worry.

“It is not our main problem now.” you said, turning to face back all of your friends “They found us, that kind of attack can’t have been a coincidence, they had surely tracked us somehow.”

“The thing is how did they do that?” Sam asked “Because if we don’t get to them fast enough then we lose every element of surprise. If they jump at us an given moment, we’d be outnumbered.”

“They will.” Natasha muttered “They want her to use the stone, they’re almost desperate to get (Y/n), they will be coming soon.”

“So how will we be able to startle them if we don’t even know where they are now?” Steve asked in a low voice. He was even more on edge now and it was showing on his face. He hated you being in the centre of another war, especially for that stone, much less dare to think something could happen to you before he got the chance to.

You chewed on your lower lip, your eyes moving for a split second away from him to fall on Wanda. Nat had called her in hopes that she’d be able to search through your mind for the wall that blocked all your memories and perhaps powers. But now, as you looked at her, you got an entirely different idea.

“Maybe… we do.” you breathed out, instantly getting everybody’s attention “Lucifer told me about how my connection to the stone allowed him to see through my eyes, to- to look at and hear the things I was. Maybe we could use that connection in reverse, for me to see through the stone. I- I can’t do it willingly but if Wanda could use her powers then… we could have a shot.” you said eagerly.

“Wait wait-” Dean took a step forward, stopping the woman before she could get closer to you “This isn’t gonna hurt her bad or something, right?”

“It shouldn’t, but we can’t know for sure. Wanda will try not to.” Steve said as calmly as he could, looking Dean in the eyes, before looking back at her “Right?”

“It doesn’t matter.” you piped in “We need to find them quick, or else something worse might happen.”

“I’ll try my best.” she said softly, to both men, before taking a seat on a chair in front of you. You gave her a nod before she started with her task. It wasn’t easy and it did hurt, but you tried to seem as ok as possible for Dean and Steve’s sakes. And after some point it didn’t matter how dizzy it left you because true to your words she was successful. None of you waited a split second to jump into action once she said she got it. Steve and Dean did hesitate a second, worried about you, but you brushed them off as if it was nothing. Steve was instantly guiding his team, calling Sam to get the agents they had in the base ready, and Dean yours; while, much to your surprise, they both discussed on how to approach the place. Apparently the new information about him being your soulmate had calmed him down a bit and he didn’t feel as defensive or hostile against Steve.

And that calmed  _you_ down. You needed to be on the same side, no arguments. And you’d hate yourself for the rest of your life if something happened to any of them because of you. Because for better or for worse, they already argued because of you. However it didn’t calm you down as much as you’d like, because fear and worry for your loved ones was still set deep within your heart.

You were heading for your biggest fight, a war actually, and someone could probably not make it out alive.

~*~

“Always calmed you down.” a soft yet gruff voice said from behind you, making you blink and tear your eyes away from the sight before you.

You glanced over your shoulder, asking calmly “Did it?”

“Hmh” Steve hummed, coming to sit down beside you.

“How are your stitches holding up?” you asked full of concern.

He only gave you a soft nod “I’m holding up just fine, you need to stop worrying so much about me.”

“Happens naturally.” you whispered, holding his gaze. His baby blue eyes seemed even more beautiful when the setting sun hit over them in this angle “I can’t help it. But if you wanted to avoid this, then you should have let Jack heal you.”

“No, it’s better if we let him rest too. His help in the fight was important, he needs some sleep now. Besides, it’s not myself I’m worried about.” his eyes glanced down at your bandaged arm. He slowly took gentle hold of your hand “You should look a bit more into this.”

“Who’s worrying too much now?” you asked with a smirk before squeezing his hand “It’s fine, it’ll heal soon. I’m much less worried about it and I am certainly not gonna lose a perfectly beautiful sunset like this. Feels like it’s been years since I got to do this. And I’ve certainly not been anywhere near this calm in all that time too.”

“I certainly know how that one feels.” he almost mumbled to himself but you heard him and glancing at him, sadness flashed through your eyes. But he did continue, speaking up louder “Usually, even, you’d tell me it helped you take your mind off your problems. So… what’s troubling you this time?”

Your eyes casted down for a moment, a smile tugging at your lips “I like this.” you whispered, you glanced at him a bit shyly from the corner of your eyes “You making the first step. Taking the initiative. Asking me something, anything.” you shrugged your shoulders softly before you looked at him with a grin “And it’s so good to see you smiling again.”

“Yeah” a soft chuckle left his lips “Fun fact about me: I’m the world’s leading authority on waiting too long. So this, is definitely a bit quick.”

For a second you got carried away by the adorably beautiful smile on his lips before nodding your head. “I guess you could say so. I mean, I did remember it took you around 75 years to ask me out on date.” you said as innocently as you could, but the smirk on your lips brought another chuckle on his lips and a soft blush on his cheeks.

“Your memory certainly does not deceive you.” he said with a smile, looking down at his hands.

“Yeah, for the first time in a while… Thanks to the stone I guess.” you chewed on your lower lip, feeling his eyes on you “That’s what I’m trying to… forget, if I may, right now.”

“I can understand why.” he nodded his head with a soft sigh “We’ve been after that stone for very long. The fight to get it was… so close. It will need some healing up.”

Your eyes fluttered shut as you rubbed your temple at the thought of the fight. It had left many of you injured, even more of you emotionally scared. You’d certainly have dreams and even more nightmares after that for a long time and you’d definitely never forget how shaken to the core you were when Steve almost got stabbed. But all you cared about was the happy ending you finally got and all that you cared to think about was how everyone of your loved ones had survived while you had finally taken back the stone before it could do any more harm. It felt almost like a dream, thinking back to when you finally had the soul stone glowing before you and you could just reach out and take it. You almost did, but you held back.

The souls had been returned to heaven as Castiel informed you and even if Lucifer had managed to escape, there was quiecy in the world at least for the time being. In the world, yes, but probably not in your head. So while the rest of the team was resting, taking the much-needed sleep to heal up, you had been left to gaze at the sunset and trying to forget and above all  _ignore_ it.

“You literally traveled to a different dimension to find it. We ran into each other after a year when you thought I-” you stopped, pursing your lips “I was gone. Your life came upside down, once more. And I- I found out about a life I never thought I could even have a-and all of it because of a small piece of gem. People… died, got possessed, other stripped of their heaven a-and about to be turned into demons,you got hurt so bad to- to the point of being killed too and for what? Nothing if you ask me. All of it for something I created, something I only started. Oh my goodness.” you buried your face in your hands, shutting your eyes tightly.

“No, hey. It’s not your fault, (Y/n).” he hesitated for just a little bit this time before placing a hand on your shoulder “It’s not. Nobody blames you for any of it… not even me. Not about sacrificing yourself all that time ago, either. It was- It happened for a reason. At least, that’s what you always told me.” he offered you a half smile which along with his hand on your shoulder you found more comforting than you could describe. You slowly leaned more on his side and rested your head on his shoulder.

“At least, having it back must bring some sort of relief for you. It can be put somewhere far away, locked up and unable to cause any more harm or-” you stopped yourself abruptly, biting your lower lip.

“Or?” his concern grew as he looked at you with a frown.

You tried to swallow over the lump in your throat but failed. You nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck, wrapping an arm around his middle as if you were desperately clinging onto him. You heard him take a sharp breath in before he slowly started to relax, bring an arm around your shoulders as well. You took a deep breath, his presence making you relax more before you admitted in a whisper “It’s calling out to me.”

“Calling out to you?”

You hummed, pulling slightly away to look up at him “It’s why I couldn’t sleep. Why I- After the adrenaline of the fight wore off, I realize that we really had it and I just thought of all the… possibilities. And then I- I felt it. I felt the warmth, I felt its presence, I felt a way I couldn’t describe. It’s like the stone wants me to remember, to use it, but I know if I touch it then I’ll probably be unable to take the pain and… it scares me, Steve.”

“Do you think-” he hesitated, trying not to let his hopes get up but as you looked at him you saw just that, and you could already understand what he was thinking about “That there might be something in it? Like…” he trailed off, unable to actually say it.

“My memories. All of them.” you completed his sentence, pulling away and looking him straight in the eyes “Whether it’s inside that stone or inside my head and the stone is the key, I can’t tell. I can’t tell but I can feel, there is a way of it giving me everything back, Steve. Every single bit of it. And so, I just couldn’t rest, thinking that about it I felt… torn.” you confessed shyly and sadly, your eyes casting down as you pulled your arm away from him.

A pause followed, the both of you knowing very well what that lost word meant. You hated to say it out loud, not to mention to him, but fake or not you had memories of a life in this world. Memories of a childhood, a father and a mother and it was probably not perfect but you always found yourself able to relate to that you, you still did believe it. Memories which after some point were only real, because after some point you became a hunter and built a life in this place with the people you had grown to love and if you got back your older ones then your view on certain topics and your feelings would inevitably shift.

“I’m- I’m sorry that I have to tell you, it’s just that I-” you hurried to apologize but he stopped you.

“No” he said more comfortingly than you expected, shaking his head “No, I like you being open with me and this is all I want, you to trust me. I don’t care if it hurts me or not.” his words felt like a stab to your heart “I want to know the truth, I’m glad that you’re willing enough to share this even though I’m practically a stranger. It’s just-”

“I don’t see it like that. You’re the only one that believes that, though.” you spoke in a low voice “And maybe my mind can agree, but my heart doesn’t. You’re  _not_ a stranger to me, Steve Rogers. You’re the man I loved so much as to spend the rest of my life with. There was a reason behind that,  _feelings,_ which just cannot be erased like my memories.” your words did make him smile although it was very brief.

“I know that.” his smile didn’t reach his eyes, especially at the use of past tense “But this is not about me, or you hurting my feelings. I’m a big guy, I can take that.” he looked in your eyes, bringing a hand up to tuck a few stray strands out of your face “This was always about you. This is  _your_ life and it’s your choice. I’m not going to force you to use the stone, not to get your memories back for me, it would be far too selfish. That will only happen if you want to, if you feel like you need to. I- I can understand that with a life here and even more with… a soulmate to look out there for, that if you got those memories back things would change. I also understand that there is a part of you that wants things to stay the way they are and that’s not bad, it’s completely normal. Just like it’s normal to be torn.”

“Steve, my soulmate’s not the-” but you stopped when he gave you a knowing look. Truth be told, your soulmate was indeed the biggest reason why you were so torn. If only he knew who that soulmate was, then he’d be totally crashed and you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. Not now.

“It’s alright, I’m not mad. It’s not like it’s your fault anyway. In fact it’s something very beautiful. Your soul was apparently searching for him and you were brought back to life  _here_ for that reason.” he shrugged a bit tired “I don’t really have the right to object to that.”

“You do.” you tried to lessen the pain “It might be because of him but it’s also because of you. He’s half the reason and you’re the other half why I am so torn. I- I want to remember our life together, Steve, I want that so bad… it’s just not an easy choice.  _He_ is very important to me.”

“I know that you do.” he smiled although bitterly, letting his hand fall he looked away from you “And that will be something I’m not gonna forget, not as long as I live. But at the same time I don’t expect you to make that decision now. When and if you ever make it is up to you and I… I’m not gonna be here to wait or pressure you for it.”

And your heart simply  _dropped. “W_ h-what?”

It was barely audible, it came out choked and yet he still heard it. “Our mission is over, (Y/n). We came here to get the job done, to retrieve the stone. Now that we have it we need to get back and get it somewhere safe, lock it up. It should be in the same universe with the rest of the stones, that was how they were meant to be, but besides that… we can’t stay here, we don’t belong here.”

“B-but why?” you whispered “You could just hunt with us, still do your job of saving people, stay in the bunker we’ve got plenty of rooms a-and-”

“We have lives there, we can’t just abandon them. We can’t leave everything behind… as much as I’d want to.” he confessed sadly “Would you leave this life and come there with us?”

His question caught you off guard. It was a place you’d lived in, sure, but you’d never thought of actually going there and leaving all this behind “I-”

“Exactly. It’s not just something you can easily do.” he shrugged “So, let’s enjoy this sunset for one last time before we really say goodbye?”

~*~

“Chuck so help  _you_  if you’ve moved those bandages too much.” you said in a stern yet caring voice when you saw Dean struggle to take some beer out of the fridge. You pushed away from the doorframe and approached him in the kitchen.

He straightened his back and looked up, grinning when he saw you “Knowing the hell you’d give me, I didn’t even dare think about it.”

“Good, because don’t forget that the devil is my brother.” you smirked, bending to take the beer he struggled so much and handed it to him. He laughed, easily opening it before taking one big sip. “How’s your side by the way? I’m gonna have to take a look at those wounds later.”

“Bit sore, but well for most part.” he said before a smirk tugged on his lips “You wanna get me naked that bad huh sweetheart?”

“Idiot” you hit his shoulder playfully “That you’ll have to wait for, Mr Winchester, in case you were getting eager. I’m more-” you smile dropped a bit as you chewed on your lower lip “Eager to talk right now, to be honest.”

“Talk? Talk about what?” he frowned, placing his beer aside.

“I uh-” your mouth felt dry and your heart was hammering in your chest “I don’t think there is any other way to say this other than… I’m- I’m leaving, Dean.”

“Oh” he only seemed to calm down, which wasn’t the reaction you expected, as he casually spoke leaning against the counter “Supply run? Cause I really think we’ve run out of-”

“I- no. N-no.” you shook your head “No, you don’t understand. Steve, Nat, Sam and the rest of the guys are- they’re leaving. They’re gonna go back to their universe with the stone.”

“Yeah, Sam told me so. Wasn’t willing to give them the stone but maybe it’s for the best that they-” but he didn’t get to complete his sentence because in one breath and with your stomach tied in knots you made it as clear as you possibly could. Even if your words ended up tearing his heart into shreds and made his entire world crumble down, as it became very obvious from his expression the moment he heard them.

“Steve is going back to his world and I will be leaving with him. I’m going to follow him, Dean.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Steve is going back to his world and I will be leaving with him. I’m going to follow him, Dean.”

“Wh-what?” came a few seconds after the words left your lips. His gruff voice and the severity of your words made the air feel heavier around you, the weight on your chest made it impossible to breathe.

“I- I was talking with him and- and when he told me they were going to leave, I just-” you chewed on your lower lip “I just panicked, but I panicked for the right reasons. The time I spent with them, with him, wasn’t enough, Dean, not for me to figure out all the things I wanted… needed. So I decided-”

“ _What?”_  this time it came out as a growl and when you stopped to look at him, you couldn’t help yourself from wincing. Long gone was the calm expression and relaxed body, long gone were the smile that rested on his lips ever since you told him the truth about your connection and certainly long gone were his sparkling eyes. When had you ever seen his eyes sparkle like that? Well, you had easily taken it all away with just a couple words. And, yet, as you  _really_ looked at him you didn’t see anger. Although his voice in that moment could have scared anyone, you just felt your heart ache.

You saw past that. You saw disappointment and betrayal. You could literally see it in his eyes, his heart tearing apart into shreds and everything around him crumbling down because of what you said. But even worse, you saw it when he scoffed and shook his head with an humorless smile: He had believed there was hope he could be happy for once and it had once more proven to be wishful thinking.

“I-” you took a deep breath, trying to be as sure possible so that you could make sure he’d see your point too “I’ve made my decision, Dean. I will go with them.”

“So much for me being important to you huh?” his voice was thick, laced with emotion. He scoffed, looking away “Seems like you’ve already made up your mind without even needing to ask about my opinion. Why did you eve bother announcing it to me?”

But he took it the wrong way. “No” you breathed out with wide eyes “No, please don’t take it there. This doesn’t have to do with you or-or my life here. This all happened for a reason. I lived in that place for hundreds of years… I just want to go back home, D.”

“With him.” he added, his face stoic. The way his brows furrow and he all-but-glared at you made your skin crawl. It felt as if he hated you, and it made you feel things you didn’t even know were possible in the deepest parts of your soul.

“This is not about Steve. If you’ll just think a bit about it, you’ll see I’m right and that-”

“Oh but it is.” he breathed out, cutting you off. The moment you took notice of his red-rimmed eyes you felt like breaking down.

“It’s-” the lump in your throat prevented you from speaking “It’s not that bad.” you ended up murmuring, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“No, it’s much worse, let me tell you!” he snapped, making your eyes jump up wide to look at him “So you decided you’re just going to throw everything and everyone to hell and follow him for his pretty eyes huh?” he hissed, venom dripping off his words.

Your heart twisted painfully inside his chest, especially when you saw him grab the beer bottle in that characteristic drink-my-feelings-into-oblivion way and take a large sip of it “I-it’s not like that.”

But he completely ignored your words, his eyes hard “Oh isn’t it? Because it sure as fucking hell looks like you’ve been looking for an excuse to do this all along. Not to mention looking forward to it!”

“Looking forw- No, of course not!” you reached out for his arm but he clenched his jaw and took a step back. Your eyes widened for a moment but you covered it up, your eyes casted down “You’re all my family, you guys are everything I have, but- but I need you to see that so were they. I had a life with them that I want, that I  _need_ to find more things about. I- I thought you’d…  _understand_.”

“Understand?” he roared, making you gasp and stumble backwards “Understand what the hell exactly?!” but he wasn’t scaring you, he was only making you feel his pain just by looking into those glossy eyes and for being the one to cause it, you despised yourself.

He took a deep breath, clenching his fists and resting them on the counter. He let out a heavy sigh, pursing his lips and rubbing his eyes. “Understand that all of a sudden you’re leaving me- us, your family as you say, the life you have here to run away with a man you  _barely_ know, let’s be honest, with half-ass excuse a-about what? A past that may have been? I don’t even get it.” he scoffed, shaking his head “Does your life here not matter as much as your past there? And if it doesn’t what was the point of all this?!”

“Wh-what do you mean?” your voice was small and despite how bad you wanted it, you didn’t dare approach him.

His lips parted, he took in a shaky breath as he dragged a hand down his face and you could swear you saw it shake, he looked so vulnerable in that moment that it hurt you to hold back from hugging him. He swallowed hard, as if the lump in his throat was not only making it impossible to speak but also breathe, before clenching his jaw and his eyes going hard.

“Why?” came out a gruff question “Why did you bother saying everything that you did, why bother telling me I am your… soulmate, that you are my soulmate, if you were interested in him?” and his words made your heart drop “Wh-why change everything o-or give me… hope if you were going to choose him over everything? Why make me feel as if I deserve something good for once in my life if you were going to regret it and take it back so soon? One moment you-you’re giving me this talk about how happy you are to find out something like this and the other you- you’re what? Packing your stuff and leaving with someone else for good? If- if this- if I wasn’t enough or didn’t matter then why did you even tell me?”

“D, no please lis-” but you paused, a deep frown setting on your face “Wh-what?”

It was clear anymore: he felt like someone was playing a cruel joke on him. Finding a soulmate only to be told a couple hours later that you’d be leaving with another man? It was probably the worst thing he could possibly hear. But not in the way he imagined.

“And I- I mean, I wasn’t expecting you to all of a sudden see me in a different way or think any more of the wholesituation. Just because some jackass upstairs decided we should be toge-” he cleared his throat, turning his back to you for a moment “We should be soulmates, doesn’t mean we- we should change what we have or be in a relationship. No that’s not-” he scoffed “I didn’t even expect you to want  _that,_ not when there is cleary so much better waiting for you.”

“Dean” you whispered, taking a step forward.

“And I- I sure as heck didn’t expect you to want me.” gosh, the words hurt you both so bad “But we- we’re best friends, (Y/n), hell at least I thought we were, but I never thought you’d do something like this. After everything we’ve been through, I never thought you’d leave us for good just like this! Without even taking our opinions into-”

“ _What?!_ ” and then realization dawned on you like a ton of bricks “No!” your voice raised slightly but it was in panic and hurry “No, Dean. No!” you got closer to him and despite him backing away. You took hold of his arm and stopped him, ignoring how he tensed up “I’m not- Look at me here, I’m not leaving you.” he rolled his eyes “Look at me and listen, Winchester!” you cupped his face in your hands, forcing him to look in your eyes “I am not leaving  _you._ Do you understand that? I’m not leaving you!”

“Wh-what?”

“I’m not leaving forever.” you whispered, your hands letting go of his face and resting on his chest as he frowned at your words “No, of course not. This is still my home. How could you ever believe that I’d leave you like this, D, when we’re the worlds clingiest soulmates?”

“I- I thought-” he blinked, his features thankfully softening up “You said you’re leaving to another freaking universe with the guy, what am I even supposed to think?”

“It’s not that. I’ve got flashes, I’ve got images and so many feelings that are linked to that place, I want to see it for myself. I- I want to know more about that world Dean, more about that life of mine a-and… yes, more about what Steve and I shared .” you ended up mumbled, feeling him stiffen up under your fingers “It won’t take long, I promise you that. A couple days were just not enough and now that we have the chance to travel between worlds easily then I- I want to take this opportunity. Just for a couple days.”

A scoff left his lips, his eyes hardening again but not in the same hurt way as before. More like the jealous kind of way that stirred some hope in you. But even more importantly he had calmed down. “Yeah right.”

“Come on Dean, I’m not asking much. J-just think about it like a trip, I’ll be back before you know it.” you reached out and took his hand in yours “Give me this chance, I only want to know them better. I- I’m only going to leave for a week o-or two.”

“Of course.” he mumbled, licking his lips and looking away from your eyes “Until that turns into a month, and then two and then-”

“Don’t.” you cut him off firmly “Don’t you ever say that. I would never leave you forever. That’s not in me and you know it, I don’t run away. I only  _need_ to know them and, yes, him too. But this is not anything romantic or- or more.”

“You’re saying that now. But you won’t be when you get your memories back, (Y/n). Not when you remember the reasons you fell in love with him until you actually feel it again. Because,  _you_   _will._ ” he pursed his lips, his eyes meeting yours as he slipped his hand away from your grasp “And you know it too.” He was less hurt to know it wasn’t for good, but that didn’t mean his panic was any less.

“This is not about my feelings for him, Dean.” you breathed out a bit shakily, not knowing if you were trying to convince him or yourself “I- I just need to see it for myself, put the pieces together in my head and find some sort of sense in those crazy ass dreams that have been torturing me for so long! I need to live with them and get to know them, all of them! Nat said we were like sisters, Dean, so those people? They were my family once and that place was also home. Is it that wrong to want to go back even for a couple of days?”

“And what about your home here? What about us? You say we’re our family too but the second  _he_ tells you he’s leaving you’re running after him.” he threw his arms in the air, still frustrated with the whole issue.

“Is it that wrong to love both my families then? Is it that wrong to feel desperate not to lose people I have possibly known for hundreds of years? Is it that wrong to want to feel like I belong somewhere for once?!” but the second the words left your lips, regret washed over you. His eyes widened in pain and you pressed your hand over your lips. If there was one thing he had struggled the most all the while he knew you was to make you feel safe and welcomed and you made him feel as if he failed.

“What?” came a low question, his body going still.

“N-no, Dean. I didn’t mean it like that, I really wasn’t-” you hurried but he cut you off.

“You know what? Fine.” he snapped, his anger partially hiding his pain and vice versa “You can go wherever the hell you want, doesn’t matter what I say or do. Nothing will change your opinion and hell if you care about my approval.” he ended up growling “You want to remember everything. Not to mention it’s clear that your feelings for him are far more than just my imagination and apparently too strong for you to ignore. Well, I hope he at least can give you what I couldn’t.”

“I-” you started but no words came out of your lips as he grabbed his drink and strode towards the door “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” you blurted out as fast as you could, effectively managing to make him stop in his tracks. His back was still turned to you but you kept talking “The way I always felt and still feel for you is  _unique_ , and even if I do… feel something for him, even if something has changed in me ever since I met Steve, it is not the way I see you, Dean. And maybe you’re right, but even  _if_ I am really doing this mostly for him, it’s far deeper.”

You waited for some reaction but didn’t get one, hoping for it, instead. “He held my dead body, Dean. He held and cried and screamed and  _pleaded_ over my  **dead**   **body**  for me to come back to life. He mourned me, he still probably is. I died right in front of him as he watched helplessly. He saw life leave my body for good, Dean. That man’s heart and soul was torn apart and it’s still not in one piece. And he still blames himself for all of it, for all of  **my** choices. So, yeah, probably it might seem like I’m betraying you in a way but- I betrayed him. It might be a bit selfish and it might be all for Steve but… you can’t tell me you haven’t thought how that feels. I know you better than anyone, D.”

A long and heavy pause followed, your heart all the while threatening to beat out of your chest. Your lungs hurt as you held your breath but all you wanted was for some sort of reaction or word. Anything but-

“Goodbye, (Y/n).” and as he strode away, without even glancing at you, you let the sob escape your lips and the tear to roll down your eye.

~*~

“Maybe if you waited like another minute or two? He could be-”

“What?” you asked hoarsely, cutting off Sam “Busy?” you shook your head “It’s crystal clear, Sam. He’s not coming.” you glanced once more at the door of the bunker just in hopes you could be proven wrong only to be disappointed when you didn’t see the older Winchester open it “Besides, he did bid me his goodbye as it seems.” and it had been so bitter you coul barely hold yourself back from breaking down in tears while packing your stuff.

“That wasn’t a goodbye, (Y/n).” Sam sighed through his nose, lips pursed “That was my brother being a total idiot… and possibly missing another chance to tell you how he feels at last.” he ended up mumbling the last part mostly to himself but you caught sound of it.

“Wh-what?” a frown set on your face, tearing your eyes away from the door to look at him.

“It’s-” he pursed his lips “It’s best if you handle this on your own, just the two of you. I just want you to know that-” he placed a hand on your shoulder “That if Dean had had it any easier, he’d be here. Right now it’s just that he’s messed up and a bit angry that you told him in the way.”

“But you didn’t get angry when I told you.” you breathed out in a low voice, glancing at the quinjet as the guys loaded their things in again and Steve gave a small tour of the jet. The nephilim constantly asking questions, apparently, and taking everything in with sparkling eyes and a bright smile. But what stood out to you the most was the content and calm expression on Steve’s face that you didn’t even know was possible, and for a moment it was distracting.

You cleared your throat, tearing your eyes away from the soldier before looking back at Sam that had a knowing look in his eyes. “I just hoped he’s understand, that he’d see my point o-or at least try to. I’m not abandoning you, I would  _never_ do that… not unless it was for your own good, to protect you. A-and I told him, this is only for a couple of days, just like a trip but he’s-” you sighed “Mad at me.”

“More like a little bit hurt.” Sam said with a sympathetic smile that made your heart drop “Which is why we didn’t take it the same. You and him are a totally different situation. And he… sees you in a completely different way than me.”

“I suppose you’re right. Besides, Steve is involved and that’s automatically a red flag for him.” you confessed and his nod only made the weight on your chest get heavier but you didn’t really understand the meaning behind his words “Some kind of soulmates we are.”

“W-what?” apparently your murmured words didn’t go unnoticed just like your sadness “Soulm- You- you and Dean are-come again?” he blinked in surprise.

“I-” you looked at him with somewhat wide eyes, fidgeting with your fingers “I- We- Yeah, we are.”

“Soulmates? You and Dean are soulmates? As in literal, actual, meant-by-heaven soulmates?” his eyebrows raised in total shock, his eyes wide.

“Yes, Sam, soulmates.” you nodded your head “But it’s a long and complicated story that it’s just better if he is the one to tell you.”

“Soulmates?” he repeated once more, the same amount of surprise present.

“Yes, Sammy. Soulmates.” you rolled your eyes softly “Is it that hard to believe?” you asked a bit offended.

“No, not really.” he breathed out with a smile “I’m just thinking how you really just made me win a bet that’s all.” he finally added with a small chuckle that after a few seconds earned a soft giggle from you.

“I’m glad I could help. I just-” you smile fluttered “Wish, Dean was with us to hear that too. I didn’t want us to part ways like this. I tried knocking on his door b-but got no reply and I was scared to go in without him wanting me to. I just can’t think any other alternatives either and now it’s… a bit too late.”

“It’s only for a couple of days, (Y/n).” he tried to comfort you “And I’ll make sure to talk to him, too. Make sure he gets any stupid ideas out of his head and try to make him understand you. I know he will in the end, you don’t have to let this get you down. You’ll need to be as calm as you can to figure out everything.”

“Calm isn’t exactly something easy but I hope I can manage. Just-” you chewed n your lower lip “If- if you can, will you please let him know that he’s always important to me and I- I-”

“I will. Don’t worry.” he cut you off gently, without you needed to actually say more. You nodded your head slightly relieved and certainly thankful for him, before taking a step into his arms to hug him warmly. You stayed there for a bit longer, partially because it felt as if you were not going to see him anytime soon again the way you said and partially, or more, because you didn’t want to feel like you were letting him down too.

“Ready?” you heard a low voice.

Pulling away from Sam you turned to lock eyes with the baby blue ones that wouldn’t leave your mind. Your eyes moved back and forth, looking at him before you completely let go of Sam and took a deep breath. “Ready.”

~*~

“H-how long till we get there?” your voice was soft so that you wouldn’t disrupt anyone but still aching for an answer to your question, your eyes always on Steve, watching him as he instructed and made sure everything was in place like a true leader, as you stood to the side not to disturb anyone.

“We’re almost there, might wanna put your seatbelt on because using the stone is gonna cause some turbulence, ladiesand gentlemen.” Natasha said with a smirk, even though she knew the soldier was the only man you could focus on at the moment. You were nervous and seeking out for his comfort, she had seen it before.

You gave her a nod but truth was that you were clearly lost and didn’t have the slightest idea as to what you should do. It apparently showed, at least to Steve because seconds later you felt his hand on your shoulder and his eyes locking with yours “This way, there are always spare seats. And don’t worry, you won’t realize most of it; Tony’s done a great job with the jet.”

“Tony” you repeated softly as you followed “Stark, right? Iron Man.”

“Yes, him. And we were thinking that it will be better if, once we arrive, he didn’t know about your presence. He or any other Avenger and friend you have had, not until we find a way to bring it out to them and explain this.” he explained and you nodded your head.

“Knowing how it all played out at first, I will definitely agree.” you mumbled as he placed a hand on the small of your back. You raised an eyebrow, questioning “Here?”

“I’m guessing you haven’t been in anything like this ever since you came back but why so surprised? There are seatbelts here.” he knelt in front of you as he helped you put it on.

“Oh no it’s nothing. Just-” you chewed on your lower lip, looking at him through your lashes “I remember seeing you lay here.” his lips parted, ready to say how whenever someone got hurt it worked perfectly as a makeshift bed but the words just died out in his lips when the small whisper came from your lips “Naked.”

His eyes jumped up to meet yours, wide for sure, as a beautiful deep red started forming on his cheeks. You cleared your throat, shrugging a bit shyly “Completely, of course. But I- I mean, not  _see it_  per say as much as… feel it. Because, you know, we had that blanket on and uh yeah.”

“You-” he started, voice low before he glanced at his friends to see nobody was paying attention to the two of you “We- It’s kinda hard to explain. Please, just-” he cleared his throat, shifting in his feet and voiding your gaze altogether “Just don’t tell anybody. I’ll get so much teasing about-”

“Stevie” you actually caught yourself laughing softly, his adorable sheepish expression making your heart skip a beat. If he looked like this while trying to ask you out, you didn’t find it hard to believe you had easily said yes to his proposal as well. You leaned closer to whisper “I wasn’t going to. It’s  _our_ dirty secret, remember? Plus, I don’t really think it is  _that_ hard to explain how we ended up like that.”

You shrugged with a smile that was more of a smirk. Steve’s eyebrows raised but before he could get to question it the jet started shaking and Nat was heard “Alright, Cap, time to brace. It’ll getting bumpy.”

And she certainly didn’t need to repeat herself twice before the entire jet started shaking. It didn’t affect much any of them, but to you the speed you were going at along with the sounds that you heard all around you were making you panic. It felt like teleporting but so much worse because it was in entirely other universe, and it made your insides turn. Steve, of course, noticed and didn’t hesitate to place a hand over yours while holding safely to a handle to keep his balance. For a few seconds everything got worse and a ringing came to yours ears but it took a mere look in his eyes and squeeze from his hand for it to be over sooner than you expected. There was a brief jump, as if the entire jet was diving down the air, before everything just fell calm.

“We’re here.” he said softly, making your eyebrows raise in surprise at it being less hard than you expected.

“Th-that was it?” you blinked, undoing the belt and getting up on your feet a bit too fast. You stumbled for a moment but he made sure to catch you and help you steady your feet. You looked around to see the blue vail of smoke fade from around the jet and all you could see was the beautiful light blue of the sky.

“That was it.” Wanda said with a smile, coming to stand next to you “And this… is the Avengers compounds.” you followed her line of sight and taking a step forward you were able to see better through the glass, taking in the endless green but something else stood out even more: the cutting-edge and enormous building with the crystal clear ‘A’ on top, taking your breath away.

And the only voice that registered was Steve’s saying “Welcome home.”

~*~

“When you said the back door-” you chuckled, taking off your hoody “I thought something less… fancy. Is everything this high-tech in here?”

“Well-” Steve took one last look down the hallway to make sure nobody was around before closing the door “Tony does like to… make everyone look cooler as he likes to say.”

“Make everyone look cooler.” you repeated in a low voice, a scene flashing before your eyes.

“ _All set up boss.” a woman said._

“ _Uh actually, he’s the boss.” Tony, you were pretty sure, said getting up from his seat as he pointed to Steve that was right next to you “I just pay for everything. Design everything. And make everyone look cooler.”_

“ _Alright then.” she turned to look at Steve but he shook his head with a smile._

“ _Uh **actually** she’s the boss.” he pointed at you that just smirked at him “I just satisfy all of her needs.” but then realization downed on him on how that sounded and his lips parted, ready to take it back until-_

“ _Whoa Cap, ready to tell us all about it, aren’t you?” Tony looked at him with a grin “The whole team is so finding out about this! **Right. Now.”**_

“ _Son of a bitch.” he breathed far too fast for you to comprehend but not Tony of course._

“(Y/n)?” his voice was heard, a bit distant at first “(Y/n) you ok?” it was more clear this time. Blinking you focused back on his certainly more-different-looking face before a shy smile found its way on your lips.

“Yeah, all good. I just had a small kind of flashback, that’s all. Your words made something wake up inside me, I don’t know.” you placed your duffel bag by the bed, looking around to take everything in.

“That’s certainly good to know.” he tried not to let you see how much your words made his hopes rise up “I uh I’m sorry for the room and all, but it was the only spare and secluded one in the unit. The rooms here are mostly used for guests but we don’t get plenty of those so there won’t be anybody bothering you. I know you’d like to see your old room but that door hasn’t been opened in months and… yeah.”

“It’s just fine, I understand. And the room is alright.” you chewed on your lower lip, meeting his eyes before whispering “You don’t sleep in it anymore, do you?”

He didn’t even try to deny it, his eyes casted down tiredly as he nodded his head in exhaustion “It’s been very difficult for me to do many things after your death, (Y/n). That’s one of them. I- I’m sorry if you really wanted to go there now. I’m assuming that you wanted to feel as comfortable as possible after-”

But him cutting himself off made you raise an eyebrow “After? Walking out on my family you mean?” the bitterness, almost venom was clear in your words more so than your disappointment or sadness at having to leave without hugging Dean.

“I- I wasn’t going to say that.” he shook his head, realizing how much you needed  _his_ comfort at the moment at least because Dean had not been willing to give it to you. And in Steve’s head, he had every right to but in his heart all he cared about was that he was home  _with_ you.

He walked closer to you “You did nothing wrong, (Y/n). Certainly not walk out on them and you should know that. You took a chance at getting to know yourself better, at giving this life another opportunity and above all… at giving the people who thought they lost a family member, people that are still mourning for you, the opportunity to smile again… and that does include me.” he smiled reassuringly “You didn’t abandon them, you only chose to give the lost hope back to your other family, the Avengers.”

“Yet… not everybody sees it like that.” you breathed out, slumping down on the bed “I told him over and over again it wasn’t forever. I told him I did this because of what I lived here. And I told him this won’t change anything so why? Why didn’t he want to believe that?” you looked up at him with glossy eyes.

“Maybe he couldn’t. There’s a difference.” he shrugged softly, coming to sit beside you “Maybe… me being involved is really what’s hurting him the most.” it hurt him to see you wince at his words, it felt so much more terrible to hear it out loud “B-But I’m sure he’ll understand, at some point. He just needs time, that’s all.”

“Will he really?” you shook your head “I didn’t want us to part ways in this way, even if it’s for a short amount of time. Now I just can’t-” you sighed, buried your face in your hands.

“Can’t stop thinking about it.” he completed your sentence with the words that you really didn’t have the heart to say in front of him.

“I’m so sorry Steve.” you said in defeat, pulling your hands away to look at him.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I understand that Dean’s very important to you, anyone could see that. If you-” he sighed “If you want to leave too, if you want to take it back, I can arrange that right here and now. Nobody’s gonna keep you here without your-”

“I want it.” you said as firmly as you could “I want to be here, Steve,  _with_ you and ready to find out everything there possibly is about my past life. And as for Dean, I- that’s something I’ll have to figure out, you don’t gotta worry.”

“I just-” his eyes casted down “I don’t want to be the reason you and Dean are not speaking. Not to mention, the reason why you and your soulmate are not together yet.” there was a visible strain in his voice as he struggled to say the words. It had been a topic you shared with him at first but didn’t go on detail and now, that Sam knew before him, it almost made you feel like you were letting him down. It was a topic that concerned him just as much, even if it scared you to admit it.

“A-about that.”you whispered, hands fidgeting nervously when you felt his eyes on you “I- I didn’t tell you much about it but I really feel like I should.”

“(Y/n), you really have no obligation to. You’re living a different life, you’re similar but at the same time in many ways different to the woman I knew a-and was about to marry.” he looked away, pausing for a second “You’re no longer that woman and I’m probably no longer that man. Knowing that you have a soulmate makes me… happy-” gosh, it was so forced “Happy because I know you deserve the best of the best and I’m sure heaven would agree on that as well, which is why it’s giving it to you. But you don’t need to explain things to me as if you ought to. I’m not-”

“I’m not doing it because I ought to. I’m doing it because I feel like it and because I- I don’t want any more secrets in my life. Steve I-” you bit on your lower lip “I decided to marry you for a reason and I can feel it crystal clear. Which is just why I want to talk with you about him. I know who my soulmate is and I have met him. I have told him of- of our connection, he already knows everything.”

“Wh-” his voice came out raspy and oh-so-hesitant “Who is it?”

You knew the question had been burning in the back of his throat ever since you told him about it. You knew it was killing him to ask but he respected your choice not to talk further about. Or maybe he felt like it would kill him more to find out who the man was. Maybe, and even more possibly, it was because the hope bubbling inside his chest was too much and he wouldn’t take to lose all of it if he found out it was another man but him. Just like the moment he saw you kill yourself, helpless and hopeless because it was all over his powers to do something.

“It’s-” you took a deep breath, facing him “It’s Dean. Steve, my soulmate is Dean Winchester.”

And there he looked at you as if he lost you for the second time. Or so he thought.


	11. Chapter 11

“Steve, my soulmate is Dean Winchester.”

You thought you breathed out the words so fast he didn’t even comprehend it, because for a second it got no reaction from him. Maybe that’s why you did, maybe a part of you thought it was better if he had no idea about it so that it wouldn’t bring him any more heartbreak. You feared he’d crumble down after this that a part of you wanted to rush and take it all back but the other part of you didn’t want to deny this connection to Dean. If you denied it, it would feel like you were betraying him… probably all over again.

“Dean” he whispered in the end, voice raspy, before you could do anything. He blinked, a small breath leaving his lips as he cleared his throat.

“Y-yes, Dean.” your voice was so small you were sure he didn’t hear it at all. Your heart was beating so hard inside your chest that it was all you could hear “Must be why my soul went back into that universe.”

A small smile tucked at the corners of his lips, but it was so bitter and pained it felt like a stab to your own heart. “It went there for your soulmate, because you belong with him.” he nodded his head bitterly “See, I told you so, you deserve the best. Dean’s gonna make you very happy, I know that. He’s a really good man and he-” he took in a deep breath but it came in shaky “He’s a very lucky guy.”

A frown etched on your face, your heart doing a painful drop as you whispered the small statement that both of you dreaded, but you needed the facade to drop at last. “And yet that’s not what you feel.”

His lips parted, his glossy eyes only staring at the floor before he shook his head and forced himself to smile “No, of course not. I do, (Y/n). Giving you the life you deserve is all I ever wanted. I mean… I won’t get the chance to, I really was never  _meant_  to do that and I see it now. But I know Dean will, so it’s no different.”

His voice was so thick and strained, as if he was in so much pain and was forcing the words out because he had to. Not because he really felt it but because he believed you wanted to feel it, and he was torturing himself for you. Only a small gasp left your lips when he shot up, making your eyes widen. “I should-”

“Steve! No, wait!” you weren’t ready to have him walk out believing something that wasn’t the whole truth and hurt more because of it. You caught his arm and made him turn around to face you again; looking up at him with glossy eyes “Stop this. Just stop.  _Please_.”

“Sweetheart” the way he choked out the word in such a gruff voice, his brows furrowed together and his eyes pleading with yours was just so painful for you. The similarity was striking and it hurt worse than you thought.  _You were his sweetheart first and he had been forced to hear another man call you that._

“Why? Why do you think that you taking a step back for the other guy is what  **I** want? Why do you both have to do that because you think I’m suddenly chosing the other one when I- I’m a total mess of feelings? Why do you believe that… he can make me more happy than you would?” your eyes filled with more tears, squeezing his hand “Dean believes the same, I know it, even if he won’t say it. Why can’t you just tell me how you feel for once? Not what will hurt me the least. It’s hard, I know, trust me  _I know!_ But I’m sick and tired of the lying, Steve. Of hiding and wondering what could have.”

“Because I’m more used to it.” and you knew so well that he meant the pain and empty feeling in his chest.

“You know, you were right. It’s no different, yes, but only because you matter to me  _just_ as much, Steve! Because I know  _you_ would make me just as happy. I- I might not be able to explain it but I feel it just like I feel why I wanted to marry you!” you closed your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down “I didn’t tell you Dean is my soulmate because I wanted to hurt you more or because I wanted you to step back. It was because you  _deserve_  to know it, you’re not just somebody to me. Steve, just because he’s my soulmate doesn’t mean it will o-or  _can_  happen. I’m not the only one involved, Dean is and so are you.”

His eyes held yours, so much conflict going on inside of him at the moment that you just wished he’d say something. Anything. He brought his free hand up and cupped your cheek, making you hold your breath. “I know it. But Dean is meant to be your everything. That’s how it is and it is for a reason. Even if… I think it’s not fair. Even if I don’t want it. Even if I want so bad for you to remember everything we’ve lived together. Everything we said we’d live together, every dream we had.  _I want you back._ ”

His shaky words took your breath away but when the tear rolled down his cheek, you felt it was the breaking point. You cradled his face in your hands, wiping slowly the tear from his cheek as he tiredly rested his forehead against yours. His breath mixed with yours, your heart was beating faster when you realized he was starting to open up to you again. Closing your eyes you dared whisper your own truth that you had denied before when Dean asked you but could no longer.

“Then… help me remember. Because I want that too, Steve. I want it all back.”

~*~

Letting out a soft sigh you allowed yourself to smile as you peaked through the only window in the room. The green fields and forest stretching out in front of you along with the shower you’d previously taken had managed to calm you down just as you needed. Or at least, you told yourself that because deep down your heart felt like it all had to do with the blue-eyed man and your previous talk. You hadn’t seen him after that, and it had been a couple hours, but when Natasha told you he needed some time on his own and to think how they’d break the news, you completely understood.

You made your way back to the only bed in the room. Glancing at the devise Nat had left during her last visit. You’d say it looked like a tablet but it had only a clear glass in the centre which you didn’t know how it could function as a screen. Taking hold of it in your hands you examined it with a frown but jumped in your place when you waved your hand over it and it just lit up. It was a screen after all.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking “Well, Sammy would love one of these.”

Chewing on your lower lip your fingers hovered over the small icon on the corner, a collection of photos of you and everyone else Nat had said she gathered and put together. You were uncertain but your need of belonging was too much to ignore and you had already risked too much to be here so you didn’t stop yourself when you opened the folder and just as fast clicked on the first image. And you instantly felt your heart skip a beat in a weird way.

It was you but not set in the modern day. The picture was black and white. Your hairstyle and clothes reminded you more of the 40s, matching those of the woman next to you. She was beautiful, that you could tell, dark-haired and with a red lipstick. But what caught your attention was the man standing next to her, it was the man of letters Jack had been talkingto you about. Swiping to the next one you took notice it was another one of you, around the same time but next to a man you knew very well now. It was Steve, in his military suit, hair swept back and face clean of any hint of scruff or beard but above all with a bright and beautiful smile of a man that, as it seemed, had not been through everything he had now. One that had not seen how horrible war was. The next one was of you and Steve again but also a third man, him around Steve’s age but with darker hair and slightly shorter than him. He certainly had a beautiful smile as well, which made you look harder because it seemed familiar. He looked a lot like the guy you had a flashback of during the fight in the airport. Bucky you thought it was. In another one Steve held a shield, the star in the middle making your heart skip another beat because it was exactly the same as in one of your dreams.

Watching more old photos you finally run into newer ones of yourself that this time made your hands shake more. It made you feel dizzy, seeing all these moments and not being able to remember any of it made it so hard to believe this had been really you. Some of them were funny ones of you in parties with Nat or, you recognized him, Tony Stark or another blonde man with long hair you couldn’t remember the name of, probably a bit too drunk off your asses. Probably because you didn’t take him for the karaoke guy and yet he was singing his heart in the photo. One of them was of you holding a hammer, how you found it in a fancy party you had no idea but the look on the blonde’s face was priceless to say the least. Other funny ones included you and a young boy, probably around Jack’s age, dressed in a red suit with black webs and what looked like a lab on the verge of explosion on the background and an 100%-done-with-your-shit Tony Stark as a cherry on top.

In another one you were again with that boy, both of you wearing a pair of shades that were a bit big on you and Steve was in the background, looking freaked out as hell. The next one probably had to be your favorite because you had just found the perfect pet for the bunker. If Dean wouldn’t take a dog or cat then you could return with a black panther instead. The one in the photo really seemed to adore you, acting just like a small kitten with you and you were obviously enjoying playtime with it, while the man dressed in black looked with wide eyes and - you remembered that guy - Bruce, watched in horror. One was even a selfie with you and a man holding his arrows while you had placed a Katniss wig on his head and you were very much sure it wasn’t because of Halloween.

Moving past the funnier ones you that, admittedly, made your heart feel a bit lighter, you were met with some even more heartwarming. Photos that proved how much of a family you all indeed were. Simple ones, some during work - or so it seemed - where you were having a brief meeting about a mission and Tony had fallen asleep and Steve was trying to subtly wake him up. Another one was in the Quinjet, the sight of Nat comforting Bruce made you smile, but it was the way Steve was laughing as he talked with your friends that made this photo matter even more. In another one, you were all gathered in a table but it wasn’t for work or a conference, you were only gathered as a family for a New Year’s dinner. You were all smiling, you were so happy and free of any worries that if you didn’t know any better you’d seem like an actual human family any other day. It struck to you that in all photos there were smiles. Yes, sometimes there were some tired faces, exhaustion or a deep frown but at the same no weight of the world on their shoulders. Not yet at least.

And you felt like that’s how they should be all the time because they deserved it… and so did Sam and Dean. Your heart sank as you thought they had been that carefree for a very little amount of time, probably the Avengers had gone through the same. But Sam and Dean weren’t here, taking some time off on their own, and their fight was far from over. The war to end all wars had not struck for them and you still dreaded what it would leave behind. You swiped to another photo, this time of only you and Steve. You were on a date, clearly, and someone else had snapped the photo. You didn’t know who but you could think a group of people when you took notice of Tony’s and another man’s head popping behind a seat in the background. A giggle escaped your lips but it was cut short when you heard a loud thud and some muttering from the other side of the door. You had been in here for a few hours and heard no sound and if it was either Steve or Nat they would have knocked on the door.

You held your breath, placing the tablet back on the bed and slowly got up on your feet. Approaching the door you placed a hand on the handle and waited right there, trying to see if you’d hear it again. But you were met with complete silence. Biting your lip you placed your hand on the doorhandle, although still very unsure of what you could come face to face with and despite your better judgement, you pushed the door open when your curiosity won over. You practically made no sound, peaking through the door first, but when you were met with an utterly empty hallway your body relaxed a bit and you got out. Only it lasted for a couple seconds because-

A scream ripped through your lips, matching that of the person that caused it. The young boy that you recognized from one of the photos fell from… the cieling? You were 100% sure he was on the ceiling. You clasped a hand over your mouth, eyes wide as you saw him crawl back in fear.

“Please don’t put your smoke in me, black eyes are so not my color and Mr Stark will fire me if I get possessed! I’m already grounded, please don’t do this! Please. Please. Please.” the urgency in his voice and the way his innocent eyes widened made you see that he was more scared than you. You relaxed and saw it all for what they really were, and all he was wasjust a kid - with some spectacular abilities to walk up walls apparently, but still a kid just like Jack - standing… in front of a person he thought dead.

“Oh shit.” you breathed out, walking towards him “No, no, kid, I’m not a- I’m not a demon, I swear!”

You didn’t know how much he’d believe that, any hunter you knew wouldn’t, but apparently he wasn’t like most people you knew. His eyes widened even more as he crawled backwards “A shifter! Oh shit, no no no. Please don’t take my form, please don’t take my form! I don’t wanna see I went to school naked! Please, aunt May is going to be so confused if she sees two of me!”

“No wait, please don’t!” you said urgently, looking around with wide eyes in fear that someone could hear and come in rushing. You had already done the mistake to walk out of your room, there was no taking it back at least from him. “No, wait. Please wait! I’m not a shifter either, I’m- I’m not a monster. Please-”

But a painful lump formed in your throat when you realized you didn’t even know his name. Images of his face flashed back and forth in your head and you certainly remembered all the photos you’d seen with the two of you but it killed you to not be able to remember his face. Not being able to remember it just meant that you were a stranger to him, you weren’t that friend he knew, and therefore could just easily be the enemy. Your heart dropped and no words came from your lips, silence falling as you gazed into his eyes.

“ _Holy. Fucking. Shit. Wonder Woman!” it was the same eyes the excitement you heard in his voice reflecting in them as they sparkled._

“ _Kid” it was Tony’s voice that said warningly._

“ _I know. Language. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I- I never have said that out loud, I’m terribly sorry. I- I just got so excited. A-And you’re standing in front of me right- right now. A-And you’re practically a- a legend. A-And the way you kick over the bad guys o-or use your lasso or- Oh or the way you use your bracelets it’s so freaking **epic!** A-And aunt May loves you so much, you are the absolute symbol of-”_

“ _Hey hey easy. Take it easy, breathe in first ok?” you giggled “And don’t worry about it, my fiance is the language kind of guy and apparently the other old man of the team.” you winked at Tony who rolled his eyes ever-so-childishly “I_ _have no problem with that **and** it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you too, Peter!”_

_As you extended your hand to shake his, his eyes widened even more but he eagerly shook it with a smile “Wow hi uhmhello. Wait- no. Did I already say that? I should have said that. I didn’t but I’m- Hello. No I’m Peter which-” he laughed nervously “You already know. Of course you already do. And I- I’m shaking your hand for so long now, am I not? Wow you’re Miss Woman, no Wonder no- “ he stuttered, earning a soft laugh from you._

“ _It’s fine, P. And you can just call me (Y/n).”_

“ _(Y/n), great! That’s great! I’m-” he laughed softly “I’m so going to tell everyone at school about this!”_

“ _Alright, yep, you took his ability to speak properly as well. Well done, Miss (Y/l/n).” Tony sighed, patting Peter on the shoulder and taking his hand away from yours, whisper to Peter “Start with a hello and your name first, yeah?”_

“ _Said Tony Stark. Weren’t you his age when we first met and, if I remember correctly, you totally lit and entire dinner table on fire?” you raised an eyebrow and he narrowed his eyes at you for a moment._

“ _In my defense-” he cleared his throat “There was a spark. **But** Rogers had the advantage and I respected it, even if he was being an capsicle at the time.”_

“P” the nickname left your lip breathlessly as you blinked back into the present, a frown forming on his face as he froze in his place “Peter, wait, please.”

“Who-” his voice came out barely above a whisper, confusion and fear but a different kind from the previous one set on his face as he slowly got up on his feet “How do you know-”

“P, it’s me.” you whispered, cutting him off softly and with a small emotional smile that didn’t reach your eyes but was genuine. You couldn’t take anything back and you knew it would happen inevitably and you took a small step forward “It’s really me… It’s (Y/n). The (Y/n) you know. I’m here. I’m- I’m  _alive_.”

The second the last word let your lips you saw his eyebrows raise and his eyes widen “(Y/n)?” his voice cracked and it was so small and innocent it broke your heart “You- you’re… not a ghost are you?”

“I-” you nodded softly, his watery wide eyes making your heart rate increase “No, I’m not. I’m really back. I know it’s had to believe a-and I know it’s even harder to explain but it’s me. I get that you could prob-” But you didn’t get to complete your sentence because you felt a pair of arms around you, tightening in a warm hug that knocked the air out of your lungs but in a good way. You slowly hugged back, feelings yourself calm down more than you expected.

“I knew it.” he choked out, voice cracking one more and only a second later you felt the tears on your shoulder “I knew it, I- I couldn’t believe you were gone, you couldn’t be gone. You-” he pulled away, the smile on his face had to be hurting his cheeks because of how wide it was “The good guys always win, you always told me that. We- we couldn’t have won if you were dead, that was just equal to losing. But you-” he laughed breathlessly, almost in disbelief, earning a small laugh from your own lips at his excitement “You’re here! B-but how? And where were you all this time? Were you here all this time o-or-”

“No, no I wasn’t. I was in a totally different place but you- you can’t even begin to imagine. It was another universe, actually.” you admitted and his eyes widened in even more in wonder “But it’s such a long story, Peter. There are so many things that I need to tell you. Some things are just… not the same anymore.”

“That’s amazing! W-wait till Mr Stark finds out! A-and oh even Mrs Romanoff and everyone else!”

His words, however, despite the happiness in his eyes and his good intentions, made your heart sink. They couldn’t find out, not yet and not like this. Your eyes widened as you gasped “N-no, Peter! No, they can’t- We need to wait before-”

You tried to stop him, to make him understand. If only you had the chance to complete your sentence.

“Parker, they heard screams, what the hell hap-” you  _remembered_ that voice and certainly that face.

“No, Tony, Bruce wait! Damn it. You don’t want to do this, it’s-” you recognized it as Natasha’s voice, desperate and urgent to stop the two scientists but apparently in vain. Both men froze in their place, eyes widening as you heard Tony gasp, taking a step back as if wounded. He frowned, head shaking softly before he tried to mask his emotions with anger. His fists clenched by his sides, chest puffed out in defence, no wonder chosing to believe you were a shifter instead of face the truth. Natasha sighed but placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him before he could do anything else.

There was something about them standing right there in front of you that made your head feel a bit dizzy and heart hammer in your chest. Bruce took off his glasses and looked at you in utter horror, disbelief and hope “(Y/n)?”

~*~

Steve cleared his throat. The silence that had set in the room felt defeaning, your own heart wanted to beat right out of chest. You stood out of eyesight just waiting until Steve could tell the rest of the Avengers that had no idea what was going on, the truth.

“I know this is probably not the way you expected the day to work out like and, trust me, neither did I.” Steve started, looking around the Avengers table with all of your friends gathered around “I wish I really had some more time but-” he looked up to meet Tony’s eyes at first, the man keeping his jaw clenched and his eyes hard on his friend “It’s something that would happen sooner or later, this is why she is here. I know you’re probably wondering what all of this ab-”

“No” Tony cut him off sharply “We’re wondering what the hell exactly  _this_  is. There’s a difference. So I’m asking,  _speak_ Rogers.”

The Captain clenched his jaw, his back straightening and looking more intimidating with the beard “ _This_  is a person, Tony. And it is the very same woman that you’ve known for years. If you would just listen-”

“Oh you mean the one we buried and visited the grave of for over a year?” sarcasm rolled off and it sounded so much like Dean at the moment “We talked about this Cap, we talked about it. I wanted her back just as much but  _this_ -” he scoffed, shaking his head almost in disappointment “I never thought you’d let your love and grief blind you so much as to believe this kind of a lie.”

“Stark” it was Wanda’s calm voice “It is not a lie.  _It’s not.”_

“Alright, what kind of lie are you even talking about?” a voice you didn’t recognize “And mind telling the rest of us why we’re all here? What’s going on?”

“It’s not a lie because she wasn’t the one to say it, Tony!” Steve said firmly “We were. We were the ones to find her, we were the ones that told her about this life. She’s no shifter or demon, only the archangel we always knew.”

“Wait wait wait.” another male voice “Archangel? We only ever knew… one.”

“And-” you took a deep breath, coming into sight and making eyes widen “Trust me, you’re considered very lucky. They were all total dicks as far as I know.” you tried to lighten the mood, smiling a bit even, but it fluttered when you took a look around and the people you had not met yet were all shocked. You heard some gasps, watching in their eyes to see so much pain and grief manifesting just at the sight of you there.

“What’s- Nat, what’s going on?” the guy from the photo with the arrows, his voice was thick and cracked.

“Clint” it was Steve that spoke instead, earning his attention “Rhodey. Thor. Bruce. And Tony.” both his eyes and yours followed each person as he spoke to them, you trying to memorize the names although it was somewhat hard from how each name and face made you feel. You couldn’t explain it but it wasn’t as scary as it was when you met Steve, now it could all be explained “I’m sure you remember (Y/n).”

“(Y/n)? B-but how? You were…” it was Rhodey who stuttered your name, his voice thick with emotion, face showing some suspicion but mostly care. It was gentle, less hostile and more eager to believe it was you unlike the man sitting next to him. Most of them were, which only confirmed your belief that Tony had been one of the people to hurt the most with your death and was trying to protect himself now.

“We know.” Steve cleared his throat, eyes casting down for a moment, the topic still hurting him “Or at least we thought so. But what has really happened when we buried her, we couldn’t imagine. I went to look, the coffin was empty as if we buried it like that. I can’t tell how but there could be a way: the stone.”

“The soul stone, which you were after. And yet you came back with-” Clint started but he choked in his words “I’m sorry, an I never thought I’d say this, but Stark is right on it. What the  _hell_ is this?”

“And then you call me the suspicious one.” Tony shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest “I’d like to see your answer to this Rogers.” but he ignored the look the soldier gave him.

“It’s because she was there all this time. Not dead, not  _anything_. She’s been living  **another life**.”

“Then, I fear to say this, but it does make things all the more suspicious.” Thor, with shorter hair you noted, said and made our heart drop a bit in disappointment. He got up from his seat and approached you “The woman I knew and fought beside was brave, not fearless and she took pride in it, a warrior and a caring woman but above everything… loyal. She’d never leave her family to think she was dead like that.”

Thor came to stand a few feet away from you and you took hold of Steve’s hand as he moved to stand between you protectively. Not that he’d hurt you but for the time being they didn’t think it was really you.

“You’re right.” you breathed out, looking him straight in the eyes and taking a step forward “I never would. Not if… I remembered said family. But I- I didn’t.” you shrugged numbly, your voice cracking in the end.

“You didn’t-  _Memory loss_?” Rhodey’s eyes widened.

“I-” you glanced at Steve, getting a small nod of encouragement “I was brought back to life but as far as my memory could go I… wasn’t an archangel. I wasn’t an Avenger. I wasn’t Wonder Woman. I wasn’t…” your eyes met Tony’s “You didn’t even exist. Not any further than where my imagination could go. I had memories of a fake life, a fake family and a fake past and it was all the stone’s creation. Something to keep me going and not panic in the world I had found myself, a world of demons, monsters and angels, my first home. I became a hunter, killed monsters and saved people and for some odd reason it was the only thing that made me feel like I really belonged there. But ending up there,  _leaving you_ as you said, I-” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat, your eyes casting down “I didn’t chose it, it was all the stone. The stone which brought me back to life.”

“Self-preservation” Bruce finally whispered, nodding his head as he got up from his seat “The instinct of survival. The stone was- you always said you two were connected Like a human’s immunity system or- or DNA, there could be some sort of programming that by protecting you it could protect itself and vice versa. Not to mention we’re talking Biblical levels of power here. Complete rebooting at its finest. It’s like-”

“More like a wound that can open but heal again and again.” you cut him with a weak voice and the man looked at you sympathetically. You took a deep breath “I was having some dreams, or at least it looked like it. Blurry and without much sense, I thought with the life I had seeing so many deaths in my dreams were just normal, you know?” you looked at the people sitting on the table and all of their eyes casted down.

“But- but I could never remember a single thing after I woke up. Never. And the headaches I got when I tried to just left no room for trying, sadly. Until of course we caught sound of a case involving demons and the soul stone a-and-” you glanced at the blue-eyed soldier “We ran into each other again and it all changed. I am really here now and I am the same woman you remember, give or take.”

Silence set, the weight of your words setting heavily on all of their chests but even more yours. But you waited, patiently albeit nervously for some sort of reaction until it was broken by-

“He kissed you, you suddenly remembered everything and walked off into the sunset holding hands. What a romanticending, roll credits! Now how ‘bout we skip to the part were you say the truth because I’ve kinda stopped liking farytailssince like-” he shrugged “Forever.”

“Hm nuh huh. No, Tony. No.” Bruce whispered to his friend, shaking his head.

“Stark, this is not a joke.” Steve frowned “She’s telling you how things happened. You just gotta-”

“No, I’ll tell you what this is Steve!” he snapped, getting up from his seat abruptly “She gives you a pretty smile, bats her eyelashes at you the way (Y/n) would and you’re suddenly so taken by- by this need to get back your lost chance with her and can’t see things for what they are! But we all lost something that day, Steve. We all did when she died, so don’t play holier than you on me. Not when-”

“She has the bracelets, Tony! The ones we buried her with, she has them and they work on her! And she… she has the ring I proposed to her with, still with her.” he ended up saying in a low voice but Tony only scoffed, ready to leave until Steve caught him by the arm, voice low “Look at her, Tony, just look at her!”

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers.” Tony hissed, pushing his hand off “Do you think any of that matters to me? Do you think I care if she even passes any tests you put her through to prove she’s not a monster? I don’t! I know her, alright? She was the last family member I had left, even if there was no blood relation. What will it change for me and or any of the people in this room? You wanna lie to yourself, fine, but I-”

“You’re scared.” you whispered, cutting him gently, and his wide and warm brown eyes jumped to meet yours “And it’s not because you think I might be lying, but because you know I’m not. You don’t need the tests, you  _already_ know it’s me… and you’re scared you’ll go through the pain of having to see a family member die again. You-” you looked at the rest of the Avengers, mostly the ones you’d met now “You all are, that’s why you doubt it.” and again many eyes casted down “We all do, because it’s so human.”

“But-” you wrapped your arms around your waist “I can certainly tell you from personal experience that bottling it up willlead nowhere. Trying to find a solution in alcohol is just as bad. And you have one damn crappy way to fight the pain,  _Stark._ I know men like you, Tony, like all of you guys and they’re just as broken. They’ve lost everything, family after family, but they never stopped being good and they never stopped opening their heart to whoever wanted to be cared for. Nobody can deal with loss alone.”

“We lost something that day, someone very important. Everyone made it but-” Bruce started but stopped.

“And I- I’m sadly not entirely the same woman but I am still me for most part and this… is a second chance for everyone, you and me. For whatever reason. And I don’t wanna lose it… I don’t wanna lose  _you_ again.”

The silence that set in the room felt even more intimidating, your previous nervousness had turned into great fear of rejection. Your vision was blurry but you didn’t dare look up, only thankful for Steve’s comforting hand on your shoulder as your heart drummed in your chest.

“For the record-” Tony’s voice made you look up to see the emotional smirk on his lips “You always gave sappy speeches.” he shrugged making your eyes widen “Come here, feathers.”

You almost couldn’t comprehend the words that left his lips, you thought it your mind playing tricks. Between blinking, feeling a pair of hands wrap around you and hearing a few soft and emotional chuckles you didn’t know if you really heard Clint or any of the other Avengers rush from their seats. “ _What?!_  No, Stark, out of the way! First hug is mine, it’s mine!” it had to be Clint “You know this calls for a party right.” another but it was hard to tell because of the lightness and excitement in it. And you didn’t get to think about it, when more than one person wrapped their arms around you. You heard crystal clear one thing, though.

“Welcome back home, (Y/n).”

~The following night~

“Alright, will you just stop that?” Sam huffed, snapping the book shut and giving a glare to his brother.

“Stop what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he didn’t even look up from his computer, brows furrowed deeply and jaw set firmly. Denying it all, classic.

“That. That’s what I’m talking about.” he pointed a his brother “You sulking and being grumpy like a teen girl a-and drowning yourself in research for a next case and alcohol because you don’t want to face what’s really troubling you.”

“There’s really nothing troubling me, ok? Everything’s just peachy.” he typed aimlessly.

“No, Dean, it’s clearly not! You are not peachy and you know why? Because you hate yourself for what you did to (Y/n) more than you hate her for what she did to you, and that’s cause you lo-” he stopped abruptly when Dean’s head shot up and his wide eyes warned him to not say the 'L’ word. Sam huffed, rolling his eyes “Because your feelings for her are so strong. Either way, you know it’s the truth, you can’t stop thinking about the way you treated her or let her leave without a single hug. You’re sulking because you think she somehow betrayed you when in reality all she wanted to do was get toknow those people. You don’t talk because you’re hurt and think she will never return, when she’ll be gone for just a couple days. And you’re being grumpy because you think-”

“Oh I  _know_ , alright?” the older Winchester cut him off, voice rough “I know, I don’t think or don’t make up stories in my mind. I know because I know (Y/n) like the back of my hand and I  _know_ that the way she looked at Steve was nowhere near friendly! I saw it with my own eyes. So, yes, I  _know_  that she left first and foremost for him and, even if she doesn’t see it yet, she will end up chosing to stay there with him and leave  _us_ … just like everybody else.” he ended up muttering the last part sadly to himself but Sam caught it.

“So that’s it huh?” Sam asked after a moment of silence when Dean looked away “You’re scared. Scared she will choseSteve and the life she could have with him instead of you?” Dean shifted his jaw “You think she will chose a happy ever after there, get married as they planned and have a house and kids with  _him._ That what’s causing all this, not her leaving, but fear of her never returning. A-and what- abandon us?  _You_?”

“Well, she wouldn’t be the first.” Dean shrugged bitterly, his grumpiness fading away just a bit to show his exhaustion and pain “And, why not? At least he can give her all of it and have the government on their side, not after their asses. He can get her the house she wanted, a freakin’ dog, perfect kids the whole nine yards.” he clicked his tongue on his teeth, pouring more whiskey into his glass “Why would she leave Mr perfect huh? Why would she trade any of that for a old-ass hunter, with drinking problems and-”

“Also her soulmate?” Sam cut him off with a gentle yet sincere voice “She told me, Dean. She told me everything and if you ask me? She wouldn’t leave you for another man after having found out something like that. Because the (Y/n) I know, well-” he smirked softly “How do I say it? Uhm had been hopelessly and helplessly waiting for you to ask her the hell out like a schoolgirl with a crush ever since, well, forever.”

Dean paused mid-action, glass barely at the tip of his lips, blinking “Wh-what? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means-” Sam sighed, getting up on his feet "What you are her soulmate for a reason, Chuck certainly knew a thing or two when matching up the two of you, and it might not be set in stone but that is a big advantage, Dean. Steve had a life with her, they got engaged, and you were  _meant_  to be.”

“So what, does that just make it even somehow?”

“Yes and no. It gives you the opportunity to do something, though, to fight for her. She told you because it  _mattered_ to her, bet it still does, and because you matter to her. So you either let her fall straight into his arms with this kind of behavior or-” he shrugged with a smile “Try to understand her, man up and tell her how you feel because I’m sick and tired of you making heart eyes at each other all the time. And then… it’s up to her, although I’m pretty sure I already know who she’ll chose.”

“Sounds good, although there’s a small problem.”he whispered, trying not to get his hopes up “What if she’s already chosen… and it’s not me?”

~*~

“Oh Gosh. So much time, so many chances, such a beautiful life. Lost. Completely gone.” a tear rolled down your cheek, falling onto the framed picture of yourself a lot time ago. A simple pair of short summer jeans, a black simple T-shirt and a flannel on top. This was indeed you.

“I took this away from you. How could I?” you choked on your words, the smile on both yours and his face and the engagement ring shining on your finger felt like a stab to the heart. But more than anything, the house in the background killed you bit by bit on the inside.

“This wasn’t on you, I never blamed you. I’ve told you this. I just suppose-” his voice was thick as he came to lean over you, running his finger over the photo “It was never meant to be.”

“Bullshit.” you scoffed, your voice cracking as your vision got more blurry “Who gives the power to anyone to decide about another’s fate? Who the hell gave me that power when I killed myself? I- We could have a little daughter today, probably a baby boy too. We-” a sob cut through your lips when your eyes fell back on the pink pacifier that rested on the nightstand “We would have a family, Steve.”

“And if you had not made that sacrifice, they’d probably not have a father either.” he took the photo from your hands “We didn’t know if we’d win or survive in the first place, (Y/n). You did the best you could. Besides-” he let his hand rest on your shoulder and his forehead on the back of your head “You’ll get your chance to happily ever after, sweetheart. You’ll get to be happy, I know, and you’ll-”

“And what about your happily ever after huh?” you asked hoarsely, turning to face him only to be met with such sorrow, proof that he didn’t really believe the words he was saying “This could have been it. This could have been real, it could have been us and I- I wanted it, Steve. I do want it and I know so do you. Don’t lie.

“Lie? (Y/n), thinking about how it would be to paint the kitchen or nursery with you, daydreaming about trying to pick up the couch, thinking of how it would be wake up every morning to you next to me and then us making breakfast together, trying-” a tear rolled down his cheek “To imagine how our kids would look or how beautiful you’d be with a baby bump, and trying to get me to buy a dog is something I have never stopped doing and I will never be able to lie about.”

“And what about wanting? How much have you… or do you want it, any of it,  _now?”_

His lips parted, breath caught in his throat as you fisted his jacket in your hands, looking up at him with desperate eyes and only then he realized how close you were. Close after over a year, and not in his dreams. Your breath over his lips, your scent, your presence were intoxicating so he only could-

“With every fiber in my body.”he whispered before his lips crashed to yours.


	12. Chapter 12

~Five hours earlier~

“Tony doesn’t miss an opportunity for a party, does he? Like for anything!” you raised an eyebrow, watching Natasha shuffle through the dresses she’d brought for you to try for the party, and she hummed “Because for a second I thought it was just another excuse for him to try and set you up with Banner.”

She paused for a second, narrowing her eyes at you as you giggled “Shut up. That was your field of expertese after all. And uh nope, he really doesn’t. But this is the most important event of all so I’m thinking he’ll keep it a bit low. Or at least try to. Oh what about this?” she lifted up a tight red one and you gave her a perfect replica of Sam’s bitch-face.

“I’m a hunter, Nat. The closest I’ve been to a dress is, well, seeing the latest victim of a vamp killing wearing one! Covered in blood and dirt might I add.” you said and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Fair enough. These were all the dresses I could get, I mean, your old room is kind of-”

“Off limits?” you asked softly and she looked away bitterly “It’s ok, I get it. I can’t remember anything but you guys do and with all of my things being in there it’s like a reminder of… what was lost.”

“It’s hard, for Steve the most. He hasn’t been in there in- I don’t even know how long. He sure stopped sleeping in there as well.” she came to sit down next to you “But now you’re here and everything’s changed, so who knows, maybe it’s time for that door to open again. Ok now uhm- Something more casual it is. And another color.” she kept looking “I’m guessing Dean must have a favorite one.” you knew it was all to get either some sort of reaction out of you or, even more preferably, to get you to talk about it.

“Well-” you wrapped your arms around your knees, resting your chin on top of them “He loves green but he always said I would look good in a baby-blue-colored dress. Now that I think about it, I had once worn one and he-” you looked down with a small giggle “He had nearly choked on thin air. It had taken Sam’s best efforts to get him to form a proper sentence and it was- it was so freaking adorable.”

A small laugh escaped her lips as she nodded her head. “I can imagine. Baby blue hm.” she hummed, pausing in her actions and looking at you with a soft smile of her own “Well, Steve did always say he loved the color on you as well. You do have a type.”

You appreciated her effort to keep a light mood, especially when she saw how much you needed it. Ever since meeting the rest of the Avengers the previous day and getting to spend some time with them, you had been isolating yourself and not smiling as much as she hoped you would. It wasn’t just how overwhelmed you felt to meet all these new people, the pressure you put on yourself to remember everything they had been talking to you about and the sadness and disappointment when you actually didn’t remember anything. That had an effect on you, it had an effect on everyone, but unlike you, they were much more relieved and happy to get you back. Plus, what made you hold back from fully enjoying this was, or better yet, were two men.

The one back home who you were sure hated you for what you did and the one in this home that kept his distance more of the time.

“Apparently.” you sighed “And an amazing ability to push both of them away even though I try not to.” you closed your eyes, rubbing them “H-how is he? I tried looking for him but in between getting a tour of the place by Clint, trying to understand how the heck the microwave works and getting so distracted by how Thor looks from up close I- I-” you blinked “I didn’t have the time to. Have you talked to him or something?”

“I haven’t, no, but I think that’s your place to. When he’s done.” she sighed “He’s in the training room, letting some steam off, but don’t worry about him. It’s his way of dealing with it, we all need some time alone, you know? For now he’s better, he’s a lot better the way I see it. And he’s certainly not avoiding you, in case that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I just wish he was the one to guide me a bit through this. I know it might sound a bit stupid and the guys are all great, seriously great, but I feel like there is a side of me that only Steve knows. A side of who I really was ever since we first met all those years ago.” you looked out of the window “I side he only saw in me. But maybe he’s not ready to welcome back again into his life. Maybe he doesn’t know how to act around me or- or what to say. I know the feeling I just-”

“If you think that he doesn’t want that or doesn’t want you then let me tell you that-”

“No, no.” you shook your head “We’ve already talked a bit about it and Nat… he wants it, he wants me back. He  _told_ me, he wants it all back and honestly… so do I. I want those memories. I- I even think I want all those feelings back to and I don’t know how to handle it. That’s the scariest of it all.”

“Oh (Y/n).” it was impossible to miss the smile that formed on her lips “No, no. Listen to me, no.” you felt a hand on your shoulder seconds later and looked back at her with glossy eyes “That is actually the most beautiful of it all. And you wanna know why? Because  _ **love**_  always is. And this comes from a woman that thought love was for children.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” her words made your breath hitch in your throat and your eyes widen.

“Well, maybe I’m showing some favoritism here, but I am just so glad to see the same feelings you had for that man still reflect on your face. Even now that all your memories are gone, those feelings are still there. I knew it was always strong and this is the proof.” she placed a hand on yours “Don’t try to fight it, please, don’t try to deny it either. You still  _love_ Steve and I can see it as I’m sure you know you feel it. And that, trust me, is nowhere near scary. Or bad. It’s just… right.”

“I-” it felt like your heart was drumming in your eyes, your eyes casted down as a tear rolled but not out of sadness but only realization “Then what happens when my love for him isn’t the only strong or real one I have in my heart?”

“Then that…” she sighed, placing the midi, light blue dress in front of you “Makes it terrifying.”

~*~

Biting your lower lip you paused in your steps when you spotted the familiar back. Well, you didn’t expect for anyone to be in the training room but him, as they’d made sure to evacuated the building of any agents that at the moment they didn’t want to run into you and freak out. And they of course had not question the sudden break they had been offered anyway, leaving only the Avengers in the compounds and you to feel a lot more comfortable.

You made sure not to make a sound, watching as his muscles flexed under his shirt when he relentlessly punched on the bag. His breath coming in short huffs, small groans and grunt as well that for a second worried you for fear that he had hurt himself in the meanwhile, as his frustration rolled off in waves. You didn’t know what you wanted more, to be able to know what had caused all of it or to be able to take the weight off his chest.

A gasp left your lips when he gave the punching bag a hard punch and nearly sent it flying across the wall. He heard you, though, and instantly swirled around to face you with wide eyes. Your own eyes widened before you blinked and looked down a bit shyly “I- Sorry, I was just looking for you. Did I startle you?”

“It’s ok.” a soft sigh left his lips as he bent down to grab his towel and water bottle “Did I scare you maybe? I don’t usually have this under control to be honest. And when my thoughts consume me I just, you know.”

You paused for a moment, taking in the concern in his eyes as he actually approached you with a much calmer expression than you expected. You shook your head with a small smile “No, don’t worry. I just thought you were going to make a whole in the wall by punching the punching bag through it. But it seems like it’s holding up… well, for most part.”

“Yeah, Tony has specifically designed it to withstand tonnes but I uh I think maybe it needs a couple adjustmentsbecause-” but he paused a bit shyly, making you raise an eyebrow “I’ve already ruined one or two… this month alone.”

“Wow” you blinked, your eyebrows raising in surprise “And here I thought I was a freaking superhero for being able to open a vase of mayo on the first try.  _Once_.” your words earned a true and deep chuckle from that just warmed your wholeheartedly and made your smile get just a bit bigger. It was so good to see him like this, his smile was so beautiful.

“You’re a lot stronger than you think, and I don’t mean just physically.”

“’S good to know, could use some of it now.” you sighed sadly and he looked at you with a frown “I’m sorry for interrupting too, if you want me to I could go.”

“You’re not.” he shook his head at your words “And you don’t have to. Why do you think you should?”

“I mean-” you shrugged softly, looking at him up through your lashes “I don’t know, but if I- I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re… avoiding me. Staying the hell away from me and all that.”

“Avoiding you?” he frowned, his eyes moving back and forth as he looked at you. Until it dawned on him and his back straightened. “(Y/n), that’s not it, believe me. I- I needed some time, yes, I needed to wrap my head around the fact that you are really here, that  _we_ are, but I-” he let a soft sigh, surprising the both of you by taking a step closer to you “I want you.”

When you felt his hand on your arm, your eyes widened and your breath got caught in your throat “I- I thought you wanted to take it back.” you confessed shyly.

“Take it back? (Y/n), I wanted this from the moment I realized I had lost you. And I’ve wanted it more and more each and every day after that. I-” a somewhat tired and defeated sigh left his lips “I want you and if I  _have_ to fight for you then I will do so. Even against Dean. Soulmate or not, we chose our own fate and destiny; you’ve told me that.”

A painful lump formed in your throat and your heart dropped at the thought “Don’t. Don’t say that please, no more fights. Especially for me. I will be the one to do it right this time.”

His lips parted but he didn’t say anything, only gave yu a weak nod. What more could he say unless he risked hearing that you always had too many feelings for the green-eyed hunter to let go of him for Steve? His heart wouldn’t take that, not yet. Your eyes trailed down, finding his hand and your frown deepened not when you saw the gauze wrapped around it but actually small spots of blood. Your eyes glanced at him for a second before you took hold of it in both of yours. You slowly unwrapped it, fingers as gentle as they possibly could, before you took in the look before you. You winced at the nasty redness on his knuckles and the intense pink spreading around the wounds.

“I got carried away.” he whispered in a hoarse voice “I’m sorry.”

And you got the feeling you’ve had this kind of conversation before many times. You shook your head softly, holding his palm in your hands. You hesitated but slowly brought it up to yours lips, they ghosted over his knuckles before you leaned down a bit more, your kiss was as light as a feather. But you were sure, even if he didn’t feel it, then he surely felt his heart skip a beat just like yours. A shaky breath left his lips, as he slowly rested his forehead against yours.

He brought his hand to cup your face as you placed your hand over his, nuzzling your face in his palm. “I want you to take more care of yourself. Whatever happens to me, I don’t want you turning into that man again. You’re not him and you don’t deserve to be him.”

He gave you a slow and hesitant nod, as if it was hard for him. You gave him a small smile, moving closer to wrap your arms around him and hug him as he gathered you in his arms as well. You stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled away, whispering “Come with me.”

Placing his hand at the small of your back, he lead you through a hallway with windows over the walls that had a view to the green fields and forest to another large room that as soon as you entered, took your breath away. “I’ve struggled going in our bedroom but for some reason it was easier to visit this room once or twice last year.” he breathed out.

You looked around at the various framed pictures, some large as posters and others smaller like photos, hang around the place while various objects like weapons or armor and suit parts around, crystal clear through the display glass as if it was some modern museum. For the Avengers. But something else caught your attention the most, a suit in the wall that was more like an armor. Red and blue with golden parts, a lasso next to it and a sword. On the other side was a photo, of you in that suit.

“It was your suit.” he breathed out, eyes fond and filled with pride as he looked at it “Tony kept insisting he needed to update it but gosh you were stubborn. You refused as all hell and in the end it proved to be one of the most effective armors, made fully of vibranium and we didn’t even know it. Uh strongest metal on Earth.” he explained and you nodded your head, your eyes mostly glued on him than the important part of past he was looking at. He was finally opening up to you more about your past and that was all you wanted. You wanted Steve to guide you through it.

“The bracelets are part of it as well but you obviously still have those. I can’t even count the times you just swept in and saved the day, and sometimes you didn’t even have to do something. All it took was a few words and you’d get us back on our feet. What you stood for was always an example to many, me included.”

“Really?” you whispered and his eyes found yours, a slow nod being sent your way “Well, I guess I’m used to working with children then.” you looked back at the suit and photo of yourself “And for the record, I look like a total badass in that suit.” you laughed softly “If only Sam and Dean could see me in that.” for a second the thought of the look on Dean’s face made your heart fill with warmth.

“You miss them don’t you?” his voice was low, gaining your attention.

You looked down after that, shrugging softly “When I think about it I haven’t really been away from them… from Dean for longer than 24 hours without a phone call or facetiming and now it feels…”

“Like something is missing.” he completed your sentence, an almost bitter nod following soon “I get it.”

“I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean-” you sighed in defeat.

“You don’t have to apologize, (Y/n).” the smile didn’t reach his eyes “They are family and truth be told, I’m glad  _they_  are your family. Thinking that you’d be all alone in a world like that is-” he pursed his lips, shaking his head “They’re both really good men.”

“And I’m glad to say they’re not the only ones.” you nodded your head with a smile “Anyway, come on now, we have a party to go to. Time for me to live the experience for real this time.”

~*~

You smoothed down the baby blue dress that you were wearing, the feeling of the soft fabric against your fingertips and the sight in the mirror before you, bringing a smile on your lips at the memory. You gazed at your own reflection and for a moment, it didn’t feel like you were in the present. You were in the past, and it was a moment you remembered very well.

“ _(Y/n), we’re back!” you’d recognize that voice anywhere in the world, much like the way it made your heart skip a beat in your chest. You had been literally counting down the seconds until you heard it and boy did you jump up on your feet when you heard him._

“ _Hey, next time try to tone down that ‘Honey, I’m home.’ you’ve got going and slow down a bit otherwise you’re gonna fall down the stairs. She’s not going anywhere.” you heard that other very familiar voice that earned a giggle from you as you approached them._

“ _Shut up, I’m not-” but he knew it all too well, just like you saw it the moment you rounded the corner, that he had been eagerly awaiting to see you and skipping down the stairs in the bunker.The moment, however, his eyes fell on you, his lips fell apart, words died out, and his eyes widened as he stopped on his tracks.His duffel bag dropped from his hands by his legs._

“ _Hey you.” your smile only got bigger as you skipped your way towards him, your dress flowing beautiful, as you jumped in his arms and wrapped yours tightly around his neck. Of course he didn’t waste a second and his arms sneaked around your waist and pulled you closer to him, while his face buried in the crook of your neck and yours in his chest. Every curve and edge of your body fit perfectly with his and thanks to the thin material of your dress you could feel his arms squeezing your hips and rubbing softly. The contact made shivers run down your spine._

_It didn’t help that you had not seen him for a couple days, phone calls and messages could do only so much. You were terribly clingy as it was, spending so much time together and even having a few too many lingering touches, but now that you had not seen each other you needed the skin contact and touch real bad. So you weren’t going to let go._

“ _Missed you.” you whispered only for him to hear before you pulled away with a bright smile. You pulled away just slightly and for a couple seconds to hug Sam as well before you felt Dean’s hands on you again. “How did it go? I wanted so bad to join in.”_

“ _It’s b-” but he choked on his words, the air getting stuck in his throat as his eyes roamed your figure, taking you in as his thumb rubbed circles on your hip. And for some time he didn’t even try to utter another word as he gaped at you like a fish out of water, his eyes so incredibly wide that for a second you got carried away gazing into that beautiful green shade._

_A frown set on your face as worried filled your chest “D, you ok? Are you- are you even breathing?”_

_You looked at Sam, as if for help, when you realized the older Winchester was indeed holding his breath or at least struggling to breathe other than utter a few words. Sam only gave his brother a funny look and a nudge on Dean that finally made him blink._

“ _Dean” he hissed as another choked sound came from his brother’s lips so he ended up rolling his eyes and shaking his head “We wish you were there too, but your health aways comes first. It was a bit harder than exp-”_

“ _What are you wearing?” Dean’s gruff voice cut off his brother, asking a question you didn’t really expect._

“ _Wha- Come again?” you blinked, your eyes falling down to glance at yourself and the sky-blue dress you were in “I- I thought… It’s a pretty hot day a-and I got this dress way back and thought… don’t you like how- Don’t I look good?”_

“ _You-” an awe-struck smile lifted the corners of his lips “Sweetheart, you look **gorgeous**.” and the emphasis he put on the word not just verbally but also with his eyes and smile, made your heart skip another beat “It’s- you’re freakin’  **stunning**.”_

_A soft laugh escaped your lips, and you instantly felt your cheeks heat up even more when he squeezed your hip “Thanks, I- I thought a change is nice once in a while.”_

“ _Just nice?” he scoffed, licing his lips and shaking his head in disbelief still with a stunned smile on his lips “Why had you not worn it before?”_

_You shrugged, your smile turning into a small smirk “Maybe I feared I’d give your poor old heart a problem, seeing as you’ve already forgotten how to breathe.”_

_His smile for a moment fluttered and you could have sworn he looked flustered “You know what, (Y/l/n)?”_

“ _What?” you challenged with a smirk, his hand on your and his body’s warmth feeling so good after all these days that you were a bit more daring._

“ _Tonight. My room.” his voice was gruff and serious “Keep that on. And I’m not letting you get any sleep. I’ll show you-”_

“ _Whoa whoa” Sam coughed loudly and stopped his brother, his eyes wide as he raised a hand “You’re not alone. You’re **so** not alone! Please don’t give me nightmares, just please.”_

“ _Don’t worry, Sammy, he’s all talk and no actions. Gets me all excited and at the end of the day I’ve only dolled up for tickles.” you giggled and Dean scoffed loudly, while the younger Winchester sighed a bit in relief._

“ _Sweetheart, don’t you know I’m full of surprises? You wound me.” he placed a hand over his heart and you laughed softly, placing a hand on his chest._

“ _Will be certainly pleased to get as many of them now that you’re here, then.” you said more softly as he leaned to kiss your temple “And I’ve got a couple for you guys, by cooking your faves. I hope you’re hungry, because I’m starving because of the waiting up on you. Just make your showers quick.”_

“ _Good, 'cause you look like you haven’t eaten in days. The hell kid, do I always have to be around and remind you to? I want you to take care.” he took hold of his bag and you rolled your eyes fondly._

“ _You know I have been, don’t be worse than mom. She wouldn’t let go me go out if I had not eaten all of my food.”_

“ _Wise woman.” he nodded his head “But I will let you go out. In fact I’ll tell you to, so that you can eat.” he stopped on his tracks as he was making his way to his room “And don’t worry, I’m joinin’ in. I’ll be ready in 20.”_

“ _Wha- wait a second there, what?” you blinked._

“ _Told you, you should eat a bit more and junk food is the best option right now, no offence to your cooking. **So I’m taking you out to eat**.” and with a smirk and classic wink, he was making his way to his room._

_He left you to stare with raised eyebrows “That was so…”_

“ _Smooth.” Sam completed, laughing in disbelief “My brother was seriously smooth asking you out.”_

“ _So freaking smoo- Wait- He just asked me out. Did he seriously just ask me out?” you blinked with wide eyes and Sam chuckled._

“ _Seems so.” Sam smirked “The effect you in a dress or pjs have on him huh.”_

“ _Wait- so he did try to ask me out when he saw me in my new pjs on that case, didn’t he? Dang it, I knew it! I should have done something but I thought he was choking on thin air because the witch had casted a spell on him and didn’t think any more of it. Dean Winchester can just be so…”_

“ _Smooth.” it was said with a snicker and you knew how playfully he meant it._

And just like that time, you smiled to yourself. It didn’t matter that it never happened and didn’t matter that it was the closest to a date you got with Dean, almost-date you called it, because as expected the hunting life got in the way. Not that if it hadn’t you had any hope it would be any more than just a friendly night out that could ever mean more. But it was still a fond memory that warmed your heart. And it was that very feeling, that need inside your heart, that was always fulfilled by his presence that made the memory even more beautiful. It was the realization that you needed and wanted the man in your life and nothing could change that.

_And you still wished he was here with you so bad. How could you be happy without him?_

“Ready?” his voice, a voice so unlike Dean’s, made you blink and brought you back to reality. You turned around with a true smile on your lips. That was how.

You prepared to speak but your words got caught in your throat. Dark jeans, blue button up shirt, a brown leather jacket, his hair neatly pushed back  _and_ leaning against the doorframe so casually with his arms crossed over his chest? This man was a walking heartattack. “Damn Rogers, you look good.” you breathed out before you could stop yourself and a shy adorable smile formed on his lips as he looked down.

“Don’t steal my lines.” he grinned, meeting your eyes “You look  _so_  beautiful.” he breathed out in actual awe, making your heart skip a beat like a schoolgirl.

“Thank you.” you whispered, looking down “And you should smile more often.”

“I’ll try to.” he gave you a nod “So, ready?”

“As much as I could be.” you breathed out a bit nervously.

“Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be fine. You know them now, remember? You know how the Avengers are and there is nothing to be scared of. You’ll feel right at home.” he extended an arm for you as you approached him “And if you can’t, then a dance can always help. If you’d like to offer me one, that is. I- I’m probably not the best dancer out there but I’ve been practicing and-”

A kiss on his cheek cut him off as you smiled brightly up at him “It would be my pleasure. If you have a dance saved for your best girl even after all this time, then I certainly do to.” you linked arms with his “And I already do. Feel like home, I mean, thanks to  _you_.”

~*~

“So that’s what the Avengers call a party, wow. I’d just love to see Cas try to join one, Dean would probably be ok and Sam-” you laughed, shaking your head “Oh and I’m so not letting Thor give me a drink  _ever_ again! Shit, I don’t think it’s normal for the room to spin, is it?” you giggled and he chuckled.

“That drink is a lot heavier than you think, consider yourself lucky to be able to walking on your own. As for the boys, they’d fit right in. Bruce and Cas would probably hit it off, Dean would 100% be best friends with Tony – your Father help us if they ever met – and Sam hmh I don’t think he’d have any trouble.” he said with an adorable smile, arm linked with yours as he led the way.

“Team Free Will and Avengers, that I’d love to see. I really hope-” you paused with a frown when you stood in front of a door you had not seen before “Wh-what’s this?”

A soft sigh left his lips as he let go of your hand. The calm expression on his face didn’t fade though and for that you were glad “It’s something I- I was scared of doing for months, or so I had convinced myself. I now think that I wasn’t brave enough. I don’t know, I guess, it doesn’t even matter, does it? Memories will always be bittersweet, it’s all-” he unlocked the door “Up to us and how we chose to see it.”

Your eyes couldn’t leave his face for a moment, watching and trying to decipher the emotions in his eyes. There was some nervousness, some fear even, some uncertainty about what he was going to do and a hint of sadness. His past pain made him hesitate, he was so used to being afraid of said pain that the room brought him, that opening the door wasn’t an easy task. And you guessed that whatever was inside your bedroom was too heartbreaking for him. Yet, things were different now because his eyes weren’t as dark or his shoulders as slumped and stiff as before. A weight was lifted off them. And the way he took a deep breath, as if it was the first time he was breathing again after a long time, and straightened his back when turned on that doorhandle meant one thing. He felt brave enough now.

When he gave you a nod you let a small breath of your own, suddenly more sober and took a step inside. He hesitated at the door but wasted no more seconds in following suit. It wasn’t something special, decoration-wise, but the way your heart warmed up and the way your shoulders relaxed could not compare to any other feeling. “So this is home huh?” it felt like it.

“This is home.” he nodded his head, taking a  _good_ look around.

He didn’t say anything for some time, let you explore everything from the smallest to the biggest thing that you could possibly find. Books, personal items, photos. So many of those, and so many filled with memories. The bedsheets on the bed still undone, making you smile as you ran your fingers over them. You opened the small drawer on your nightstand, all sorts of things inside but mostly a small object that made your smile flutter. You took hold of it with shaky hands, blinking through a suddenly blurry vision. His eyes fell on you and

“What-” and the weight was back on your shoulders “You said-” your lower lip trembled.

“N-no. No.” he breathed out shakily, his eyes wide just like “No, it’s- There was this time you thought you were-” he motioned with his hand, clearing his throat when he felt like the word get stuck “Pregnant.” his glanced at the pink pacifier “And we figured out you weren’t immediately but uh we… couldn’t stop thinking about it. And you found that during a mission and held onto it like a reminder. You-” he smiled slightly “You loved teasing me about how it was fate or something and that we were definitely gonna have a baby girl first. And I loved the thought, but I also loved teasing you and just for that I insisted on a boy.”

“A-And what did you really want?” you asked softly, smiling through glossy eyes.

“I didn’t mind.” he shrugged with a soft smile “Girl or boy, I didn’t care, I knew that it would be the happiest child on the world with a mother like you. But I sometimes even talked about twins, just to freak you out. And it  _always_  got you.” it earned a low laugh from you “But… besides all the teasing, we both knew we wanted it and that’s why… we started trying.”

And that made your blood run cold “We- what?”

He blinked, clearing his throat a bit “We wanted it a lot, we were planning to retire anyway sometime after the wedding. We were already looking for houses, you  _refused_ to change your opinion on getting a dog so I only agreed. You insisted the kids would love it. Kids.” he let out a humorless laugh “I paniced a bit at the idea but you told me so did you, we both only knew was so this was completely new. Besides uh- I guess Nat and Sam joking all the time about us having babies might have helped?” he tried to lighten the mood, the memories too beautiful even though painful, but you couldn’t even crack a smile now. “I don’t know. But we had it figured out.”

“Steve” you choked out, placing it back on the nightstand and taking the framed photo that caught your attention “Oh gosh.”

~Present Time~

“Do you want it, any of it,  _now?”_

“With every fiber in my body.” he whispered before his lips crashed to yours.

It took you by surprise at first. A gasp escaped your lips and you would have stumbled backwards if it wasn’t for your hands having found their way around his neck. It was like an instinct, you didn’t even understand it. You couldn’t think of anything, but for a bizarre seconds Nat’s words echoed in your head. One word in particular. One word that could only explain this situation; love. Your love for Steve. A love you had not realized was still there, one you couldn’t wrap your mind around but one that your heart just as well felt.

Your hands almost moved on their own, sliding down his chest and grabbing his leather jacket firmly in your fists, taking a deep breath through your nose and preparing yourself to do something but he only… stopped. Your eyebrows pulled into a frown and your lips followed his for just a split second, and when you couldn’t find him, your eyes fluttered open to look at him. His lips were parted, hesitation evident, maybe the need to apologize but more than anything the desperation to have you kiss him back, to tell him it was alright, that it wasn’t wrong, and that you wanted it too.

But you couldn’t put it into words, you couldn’t put any of your messed up feelings into words. Your heart was so confused and just as you thought that you knew what it wanted, there it all went right out of the window and you got more confused. So you focused on what you thought you wanted at least for the moment.

“If you don’t-” he breathed out shakily, ready to apologize “I- I don’t need- I understand, Dean’s-”

“Someone that will never see me as anything more than a friend.” you whispered, as much as it hurt you to say your biggest fear out loud “Soulmates or not, it doesn’t mean a thing if he can’t feel anything more for me. And he doesn’t.”

Your lips brushed over his as you held his gaze for another second before you inevitably locked lips with his. He took in a deep breath, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he slowly responded. His hands around your waist pulled your body as close as possible. He tried to hold back at first but as you pressed your lips harder on his, and the kiss became more sloppy, he let his need and desperation show. Urgency in his actions as if tried to make up for all of the lost kisses. He took in a shaky breath as you kissed his sweet lips with just as much need, a feeling you couldn’t describe filling your chest.

You didn’t want to pull away, you couldn’t pull away, even if you knew your lips were going to be kiss-swollen in the end and you’d be a panting mess. Your lungs were already burning for air but your body refused to let go of him. For some reason you couldn’t completely understand yet was so rational, you needed him like you needed air after being underwater for so long.

His lips moved against yours, his hands roamed and grabbed wherever he could just to feel you there, to make sure this wasn’t a dream. You bit on his lower lip, earning a a soft beautiful moan that made you smile as you pushed the jacket off his shoulders. You stumbled a bit, lips still locked, until the back of his knees hit the bed and sent the both of you falling on top of it. A breathless laugh left your lips and you pulled slightly away to look down at the man, smiling adorably while his eyes were filled with such awe and adoration it made your heart skip another beat. He looked at you as if you were awonder, a living miracle in front of his eyes. You paused for a second, cupping his cheek and resting your forehead against his, pressing a slower, lighter and very tender kiss on his lips.

“I-” he started but stopped, giving your hip a squeeze “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” you whispered in such a low voice it was barely audible, before you pressed your lips back to his for good.

~Next morning~

“You know, if you tried asking her out once,  _just once,_ maybe you’d have better chances at-”

“Alright-” Dean huffed, getting up from his seat when the door knocked “That’s probably Cas and Jack, so I’m sorry to interrupt this wonderful speech of yours about  _my_ love-life but I gotta go get that.”

“More like your non-existent one ever since you feel head over heels in lo- you-know-what with (Y/n).” Sam muttered with a roll of his eyes and Dean stopped at the door, giving him a look.

“I heard that.”

“Oh good for you, cause it’s your fault.” he shut a book closed, 100% done with his brother, and the older Winchester rolled his eyes, opening the door. But just as his lips parted to thank Cas and Jack for the pizza he’s been waiting for, the words died in his lips.

Instead a deep frown formed and his jaw clenched much like his fists when he was met with a sigh he didn’t even expect “What the hell are you doing here?”

When Sam didn’t hear Jack’s voice but the tone in his brother voice, he got up from his seat and walked towards the motel’s door. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he blinked “Steve?”

“Hello, Sam. Dean.” the soldier nodded his head “I wish there could be a different reason, any reason, but this. But I-” he sighed heavily “I could use all the help I can get and in this case I know you would never want to be left out. Not something like this.”

“Steve, is- is everything ok?” Sam asked when Dean only glared harder at the man, eyes already accusing.

“No, it’s not.” his eyes met Dean’s “(Y/n)’s gone and we can’t find her.”


	13. Chapter 13

Beautiful. Truly beautiful.

It was the only word that really came to your mind when your eyes opened that morning. It took you a couple seconds to realize where you were, but as expected an odd sense of calmness and relaxation washed over you and you knew just why. It was both the room and the man whose arms you were in. And it was that very man who you were looking at and thinking of that word.

He was sleeping next to you. Beautiful sand blonde hair slightly messy but you would gladly admit you were guilty because you had been unable to stop running your fingers through them. The warm morning sun peaking through the curtains and dancing over his features in such a beautiful and tempting way that you were barely holding back from reaching out and touching or kissing his face again. His hair looked even golden now, his beard no longer made him look hard around the edges or worn out for some reason. He was so peaceful, so innocent you could almost admit that looking at him made an image flash before your eyes. He was that Steve again, the kid from Brooklyn who made your heart skip a beat with a mere smile. The kid from Brooklyn who made you feel innocent again, willing to believe in the best in people, the one who made you forget all the horror that was out there.

There wasn’t a single hint of a frown on his face, not like the day you’d met him again with Sam and Dean. There was even the smallest hint of a smile, you thought and wished so real bad. He was sleeping, actually sleeping and not tossing and turning around because of nightmares or because this room brought too many painful memories back. He found himself able to embrace everything that happened in the end, both good and bad, and the past no longer hurt just as bad.

His chest was moving up and down in a rhythmic motion as he breathed in and out calmly. He was sleeping soundlesslyand you didn’t dare make a move or sound for fear that he’d wake up. You didn’t want the moment to end, not yet. His arm wrapped around your waist strongly, the warmth of his body making you want to go back to sleep but you knew you didn’t want to. Blinking away your sleep and blury vision you looked up at him with your head laying on his shoulder and took in as much of him as you could. Fearing that he’d either disappear or this was the happiest you’d ever see him, that when he woke up he’d go back to the broken man you’d met, you didn’t want to lose a single second.

And it was in that moment, when everything was quiet and truly beautiful, that you noticed it was his bare chest your hand was laying on. His button up shirt was no longer on him, but actually laying on the floor as you had thrown it away in the heat of the moment. And as that the memories of the previous night came back and with the memories came the guilt that ate you out on the inside. His heat almost didn’t reach out to you anymore, your heart only felt ice cold unlike what you’d wish and expect after a night like that.

A painful lump formed in your throat and couldn’t even swallow. You didn’t feel guilty at what you did, no you never would regret it. Kissing Steve, falling into a bed with him, feeling loved and wanted wasn’t just something your body wanted but something your heart had missed. It was his touches and kisses,  _his_ love, that your heart wanted to feel again, he was your fiance, and for that you weren’t going to feel guilty. You were only feeling guilty for stopping him before it could get too far. You were only feeling guilty for seeing that flash of pain through his eyes last night because he too realized the bitter truth.  _You were unable to give him all of your heart and therefore love because Dean had part of it._

Dean. The man was the exact reason why you stopped Steve the previous night. As much as you hated to admit that, soulmate or not, Dean was probably not going to feel the same way you did for him, part of your heart was always going to be his. And if you kept going with Steve, if you gave into what the other part of your heart wanted, you’d feel like you were betraying Dean. Dean and Steve at the same time because you’d be lying to him with your body, by making him believe you had made up your mind.

And you really didn’t have.

He’d probably expect you to stay with him and even though a part of you wanted it, the other one wanted to go back to Dean and the bunker and thus you were scared you would change your mind and hurt him more. Therefore, there was just no way you could keep going neither last night nor this morning. You couldn’t stay in a bed, give him all the love you had because you knew this wasn’t the right way to. So even though you were already slowly dying on the inside out of guilt, you forced yourself to do something even more painful and slowly pried yourself off him. You thought that with sharp senses like his, just as good as those of a hunter, that he’d wake up. You froze in your place when he let a soft groan and shifted in the bed. But his eyes didn’t open and it only verified just how tired he actually was, the exhaustion and need for sleep had caught up with him; allowing you to slip from his arms and your bed.

You dressed up fast but without a sound. You paused and took a final look at him when you were by the door, seeing him sprawled on the bed as if asking you to get back in there with him. For a split second you wanted it so bad, your heart craved it. But you also knew your head needed fresh air to think properly, to make this much-needed decision and so instead of walking towards him, you opened the door and left.

It was supposed to be a simple walk, not far away for sure, you’d make sure to stay under the radar and just think through everything.  _To make this final decision._  But if it was up to you to go back in time and change the way you chose to handle this then you’d really never get out of the bed in the first place.

You’d change everything.

~*~

“(Y/n)’s gone and we can’t find her.” Steve’s words felt like an echo in Dean’s ears, so distant, because deep down he wanted to believe he was hearing things that his mind was making up.

“Come again?” he asked carefully, slowly and in a dangerously low voice that showed he was holding himself back from lashing out because he had heard wrong.

“Steve wh-what is that supposed to mean? H- how can she just be… gone?” Sam said in a less harsh tone.

“I- I hate to say this, and I don’t like saying we probably don’t have much time on our hands now, but she just… left, this morning, and she hasn’t returned yet. She’s not picking up her phone, we can’t track it down nor locate her because nobody saw her and we think that-”

“ _That_?!” he insisted, his voice deeper and louder and certainly much more accusing than before, making Sam place a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

Steve sighed, clenching his jaw as he looked him straight in the eyes again “She’s not coming back because she… can’t.”

“Because she can’t.” Dean breathed out. “She can’t.” he smiled angrily, lips pursed in a thin line, nodding his head “Because she can’t, that’s what he says.  _Wow_.” he now shook his head “I see, oh I really see.”

“Dean-” Sam started but the older Winchester shot him a hard look, cutting him off.

He turned sharply to look back at the soldier “ _She can’t?_ More like, because she’d been fucking  _kidnapped_  by whatever enemy you’ve made there all those years there and she has to face the freakin’ consequences. Why can’t you say it huh? You feel that it’ll sound worse? That is will make you seem responsible? Well, it fucking should because you are!”

“Dean.” Steve tried to be as calm as he could, even thought he was a mess on the inside, just to not let a fight break out at this point “We don’t know if-”

But he didn’t get the chance to complete his sentence . Not when he felt the fist collide with his jaw. It didn’t even make him blink, not to mention take him by surprise. By the way Dean seemed to be boiling with anger and clenching his jaw and fists, he actually waited for when it would come.

“No, Dean! No!” Sam’s eyes widened though and he tried to stop his brother as he took hold of the blue-eyed soldier by the collar and pushed him against the wall. Steve clenched his jaw and looked back at him sternly, eyes just as hard because if there was one thing he could understand Dean in right now, was the absolute and unparalleled fear that sent unpleasant shivers down his spine. They both felt it.

“I trusted you!” he roared, eyes glaring daggers “I fucking trusted you.” his voice lowered, almost in a growl that would have otherwise cracked from a confession he probably would have never made if the case was different “You were supposed to take care of her. You were supposed to  _protect_  her. And instead all you did was let her get kidnapped? You couldn’t even keep a fucking eye on her?! Couldn’t do that one damn thing right. She followed you in hopes of making  _you_ happy, she did all of it  _for you_ and you couldn’t even do one thing for her?! If I knew that she’d-” he cut himself off, taking a deep breath in “I should’ve never let her come with you.  _Never.”_

“Do you think this is something I’d ever want?  _Really?_ ” he countered, eyes just as much filled with pain as the hunters despite what had happened the previous night between the two of you. The way you’d left this morning had only made him doubt your feelings for him and your connection just as much as Dean did when you told him you were going in his universe for some time. Waking up next to an empty side made him realize that despite how much he pretended, some things weren’t still the same.

“Well, you sure as heck didn’t do anything to stop it either.” he was bitter, he wanted to blame him but he was also blaming himself even more and Steve could understand that.

“Do you think that if I found out who has her, if I found out she was in danger, I wouldn’t risk everything to protect her? I would give my own life for her.” he nearly growled himself “I had a life with her and nothing can erase it, nothing can erase the feelings I have for her no matter how many years pass by. But you can’t see the truth, you don’t want to. You’re not the only one suffering here, you’re not the only one that’s scared or hurt because of everything that’s happened. You’re not the only one that’s  **scared** of losing her. You’re not the only one who cares about her, who wants to keep her safe. Why can’t you get it through your head?”

“Oh yeah?” he raised an eyebrow, voice deep but a bit shaky as Steve’s words got to him.“Get what exactly?”

“That I love her just as much as you do and always will.”

His words were spoken in a calm voice, the sincerity in them cutting through the heavy silence effortlessly. It was the way Steve looked him straight in the eyes, no hiding, beating around the bush or shying away from the situation they’d caught themselves in, and it was the way he wasn’t scared to say the L word while looking Dean straight in the eyes that made the hunter’s heart leap to his throat. He had to hold back a gasp, stunned by how easily it almost was for Steve. Dean had never said it, not even allowed Sam who knew to say it out loud. There was something about hearing it that scared him even more, not because of the feeling itself, but because of whatever curse it could bring on you. And he couldn’t survive losing you.

His eyes moved back and forth before he finally straightened his back and swiftly let go of the Avenger. He started speaking in a gruff voice, almost avoiding his eyes “If anything happens to her-”

“Trust me, if anything happens to her, I’ll blame myself first. And it’s not the only thing I’ll do.” he cut him off, earning a stiff nod from the Winchester. For all of their differences, when it came to you, they could really agree and think the same.

“Good.” he said in a gruff voice, fists clenched his eyes avoiding both Steve and Sam as he turned to storm towards his duffel bag “Then let’s get to work.”

~*~

“What the hell is this?” you groaned, your headache the first thing you noticed next to the cuffs on your hands, holding you down on a rusty metal table that had already started to make your back hurt. They were large and bulky, nothing like the ones you were used, able to withhold great power.

One moment you were taking a walk by the woods and the other total darkness had enveloped you. And now this is where you found yourself, and deep down you prayed it was some demon or vamp instead of what enemy this wold had to offer.

“Not a five-star hotel, I am afraid. But for the sake of our purpose we must… improvise, if I may.” it was a sharp voice, clear and very human-like but when you blinked your blury vision away, the sight that stood before your eyes made you frown.

“Well, not to be rude or anything, and I get that Halloween can be all year round, but unless you weren’t going for grandpa squidward then you’re ugly as fuck.” you tried to sass back at the creature before you that looked so much like an alien. Just a way to deal with the fear that was slowly crawling up your chest.

A small smile lifted at the corners of his lips before he said back sarcastically “Adorable. I see that all you… heros have similar sense of humor. What can I say, you are chattering animals with no real purpose. Even though I must admit I had higher expectations from someone of your kind.” he sighed, moving away and only then you realized he was levitating a couple inches from the ground “You have inevitably turned into one of them.”

“Alright, I don’t know what you’re really on but for starters: I am one of them because  _they_ are my kind. Don’t know who you confused me with but you got the wrong chick.”

“It even shows in your language.” he continued though, not paying attention to you “A hunter. Such a shame, you were always the most fierce and fearless warrior. An amazon and an archangel, you were even able to fight  _him_ and win but now… look at you. Doesn’t matter, you’ll still do.”

“You didn’t let him see your perplexed expression though “Alright, might wanna hold up there buddy-” you subtly struggled against your bindings “First, being a hunter is an actual fucking compliment, thank you. And second; what the actual fuck are you talking about? Do I even know you?”

“We didn’t meet in person but I had heard so many things about you. And thanks to the infinity stones, which brought us all back, I have all the knowledge I need in order to bring him back too.” he turned to face you and only then you realized he had been shuffling through your bag, finding the bracelets you kept in there just in case and placing as far away from your reach as possible.

“Bring him…” you trailed off, when realization dawned on you and your eyes widened and a gasp left your lips “Thanos.” and your eyes hardened as you glared at the, you now were sure, alien before you “You want to bring him back and you’re- You want me for that?”

“It is quiet simple.” he shrugged casually “Death is merely a journey to another wold, you should know it the best. So, if he is locked far away I must find a key to free him from that world. And I happen to know the only one is you, dear, in control of that stone of yours.”

“I-” your eyes widened and your throat felt painfully tight “What are you going to do?” you asked but your focus wasn’t on hi answer, rather getting free out of the metal he had wrapped around your arms. You didn’t know where you’d go if you managed to escape, the place looked like an old and abandoned warehouse but that was probably the most comforting part of all.

“I really wouldn’t do that if I were you.” he said casually “As a human I doubt you will be able to break free without hurting yourself too bad. And as for what I plan to do with you, well-” he slowly came to stand right in front of you 的t requires immense power and you are the only one who has it, so however this may end for you… I know he’ll fulfill his destiny this time and I shall not fail him.

~*~

“So nobody saw her leave?  _Nobody?_ ” Sam blinked and Natasha sighed, giving him a small nod of her head.

“It was too early, not many agents are at the compounds that early and Tony had given them a couple days off. The whole point was nobody taking notice of her, actually.”

“Well, that’s just freaking peachy.” Dean hissed, pacing around like a caged animal, hating not being able to do a thing, feeling unable to save the woman he- well,  _that_. And in a place like this, in an entirely different universe, without any monsters for him to hunt he felt even more useless. “And a monster is totally out of the options. Ain’t that great.” he scoffed a bitter laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I- I mean I don’t get this.” Sam mumbled “Why would she even be out at the crack of dawn taking a walk?”

“What do you mean?” Wilson questioned and Dean paused in his steps, looking up to meet their eyes.

His eyes inevitably found Steve’s “He means that’s not like her, not that early at least. And certainly all alone in a place she doesn’t even know. She’s much more the cuddly type, especially with her blankets.”

“Wouldn’t you know best.” Sam mumbled with a smirk, earning a glare from his brother.

“Thing is, something must have happened to make her wanna leave in the first place. So I’m wondering, is there something you’re not telling me  _Cap_?” with each word he got closer to Steve, only for the two of them to stand chest to chest.

“Trying to pick up a fight won’t lead anywhere, Dean.” he stepped back and away from him “And if you’re just being overprotective then I think we have more pressing matters to think ab-”

“And yet you’re still avoiding my question, Rogers.” Dean’s frown deepened “ _What did you do?”_

“That’s really a question you don’t want answered. Let’s just-”

“Steve.” he growled “Look at me and answer the freakin’ question. Cause if you ain’t ready to tell us the whole truth then it’s only her you’re putting in more danger.”

“Clearly you’re not that willing to work that much with me, after all.” he sighed “You want me to answer your question Dean? You really want to know that much? Well, I’ll tell you then. I woke up in an our shared bed, in  _our_ room, expecting her to be sleeping by my side but it was empty so I got worried and started looking for her. Had no clue and decided to tell you because she’d want you to know. Happy now?” he crossed his arms over his chest “You’ve got a strong connection with her and care but so do I, and you need to accept sooner or later that nothing will change it and that’s how it is.”

His words only left the hunter staring with wide eyes and his heart painfully tight inside his chest as silence fell in the room, so heavy Dean couldn’t almost breathe. Or maybe it was agin because of Steve’s words.

“I think-” Wilson cleared his throat “It’s better if we focus on how to track her at the moment. Judging from how  _that_ is misbehaving-” he pointed at the soul stone laying in a glass container in the middle of the room “I’m taking that she’s not having the time of her life. And if they… are torturing her, then we really don’t have much time guys.”

“Wanda did use the stone to track her down but the soul stone is not like any other infinity stone, she couldn’t get very far. We need to find another way.” Natasha crossed her arms over her chest.

“No, I really think the solution to our problem is the stone. Only thing is how?” Steve countered.

“Lucifer was able to use it before, to see through her eyes.” Dean breathed out in a deeper voice “And it wasn’t just his powers. It’s like a tracing spell, you need something that belongs to the person you’re after. He’s an archangel, despite how different they might be, they were created out of the same material and their grace could be similar. He could have used that… connection, or what was left of it anyway.”

“But an archangel’s grace, or whatever remains of it, needs great power to use as a link. We don’t have that here, do we?” Sam Wilson questioned.

“No” Sam breathed out in realization “We actually have something stronger.” his eyes jumped up, wide, to look at Dean “We have a soulmate!”

“A- a what?” Wilson blinked, completely stunned.

“(Y/n)’s soulmate. We- we could-” a smile slowly started spreading on his lips “We could use Dean. I looked it up a-and there is an actual explanation into it. Soulmates are not the romantic sense we all have in mind. It’s based on actual facts a-and are specifically created by heaven to- to share parts of their souls. So by having Dean here…”

“We have a part of (Y/n) and can use the stone.” Dean breathed out “Well, let’s do it then!”

~*~

It felt like time just refused to pass by and you didn’t know what was more painful. The pain that he was inflicting on you or the possibility that you’d hurt Dean and Steve so much they could just as easily not come looking for you. Probably the third: that there was a high likelihood you’d never see any of them or have the chance to tell them all you wanted before it was too late. But the physical and emotional pain was something you were willing to take, even if it lead to the worst, so long as it meant the rest of the universe was safe and Thanos wasn’t brought back to life.

Your cries echoed through the entire place, your face tear-stained anymore. You had been tortured before but apparently demons couldn’t even compete with what he was doing. It felt like every cell of your body was breaking apart, and the longer you refused to give him what he wanted the worse it got. Your hand and wrists were bloody, from all the pulling you did at the thick metal handcuffs.

You closed your eyes in hopes that maybe it would over soon or at least that you could find some comfort at the thought of Steve and Dean but you were scared he’d use that against you too.

“Humans and love, you all need it so bad, don’t you? Such a shame you won’t even have the chance to make a choice. Unless… deep down you have?”

You refused to give him an answer, refused to let him see through your head and get what he wanted. You fought back with whatever you had left in you. Everything seemed to hurt and it seemed to last forever. But again if you could take that over what came next, then you would any day. Time slowed down and your hope mixed with fear when you didn’t see just the familiar blue eyes but also green eyes that you thought of and held onto for hope.

They seemed confident and ready to fight whatever came once they burst through the door but you weren’t as sure anymore, even more when you saw it all play down. It should have been an easy fight, all these Avengers that had fought aliens countless times and Sam, Dean and Castiel had to end up in a win on your part, right? Well, wrong. As if his powers weren’t strong enough, Ebony Maw wasn’t alone. With a monster the size of Hulk himself you began to fear even more for the fate of your friends.

“N-no, no please.” you choked in between sobs, both because of your fear but also physical pain as you pulled harder at the metal around your wrists “Sammy, no don’t. Leave, a far away as possible. Please.” you looked at the younger Winchester through a blurry vision, as he struggled to help you break free.

“No, (Y/n), don’t think like that; we’re gonna make it. You just help me with this, come on.”

“It’s no use, it’s just no use.” you still pulled at them but whimpered when the pain shot right through you “Go, Sam. Please, take Dean and everyone else and just  _leave._ It’s ok, it’s all ok. I’ve accepted my fate, I-”

“No” he said firmly yet gently and lovingly, the way an older brother would “No, you’re not gonna give up now. Not now. Not before you tell that idiot brother of mine how you feel about him. I won’t allow it.”

You sobbed, trying to help him as much as you could. But when you heard a loud groan and crashing, your eyes shot in the direction and your blood run cold. They were all struggling, but seeing Steve and Dean were the ones that worried you the most,  _they were hurt._ “Sam” your voice cracked “ _Sam_! Help them!”

But even as he reluctantly let go of you, promising he’d be back to help you, his words sounded so distant. Your heart was the only thing you could hear, it was drumming in your ears, the grunts and groans, the clashing and breaking sounded just as distant and only the image could register in your mind. That and your immense fear, but nothing else and certainly not the pain in your wrists as you pulled harder. Your only goal was to get closer, closer to Dean, closer and able to do something to protect him. And as you glanced at your bracelets, part of you wished you could have them in your hands, that you could be  _that_ woman again, the one who wasn’t human and bound down. The one who could save the ones she loved. That you could be the Avenger.

You didn’t realize how it all happened, you couldn’t even describe it in words if someone asked you. It all felt like you were taking your first gasp of air after being underwater forever. A cold yet soothing breath, running deeper than your lungs, down your entire body and making your eyes widen until you realized… you were no longer bound down. Metal was wrapped around your arms but it felt comforting, it felt soothing, probably because no wounds covered your wrists or body anymore. Metal wrapped around your body and legs as well, and it should have felt uncomfortable, but the way your heart calmed down proved that it was as comfortable as your flannels.

The moment your eyes fluttered open you were proven that it wasn’t a dream because you passed out. You were standing in front of Dean, your arms crossed in that very familiar (now) X-motion, protecting both you and him from the large piece of metal that was thrown his way.

“What the…” you trailed off, finally taking a look down at yourself. You recognized the suit, it was  _your_  suit.

“Seems like Shuri’s update on the suit did work after all.” there was a confident smirk on Nat’s lips as she looked at you and it slowly started to dawn on you as to why. Your hand instinctively found the sword and drew it, taking notice the way the angelic wardings and enochian shone bright blue.

“It’s your angelic sword. Made out of the material as an angel blade, but more powerful.” Steve said panting, slowly getting up on his feet as he met your eyes. He seemed more calm, but certainly no less torn or broken. Verifying your worst fear that there was a high likelihood that you wouldn’t see that happy and calm Steve, that kid from Brooklyn, again. Not after leaving in that way.

“Something supernatural huh?” you raised an eyebrow, glancing at Dean who had an almost awe-struck look on his face while a small smile had started lifting at the corners of his lips, certainly more relieved than before and it made you smile just a bit “Think that’s something I can really handle.”

Fighting with a sword and a suit like that would have in any other occasion seemed like an impossible task, especially when an actual alien was throwing heavy metal objects that could crash you and your bones and kill you in an instant. Yet, somehow, your body knew just the right moves; like blinking you knew how to dodge and even catch with your bare hands. The most striking of all not being how light everything felt but actually the way you used your sword and everything around you seemed to be moving in slow motion. The closer you got to him, the more he threw at you and he tried to find even more way to pin you down. Sam, Dean and Cas were holding angel blades, trying to get closer as well so at least one of them could stab them with an angel blade. Steve, Nat and Sam Wilson were all working in the distracting part.

“Always so stubborn. Can’t seem to accept your fate.” he spoke, throwing you across the wall by using the very metal table he had bound you down prior. You groaned in pain, gripping the sword tighter in your hand. You heard another loud groan and you glanced to your left to see Dean’s face confronted in pain. And in that moment you felt your heart drop in fear.

“Funny” you scoffed as you turned to glare at Ebony Maw, getting up on your feet “Says the guy who couldn’t stay dead. But don’t worry, there won’t be another chance.”

“Half the world wasn’t enough.” he smirked “Perhaps the entire one will do.”

This time he didn’t even have time to react when you went for him faster and harder, with much more will than before. Hitting and punching, throwing even the heaviest objects at him until you had him pinned down with your sword right over his chest. “Give my greetings to Thanos.”

A smile still was on his face and his voice came out raspy and choked “ _Your…_ worlds.”

And it all seemed to happen faster than a blink of an eye as you brought your sword down right through his chest and a split second later you heard a rough and loud “No” Your head spoon just in time to see Sam Wilson pull Steve out of the way but… there was nobody closer to Dean, and just as fast, to pull him out of the way as the sharp metal made its way  _straight through his chest_.

Your eyes widened and the air got knocked out of your lungs. A scream ripped through your lips as everyone watched in horror. You felt down on your knees, tears filling your eyes “ _ **No!**_ ”

~*~

Your throat felt tight, your mouth dry and your lungs were burning. You sitting down on the chair and looking at your hands with red-rimmed, glossy and yet hollow eyes. You rubbed them, believing or at least  _hoping_  that it would somehow make the dried-out blood disappear.

You didn’t even want to look at them and think it was all Dean’s blood. You didn’t want to look at them and see the blood oozing over your fingers again.  _Dean’s blood._ It was impossible for you to tear your gaze away, though. Painfully so the scene replaying, as reality faded away, and you caught yourself feeling the same kind of desperation and fear and  _pain_ as you pressed over Dean’s wound to stop the blood from pouring out. The lump in your throat formed again and a new wave of tears came. A sob slipped past your lips as your own whimpers and pleads echoed again your head.

“ _No, Dean! N- no, please. Dean. Dean! Stay with me. Don’t go please.”_

Hours had passed and nothing had changed, your heart still beating painfully inside your chest. You had screamed so loud your voice was now hoarse and you were sure no matter how many hours passed, you wouldn’t be able to get over the trembling of your body. Your shoulders were slumped and you could swear you didn’t even feel the tear that run down your cheek. You were  _numb._

 _You felt void. You felt cold._ You felt  _ **empty.**_ _Dean was…_

A hand covered yours, blocking the red blood from your sight and bringing you back to reality “He’s going to be alright. He’s strong, he’ll pull through.”

You slowly looked up to meet Steve’s eyes, your lower lip trembling “He almost-” you choked on the words “He  _almost_ died, Steve. I felt him slip, I felt him leave, he-” you stopped yourself, your eyes as a whimper slipped from your lips.

“No” he breathed out, taking both your hands in his now “No, don’t do this to yourself. Dean  _is_ alive, (Y/n). He’s alive and he’s already feeling much better, because you saved him. Whatever grace you had left in you did this, you can’t waste time thinking about-”

“What?” you sobbed, your hands slipping from his as you got up on your feet “How I was the reason that Dean almost didn’t make it out of there? His heart nearly stopped beating, he almost went numb in my arms, Steve, and I felt  _all_ of it! I- I can still see the life fading out of his eyes, I can still see the blood coming out of his chest, this blood on my hands is his and I-” you stopped before you could bury your face in your hands but stopped yourself

“Sweetheart” his voice was hoarse, he got up on his feet and placed his hands on your shoulders and you weakly let him pull you to his chest, the warmth his body provided, making you feel safe “It’s not your-”

“It is.” you murmured in defeat “It all is my fault.” you shut your eyes tightly, burying your face in his chest and letting him hug you as tightly as possible “For everything I did. For everything I am… For everything I feel, for you and for Dean. It all happened because of me and  _my_ choices. From the moment I killed myself a year ago, it all went downhill. Gosh, you should have never come to save me.”

“No” he breathed in actual worry and fear “No, (Y/n).  _Please_ don’t say that. We’d never- Dean and I  _could never_ let you in that place to die.” he pulled slightly away to look into your eyes, firm and caring as he whispered “I’ve let you go once, didn’t put up enough of a fight. But I would much rather give my own life, I know Dean would too, if it meant saving you. And I’d die a happy man, knowing I saved you.”

“Even though I walked out the way I did on you this morning?” your voice was small and weak.

He gave you a somewhat pained smile “Because you kissed me the way you did the previous night. And because you looked at me the way you did and because of what you said too. And that’s enough for me.”

“Steve” more tears rolled down your cheeks, you brought a hand up to cup his cheek “There are so many things I could say b-but I can’t find the words. And I don’t even think I have the time to now. I only want you to know that what happened last night was real. That I didn’t leave because you did something wrong, no, I just knew if I did this then it would be the way you deserve. And I want you to remember that what I felt for you is still in here, in my heart, and nothing can take it away. I don’t want for it to go away, I don’t want to lose it or forget it, because it’s so beautiful and it’s unique. And I wish I-”

Just as a small smile had started to lift at the corners of his lips, your words made his brows pull into a deep worried frown “(Y/n), wha-what are you trying to tell me?”

“That I know I caused all of this and I can never be able to explain to you how sorry I am for all the pain I brought to you. But Steve, I-” your lips were only inches from his and this time you didn’t think much of it before you leaned closer and kiss his full lips shortly yet very tenderly “I will do it right. I will do right by you and by Dean, I promise.”

It didn’t do much to calm him down, of course, and his lips only parted and no words came out before you spoke “I’m gonna go see Dean, now, ok? I’ll just…” but the sentence was never completed as you let out a shaky breath and kissed his cheek. Your lips lingered before you pulled away and you slipped from his arms.

~*~

You had run the conversation over and over in your head, thinking about all the possible ways it would go. It helped a lot to get the picture of Dean nearly dead in your hands but on the other hand you got so carried away that when you finally approached the room he was offered, all words died in your lips. The door was slightly ajar and all you were left to do was stare with parted lips at his back.

“You know…” he started as he got dressed “If you wanted a sneak peek, all you had to do was ask.”

The moment he turned around, your eyes met his and you took notice of the small smirk on his lips, your heart fluttered and a shaky breath left your lips. You wanted to say something, anything, but you choked on your words as you offered him an emotional smile. Unable to hold yourself back, you strode to him deciding not to overthink and throwing your arms around him with a sob. He hesitated for a second, but he did wrap his arms around you and held you tightly close to himself, his face burying in the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered hoarsely, your smile falling “Gosh. I’m  _so_ sorry, D. For everything.”

“No. No, (Y/n). I should be, I shouldn’t have-” e pursed his lips, tightening his hold on you “It’s my job, this is my job and Ishould’ve taken better care of you. I should’ve been less-”

“I hurt you, I hurt you  _so bad_ and I will never be able to forgive myself for it.” a small whimper left your lips “And yet you came for me when I needed you. And that almost caused you to- Gosh, _ **I**_  almost did.”

“It’s not-” he pulled away, stopping for a second and you noticed the struggle in his actions as well as pain in his eyes.  _He knew._ But he fought every thought, cupping your cheek “Everything’s ok, sweetheart.”

“For the record, you were always terrible at lying to me, Winchester.” you scoffed a pained laugh.

Dean wiped the single tear that rolled down your cheek, resting his forehead against yours and making your heart skip a beat inside your chest “Then how about… I missed you so bad, (Y/n).”

Your glossy eyes widened at his raspy confession before you whispered “I missed you too, D. So freaking much. But that… isn’t enough. You should have never come after me in the first place, you shouldn’t have tried to save me to begin with. I’ve caused so much pain to both you and Steve and yet you almost-”

“Almost. But I didn’t, thanks to  _you._ Hell-” he gave you a half smile “Not only did you save the day and me but you also looked like a total badass. And for the record, you in that suit:  _Hot damn_.”

A giggle escaped your lips that you didn’t even know was possible. It almost felt foreign but it was so welcomed “So long as you don’t get any ideas for roleplaying now.” you mumbled a bit shyly.

His smile turned into a grin and a deep chuckle left “So long as you don’t give me any ideas.” he winked and kissed your forehead, his lips lingering on your skin as you let your eyes flutter shut and enjoyed his close presence and warmth of his body.

“Gosh. There was a time-” you bit your lip, smiling even with watery eyes “That I’d give nothing more than you to act on those ideas, Winchester. Or that I’d least have the courage to do so myself.”

His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened as his lips fell apart “I- I don’t-  _What_?”

“It doesn’t matter… not now. I just- I’m so so glad to have you right here, dean. Safe.” you nearly sobbed, wrapping your arms around him in a hug again. His lips stayed parted but words came out for some time, a small sad frown on his face.

“You did great, sweetheart… You’ve been doing amazing so far.” he breathed out, breaking the silence that had set between the two of you “And I- I- I’m… I’m sorry for reacting the way I did, I didn’t have the right to. I understand, I understand why you’d want to come here. I can see why you wanted to come… and stay. You’re a real hero here and I’m hella proud of what you’ve managed, kiddo. It’s good to see you finally feel complete and calm, not checking over your shoulder for some monster all the time. This… is where you belong, with these people, in this life. You deserve it and you should have it…”

You could see how he really meant some of the things he said but also how much it hurt him to say them, what a struggle it really was. He was practically forcing them out for your sake but that was the least you wanted.

“But I’m not just an Avenger, Dean.” you whispered “I’m also a hunter, I will always be a hunter and I- I don’t wanna change that. Because thanks to hunting I met you and it’s honestly… one of the best damn things that happened to me in my entire life. I don’t want to take that away, I don’t want to forget that and I- I don’t want you to forget that. This-” you looked down at our suit “This is me, yes, a side of me. But the other one loves to steal your flannels and bites out of your pie when you’re not lookin,  _hoping_ that you’ll notice and tickle the hell out of me.” an emotional laugh escaped your lips “I don’t want that to go away… just like I don’t want this to go away “But I can’t have both, as much as it hurts me.”

“Th-then what-” he tried to swallow over the lump in his throat “What are you going to do?”

“The right thing, D.” you breathed out, leaning in to kiss his cheek but stopping, kissing the corners of his lips instead. You head the sharp intake of his and looked him deep in the eyes “The right thing.”

~*~

The tears were streaming down your cheeks as you approached the glowing orange gem. Your heart was drumming in your chest as Wanda’s words during the party echoed in your head.

“ _We could use the stone to bring back all of your memories and even powers, but it might come at a great cost. Either an interaction with the rest of the stones and shift in reality or… you. It could cost your own life if you can’t take it.”_

But despite the fear that you could probably not see any of them again, you had made your mind up, and the closer you got the brighter it shone. Reaching out for it the glass itself started to crack and you able to actually feel its warmth in your palm. Your head had started to hurt, like someone was crushing your skull but you didn’t care. You didn’t care about any of it.

With another final tear you only whispered one thing, before it touched your palm and a bright light followed.

_“We’re gonna do it right this time.”_


	14. Dean’s Ending

Your eyes fluttered open.

It was as simple as that, an action that happened every morning, yet this time you wished with all your heart that you’d get to do once more. You took in a breath, and although it came in shakily, a smile graced yours lips because you actually felt it. You felt your lungs fill with air, felt the small protest of your back as you shifted, you were a bit sore apparently, but more than that you were alive. And as your eyes took in the room, everything so familiar, as well as the photo on your nightstand, the happiness in your heart couldnt get any bigger.

With another smaller breath in and exhale, you pushed your blankets off you and before your mind could even register the action, your feet carried you towards the only person you wanted to see at the moment.

You pushed the door slightly open and peaked inside to see him in the exact same position you found him nearly every morning you went to wake him up, sprawled all over the bed with his lips slightly parted. The corners of your lips tugged into a smile and you slowly padded your way to him, laying on the other side which in all hnesty had turned into your side over the course of time. You could have gotten carried away just by gazing at him but quickly gathered your thoughts.

You brought a hand up and gave his shoulder a small shake, whispering “Dean.” but you knew one try wasn’t going to beenough “Dean. Dean. Come on, wake up.  _Dean._ ” you heard a soft groan of protest as a response and you insisted even more “Come on sleepyhead,  _wake up_. You gotta get up at some point.” but another moan of protest, soon followed by a soft whine.

“No” he huffed, eyes not opening for a second all the while.

“D” you grinned anyway “It’s already very late. You seriously can’t tell me you’re not gonna get up and help us with research.” you said and only got a hum and cheeky smile from him “And then what are you gonna do? Keep sleeping?”

He let a small soft sigh at first, licking his lips before he sleepily mumbled “Nope. I’ve got a better idea-” he didn’t hesitate to throw an arm over your middle and pull you to himself. Your legs tangled and your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he layed his head at the crook of your neck and layed nearly all of his body on top of yours. “Keep sleeping  _and_ cuddle.”

A giggle involuntarily escaped your lips and you let your body relax against his “So what, am I not allowed to get off this bed either?”

“Definitely no.” he said stubbornly but so adorably, so carefree and even innocently that for a second it took your breath away. The past couple days had felt like years when you realized he wasn’t being this open with you, as much as Dean Winchester could be. Not when you saw that you were the very reason to his flirty and playful side, even, being gone. Nearly all words died out in your lips.  **Deciding to erase everything that happened from both reality and his memory** _ **while**_ **staying wasn’t just the right choice, it was the only choice your heart could make.**  It would otherwise crumble, thinking Dean wasn’t going to smile like this anytime soon. You cleared your throat, pushing the thought on that back of your mind. It wasn’t time for that now.

You bit your lower lip, your fingers playing with the short hair in the back of his head “Somehow always knew this was your favorite position, Winchester.”

He hummed, his smile getting even wider which meant he was fully awake yet didn’t want to pull away from you “Hmh you have imagined it, sweetheart?”

You could hear some smugness but even more playfulness in his voice and certainly see it on his face that you couldn’t help but want to take it further “Can’t tell you all about my fantasies, D. I need to keep a dirty secret or two to myself.” it was one of the hardest things to keep yourself from bursting into laughter when he popped an eye open and raised a suggestive eyebrow at you “Oh, so you’re awake now.”

“What did you just say?” he asked in a much more gruff and low voice.

“I mean, I’d go into detail but-” you gave him an innocent yet full of meaning smile “We’re kind of in a dangerous positionright now, don’t you think?”

He looked up and down at you, just as you shifted a bit, and he gave you that kind of small and breathless laugh that just showed he had thought of something definitely not appropriate. “Right. You’re right. I should prob-”

He had already started pulling away but that didn’t mean you were going to let go of him, taking hold of his hands “But that still doesn’t mean-” your smile softened as you you placed it back where it was and rested your own head on his chest “Any of it has to be over, D. Nobody’s stopping us, are they? And I know… I don’t want it to end either. Not when it feels good.”

Dean’s lips parted for a second, mostly a perplexed expression on his face because of the tone in your voice but at the same time unable to help the skip of his heartbeat at the small confession that left your lips. He was ready to question it but couldn’t find the words to it so he decided against it. He let out a soft sigh of content, nodding his head a bit before leaning in to kiss your temple. He didn’t say a word, not when he knew he didn’t have to. Silence with you always felt so comfortable and when he got to hold you like this, that’s when he felt truly complete. And oh he would be damned if he ever let himself ruin such a moment, not when he could have you all to himself like this.

“I mean-” you started peaking again and he could swear he held his breath, waiting for what you’d say and almost  _hoping_ you’d give him yet another opportunity to flirt with you just so that he’d see the small tint of red that involuntarily showed up on your cheeks “You’re good as a blanket, no doubt the best one I’ve ever had. Wonderful and so soft, I could never change a thi-”

“What?” his voice came out a bit high-pitched “I’m not- I haven’t gone soft! I’m a hunter, I’m supposed to be hard a-and firm a-and-”

“Yet so squishy.” you giggled, wiggling your fingers on his side and making him squirm. But he fought the smile from your tickling and nearly glared down at you, offended. “Come on, Dean! Just admit it, we both  _know_  it!” your fingers quickly danced underneath his shirt and onto his belly. This time you couldn’t help your laughter when you heard that squeak, almost a yelp, when you pinched it. He almost tried to wiggle away from your grasp but you wouldn’t let him.

“No!  _No!_ I swear if you keep it up-” another yelp and many more giggles and laughter for you “No, (Y/n) stop, I’m not-”

“Oh you so are!” you only kept going, laughing along as he tried to escape from you “Soft here. Soft there. It’s all so soft. See my point?”

“Alright, alright I give up! I give up.” he tried to catch his breath when you let go of him “I get it. I shouldn’t have eaten that second burger last night.”

“You idiot.” you still laughed softly before whispering softly “You definitely should have and it’s great that you did. Dean Itold you, there’s nothing wrong with being soft here and there. I know I love to be able to grab something whenever I can on a man, not to mention my man.” you smirked at him, words so casual he had to blink twice, and do a double take because he thought his mind was playing games on him, both eyebrows raised “Besides, that jaw of yours is so sharp it can so easily cut me through just by looking at it.”

“Doesn’t sound bad to me.” but you were sure the smile on his lips wasn’t more about the second part than the first.

“It’s in fact one of the most beautiful things about you.” you caught yourself able to keep going and he couldn’t help but look at you with sparkling eyes and an innocent curiosity “These broad shoulders give me the best piggy backs wheneverI’m too clumsy and break my leg or twist my ankle. And I gotta admit I may or may have not exaggerated a couple timesjust to get an extra ride.” you giggled when he groaned and mutter a small “Of course” but still with a fond smile, almost of disbelief at hearing you say everything you did. For the first time not behind shy smiles or hidden glances “And I’m only gonna apologize for your back, old man.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes “One mor of that and I’m gonna make you regret it.”

You grinned, snuggling closer to his side “I’ll have that in mind.” you whispered “But… it’s also your arms, that give the warmest and biggest bear hugs I know. Like when I have a nightmare, they instantly make me feel safe and at home. It’s something only you can do and I think I might have finally figured out why but it’s way too cheesy to admit.”

“By all means, I’ll bring the crackers. Keep going.” despite how he couldn’t even hear his own words because of how loud his hammering heart was, he just didn’t want you to stop. Not now.

“’M sure you will.” you let out a soft sigh “But I was going to say about how all this softness is the reason why this chest makes you the softest and certainly my favorite pillow in the whole world.”

But much to his surprise, those words made the smile slowly fade from his lips. A frown slowly started setting as the words repeated in his head. Images started flashing through his head, foggy but still the words very much clear. His eyes looked away from you, his entire body went stiff and his heart almost twisted painfully inside his chest. More things kept coming back to him.

“D?” you asked softly, perplexed at noticing the seriousness on his face “Everything ok?”

“N-No- I mean, yeah.” he cleared his throat, giving you a reassuring squeeze “It’s nothin’ just- I think I had the weirdest freaking dream ever.” he said in a gruff voice, mind elsewhere.

“What dream?”

“I-” but he stopped himself, his eyes slowly falling on you as another image flashed through his eyes and his heart did a flip; making his breath hitch in his throat “No-nothin’.” he cleared his throat, blinking with almost wide eyes looking away “It’s just… hard to explain. It- It felt so real and I- I think…” he shook his head “Nevermind. ’S just a stupid dream.”

You noticed the way he struggled to swallow but you didn’t try to ask, not this time. This time you wanted to do it better. To do it right.

~*~

“So I’m thinking it’s probably not our thing.” Sam shrugged, closing the computer “Maybe for once we could catch a break or somethi-” but the younger Winchester stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Dean wasn’t even looking at him, let alone listening “Dean?”

This time you did look up through your lashes to find the older Winchester still looking at you with that awe-struck look on his face that you had noticed was there throughout the entire morning but didn’t comment on, too occupied enjoyed yet another supernaturally normal morning with your family.

“Dean? Dean, are you even listening to me?” Sam asked with a deeper frown and you blinked, glancing at him before looking back at Dean with a soft smirk.

“D?” you asked with a small giggle “Do you have a fever or maybe a stroke?”

He finally blinked, being brought back to reality as he scoffed with a smirk “Told you I’m not old. And no uh I’m- I’m ok, why shouldn’t I be?”

“Well, for starters… you haven’t touched your pie, and mind you it’s the last slice you’ve been saving for days now. Heck, you barely touched any of the bacon I made for you. Jack ate more of it than you  _and_ you didn’t even notice.” you pointed out, leaning back in your seat.

“H-he did? Oh.” he barely even reacted, shaking his head “Yeah well, I’m just not hungry. ’S nothing to-”

“You?” Sam raised an eyebrow “Not hungry? How’s that not worrying.”

“Told you, I’m just fine. I’ve just got-” he bit his lower lip, taking another look at you – one of the longing ones, as if he had not seen you in years and was really taking you and admiring. Sure it had first made you blush like a mad and you didn’t say anything about noticing it, but him not being anywhere near subtle had made you a bit suspicious. “Some things on my mind. That’s all.”

“Really? Then maybe you’d sound more convincing if you stopped looking at me as if I’m gonna disappear any given moment.” you rested your elbow on the map table and your chin on your palm, giving him a soft smile “As cute as it may be, it’s still a bit worrying.”

“Well, then-” he shrugged “It’s maybe cause you’re so distracting it’s impossible for me to focus on anything else when you’re in the room.”

The confidence in his voice, along with the words and the way he smiled softly yet sincerely at you, made your back straighten and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. The smile faded from your lips when you felt the heat rush up your neck. Dean had been flirty before, but it was mostly longing gazes and touches when other people were around that you jut didn’t know how to handle it. Your eyes met Sam’s for a moment, the look on his face even more stunned than yours, and you could swear he was ready to ask if someone had possessed Dean.

“I-” you blinked, your eyes slowly casting down as you felt your face heat up “Thanks, I guess.”

“What for?” he smiled casually “Was just sayin’ the truth, princess.” it turned into a smirk “Would say a lot more if Sammy wasn’t in the room but I just gotta compromise.” this did earn a small giggle from you but an even more surprised look from Sam who couldn’t believe his brother was actually saying this out loud.

“D-Dean are you- are you sure you’re ok?” Sam finally asked instead of you, unable to process it.

“Never been better, Sammy.” the green-eyed hunter leaned against his seat with a casual smile “In fact, I was thinking about that break part and I agree. When was the last time we even went on vacation? We’ve been hunting non-stop and from how I see it the world is safe for once. We freakin’ earned it.”

“I- I mean it doesn’t sound bad, I think we could-” but Sam didn’t even get the chance to complete the sentence before Dean enthusiastically slammed his hand on a book and got up with a grin, startling both of you.

“Perfect!” his smile mirrored that of a child’s on Christmas day “Sweetheart, get that pretty ass up. We’re going supply running and Sammy start packing, we’ll chose a place when we come back. (Y/n), I’ll wait outside, don’t break my heart by standing me up. Oh and don’t bother changing clothes, undressing you is my job only.” he gave you a wink that left you a bigger blushing mess than before.

“I- I-” it all happened so fast you didn’t get the chance to fully comprehend everything “Sure.”

“Just-” Sam raised a finger, the smirk on his face scaring you as you silently threatened him to be careful what he asked “One question.” Dean stopped on his tracks and looked at him “Will you make it by noon or am I gonna see you two tomorrow morning?”

“Don’t know.” Dean shrugged so casually, you just  _prayed_ that was it, but it wasn’t “She’s the dom, ask her. Depends on how much she wears me out.” he gave you a boyish grin, another wink and you were left to stare after him with wide eyes. Unaware if you should just end him or Sam who was chuckling and nodding his head. Maybe both.

~*~

Having slipped on a pair of shoes and your thin jacket, you didn’t bother taking off Dean’s flannel and your shorts. Not that you planned to change, but Dean’s smile when he saw you was something you had been craving to see more and more so it just made it all the more worth it. It was actually that very smile that after everything that happened - at least that you remembered happening - gave you the courage you needed. Sure, some weight had lifted off your shoulders at knowing you had made the right choice but actually seeing him be the man he was when it was just the two of you, before the stone and before Steve, allowed you to finally let all your worries fade. At least for the moment.

You couldn’t deny that you hesitated for a split second, but with him so close to you, it was hard to resist the urge to reach out for his free hand. You saw the corner of his lips lift into a soft smile, even if his eyes stayed on the road, you were sure he was thinking of you when he gave it a squeeze. He held it with his hand, his thumb started rubbing softly your knuckles as you slowly leaned on his side and rested your head on his shoulder. The soft kiss on the top of your head and the way his fingers nearly laced with yours, had you smiling the entire ride.

“Didn’t sleep well?” his rough yet gentle voice was the first thing you heard after some time of driving, and only when you heard him did your realise your eyes had drifted close.

“Probably not enough.” you whispered, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. His warmth, his scent and the deep rumble of the car along with the exhaustion you felt had made you fall asleep. You looked around, only to realize the car had finally stopped but the market stood a good few feet away from you two, so you were mostly by the side of the road.

“Could’ve always told me, princess.” his eyebrows pulled into a frown “Was it your dreams again?”

“I-” you shook your head “No. No dreams, and no headaches I promise. It was good, it really was. I feel like it’s been quitesome time since I slept this well. It just wasn’t enough, I’m too tired these days.”

“Well, you-” he licked his lips a bit nervously, worry still on his face “You know that if you ever have a problem with- with dreams or nightmares, then I’m here for you. I’m always here, (Y/n). Doesn’t matter how, when or where. Even if it’s the freaking middle of the night. You don’t have to think twice to wake me up. I’m-” he let a small sigh “I want to be there for you. I- I know what it’s like to see things that you don’t like, things that scare you and I-”

“If you say it’s your job to protect me, so help me Winchester, I will have to kiss the leaving heaven out of you to shut you up.” you breathed out with a fond smile that earned a deep warm chuckle from him.

“Is that a threat or a promise? Cause it only makes me want to keep going.” he smirked at you and you laughed, shifting to bury your burning face in the crook of his neck and wrap both your arms around him   
“But, in all seriousness, I- I don’t do it because it’s my job, (Y/n). I do it because I want to.”

“I know you do, D. I always know.” you whispered, the comfortable silence that set between the two of you not lasting for long.

“And you know, in case you have trouble sleeping… your favorite pillow is always waiting for you. I mean, to make the deal more sweet- not that my cuddles aren’t the bet you’ll ever get, I was thinking-” he paused for a second, a smile playing on his lips “If we tried a bit, move some of the furniture, there could be a space for Kong aside from the rest of your things. Maybe I’ll even put him by the flowers I bring.”

The casual yet serious tone in his voice but even more the words that he uttered made the air leave your lungs and the smile to vanish. The very familiar weight rested on your chest again and your heart dropped. You froze in your place at first but willed yourself to slowly pull away and look him in the eyes. “Wh-what?”

But his face held no signs of exhaustion, or anger or most importantly pain. It was calm, relaxed with a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes actually sparkling and very similar to the awe-struck one he had been giving you all morning. Until he finally whispered in a hoarse voice “It wasn’t a dream, was it?”

Your eyes moved back and forth, searching for more than he was ready to voice at the moment. And you certainly didn’t need him to voice them. You couldn’t really expect for everything to be erased once and for all, not for a second time. Memories would always find a way back, all that was needed was a key to unlock the past. You gave him a slow and weak nod, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat but it was impossible. Your blood had run cold and you slowly started to pull away from him “No. No it wasn’t.”

If you had not let your eyes trail down you’d have noticed the way his lips fell apart and he tried to fight the excitement and eagerness from showing through. His eyebrows raised softly, his lips pulling into an almost smile as he nodded his head “I don’t-” he cleared his throat a bit “I don’t care about the rest of it. In fact I don’t care about most of it. Hell, I don’t even know if I remember it in the right order to begin with.” a nervous laugh that caught your attention “I don’t care at the moment. I just only- I care about- At some point I saw, or at least think I saw-” but he struggled to keep going and when you finally looked up at him, a small breath escaped your lips when you saw the real uncertainty in his eyes “I hear you say I’m- that you’re- That we-”

“Are soulmates.” you completed his sentence and his eyes, big, green and still filled with awe shot up to meet yours. A half, nervous smile appeared for only a split second. Before he slowly nodded his head.

“It was-” he started in a gruff voice “Everything came back and I didn’t know what to believe. It felt  _so_  real. And-” his smile vanished and a deep frown set “I guess it’s because it really was.”

“Gosh, Dean, I’m…” your eyes casted down at your hands “I’m sorry, for everything that went on. Steve won’t remember me now, none of the do, it’s as if I never existed for them and nothing will be there to remind them of me. But you do now. And hurting you was the only thing I’d never want. I swore to myself I would never do anything to hurt you and I- I thought that if I tried hard enough I’d make things right and I-”

“No” he breathed out fast and desperate “No, shit, no, (Y/n). I didn’t mean that-” he dragged a hand down his face “Sweetheart, I should be the one to apologize. I acted like a total dick but I-” it was hard to put it into words and you actually held your breath. It wasn’t until you whispered his name that you actually heard him speak, and his words did make your eyes widen.

“I was jealous.” his eyes were glossy, he ran his fingers through his hair as he chewed on his lower lip “I was so freaking jealous, baby girl. Jealous that he’d get you and I- I couldn’t. I was blinded by my jealousy. I was… scared. Scared I was gonna lose you for good before I even got the chance to fight for you. And it drove me insane, kid, so much I didn’t know what I was even saying. But I acted like a total asshole and I- I didn’t mean any of it.” he took in a deep breath that came in shaky as you were only left to stare at him with wide eyes and gaping “I shouldn’t have., it wasn’t your fault. But I just didn’t know how to deal with it. And yet you… stayed. You chose to stay here and it makes me feel even worse.”

“I stayed because I wanted to.” you whispered despite how hard it was with his words setting in “There is no way, no possible version, no life I- I could live without you Dean. I’d always chose you… us.”

“I- I thought I was going crazy, I thought-” he bit his lower lip, shaking his head softly with a nervous laugh that made you look up “My imagination was running wild again. That is was one of  _those_  dreams.”

“Th-those dreams?” you blinked, your heart fluttering inside your chest.

“Yeah, you know-” he gave you a half smile, hesitating for a second but reaching out to take hold of your hand again, his eyes glued on them as he rubbed soft circles over the back of it; taking a deep breath and just lacing them without a second thought “The ones with no monsters involved, not in our life at least. Lots of those cuddles. That beautiful summer dress you have. Heck, your fandom pjs too. Cooking, lots of that cause you know I’m addicted to your food. A dog maybe. You know, playing and running around the garden in- in the back of… the house.”

“The-” you started but no words came out and when your eyes met his, the heat on your face only got bigger. Dean gave you a squeeze as you breathed out “O-oh”

Your heart was beating so hard inside your chest you were scared it would break free from your chest. You were thankful for his smile. “You know, though, you staying pretty much means you’re stuck with me, right?” he asked with a small smirk.

“Stuck? Well, I was actually going to say  _blessed_ to be even destined to have a life with a man like you, whether that happens or not.” you said full of sincerity, smiling on your own “I know how you think of yourself, Dean, but heavens you’re only a blessing for a woman and I feel like- sometimes I think  _I_ won’t be enough for you. I just pray…” you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath “I pray I will get the opportunity to be worthy for you. To make you happy.  _That’s_ why I stayed, because that’s what I want.  **You.** And I know…”

You could swear your entire body was shaking, not just your hands which were sweating. But you had been on the verge of losing him for good, you had seen his soul slip from his body and you had never felt more terrified in your life. You couldn’t lose any more time, not a single second, and certainly not by beating around the bush. “I can’t be without you, Dean.” you confessed “I just can’t. It scares me to think I- I could live without you. I know, and I understand now, that we were meant to be for a reason. And that reason is what I feel for you.” you breathed out shakily, looking away almost shyly “And I feel so many things I can’t begin to describe. You’re important to me, in so many ways and so much that I just know I want you in my life… in whatever way and form you think you can give me. It doesn’t have to be any more than this, I don’t want you to feel like you have to-”

You could swear you heard a gasp leave his lips but you were set to get it off your chest. And it was the closest you could get to a confession. In this line of work saying saying the L word wasn’t easy, even if your heart was screaming it at the moment for him, you knew you’d freak him out. And you were already saying too much to-

“I love you.” it was slow and in a gruff voice, but firm and sincere. You choked on your words, your eyes widening as your head shot up. Your eyes met his red-rimmed eyes and you held your breath, not sure if your head was playing tricks on you.

He looked even more nervous and scared than you “I- I do. I really do, and it’s killing me to think there was a chance I’d never get to tell you. I- I don’t care whether I live or die-” he paused when he noticed your wince “I know that in this life the end of the line could be just around the corner. And I don’t wanna go without telling you everything, baby. I need you to know it, despite how much it scares me, I want you to know. I do and I can’t help it. I love you.” he gave you a small nod, the tear that rolled down his cheek perfectly mirroring yours. But you were far too taken aback to say a word, silence setting between the two of you as he held his breath. He sniffled and cleared his throat, in the end, looking slightly away as if disappointed “I really don’t expect you to say it back, I know it’s-”

“Stop, just  _stop_.” you whispered shakily, bringing your hands up to cup his face and make him look at you “How will I ever be able to show you that I love you with every fiber in my body, Dean Winchester?”

His beautiful green eyes widened once more, a shaky intake slipping past his lips but he didn’t try to say anything. He knew he didn’t need to, not at the moment. He gave you a small half smile before with every bit of courage left in him and what you’d given him, he leaned to crash his lips to yours.

A small gasp left your lips but you expected no less than a big smile from spreading on your lips as you kissed him back. The kiss was slow and his lips were soft and delicate on yours, as if he was scared he’d break you like a glass doll. You could feel some of his nervousness slip into, and for a man who had been with so many women before you, it only showed how much more important said first kiss was to him. Just as much important as it was to you. The small sound tha he let out when you pressed yourself closer to him only made you giggle, loving that you had to be the one to deepen the kiss or make the next move.

You pulled away only when your lungs protested. Dean chased after your lips for a second, a small whine leaving and you didn’t need to be asked before you leaned in again and pressed two or three small kisses on his lips again. The warm chuckle that you earned from him made you grin.

“Do you think-” you started, your lips inches away from him “Do you think Sam will mind if we take a bit more time than usual to return?”

“To be honest-” he whispered “I think he wishes we don’t go back home early.” it made you both laugh “Question is, do we plan to go back home early?”

“No, no we definitely don’t.” your arms slipped around his middle again, nearly sitting on his lap and he gave you a boyish grin.

“Great, because there are a couple things I’d like us to talk about.” he turned the car back on, a hand on the wheel and the other wrapped around your middle

You raised an eyebrow “Such as?”

“Alright, first, I’m talking anything dirty here or roleplaying or anything  _but_  you may just have given me a new kink.” it earned another laugh from you “So, do you think you can find a suit like your superhero one? Because, not that I don’t love you in my flannels or how cool you look as a hunter, but hot damn baby, you’re the most badass Avenger I’ve seen in that suit.”

“Well, hunter or Avenger? Hhm, maybe, if  _you_  choose your side wisely, Winchester.”


	15. Steve’s Ending

Silence was not the most prominent thing in the room, on the contrary to the rest of the place. The silence was actually a big contrast to what was going on inside his head or his heart which refused to slow down for a second. A deep gasp slipped past his lips, cutting sharply through the sounds. His body jolted up as his eyes shot open, his chest was heaving as he panted.

Steve dragged a shaky hand down and tried to swallow down any sounds that threatened to leave or the tears that wanted to spill. He closed his eyes, taking a trembling breath before opening them to look around. Room dark, abandoned and quiet (almost), barely lit by the light of the moon, old bed and broken and old furniture around. It wasn’t comfortable but it was what he had at the moment, and it was certainly better than the cold floor he had to deal with just the previous week. He had been particularly careful to keep quiet, to make sure not even his breath got heard, but nights like this being on the run just made everything so much harder.

Not only did he want to just break down, but he wanted you to hold onto and feel while he did so. But you weren’t there and it was the worst of it all.

“Tough night?” it was a female voice but not the one he wanted to hear. Not of the woman he had been dreaming about all night long.

“Could say.” he breathed out, running hid fingers through his hair and looked up to see the blonde woman leaning against the crumbling doorframe. The makeshift door out of some old wood, slightly ajar. “Just too many dreams. Weird ones.” he rubbed his eyes, a frown on his face.

“Sounded real bad to me.” she pointed out with that tone that Steve knew real well and could almost predict what was coming next.  _She knew who could make it better and was on the verge of suggesting it._

“Just some messed up dreams, Nat. I could say nightmares but I don’t know. They didn’t make sense and I can barely remember now. So it doesn’t matter.” he sighed heavily “I’m fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that, maybe you’ll sound more believable.” of course there was no avoiding it “I counted you calling her name far too many times for you to be ok. And none of them were happy.”

“Nat” he pursed his lips for a moment, looking down at his hands but his eyes also fell on the empty space beside him. He somehow always left an empty space if he slept in a double bed and it was always your side, he couldn’t help it. His entire body was tense and it wasn’t just from the disturbing dreams, mostly your absence, and his deep voice proved it “What do you want me to say? That I miss her like crazy? That I’m on the verge of crumbling down without her? That I can barely get anything done and I nearly got myself killed because I  _thought_ I saw her get hurt during one of the fights? That I mistook her for one of the civilians because she’ll I can think about? That I can’t be the same Captain without her? Well, that’s the truth. Happy to hear it?”

“No, because I’m not the one you should be saying that to. And you know it too.” she gave him a barely visible smile but certainly very sincere “You can’t keep going like this, Steve. And I don’t mean just because we’re on the run and it would be much more risky, but because we’re running out of time and there might come a moment you wish you could have told her how sorry you are for the way things turned out.”

“If this is about what Wanda said about Vision’s stone, we have it under control. There is no war coming as far as I know.” he tried to avoid her eyes.

“You never know.” she shrugged “But I’m not here to talk about that or anything based on having a feeling that something bad will happen. And you’re certainly not going to avoid it: You need to go find her, Steve.”

“You say that as if it’s easy.” he couldn’t help a small scoff “We’re wanted people, Nat, I can’t just walk through the front door.”

“Yes, but you’re also Captain America, and the back door is even easier. Besides, we both know that’s not what’s holding you back.” but she didn’t really ask because she needed no answer to it.

“She won’t even want to face me. She found about the secrets I kept from Tony about his parents and she- you didn’t see the look on her face, Nat. She was so disappointed in  _me_ and I’ve never seen that. I hurt her just as much and for that I can’t forgive myself. Not that I think she can forgive me either.” he shook his head, looking down in defeat, far too tired to pretend he was alright.

“Is that why she’s still wearing her engagement ring?” she asked with a smirk that only got bigger when she saw the way Steve’s head shot up an his eyes widened “According to Vision at least.  _And_ she’s still sleeping in your shared room, spends more time in there than anywhere else he said. Don’t know how you guys from back in the days take it, but to me it means only one thing: She misses you.”

“S-so what do you say I do?”

“Weird dreams or not, this is your chance. Maybe if you don’t talk it out with her now, you never will. And too many bad things can happen. This is your chance. Go get the girl, Cap.”

~*~

Running your thumb over the figure in the photo, you couldn’t help the fond smile from your lips. Realizing it was the only photo of you and the boys all in the frame which had been saved, you couldn’t help the emotions. The rest of them would have vanished into thin air, just like all of your stuff in the bunker and every memory of you in their minds, as if you never existed; not in that world at least. There would be nothing to remind them of you and their lives would go on as they should, they’d get to be happy -Dean would- because they deserved it, and you had already made sure of that; because you had long ago  _chosen_  your soulmate and he was your past and future too.

It would be as if nothing ever happened and you’d keep going from where you left, only ready to make better choices for everyone now that you knew what the future could bring.

“Goodbye” the words you couldn’t get to actually say to them were whispered as you placed the photo in the small box, the box that until recently held your bracelets and ring, on top of your gun; tucking it in your closet. You had just gotten on your feet, wiping away a tear still with a smile on your lips, when you felt it.

With your hand still lingering on the handle of the door of the closet and your back still turned to the door, your let a small breath leave your lips. It was actually a sigh of relief. One you didn’t know you’d been holding and one that you were so thankful for, because it finally made your shoulders relax and the weight lift off your chest. A moment of silence, a long one, followed.

You played softly with the ring on your finger, chewing on your lower lip for a second before you just took the courage to say “Came back for the shirt? Cause it’s kinda-” you shrugged, a soft smile on your lips although a bit sad as you looked over your shoulder “Occupied.”

His lips parted for a second, surprised for just as long, before his closed his mouth and nodded his head softly. He was ready to question you sensing him but he knew he didn’t need to. And, if he was more honest with himself, he couldn’t. Not when he got to hear your voice from up close again. Not when he got to have you just a few feet away from him, so easy for him to get closer and hold you. After all this time, he felt like he was seeing you for the first time in years and he got just as nervous and taken by you.

“By all means-” he shocked himself when he found himself able to speak, he thought he was going to stare at you for the entire time“I wouldn’t even dare.” his voice was rough, just as you remembered, but his face was so much more different than what you’d seen. Sure, he had a beard and his hair was still long, but his eyes weren’t dark or exhausted. There probably was some lack of sleep there, but they didn’t look like he was torn or broken. “It looks so… much better on you.” he said a bit breathlessly, and as you turned to fully face him, you saw the awe on his face.

“Good” your voice came out in a whisper, you wrapped your arms around your middle and padded barefoot towards him “Because it’s the closest I’ve got to feeling you around me and I- I’ve missed it.” you shrugged softly, sincerity in your voice and face, which made his eyes widen softly “Besides, there is only one way you could get this shirt back so… if you want that, you know the floor is completely empty.”

This time you actually heard a beautiful chuckle from his part as his head lowered, his smile almost bashful as he nodded his head “That’s something I clearly remember.”

And in the moment he peaked at you through his lashes, it felt like you were seeing the kid from Brooklyn back in the days again, the one you’d flirt with just to see that adorable sheepish smile. His eyes were exactly the same and your smile turned into a grin “So, soldier, are you here to make love or war?”

“War? No. No, never.” his voice was barely audible and you couldn’t help the skip of your heartbeat.

“Then-” you placed a hand on the door, pulling it further open “Would you like to come in?”

He looked a bit surprised at first but it only lasted a bit before he turned even more shy and, above all, nervous. His lips pulled into a small smile, a small nod following as he gathered all his courage and took a step in. It felt exactly like the first time he tried to ask you out, like the first time he tried to confess his feelings to you, but actually so much worse. And it didn’t make sense, because you were engaged and had already lived so much together. Or, perhaps, it was the fear that had set deep inside of him that you didn’t want to remember any of that or him and were going to break it out to him any given moment.

You noticed the way he was shifting in his place, not daring to meet your eyes, and you couldn’t help but say to him “You weren’t this nervous when you asked me to marry you, you know.”

“Well, in my defense, I couldn’t think a single thing. My mind was completely blank so it was much easier, I suppose.” he finally met your eyes and you saw that his smile was a bit forced and tight as his shoulders “It was good times, I guess, in my mind. Before I just…”

“Steve” his name slipped past your lips with a small breath as you moved closer to him “Those times were good but they’re in the past. This right here is what we’re living and we can’t-”

“I’m sorry.” he choked out before you could say anything else “I’m really sorry. I- I probably shouldn’t have come at all. I’m putting you in danger too. It would be better if I just-”

“Oh for the love of Father, Rogers.” you sighed “Don’t do this to me. Just  _don’t.”_ your smile had completely fallen, fear and disappointment having already started to fill your heart, because you knew you couldn’t undo things if he didn’t give you the chance to “Why are you here? Really, why.”

“I- I-” he didn’t even know where to begin, your glossy eyes making his heart ache more than the sight of you in his clothes in your shared bedroom, the longing in his heart had always been too big to fight – especially after the night’s dreams, but he had made so many mistakes with you that he didn’t know how to start and undo them. What kind of words could he even use to begin to describe he was sorry and wanted to make it up to you, to give you a goo life like he always promised? There were words for all those but not enough feelings could ever be put into words and he knew he didn’t have time for actions. You surely weren’t going to give him that.  _Why was he here?_ There were so many reasons.

And surely, you remembered that in the version of this that ended with your death he had not showed up. So how could you stop your own desperation and fear from not showing through when he nearly took a step closer to the door or said those words? Him walking out would probably get you back there again.

But he stopped. He met your eyes for good and didn’t even blink, firm yet gentle and loving “I missed you, (Y/n). I missed you so bad, sweetheart.”

The sigh that left your lips came out only choked as a sob slipped past as well, but in the end a smile was very much obvious on your face. Not that he could immediately tell what the meaning behind it was, nor the relief because you simply could never tell him everything you’d lived “My goodness, Steve.”

“I know that-” but his voice was gruff and his face still serious and worried, as if he saw and entirely different reason behind your words “This is probably the worst moment to be here and say that. They could walk in through the door any given moment and arrest me and that’s still not the worst of it all. I understand that coming in after everything I hid from you, after how things worked out, is- you have every right to kick me out. But I-” it was nearly physically painful for him, you could see, and for a moment it left you out of breath.

“Steve-” you tried.

But he kept going “I’m falling apart without you. And it might not matter me saying it, not now, but I want you to know in case anything happens that I love you and that I…” his words cut deeper, knowing what  _could_ happen, and it felt like he feared it as well “I’m sorry for not being able to live up to my promises. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you deserved, I’m sorry we couldn’t get that house you wanted or the dog. I’m sorry for not being here to give you the family you deserve. I’m sorry that my choices with the Accords, with Tony, everything, took that chance away from us. I’m sorry I didn’t think about our love when I should’ve the most and for that I will always feel guilty and responsible. You asked me to stop it because you feared that it would lead to the worst and I- I didn’t listen.”

Oh he had no idea how much worse you actually meant back then at the airport. “Steve, don’t-”

“And I understand words don’t begin to make up for everything we- we  _lost_ but I’m-”

“Beating yourself up for a bunch of bullshit.” this time you cut him off more roughly and a bit angrily before striding towards him and taking hold of his face in yours hands. You could swear you heard him take a sharp breath in, his chest puffing out as he held his breath and his eyes wide. “Heavens, Steve. I missed you like there is no tomorrow.”

Your words surely caught him even more by surprise but he had no time to react before you crashed your lips to his and literally nearly knocked im off his feet. He stumbled a bit, his eyes still wide as he blinked, but just like a thirsty man in a desert he didn’t need to wait for another second to pass by. His body reacted on its own, his hands finding your waist and squeezing before he kissed back with just as much desperation and urgency. It felt like it’s been centuries, not just years, and he knew very well that just a photo of you with him at all times wouldn’t do. He wanted the real thing.

You only pulled away when the need for air was too strong to ignore, both of you panting as he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed. You didn’t want to keep your eyes closed though, you wanted to take in as much of him as you could. Panting and still with a smile on your lips you whispered “You’re seriously terrible at catching my hints, Rogers. Wonder how you ever proposed in the first place.”

A deep, warm and heartfelt chuckle escaped his lips, his eyes fluttered open I had a bit of help from Tony and the rest.” you raised an eyebrow “Alright, a lot. It did happen in the end though, didn’t it?”

A soft hummed was heard from you “We’re kinda running late with that wedding though.” and your words earned a genuine smile that for the first time looked so carefree. You let out a soft sigh “Why did we waste so much time, Steve?”

“I’d never want this life for you, (Y/n).” his brows pulled into a small frown “We’re always on the run, trying to stay under the radar. It’s not easy and nowhere near as fun. We sleep in broken motel beds, old and dusty, no heat or even a pillow most of the time. How’s that anywhere near what we dreamed of or at least what you have here?”

“It is, at least up to 99.9% of what I dreamed. Because it has you, and that’s all I care about.” you shrugged softly, words full of sincerity, and the ones that followed with more than one meaning “You are the only one I want, Steve, the one I will always want and I’m willing to risk everything, even my life, to be with you. Besides, you’re talking to Wonder Woman, Cap, don’t you think I can pull through?”

“I’m sure you will. You’re gonna be sleeping on top of me most of the time, anyway.” a small smirk in return was seen on his lips “But that’s not what I’m talking about. Running away with me may bring bigger problems. Even if it’s a risk, it’s still a big one.”

“Well, isn’t you coming here a risk?” you asked softly and he hummed “But you took it. Why?”

“Far too many reasons but one more than anything. I can’t imagine a life without you and frankly I don’t want to.” he rubbed soft circles on your hip over the thin fabric of his shirt “I don’t want to see a version of this, another side, where I don’t have you. Where this-” he kissed the inside of your palm, his eyes lingering on the ring with so much emotion in them “Is not longer real. I  _want_ it to be real forever, (Y/n).”

“And that’s exactly why I’m going to take it as well.” you breathed out, your hands sliding down his chest as you rested your head on it “Because I don’t want to see the other side, Steve. And if it means running away, then I will gladly do it with you. And whatever that brings… we’ll face it together.”

A heavier sigh left his lips as he let his head fall on your shoulder before he buried it in the crook of his neck, his arms cradling your body close to his “And what if what comes… is something far too big to fight together? Are you going to stay by my side?”

The was a hidden fear in his words. There was a kind of emotion that, if you didn’t know any better, you could say was attributed to everything he had lived after the war. Everything he wasn’t supposed to remember.

“Isn’t it obvious, yet? Come heaven or hell, come aliens from space-” you cupped his one cheek back again “Some the war to end all wars…” the words made him frown a bit “I will be by your side till the end of the line and when it’s over…” you leaned in to kiss his lips.

“We’ll get to go home together.”


End file.
